Rare as gold

Screenshot 2019-04-29 at 22.15.23.pngI consider myself very fortunate indeed that I heard more than one nightingale on my walk in the forest on Sunday; I even managed to get a photo to check this was what I was really hearing since I was quite amazed….they are so rare that I had hardly ever seen or heard one in my life before. We have apparently lost 40 million of them in the UK in the last 50 years, their numbers “plummeting by 93% to fewer than 5,500 pairs” (see article below). The irony is that they are known as the “common” nightgale and yet I struggled to find a “commons” photo to use (the one I managed to take was poor and partly obscured by foliage). Its so very sad to watch these extinctions taking place and there will only be more, until we get ourselves back in balance…

Which is why I doubted my ears at first, yet the up-and-down song and the rich velvet diversity of its verses had me wondering, even before I confirmed with my eyes. Blackcap was my first thought about this song which (was I imagining it or were these birds hopping around very fast or throwing their voices) seemed to be coming from almost every bush; but no, I already had my suspicions this was something rarer, and then I got the first sighting of the smallish brown bird, creamy white front, high up in a tree. I got home and compared the short recording I’d taken with examples on the RSPB site and Youtube and still I wasn’t quite convinced that “my” song matched the examples until, I read, the nightingale has over 200 phrases in its repertoire, using around 250 different buzzes and trills and whistles…so there is no singularly distinctive trill or phrase, this bird has a lot to say!

And I got the distinct feeling these birds had a great deal they they wanted to say on this occasion; something had certainly set them all off. I find I want to ask (not for the first time, see my post The Frequency of Birds), what part does frequency play in the triggering off the song of these birds, especially when they sing at nighttime, as they are famed to do?

Screenshot 2019-04-29 at 22.03.11.pngMusician Sam Lee is in Berkeley Square tonight, reworking “A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square” to an audience that he hopes will disperse playing the nightingale’s song on their phones to draw attention to their plight. This is a closing ceremony of sorts to the Extinction Rebellion events that have been taking place…a poignantly fitting one at that, since we stand to loose so much more if we don’t pay attention to what this movement is all about.

If you’ve never heard of Lee, look him up or, better still, listen. He organises these wonderful events (see Singing With Nightingales) where you go for nighttime walks in the kind of woods where some of the very few nightingales can still be heard, to a secret location where he and other musicians improvise song and music with the birdsong, around a campfire. It’s high on my wish list to go to one of these events as soon as its feasible to arrange one we can get to easily as they sound just magical.

In Lee’s words, the nightingale is

“an animal that is so utterly at one with music and the environment and using all the tropes and articulation and emotional capacity of a human musician, in the shape of a tiny brown feathered being. Its song is absolutely full of indulgence and decadence and serenity and sexuality and pleasure and connection and commonality.”

The fact that I heard these birds, for the first time ever, in multiples, on Sunday as the Schumann Resonance got going into what turned out to be a two-day extravaganza of high frequencies, ranging from 30 up to 89 Hz (from the “usual” 7.83Hz) feels like no coincidence. Increased frequencies, to which we could expect birds to be especially sensitive, may have contributed to the extraordinary bird song levels and certain trends in bird behaviour…something I’ve been noticing for a while.

These include significantly increased thirst levels (a trait I share when the SR is spiking, said as I guzzle yet another large glass of water, hoping to sate today’s unquenchable thirst). My husband, who also noted relentless thirst today, works in a converted barn on a farm and has a water trough right outside his window for the horses in the field. He said he has never seen so many varieties of birds arriving as showed up today; magpies, rooks, woodpigeons and more were virtually queueing up for water like it was a soup kitchen, returning over and over again for more. Its been like that at my fountain too, including some very thirsty goldfinches who, strangely enough, seem to show up  in number whenever the SR is high, though I used to consider myself fortunate if I saw one or two in a whole summer. Whenever they arrive in their gangs, to invade my water vessels and the very airwaves with their unmistakably excitable song, it feels as though the golden energy is flooding in!

Today, the birdsong outside my window and down the chimney has quite soared with the SR and the birds are clearly feeling pretty excitable about it all. Interesting times.



Singing with Nightingales

A Nightingale sang in Berkeley Square – watch the video

Bird lovers flock to Berkeley Square as nightingales return

The frequency of birds

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Frazzled or evolving?

I’ve just started reading a darkly thought-provoking novel recommended by my daughter; its called Nod, in case you’re curious. I haven’t read far enough to tell you my overall verdict but, immediately, I’m hooked. Its the maelstrom of particular ideas, phrases, references and clevernesses that has me feeling this writer is, in some degree, like me, even thinking my thoughts, playing with nuance as I do; a profound familiarity in the way he regards the world, notices and connects little things, observes sub-layers of human behaviour. As I lie there reading in the bath, I find myself wondering why his stream-of-consciousness is so much more accomplished seeming (to me) than that of James Joyce, who I was forced to make a meal of all those years ago on my degree course and yet, here and now, he’s just one of a countless number of authors churning out novels that most people will never hear about. What was so exceptional, then and even now, about Joyce…yet is so un-worthy of fanfare about this, in this unforgiving era where we have access to just so many books, blogs and more that we can sample, read, discard and forget them in seconds on our devices? Because we have blasted this world, and all our ideas, apart, scattered like shards sprayed far and wide, only to find what looks, initally, like so much overwhelmingly more is, really, just more of the same. There’s always this niggling sense that we’ve seen it all before, even when we haven’t…

Because now its possible for writers, artists, musicians to draw on the stylistic “successes” of a myriad of other creatives to make their own creative product (in fact, impossible not to as these influences become embedded in us, from exposure to so very much, unless we live on a dessert island without access to technology). I know this for myself, when I create art or write. It always feels less like I draw on my own particular pot of genius than I am drawing from some vast well of creativity made up of all the creativity of all time. I can dip my brush, stylistically, into a touch of Monet mixed with a bit of O Keefe and a tadge of some photographer person whose name I don’t remember but whose work I once saw and which left an impression and I can use these influences like paint daubs, textures, effects…though I don’t even know I’m doing it. Its more like I tune in to the collective mind and intuit what is appealing, what has worked, what “vibes” at a frequency that I sense others have already been attracted to, what is similar enough to mix together, to morph, to evolve to the next level as my own creative product. With writing, if I get stuck as I feel for the right words to give it that creative flourish, the metaphor that will just “do it”, I just soften my mind and know that that exact right word, phrase or reference point will come to me, even if I’m not that familiar with it; I may even have to look it up to check its the right one, like it was an idea passed to me by an invisible friend. These days, it feels like I know so much more than I am deserving of, having not read all the books, done all the research and yet we are all left like that from contact with those who have; like the very vibration of knowledge is a fickle bird that flits from shoulder to shoulder, guided by the wind of the internet.

In other words, when I’m in that most creative space, the kind of day when I have my muse with me, it increasingly feels like like drawing from the Global Mind, some sort of super computer that we all have access to and which technology is reminding us how to access. Its not that it wasn’t there to start with, we always had it but imagine how difficult to access when very few realised this. Familiarity with the technology is showing us the ropes, getting us into the mindset of collective thinking, where we test the water with our ideas even before we put them out, observing the consensus, drawing on past geniuses, blending and manifesting to our own particular recipe yet calling on colours from a massive shared palette of humanness that, through its shared quality made up of familiar “colours”, others will instantly relate to; because without familiarity, who will buy our art, read our novel, talk to us? We will be left talking to ourselves. So our odds of communicating, of being successful, rapidly increase as we do this; we don’t have to fall down the same pitholes as others have done before, though we can revive obscurities that failed through someone else’s miss-timed step and breathe them back to life in our own times, now the flavour of the month because we gleaned the bigger picture and timed it rather better. So we play god in the miniature, picking a bit of this, less of that, formulating what is both new and yet relatable to whoever we are targeting with our output and all stylistically honed to make optimum use of the best of “before”. Is there any wonder I sometimes feel more like an editor than a creator; I throw creative mud at a wall and then hone back to what a kind of super editor inside of me feels is best to keep in, leave out, based on some sort of mega-experience that exceeds the scale of my own little life. In my view, we simply didn’t have this in-built facility twenty, maybe even ten, years ago, so what changed?

