Tag Archives: transformation

Like willow

In order to heal, we sometimes need the deep, telluric energy that is a manifestation of the feminine aspect to come up through our “roots” and to flush through he whole of our system without any of the rub-factor that generates the circumstancial furniture of our lives being used to grab onto it for creative purposes in attempted merger with the masculine aspect. At such times, even the gentlest of meetings with the masculine can feel all too much and we long (at some level that we often fail to acknowledge) to just surrender to the flow and let everything slip out of our white-knuckle grip. This can resemble a sort of death as we stop all but the most fundamental activity to just “be” in its purest sense; when, really, it is a rebirth. Like flushing out an old plumbing system that has started to hiccough and vibrate whenever it is in use, our whole energy system requires that one-way flush to occur, and for this to be repeated for as long as it takes, for deep and lasting healing to take place. Once we have re-mastered its free flowing emergence, we can integrate it more fully than ever before. Continue reading

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Intact

Because I have had no label to give to what was going on with my health for so very long, I was able to swallow its bigness and swim through it even when I was bone-weary; drawing on a reserve of courage I never knew I had and never losing myself to expectations hung around its symptoms and what they supposedly meant. I went at it like a child, using my innate abilities, or as if I was the lone inhabitant of an island with no doctors to ask (since I had long since stopped asking) yet maybe this is what kept me going with such remarkable fortitude that people still sometimes fail to notice that there’s anything challenging me; in my real life, though I write about it, I don’t wear it around my neck. Its very-often the expectation of a certain outcome that “get us” in the end, as I’ve talked about many times before…and I had been forced to surrender all expectations but one; that I was always “whole” no matter what, never mind whatever else happened to me, and would take my life moment to moment, always searching for the gifts. Continue reading

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Larger than life

When we believe we only have one life, the pressure to get it right can be interminable and sometimes we bow down to that weight, giving up on everything beneath our heavy grey blanket of hopelessness. We also get mud-stuck in the material world. Conversely, realising we have multi-lives doesn’t mean we throw life away as though disposable but that we act like the pros that we really are, deciphering codes, playing with patterns, discovering whole themes that we are working on and feeling like we are (finally) getting somewhere with it all. It can elevate life completely once you start seeing yourself as the main character in this vastly bigger “story” where even the pitfalls are “another go” at tackling a theme that has tripped you up before. You can even see beyond the so-called bad news when you know there is so much more to everything; and, of course, you have a much more vested interest in how things turn out and in this planet and its people in general. To miss out on this perspective is like thinking the crescent is the whole of the moon or taking the two minute teaser to be the whole of the movie; you just don’t get the subtleties or the those all-important, and rather wonderful, twists in the tale. Continue reading

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Uncommon alchemy: a Glastonbury tale

Repeatedly bumping into one or two people that you feel that you know and yet never saying a word to them (except with your eyes), knowing that they feel it too…these are the kind of clues to your own experience that present through the layers of Glastonbury. This along with so many signs and synchronicities that it is is quite possible to feel like you are entering a theme park dedicated to all of your own thematic threads, which gives it an air of detachment from everyday life that starts delivering as soon as you arrive. For this reason, I suspect, Avalon can only really be found through the portal of your own heart-journey, not somebody else’s route, so be prepared to give yourself up to this as fluidly as your timetable allows (preferably, having no such schedule). For my own part, I was struck by my choice of a week in October; an interesting choice, just before All Hallows and yet, I already suspected, going there when Somerset’s dark-pagan underbelly was closest to the surface was part of what was held in store for me…and it was.

Sharing an exceptional few days of pure alchemy working with the ancient landscape of Glastonbury…. (read on). Continue reading

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Choosing a trajectory

Does a butterfly, on the brink of that first flight, with nothing but an instinct as her guide to something she has never done before, suddenly decide not to jump? Could anything persuade her that there was no point to it, that she might as well curl up and pretend to still be a caterpillar down there on the ground? Launching ourselves at that “future” version of ourselves (rather than harping upon the experiences and limitations of the past…as we have learned to do so very well) is exactly like being a butterfly that must first try out those newly unfolded wings without having a clue what they were intended for and yet we are at that point as soon as we say we are ready for it. My writing and painting is all about encouraging that next forward-leap and tuning into what is truly possible around the edges of what “seems” to be our world (click on the link to read so much more…)

This is a milestone post exploring the WHOLE journey I have been on and what motivates me as an artist and writer. Continue reading

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A walk in the park: healing the deepest wound of all

So, we chose our own life…but, if so, why would we choose yet another lifetime with the same old trauma “in it” that we’ve been through before, knowing that we are going to experience it all over again? In my opinion, certainly in my case, in order to heal it…to make this the grand finale, the one lifetime where I drew together all of the themes, the layers of understanding, the old gender-based and cultural wounds, the defunct historical context of what we have more recently been through, the fullest recollection of the “lost” aspect of the divine feminine that I could muster across all my multi-lifetime experiences and then a clear understanding of how to resuscitate her as a living reality in this newly awakening world. I chose this life so I could add all of these ingredients into one huge melting pot of experience…and to heal it all by seeing and acknowledging it all and, yes at some level, forgiving it all ready to move on. I did it in order to say at the end of it “I believe we can do better than that, we can work together to create something far different for our world now” – and so we can. Continue reading

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Out of the shadows

We can even become deeply afraid of losing that which is most holding us back us, afraid of who we will be and what will become possible when we are without the long-standing antagonists of our experience, whether these are so-called outside circumstances or deep inner pain, because these can often feel like the longest companion we have known. Sometimes it can feel like we are but an inch from the very transformation we most long for if we could but allow ourselves to let go of the reassurance that can come from any situation, however dire, when it has become like the miserable dog that greets us at our own door day after day. Is this what pain has become to me, do I even know how to live without it…or am I prepared to at least give it a try? Continue reading

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The blossom opened early…

Did the tree know something I didn’t, had it heard the starting pistol, received the signal, been slipped the secret cue that something big was underway; something that could contain itself no longer but must “out” into the light? Or had it simply felt it must take that leap of faith, be the one to demonstrate, through actions, that it dared to be all today that it had hoped to be tomorrow so that others would also believe this was possible and much more so than just through the endless repeating of words? No more waiting. No more striving. No more hoping and trekking and aiming and intending and visualising but BEING it. Did it want to manifest what it already knew to be so in its heart’s potential, to bring it out of hiding and into that light, however cautious and conditional these times still urged it to be, however much of a mixed blessing the sheer intensity of that light it was reaching out into could sometimes feel? Had it decided there was no more time left for slumbering underground, its tenderness tucked away inside dry woody branches? Continue reading

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Twinning with my self

Some people feel passionately that they are in search of a soul-match, a twin flame; and though I know what it feels like to connect very deeply with others, I’ve never had the feeling that I am searching for another … Continue reading

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