I talked in my last post about the extreme overwhelm of the younger generation and how depressed some of them seem to be, to a degree that is gaining the attention of all kinds of studies and articles. Its a topic I researched a little on the internet and, of course, its associated with the arrival of the smart phone since (at the surface of things…) no other circumstance has knowingly altered so significantly in the last 8 to 9 years to effect this sudden down-turn in the mental state of our young people. Yes, the eco-crisis is part of it but, really, that is nothing new, its just that the internet has made their generation more aware of, thus burdened by it than any other. Yet these same articles typically urge parents to limit technology use to 40 mins a day for mental health to be restored and this, of course, is not realistic; the cat has been let out of the bag and is now climbing trees in the yard, bearing its claws at anyone who comes near. Put another way, the horses have already bolted from the stables and a sort of re-wilding that has nothing to do with living in the woods is upon us.

Yet I agree, we are approaching a crisis point of such massive overwhelm amongst these kids, who can’t seem to be alone for five minutes; are never really alone any more given that, even on their most far-flung and remote travel adventures, they’re not complete until they have shared their exepriences and gained feedback from all of their friends. Its like they are on drugs, some sort of speed that they, at once love, are addicted to and yet bowing under the pressures of, to some quite unimaginable degree to those of us who only use our phones to make the occasional emergency call or tap out a five word text message. To them, the technology is part of them and there is no detaching it now without pulling out a part of themselves, like a giant tape worm that is already embedded, with access and sway over the very way they think. As someone who reads frequency, as I do, I notice how they are at fever pitch; franetic in their energy of multi-tasks. Its like I “hear” a shrill noise when they are around, in fact I can get red hot, sometimes, or wiped out just being near my daughter and, always interesting to me, I dream quite differently, at a different tempo, when she’s asleep in the same building (we long-ago noticed how we tuned into similar dream space). I can do it for a spell, can even be strangely upgraded from these brush-pasts with their high-wire youthful energy but to live there is quite a different thing.

In logical terms, based on old paradigm thinking, I see only a crash ahead, for many of them, as things are and the way they are accelerating their lives and emotions to try and keep up, with such detrimental effects upon their physical and psychological health. Yet, looked at another way, as I like to do (see my last post) I also see this as some sort of training ground for telepathy. These kids dont just think like this through their technology, they think collectively…full stop. Its their very way of being, along with the desire to be so close to one another that they seem to be constantly embroiled together and joined in the flesh, forever in contact with other skin, tangled hair, entangled legs, hugging, draping, lying on top of each other, nothing ever too much in ways that are alien to their parents. In all these ways and more, these kids are a completely different species to even my slightly older nephews and nieces, who are now in their 30s, and who didn’t grow up with this boundary-melting technology in their hands. 

So if this is a training ground for telepathy, which I have always known to be an unused human skill, one that would come to be in some future age, perhaps not so very long after this one, then why is it going so wrong, why all the overwhelm, the depression, the out of control feelings around selfhood and what it means to be human? Because its as though all the skies have been opened up as a free-for-all and, having left the solidity of the ground, there are no lanes for their traffic any more. A world beyond separation, which is where we are all heading, is a grand-sounding idea but imagine the chaos that would ensue if that happened overnight, which is what these kids are kind-of sampling like the guinea pigs of an era. Did we ever think that we would step into this new paradigm calmly, civilly, like well behaved children queuing to get on a school bus to go on some sort of outing in the sunshine of a perfect day? A sky without air traffic control would be absolutely chaos; we need some sort of rules to keep us in lane yet these kids have access to all manner of information, to each others thoughts, to the opinions of audiences of potentially millions if they share their “stuff” on social media…instantly, devastatingly; which they seem to welcome and yet it has them battered and bruised even as they “must” have it to be like everyone else. 

Those safety checks, the very-necessary lanes in the sky, can’t come from parents, who have no idea what its like to be these young people, to know and feel and share what they do, every minute of every day, in order to feel they belong to their generation. For instance, my daughter has a friend whose parents lock her phone in an actual cage to keep her from it while she studies, though she’s 18; and such ridiculous behaviours will only incite loathing  and disconnect from their parents and even more determination to claim back what all the other kids have access to since they feel they need it like the air that they breathe. So it has to come from them; they have to EVOLVE this cautionary measure, the inside safety valve that ensures they actually choose what they gain access to and how much they share. And when they achieve this, they will be so much more advanced in their humanness than their parents or grandparents, whose reality was only kept in check by the entrainment of all the tight-fitting belief systems imposed upon them by those who taught and handed down their chosen dogma to them and by their ignorance of all but those experiences that happened in their immediate vicinity or that were writen down in accessible books (assuming books even were, largely dependent on social status). These kids have access to more layers and sublayers of what is happening around them than previous generations could even imagine in their wildest dreams yet they will need to learn to focus on what they choose to experience like never before. To quote Yoda, there is no “try” in this territory; they will either do this or they won’t, with very different consequences.

So presumably this is an insider job that some will evolve and some others, yes possibly high numbers, won’t make it…I suspect…but perhaps we will be one step closer to our telepathic future. If we are heading towards greater experiential awareness of the Global Mind, then developing our own-individual mindfulness  is perhaps both the golden key to our own survival (which is what invests us so thoroughly in it, as we must be in order to give it our best effort…) and the success of the collective leap that we are all making together, since we all feed into that collective, just as surely as we draw out of it, as we are now starting to realise. These kids are learning the pitfalls of knowing, even sharing and drawing from, the minds of others “on the job” and its gruelling work. They have to learn to be respectful of what they put into the collective field, what unseen conseqences can butterfly from what they do or say, and of what they take out from it. Some of them already look ashen, ghostly, like they’ve seen too much or can’t put the gene back in the bottle. What it will lead to, what it will look like, in some not-so-future time remains to be seen but evolution can be costly, there will be those who will transition with ease, those who get the balance wrong and rue the consequences. We can only hope those we love will be amongst the ones who sufficiently hone their innate checks and balances (things we hopefully taught them through example…) in order to make it through in one piece, their selfhood and health intact, even as they come to realise they are co-creating our future as part of a rapidly evolving Global Mind.

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Let’s look at it another way…

If what I’m hearing from my daughter is anything to go by, a huge wave of talented and driven young people are now talking as though their main ambition, post-graduation, is to leave these shores to live and work elsewhere, should Brexit becomes a reality. Its the talk of her peers, she tells me. I’m hearing the same from other family members, and on the grapevine, more and more often, as a likely yet unwanted reality dawns upon so many young people in the UK. They talk about this so pragmatically, as an obvious “must”, a real and pressing call to them, should the doors slam shut…feeling they have to leave to keep their options and creativity, their very sense of involvement and of ongoing expansion, open and participating in a far bigger picture of the world than “Little Britain” would afford them. This place, to them, will be no more than a tired old seaside town where people come to wind down their lives; a place full of gulls pecking at empty fish and chip packets, petty ideals and sepia-tinted nostalgia.

Talking of bigger pictures, let’s look at this another way, as I always like to do. I’ve long had the sense that these British isles are like a seed pod that periodically bursts open, like one of those spore clouds of spring, shooting its cargo far and wide into worldwide distribution. If you are American, Canadian, Australian or quite a number more that I won’t bother to list, there’s a fair chance your forebears came from these shores which, for such a small island, is fairly impressive. Even when “done” by nefarious means, through empire, control and domination, or the burning desire for people (like now) to leave behind some sort of oppression, as the Pilgrim Fathers did, the means has led, most effectively, to this outcome and now…well…now we are fairly stagnant, inward looking, navel-gazing; the “pod” has gone quiet. Some say England is the Heart Chakra of the planet, the very pump or the bellows that keeps the whole teaming with energy and I’ve always felt something in that. Its a particular energy of place, to which many tribes have attracted, to mix with an indiginous quality, over and over again, in order to stir their flavours like the complex seasoning of an excellent stew, only to spew  forth, repeatedly, from the sides of this favourite pot…and when that pot shuts down, closes its lid to “invaders” and exotic ideas, the stew goes cold and uninteresting for a while.

Seaside.jpgSo perhaps there’s design behind a “thing” that will distribute a generation of our particular brand of quirkiness and talent, vision and frankness, tenacity and humour, far and wide; the blood of our youth, those first jets of our ingenuity, unleashed on a far wider scale. Though it saddens and frustrates me at a human level, as I contemplate family members and offspring scattered so far away we will be lucky to see them even once a year in the flesh, and as one left behind here listening to the slowing grind of the barrel organ turned by monkeys, my curiosity is piqued…and, looked at as though I were them, I can’t say I blame them for going, either. Perhaps our loss is the world’s gain, in some sort of cosmic plan that we are only seeing at ground level and I remain curious at the broader scale, as I always am.

For more intriguing theories about distinct migration patterns at certain key points in history, I recommend Dr Carl Johan Calleman’s book “The Global Mind and the Rise of Civilization: The Quantum Evolution of Consciousness” and “The Nine Waves of Creation: Quantum Physics, Hollograpic Evolution and the Destiny of Humanity”.

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Living life intensely

I can tell my life has made a significant switch this year since I’m not measuring it by how many widgets I’ve churned out. In my case, widgets have tended to be how many new artworks or designs and (increasingly) blogs I have put out, before that it was “what I earned”, in my old life, where I measured by “achievement”. Yet here I am, in almost May, and I notice how I now gauge the fulness of my cup by the intensity of my life.  There is no other word for it…and no other objective. My days, via every moment, feeling, passing emotion, interaction, subtlest thought, thread-end, synchronicity, observation, realisation, sensation, wisp of inspiration, are lived intensely and far too variably, unquantifiably, to measure, there being no “rule” by which to take their length or breadth, yet I know it from the feel f it.

For me, a thinker, mostly a do-er, all my life, this is big and I know it, for all I have always been the synesthete, the receiver of almost too many sensations to process, yet there was always that over-ride button, that tried to make “things” of it rather than have the experience. I have been subject to so much intensity…bottled up. Yet its nothing new for our youth, who live their lives so like this, moment to moment, that they hardly know how to box it all up, when the clock strikes and they are told they have to join the narrow-guage rank and file of the working masses…nor should they. So they postpone, they rebel, they opt out, they break down…and, in them, I find my biggest hope for a future for this planet. 

Talking to my daughter last night, at last, as she broke the shell of silence we had maintained for almost a week since she returned, not because she didn’t want to tell me anything but because she knew not how to (if only I could explain how much I do really get her more than she knows…but why would she trust this, coming from our generation) she tried to convey to me the intensity of her life experience since going to uni. Its a nonstop synesthesia explosion of such intense momentum, feelings, interactions, joyfulness, spontaneities, overwhelms, confusions, obliterations and also so so much depression, she says, in her generation…so much fear, and anger and hopelessness at the world our generation are handing on to them. There’s such a pervasive feeling of having no say in the sorting of the heinous mess we have made of the world, ongoing and ever more urgent, and them the voiceless millions, for all they rant and rail at the way things are going, at abysmal decisions being made by heart-dead bureaucrats, sending their planet, their futures, to hell in a hand basket. Brexit and the dying planet, she says, are almost memes…funny clichés, the stuff of bad jokes…in her world, not because they don’t care (they care with typical intensity) but because they have all the tragic rigmortis of next to no ability to make themselves heard in a broken system; no way to grab the wheel to redirect the vehicle before it crashes head-on into a brick wall with us all on board. They are becoming numb through this feeling of inertia; more so every day, as they expose themselves to such intensity of feeling that they keep on wanting more more more to stimulate themselves into feeling alive against all the odds of this gloom. Where once life flashed, say, a moment of purple in a sea of mundane grey, she says, it is now like an explosion of so many colours and lights and shapes, non-stop, and, in the midst of the rainbow-surprise of it all are, equally, the pitch darks that have no name…yet they dare to look into these equally, along with all the bright colours, while the “grown ups” seem to skirt around the edges, eyes firmly closed, fingers-crossed, wing and a prayer.

So though they campaign, sign, rebel, shout their views, as the very norms of their existence, they feel like they are banging their heads on a wall and, meanwhile, they plough on into all the chaos of deadline demands, all the unimaginable complexity of an age driven by social media relationships and genders with no boundaries, and towards the madly inevitable abyss of an adult world that was meant to fit their parents, one that is self-evidently “screwed”, and thus holds nothing whatsoever to appeal to them, even if it had a future. So what else can they do but continue to live intensely, fully in the moment, ever-present with the mad kalisdoscope of  their days, whilst working intensely hard, dreaming of some future idyl, while their graduation waits like a cliff hanger at the end, and them not really sure if they still want to be alive at that point. Yet they continue to live life at breakneck speed until they get there, not knowing “what” or “how” or even “if” something awaits them there.  Will we even have a planet by then is a very real consideration.

Yet one thing is for sure, they are living life intensely. Every moment, every social interaction, every deep-philosophical conversation, every midnight walk in pitch dark, every leap of faith into summer placements or travel in far-flung places they’ve never been to, is intense and the real intensity of it all is happening on the inside. While the outside interface may look random, chaotically childlike in its naivety, they are profoundly changing themselves, and a whole race, on the inside. In striving for what they really DO want by the sheer force and intensity of their gaze, the attention they throw serving as a dart at the bullseye of a better world that no logic can predict, they are changing themselves, both individually and collectively, becoming, almost, a telepathic Super Being filled with fresh, youthful intentions…a shot in the arm of new life…and we are being changed with them. Out there in “the field” something monumental is going on and it looks like Pardigm Shift, though it arrives in stealth shoes.

Our generation complacently thinks (though not I) that our young people will inevitably lose steam and volume, giving up on contrary intentions as we did, to slip quietly into rank and file to sign dotted lines for work contracts with corporations they once despised and for mortgages that will hold them prisoner for life, never to question anything again in the name of familial safety over all moral-else. Maybe some will do that, but not all…in fact, most, probably, very far from all will be even capable of trimming their wings back. Because intensity, like this, once experienced, cannot be put back into the box. Rules so completely disregarded, not even given lip-service, cannot be reinstated where they uttelry defy Higher (not constructed…) logic. The impulse to know joy and liberty, as the birth right that they are, cannot be forgotten once made the very priority for so long, in ways that we never had the experience of in our youth. Like an airbag gone off, we become vastly bigger than the receptacle we came from; things look quite different now, new colours are introducted to the rainbow, motivations change, priorities crystallise.

Meanwhile some of us older folk live to prove the flipped adage that even an old dog can learn new tricks…for I am one of those of those dogs, being and feeling and experiencing over thinking and doing and producing, hardly at-all measuring, making quantum leaps where a life of even two months ago is already outgrown, over and over again, which is the compounded shift of many ages amd lifetimes in one being, felt in the very core of my DNA. Being prepared to go where we know-not what the ending could possibly be is part of this paradigm change; we have no choice but to face the sheer impossibility of a future, measured by old standards, in order to hold space for something brand new to emerge (in fact this lack of a predictable ending is the very clue we are getting close). Faced with such a reality, we have no other option but to experience life intensely, moment to moment, navigating by its rapidly appearing and exploding stars scattered across a vast universe of sensations. It is never too late to do this, while there is still breath in our body, and the sheer intensity of “eleventh hour” can be harnessed to fuel such a quantum leap in our collective reality once we know how this feels within the very core of ourselves.

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Loving all your differences into their highest form

You’re very different to anyone else. You know it, you’ve always known it, you may have even hidden it, buried it deep and dark, masked it in a variety of ways, tried to heal it, medicate it, to soften it, even to make something of it…but its never been more obvious to you, in a myriad of ways, than now. New definitions for your differences may have recentlty surfaced as you’ve allowed yourself to see them more; and these are often helpful, as long as used to better notice all the inherent gifts, not the stigma applied by others. People may have challenged these, doubted them “at you” as you dared to own these things about yourself and “come out” (like you weren’t even there in the discussion; exactly like they were the one with the problem, which is true), acting as though your uniqueness is an illness (its not) that offends them or their sacrosanct version of reality. 

You may have swung wildly from the point of almost embracing this back into the depths of fear at your own non-conformism, over and over again, almost to the point of breakdown or, yes, you’ve broken down. Now you are here and this difference is asserting its truth like never before and with that comes some sort of relief as you dare to allow that you can really choose to go this way, not back into the cookie-cutter tyrany of all your previous existences. You’re finally letting go of all the many vain hopes of finding your exact mirror image (though you may find your compliment…), like watching grains of sand pour though your fingers, relishing the sensation, though you never thought you would. In these potent weeks at this very potent time, many of us are facing this truth, like two people met in a narrow corridor, awkwardly jostling to get past without meeting each other’s eyes; though we are only meeting our self, which is  ours for the owning at last…fully and unconditionally. Dare to believe this and you will make a quantum leap!

Linearity is softening so you are embracing all the many gifts of yourself, gathered in great armfuls, across all of time. Suddenly, you just know who you are, in great flashes of knowing, and this needs no validation from “other”, being self-contained. Be curious, allow it to happen to you, not because you are orchestrating from an old sense of self but because many hidden parts of you are revealing at last and its more fascinating than any other distraction could be. Then LOVE yourself whole; you were always the only one who could.

It may feel like the cutting of last ties with the idea of “fitting in” fully with any other person on earth, or with their exact viewpoint of what is taking place here, yet this concensus is no longer as necessary as we once thought it was; in fact it held our highest creator gifts back. Nurture healthy suspicion where new one-size-fits-all theories try to reassert, as they will; just part of the backlash. Something in us urges us on in this call for our own excusite uniqueness, our exact fit-for-purposeness, our very particular expression of source creator…and its both important and needed. Don’t shirk this task, don’t turn away and hide or fall out of love with yourself again but go with this truth; its your very foundation, the platform on which you get to experience a New You built for a New Time ahead. You were made this way by YOU for this very now.

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Dare to become your own master

If your inbox is anything like mine, it’s probably awash with people inviting you on mastery courses and workshops, virtual or otherwise. There’ll be 10 day cleanses and spiritual retreats pouring out of the sky, not to mention invitations from friends and acquaintances offering their latest program, seeking your validation in the form of an instant sign up. There may have been a stage when you dived into all this, and probably spent a fortune (and a lot of time), exploring other people’s methods.

Once you start to crystallise, you notice how your interest in these things starts to wane. Whilst you want to root for your friends and keep up with people’s newsletters, being more than happy to keep the expansive dialogue with such people alive, your desire to “sign up” and even pay for other people’s know-how will probably reach an all-time low (in fact paying for information will seem to become a particular “rub” for reasons that, at first, defeat you). Your “old” head might even question this, thinking you’re losing your self-improvement grip; or you may panic that a side-effect of becoming more embodied lately is that you no longer seem to be interested in “spirituality”, which used to be your biggest passion.

That’s probably not true; it’s just that you are becoming your own master now…and owning it. There’s a hand-over of the reins to your own innate knowing on almost every subject there is and this isn’t arrogance or foolhardiness so much as a tipping of the balance. We’ve spent our whole lives seeking information from outside of ourselves and now, we realise, we have direct access to everything we need for our own particular dharma. We might not know everything but that’s because it’s not our path to do so; however we know what we need to know in the very moment that we need to know that thing, and we can hear that information clearer when we’re not trying to pick it up in a room full of other people talking.

Like we used to meditate to gain our cosmic oversight, we now check in with this all the time and, when we need to go in deeper, we can just stop for a short time and will find all the signposts we need. We find, in any case, that when something from outside resonates, it’s because we knew that already, at some level (perhaps not admitted to ourselves until somebody else pointed it out…which gave us the confidence to believe ourself, only now we feel annoyed that they said it first…) In fact, if you’re noticing this degree of annoyance with other people’s teachings, rather than judging yourself for being snarky or jealous of others, look to the real reason for this annoyance; being that you were annoyed at your own lapse in self-belief.

If paying for what another person has to offer you becomes a particular “rub”; or if you feel as though you gave as much to them as they gave to you during the interaction, making the additional money transaction feel distasteful or unfair, then you have reached this point in your crystallisation process. In my case, I began to notice how therapists would  often start writing down notes from the information I was sharing or even experiencing monumental personal breakthroughs, crying, releasing, expressing such gratitude for the effect I had had and so eager for me to come again etc., catalysed by our two-way interaction…which then made the writing of a cheque at the end seem terribly wrong somehow because it left things unbalanced. It occured so many times, with healers of different disciplines, that I’ve often thought about writing a post called “Are you healing your healer?” I sometimes came away feeling as though they had needed to see me more than I needed to see them, feeling guilty if I postponed or cancelled the next session, or like it was (for me) a friendship rather than a service…however, one that I was having to pay for, which is not a good feeling. If this is you, its time for you to consider that you already had what that person was offering to you and it was lack of confidence that sent you off to see them, not an actual requirement for more external guidance. Your annoyance is that you failed to realise this before signing up to yet another superfluous source of information. You submitted to the imbalance that has been playing out between you and that other person that you’ve been paying twice, if that is what has been happening, and this is what has truly got your goat!

There’s a phrase that’s rung out loud and true for me for such a long time – ”take what resonates, leave the rest”.

jared-weiss-228317-unsplashWhen you haven’t invested in material (as in, bought into a program, paid to receive a certain method or subscribed to a particular school of thought) you remain much more at liberty to do this, since the act of investment is more powerful than we give credit. “Signing-up” (the phrase that is liberally bandied around wherever there is self-improvement merchandise to be had) is an energetic contract committing us to a particular point of view. Then we start to get into the territory of internal struggle when what someone is telling us doesn’t resonate or, you could say, ring our truth bell, yet (because we signed-up or paid money) we still make ourselves hear it out, give it lip service or many more chances than it deserves to prove to us that we need it, overriding our own (often quite instant and compelling) misgivings. I should add, that’s not because its “wrong” per se but that its wrong for us, in this moment, which is all that matters and we should listen. It might even be that we agree with every word…but that it offers nothing that we don’t already know, so we could have done all this work without signing up, which we feel bad about admitting to ourselves; yet, in some way, we feel held back or slowed down by going over this old material again…and we know it. Yet we feel like a failure or a drop-out if we consider walking away and so we judge ourselves before we negate the thing that didn’t ring true (such is our self-doubt entrainment).

This is where we start to feel much worse, rather than better, for the engagement and this happens more and more as we crystallise, which is bewildering at first; like taking a backward step. It’s why remaining a free agent, sampling many things with a wide-open mind, is the way forwards but, most of all, taking heed from our “inner knowing”, since this is a fully balanced head-and-heart collaboration from now on. Like a giant beanstalk, we also need plenty of space to grow…since the sky is the limit and we are not all in the same corner of the garden, with a one-size fits all patch of earth. Just because you relate to bits of what someone is saying and have quite a lot in common doesn’t mean you are breaking through boundaries into new paradigms at the same rate. We each have pur own unique dharma to fulfill and nothing should limit, divert or slow down the one we are starting to reveal to ourselves.

So whether this is a therapist you’ve been seeing, a Facebook group you belong to, a so-called  “mastery” course, a regular energy “forecast” or an eating program, the advice is the same…feel into it and trust yourself above anything (or anyone) else. If it truly doesn’t resonate, without having to over-analyse why, consider discontinuing or cancelling the subscription (cleaning up obsolete memberships is just so important, at the energetic level, as these entanglements continue to assert a sway while we remain connected). As you get better at this, you realise that you are always free to take what resonates and leave the rest (nobody can hold you prisoner with their ideas) but you may want to start questioning more carefully whether to sign up or invest in these products in the first place, or at least get quicker at tactfully dropping out as soon as they feel wrong, regardless of any prior arrangements made. Stop worrying so much about other people’s feelings and opinions of you (they will get something out of this in ways you don’t need to know about; since you can’t go wrong when following your divine truth) and stop, for heaven’s sake, using that as an excuse not to step up to yourself!

In short, this impasse is easily remedied, just as soon as we get out of the guru-seeking mentality and look to ourselves to step up as that guru, honouring that part of us that is wiser, and notices more, than we ever admitted. So the more we go to ourselves for what we need, the less time (and money) we waste seeking confirmation from others and we literally begin to feel more whole, taller, stronger and infinitely more capable. Our whole nervous system begins to relax since we are intact from the moment we step out of bed; not looking for other things to plug into our information gaps, like we have to stick fingers into a burst dam to get through our day.

And if we do need those confirmatory clues, synchronicities will speak to us every which way we look. These bizarre coincidences, which start to happen every day, in more and more ways when we are observant, are the universe’s way of saying “yes, you’re on track” so we never wander too far from the path. Reading this divine map gets easier and easier since it is “just for us”, being personalised in every detail. The last thing we want is to get diverted by other people’s methods and preoccupations since they, too, are following their own self-tailored path of synchronicities and divinely delivered information (along with other influences we don’t need to know about since we are all, to larger and lesser extents, human). Rigidity of thinking, above all, is something we no longer feel comfortable around and we find this in some surprising enlightened circles, so we want to remain free to question even that…since nothing is outside of our burning crystal scrutiny now. Once again, that’s not to say that other people’s ways are wrong (or that we won’t find intriguing cross-over points that we will want to discuss with them…and we wish them every success on their path) but that their way is their way; and this way is now, most definitely, ours since we have claimed it. We get so much better at asking for what we need; not from some information source in the three-dimesnional but beyond that…yet, at the same time, found within us. When we do this, what we asked for has this way of presenting to us, just as we most need it.

So, clearly ask for what you need, every day…wish I could teach this to everyone!

We find, in crystallising (which is to bring all-encompassing divinity into the very cells of our body in an as-near-to balanced arrangement as possible), that we desire to become even more individualised and autonomous than ever; which is the beautiful paradox that wants to be revealed as us. Nobody else is quite like us and we each come with our own in-built package of divinely appropriate information, which will flex, expand and tailor itself perfectly to meet our every most-human expression of the sheer diversity of choice along the ever winding route of self-exploration.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When did Earth become our least favourite thing?

Imagine you have a favourite item of clothing; let’s call it a shirt. When you first get it, you’re so pleased, fixating on every detail. You wear it for Sunday best and “going out” to special places; and it’s always well looked after, without a crinkle, lovingly handled and appreciated often. A little further down the line, you slip into wearing it on other occasions when you run out of other clothes. You get a little more careless in its handling; throwing it in the tumble-dryer when you’re in a rush to get it dry. Suddenly, you are mixing it in with your other clothes and now it has a threadbare patch or a hem coming loose but you still nurture a fondness for it; perhaps you even repair it once or twice. In the end, you take it for granted; its to be found screwed up on your bedroom floor or sat on where you left it on the sofa. Finally, you forget to take it off when you’re working on your car or touching up the paint in your house…

Planet earth has been treated a lot like that. For a long time, we seem to have perpetuated a relative respect for it, a bit like the shirt worn more often than it used to be yet still appreciated…until we got clumsy. In our relatively new industrious state, we were too busy to take care of it like before and, when it took the knocks of wearing it out in pursuit of our own careless “needs”, we got more haphazard about putting things right as mishaps occurred.

This seems to have deteriorated into something like the scrunched-up and treated badly phase of the shirt since the 1970s. Up until then, it feels as though we still took relative care of our planet, most of the time (by which I refer to the average Joe, not the way the Pacific was being used for nuclear testing or any of the corporate abuses that were already well underway). Your average person wouldn’t just throw their litter in a field in the mid 1970s, I don’t believe, based on my own recollections of that era and the upbringing I had from my parents and school. Or, at least, not those over a certain age, though the new junk-food culture and the cool-points attached to adopting a certain nonchalance around behaviour such as littering, as encouraged by films and TV, did much to harm this status quo from that point on.

Perhaps that era expected those kids to grow out of it but they never did; becoming the next generation of adults who, like so many overgrown teenagers, continue leave so much mess for other people to clear up, setting that example for their own kids. I find myself in a world where its completely normal for huge piles of fly tipped waste full of sharp objects and solvents to be left down country lanes by “grown-up’ building firms or broken prams and toys to be abandoned in the nearby pond by the “grown-up” parents to kids on the local housing estate. Rubbish gets thrown out of moving vehicles all along my road (which the elderly of the community volunteer to pick up several times a year since the council can’t keep up with it), the simple rules for recycling household waste get ignored and its “the thing” to have chinese lanterns and helium balloons at every celebration, never thinking about where they end up at the end of the night. Speaking to the guy who lives next to my local beauty spot, he says he can’t bear to walk by the river’s edge once the evenings become lighter because he invariably comes across groups of people, including families with kids, gathered there by the weir, with their bags of supermarket food and drink in all its associated packaging. “Please make sure you take all that rubbish home with you” he will say to the adults of the groups. “Oh yeah yeah, of course” they always say; but then, the next morning when he walks his dogs, all their rubbish, the wrappers, the burned out barbecue tray, are left strewn by the water’s edge…

Where it has really gone wrong is over the last three decades, during which it has become normalised not to think about the consequences of littering the environment with all the plastic debris left over from our convenient lifestyles. There’s a disconnect between people and the environment and it has only become worse since the age of the mobile phone. Now, people walk around as though in their own biosphere since all of their own friends (who share their same views) and, in fact, their own mini-verse in digital form is carried around with them wherever they go via the device that seldom leaves their hand. Face, it, most people pay more attention to that world in a handset than they do to the actual world going on around them; they stare into it even as they sit in a field or walk the dog. Added to the way that “chain” businesses and restaurants make it seem as though everywhere is really just the same place…same burger bar and other franchises, same signage, same city layout…its as though they simply don’t register when they have moved from one place into another. It’s all the same and, when sameness is everywhere, those same behaviours that “do” on the littered pavements around shopping malls, where invisible cleaners pop out to sweep it all away, are assumed to be normal as they drive down country lanes and hang out in fields or parks.

The other evening, I shared a post on social media about the harm that plastic rings from around plastic bottles do to wildlife when they get caught around their heads and beaks. The pictures were horrible; terribly upsetting, and this is news that needs to be passed on to those who have no idea what harm they are taking part in, yet I had the lowest response of any social media post I had ever shared. Perhaps this stuff is simply not real for most people; and they prefer to keep it that way, focusing on funny videos of the antics of pet dogs and cats and other humanised abstractions of what animals supposedly are out in social media land. It’s all too real for me. Last night, I came across a helium balloon from (no doubt) a kids party at the nearby village hall, now bobbing around in a farmer’s field close to the nesting birds I’ve been watching on my daily walks. I was unable to retrieve it since it was over a “no trespassing” farmers fence with a wire top so the sense of frustration and helplessness was profound; though I have often carried these balloons home to dispose of them from my walks in the past.

Then this morning (which is a clue as to how often these incidents are coming to my attention), my usual sunrise view from my window was embellished by a large plastic thing, either a bag or another inflatable (I can now see its another huge silver balloon), caught at the top of a very tall tree in my elderly neighbour’s garden. It’s not the aesthetics of theses two situations that makes me so livid, though yes that too, but the fact of witnessing these harms take place, knowing what a peril they are to wildlife and the environment. The behaviours that led to them has become normalised; this is the difficulty. How normal it is to let balloons or lanterns off into the sky like they simply vanish into thin air….how normal yet how naive. Here’s the paradox: we seem to be part of the generation that is, at once, the most informed yet most tragically naive since truth is something people get to custom-build from what they choose to focus their attention on (and there are just so many choices now).

Screenshot 2019-03-30 at 21.58.21

A shocking reality to be part of: “Even in rich countries, recycling rates are low. Globally, 18 percent of all plastic is recycled. Europe manages 30 percent, China 25—the United States only 9.”

Only a few months ago, I came across a dead swan on my walk…a relative mystery, though I had my suspicious, until its flesh started to rot away and there in its gullet and deep into its guts was the long tangled ribbon and plastic attachments, the deflated silvery mess, of another party balloon.  If the child whose birthday that was had any idea…if she could have seen that majestic bird’s death throes; what a party-pooper!

As legislation is murmured about, calling for a ban to the chinese lanterns that terrorise and injure livestock (I just read about a horse caught on fire by one of these) and cause all sorts of dangers and harms in our environment, I ask why these balloons are any more necessary or tolerated; just for one moment’s predictable excitement among many for children and even adults who, I like to think, would care more about the animals they go on to harm. When, if ever, do these balloons get disposed of appropriately (if there is such a thing…) rather than allowed to float off into the sky. How long before they join the plastic hell in our oceans where so many birds and other wildlife are dying from ingesting this pollution that it looks like a holocaust taking place…which, really, it is (see Albatros trailer below). This culture of “not my problem” and “out of sight, out of mind” has got well out of hand. Earth has apparently become the lease favourite, least attention-garnering, most taken-for-granted, thing in most people’s minds and this is a balance that needs to be tipped or we are truly done for; there’s a truth we would all have to share!

It’s not often that I have a rant in this blog but I feel my eco-dragon wanting so badly to be unleashed during these days and weeks following what has been a profound grounding process…from being so spiritually focussed that I endeavoured to transcend these realities to where I find myself now fully confronted by these harsh realities of what it means to be human in this era that I feel I must say and do my part. Right now, it’s a sorry thing to be that human when seen in association with all the (just so dominant) behaviours of the collective and it is for all of us who believe in an alternate reality to tip that balance. This can’t be done by being polite, mute, spiritually disengaged or decorous around these topics; we have to say what we think, do what we have to do, get involved like it really matters…and much more often than we used to…and so I am!


Albatros is a film that everyone should see – watch the trailer below; go to the Albatros website to download a full version.

Posted in Animal welfare, Consciousness & evolution, Conservation, Health & wellbeing, Life choices, Menu, Nature, Personal Development | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Why the songbird stops singing: the need to be at liberty to change our minds

The following short summary of how chronic health issues come about was shared today on my health blog Living Whole, with the final observation that every word of it could equally be said about the collective; as in, the way we conduct our politics. On the day when the importance of recognising the need to be able to change our minds is brought out into the political forum of the UK, where a chronic national situation is currently holding all our attention, I realise these simple words are far more timely and universal than I initially noticed.

Why the freedom to change our minds is just so important to health

A pitfall of our humanness is that we like to have a plan and to stick to it. When we announce we are going to do something to others, we then often force ourselves to “deliver”, long after we have changed our minds. When we use the word “mind” we tend to assume head, as in “brain”; but truly the mind is a combination of brain and heart, the mixing ground of which is the emotions, which are a language spoken by the body. When we go against our mind, we go against both our heads and our hearts in the quantum space where they collaborate; and though our heads may leap into the breach to put out any fires by “logically” justifying our decisions to ourselves and everyone else, the problem doesn’t go away. If we are still going against our changed mind, the body will always speak the heart’s truth…either now, or at some sickly time in the future when our failure to listen to some part of the whole comes back to bite us.

Thus, when we force ourselves into projects that our hearts are no longer in, just because we said we would do them, our alientated emotions build up in places where they don’t even see light of day.

If we keep going against our minds, the body becomes cock-full of these old hurts, stored up in all the pockets of all our cells…in different parts of the body according to the nature of the hurt (which is where we see lifetime or even family trends for certain illnesses)…and this is where pain and distortion, including cancerous cells, begin to arise. To start with, this delivers acute issues which, if we notice them on time, we can deal with “as they occur” by paying attention and taking time to heal ourselves. If this is done properly, as in we notice the emotional as well as the physical hurt and address both things at once, we can move on. When suppressed by the use of the kind of pharmaceuticals that merely “shut up” or mask the symptoms so we can continue to work on our project, or when we simply ignore the pain, the emotional hurt gets caught in a cul-de-sac; a sort of dumpling ground for parts of ourselves that are not being listened to. When this happens over a chronically long period, we fall into the chronic symptoms of mystery illnesses, where “everything” seems to be going wrong, all at once.

As we crystallise into a newer version of being human, we come to understand all this (often through the long-weary process of picking apart a long-term chronic illness, forcing us to become aware of the above scenario, and to address those old stored-up hurts so they can see the light). Going forwards, we realise that nothing should be set in stone; that we need to remain flexible in our intentions so that there is always room to change our minds. In fact we check in with our minds on a regular basis; holding “meetings” between head and heart to make sure we are all on the same page with our life’s current objectives. Whilst the brain might thrive best on the long-term planning that allows it so see, and thus strategise, far ahead and march forwards, with absolute determination and focus, towards a single pre-decided goal, the heart only feels trapped by such a stance and must have the freedom to come and go, even the freedom to pull out of a project altogether, otherwise it becomes like the trapped songbird caught inside the situation….and will eventually cease to sing!

Once the head knows that in order to collaborate with the heart, which brings so much insight, creativity and other much more mysterious skills to a project, all of which it has come to value as essential to overall balance, it knows too that the heart must always be met halfway, not just given lip-service. It realises how it needs to keep all obstructions away from the exits and make sure that all of the doors and windows of a project are truly left wide open so that the heart always feels free and supported plus truly valued for its own traits. Then the two can finally set to work together, in balance…which is a beautiful thing to experience, both inside and out. Then, as we do this for ourselves, we spin this balanced state out into a world that also comes to benefit, thus evolve, from realising the importance of the need for built-in flexibility and creative space, including the room and freedom to discuss everything all over again, as many times as feels right, and even change our minds; all protected as a fundamental priority at the very centre of all of our collective projects. Even more important to crystalise into policy as we speed up in our evolution; since we are not who we were a few moments ago, let alone three or more years ago!

Otherwise, a body…human or political…without its songbird is in a very sorry state indeed and has no long-term prospect of surviving; leading to repeat after repeat of the same sorry situations.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Synergy realised

If you’ve ever used music streaming on Spotify (or there are probably similar platforms that I’m not familiar with) then you will have encountered their very clever algorithms that suggest music based on what you’ve just been listening to.

So, if you happen to play something very different to your norm and you like it enough to continue, Spotify will proceed to suggest more tracks based on the particular nuance of that one thing, turning something which seemed rarefied when you first heard it into a continuous play list of other new music with a similar feel, yet with its own discernible identity that takes you off in a new direction. This can launch you on a whole voyage of discovery that feels precisely orchestrated for you and some as-yet unexplored aspect of yourself that is reaching for the surface. In fact, the way Spotify’s taste assessment brings up music you adore on first listen, though you’ve never heard it before in your life, can be quite uncanny…as though divinely orchestrated. You feel excited, like the universe is magically working with you, to provide you with something new enough to be stimulating and yet somehow perfectly preordained to match your preferences, somehow matching your very newest mood to the letter in a way an old record collection can never do, since this is open-ended and not a closed-system. Yet its you that set all this in motion, from that very first choice (like taking a step in a particular direction) and the algorithms underlying the software simply do the rest, meeting you where you are. This makes you very aware of the power of your influence. You can become almost afraid of interfering to choose a more familiar piece of music in case the magic spell is broken.

So I’ve been enjoying some exquisitely appropriate and genre-mixing music all week, following a flow on Spotify, all filtered to a taste I didn’t quite know I had since it’s all pretty new to even my diverse ears. In fact, this has been an ongoing thing for two or three years now and yet the growth factor is exponential; there is always more “new” waiting to be discovered just as soon as I venture around a slightly divergent corner from my “norm”, which is already far from mainstream. Of course, those underlying algorithms only direct certain music to me based on some bizarre mixes of genre I already like to listen to (my taste is very broad…so its having to work quite hard to find these tastes mixed together in one bundle; so in a sense the more diverse you are to start with, the more “interesting” the music it throws back at you). Also, clearly, it uses the taste of other listeners and artists who like similar music to me; the self-learning process of a super-mind which, of course, is all a computer really is. The beauty of this, of course, is that the “super-mind” that seems to be external is really all of us, combined in our humanity, feeding our divergent tastes, thoughts and perspectives into a vast pool. The more receptive people become to mixed-up and spread-out music genres (as with divergent anything), the more there is a demand for it and so the more it becomes available, with those more playful, cross-disciplinary artists who deliver its material thriving like never before, encouraged to be even more playful. So our horizons are also opening-up like never before…barely a fence left standing along what used to be the traditional hard-edged tracks of musical “type”, which is wonderful for a synesthete listener like me.

Timelines are like that. You take a step and your whole life goes off at a particular trajectory. If that way feels exciting and inviting, you don’t want it to stop…but what about all those other possible timelines including the one you were about to choose, with all the logic in your head, when this “accidental” new route opened up? What if you want to change direction, just for a moment, to experience something more familiar or that you already had “planned”? Will you lose the moment; will the spell be broken? What if doing that takes you backwards into a world where it’s as though the new choices no longer reveal themselves ever again; lost forever because you weren’t responsive enough to their invitation? Is this a time-sensitve offer…will it vanish in the mist? You can become paralysed by all the dilemma. Most of all, you’re beguiled by how all this newness presenting itself feels like such a perfect fit to…well, you’re not sure what but its something quite beautiful in its abstraction, like some part of you as yet explored, wanting to see light of day. So you feel compelled to find out more yet at what cost to what you were planning to do a moment earlier? The arrival of so much that was previously outside of your experience can feel like a deconstructive urge; which, in a sense, it is until we see its burgeoning potential. So, of course, your mind tries to tell you to regain control, like some sort of emergency is underway.

These two, apparently contradictory, undercurrents are ever-present in our lives, though we may not notice them in action most of the time. Left under the surface, they can enact a clumsy dance of beguilement by, yet profound fear of, the new thus unknown and a tendency to grip so rigidly onto what we already think we know, which looks (by comparison) more solid thus reliable to our logical, familiarity-seeking eyes. Whether we proceed along a newer route very much depends on whether it feels so good when it presents itself that we almost can’t resist; even if it seems to take us off our previously devised track. Also, the more we become aware of others taking those least-trodden tracks into the wilderness and thriving on the experience (again, thank you internet) the more we dare to be the explorers in our own lives; thus our landscape opens up, dropping all of its old fences and walls. The key is to balance these two aspects, dispensing with the oft-held delusion that staying in balance is achieved by holding on with white-knuckle determination to all your old ways, like someone trying to balance too many teacups and plates in their hands; rather, its a case of knowing what to let go of and when…

So computer software beautifully mimics the way we are (often the accidental) creators in our own lives; I notice it all the time when I’m working with Photoshop. Layering, masking, merging…all those life traits are there and I’ve become ever-more aware of them, and how to work with them deliberately yet still allow beautiful accidents to occur (those two, apparently opposite, factors appreciated in balance), through being a digital artist. Perhaps this is why I prefer digital processing to painting these days, though the same clues were there in the layers of paint on a canvas, just denser thus slower to evolve.

When we start to crystallise, we notice these patterns so much more and we can start to work with them…but the trick is to work with them just enough but not to try control (which is to limit) them. We need some of the flow and the randomness; though, as in the Spotify case, how much is ever really random anyway? I suppose you could say there is always a divine orchestrator who wrote those original algorithms. Yet just because we discern there is a piper calling a particular tune on the wind doesn’t make us any less beguiled when we hear it. In fact, if it is timed well, we may find ourselves longing for its different tempo after years of feeling caught up in all the rigidity of routine and expectations. Our ideas about whether or why there is a God get easier around this time in our processing, helped along by the timeliness of the piper’s appearance and the well-matched choice of the very-different tune they are playing, as though composed just for us. There may be an algorithm or a piper at work here, yet we set it in motion in a particular way through our particular choices; nobody else is hearing quite the same tune. Thus we can encompass the paradox of freedom within design since we are the living proof for it. The way we choose to respond to the potential to dance to a different tune is our part in that equation; as is our renewed appreciation of form that is beautiful and constructive. We become that living balance, held poised in flesh, and consciously aware of all this as it occurs, which is the three-in-one perfection of the realised human being. If these two sides of us are now the equliateral base-corners of a triangle (or triskele, once this is set in dynamic motion…), we become its capstone; a pyramid of self-realised synergy.

TriskeleSo though we now discern the algorithms that brought this “accident” our way; whether we regard it as God, fate or our higher self, we see its beauty and we make a choice to take part from now on. No longer fearing what lies outside the walls of our previous experience (thus understanding), we choose to uphold the importance of flow since it is this divine union of flow with structure, of randomness with direction, that keeps us in perfect balance. Being aware of it is the crystalline factor, like gaining an overview of both sides and watching as they dance together gracefully, across all aspects of our lives; just as a crystal seems rock-solid yet it is the unseen frequency it holds which is harder to fathom but which makes it so very powerful. We now know we can step in to choose other outcomes if we really want to; but we’re also prepared to wait and see, to go on instinct, not demanding the answer in advance, which was the pitfall and limiting factor of our previous iteration.

In short, we relish surprise as much as we relish beautiful structure and the result is like an exquisite and functional piece of architecture placed in a natural setting, full of light, water and organic features that bring the surprise of nature into and around the space. So, of course, we love living there; its (as ever with the crystal experience) like experiencing the best of both worlds in perfect synergy.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Life choices, Life journey, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Personality type and the crystallisation process – understanding the human vehicle we chose

I’m starting to discover how much this week’s flurry of posts have been part of my healing process; something momentous has shifted in me today. This includes that I have realised I am not going to baby-round in here any more; rather, I am going to say it how “just how it is” to me and you are very welcome to listen, as feels resonant, but its time to cut-free of some of the old-paradigm ways of talking about things, especially “chronic illness”.

I realise, to a lot of people, chronic illness is still part of this terrible sad story of things “going wrong” but for me, for the longest time now, its been a process of mulching through my old life and reformatting as a new-paradigm version of myself. At first it was all about breaking down into what felt like the molecules of my old life, so I could up-cycle whichever of those old building blocks I decided to keep ready to start over again, in a new-improved format. That era saw my life change almost beyond recognition as I made changes to all of my habits. Then, after that, it was as though things accelerated into another phase that was almost more bewildering than the first. I could choose to see all that as just another round of mystifying health problems but, actually, seen through the new paradigm context, the last few years have been a crystallisation process; I’ve been crystallising in the body.

In my view, personality is spirit’s vehicle; the one we have is deliberate and chosen to carry our spirit in human form, thus it can tell us a great deal about our “higher” intentions for this lifetime. Writing yesterday’s post Healing through understanding of personality type, which gave my own case-study of being an INFJ, made me realise how this particular personality type is pre-wired to spontaneously crystallise in the body; as though it is their very raison d’être. A lot of people I encounter, often through chronic health topics, some through INFJ or highly sensitive forums, seem to be experiencing the beginnings of this crystallisation process (to be clear, it’s a process of bringing spirit into matter and making a paradigm leap to become a new kind of human ready for the next era in our collective evolution) yet its far from easy, often precarious or even very dangerous to our health to undergo. Thus, no surprise, it can “look like” chronic, mystery health issues and all kinds of other breakdown scenarios but it is also something far more intriguing than that; yet its a very tough road to travel. Far easier for new generations to be born road-ready for the coming era than for those of us who have been around for a while to attempt it in the same human body; yet it can feel irresistible to some of us (more than others), like being the caterpillar that knows it is about to become the butterfly…so we just keep pushing along in that belief.

karina-vorozheeva-666315-unsplashFor the INFJ, it does seem to be that irresistible, or at least inevitable, process because of the way we are made. With just the slightest feeling of pressure from being a misfit or uncomfortable in their present circumstances, the INFJ will start to crystallise all on their own, from very early on in life; perhaps because we hold such high standards and can be quite stalwart in the way we grip-on to those (we don’t compromise ourselves willingly). I felt there was an appropriate word I should use for this situation, when two pressure zones that are quite different to one another are adjacent yet the end result is that something very new (not seen before) is formed, in between those two zones, out of the pressure disparity they are subjected to. In search for it, I came across a description of metamorphism, something I associate with caterpillars turning into butterflies but here it was being described in terms of geology.

“The word “Metamorphism” comes from the Greek:  meta = after, morph = form, so metamorphism means the after form.  In geology this refers to the changes in mineral assemblage and texture that result from subjecting a rock to conditions such pressures, temperatures, and chemical environments different from those under which the rock originally formed.” (Types of Metamophsim – Prof Stephen A Nelson.)

This is what being an INFJ feels like, every day, since we carry an entire universe around on the inside as our primary, thus dominant, Introverted Intuition (Ni) trait and yet our extroverted Feeling (Fe) and Sensing (Se)  traits compel us to keep searching for meaning and a “match” with that harmonious universe “out there” in a human-physical world (where very little makes sense). Since our inner version of life is already fully whole and infinitely harmonised, we will almost certainly feel under the same kind of pressure as rocks that that were formed under one set of environmental conditions yet which are now being subjected to another; we are in the middle of a momentous squeeze all our lives!

So, over a course of many years we stretch and broaden our experiential net (even though extroverted experiences are not our comfort zone…at all) in search of harmony and balance “out there” in a physical word that, in many cases, overwhelms our feeling and sensing traits. The more experience we reach out for, in search of the underlying harmony, the less we seem to find it since the picture only gets more complex and diverse the wider we make our area of focus.

Yet with each encounter that “rubs” us, we become more and more polished, like a diamond that will glint and shine a little more with each newly added facet. However, the process is deeply painful to our introversion and can start to impact on our health, depending on the particular life path we have taken.

Nonetheless, we continue with this “mission” since it is so inherent to us that we can’t seem to resist it. For us, its is a case of “seeking to prove harmony exists in this world or die” since no other mission comes close to engaging our attention (all our other pursuits can either be seen to be extensions of this fascination or they tend to fall by the wayside). In fact, no other personality type is quite so single-minded in pursuing life missions that no body else seems to even notice or reward, let alone understand the importance of, since they are so abstract and thus hard to label or even to see. By the time we reach middle age, we are fully cognizant of having made our life’s work out of projects that are as invisible as we are, though we have achieved very much in the unseen realms; which makes the pursuit of what most-enagages the INFJ a thankless task yet, through our integrity, we can apply ourselves to no other. This “invisibility” knock to our morale does very little to improve our health status by the time we are a few decades into our life’s work, by which time we are feeling weary and depleted.

Our projects only keep on getting bigger; so we start with trying to balance and harmonise all the disparity and conflict in our families, perhaps later our friends or colleagues, and then we try to do the same with the whole world. All our efforts go into this thing though, being introverts, we are forced to find our own particular way of doing this, which is often covert to the degree nobody around us realises how much we care, or are involved in, what is going on around us. As children, we learn subtle diplomacy and trading-off our own comforts to “make others happy”. As adults, we find whatever introverted means we can to do this underground work; in my case, endless blogging from a corner where no one can particularly see me (blogging is such an introverted pastime) whilst shifting so much in the quantum field, I can’t even begin to explain what I really do.

Yet we weary ourselves with our ceaseless task since the world is never going to sit nicely, with everyone in full accord; it will always throw up more problems, push back harder, for all our efforts, and very few seek out our overview, seeming to prefer the long-hard slog of the old ways to attempt solving their messy problems. We find ourselves virtually alone in dreaming of a harmonious world since most people around us seem to enjoy diving back into the fray far too much, which leaves us baffled and lonely.

Over the course of many years, this can seem like it has broken us; our physical health takes all the knocks of the experiential net-widening we have been doing (against our introverted core) by becoming super-sensitive and triggered by nearly everything around us.

Yet if our bodies are broken, our spirit is never so; and is only just about to arrive on the threshold, wanting to come in. Because if our default personality trait is already to operate from Introverted Intuition, the realm of the unseen, we are truly ready to listen now; and to invite into our human experience that which will finally resolve what has been so our of sync in our physical (extroverted) experiences; which is the crystallisation process in a nutshell. If we allow it…

If someone even mentions “crystallisation” to us, we flinch because we imagine a crystal is hard, like a sharp pebble stuck in your shoe and our bodies already feel like that…we feel like both the foot and the pebble, all at the same time!

What we don’t know, as we fight against it, is that crystallisation is inevitable for us unless we hide away in a cave all our lives. The way an INFJ is  “wired” forces us to be as extrovert in our preoccupations as we are introverted in our inclination and we become the imbalanced “thing” at the very core of our experience; at least until we notice this.

Then comes the healing. Because at some point we realise that the gift is knowing what this feels like, perhaps more so than any other person on this planet. For the extrovert, regarding a chaotic world is never going to be quite the stretch to their comfort zone as someone whose inner core “looks like” the very premise of the universe, being that all things are whole, balance is everywhere and nothing is ever right or wrong. Our leap of faith is the widest of any personality type and so we are stretched across a great chasm, by a human experience that alarms and overloads the inner processors of our Introverted Thinking (Ti) trait every day. Relentlessly, we gobble up, churn through and struggle to make sense of all this contradictory-seeming data, though we seem to be nothing more than a collapsed and ineffectual person with some sort of chronic illness that no one understands. Then, when we start to glean what makes universal sense to us; when we discern the patterns and the breakthroughs, discover the light at the end of the tunnel, no one seems to want to hear the good news that we have to share. Like some sort of uber-eccentric yet genius code-breaker, working all alone in a small cubicle away from the mainstream, we are left to our bizarre machinations and the fruit of our labour goes unheard largely and unappreciated, since very few speak our particular language (yet).

We are the very heroes of our age because we are put through far more now than we ever would have been put through in the past, even a hundred years ago, because we are literally bombarded with the feeling and sensory contradictions to our inner core, where harmony resides as though on a throne as our go-to benchmark. Though we amount to less than 1% of the population and look depleted, broken and ineffectual, we are the leading point of an army of paradigm changers…in a new paradigm where making change doesn’t have to be about making a lot of noise, being famous or rich or “doing” a lot of things. We are most effectual, in this burgeoning age, because we work on our severely out-of-balance selves and find harmony in spite of apparent disparity everywhere.

When we get to that healing point of self-understanding, thus appreciation, we find we already have our answer. Because we know now that our grand healing mission for the world is all about the healing of ourselves. In rebalancing ourselves, in drawing harmony back into our own experiences, newly perceiving it where it already exists within our own lives, we do it for all. That inner universe we carry on the inside reminds us that it is only the immediate “outer world”, our human-casing, that needs to be balanced for the two to slot together into a more comfortable state of wholeness than has ever been seen before.

This is  the point when we start to work with crystallising the body; and so it now happens rapidly. We become the closed circuit of ourselves, no longer reliant on everything “out there” being OK for us to be in balance. The conditionality is thrown away at last because we can afford to, just as soon as we also have a crystal aura (which comes before, sometimes just after, the crystal body) to self-protect us from all the ups and downs of the world. Boundary drawing is a skill the INFJ needs to embrace almost more than any other. Yet our experience of being so grossly out of balance has served us well during our metamorphosis process. We know, more than anyone, just how all-over-the-place the world out there is since we have been feeling it, acutely, all of our lives “as us” and so the triumph of achieving this state of balance within our own unit is the very polish to our diamond.

Taking this cue, the chaotic body functions that have previously been entrained to the rhythms of a discordant world, start to harmonise to our own core message….from the universe we already carry within, which is our leading trait, delivered by our Introverted Intuition (Ni).  All our other traits now fall into useful place, beneath the umbrella of this directive, and so we find ourselves to be more innately road-ready for being a crystal human than probably any other personality type, both for these traits and for the disharmonious experiences we have been through until this point. In this case, the crystallisation can be very swift indeed and we are there in no time. If we are capable of modeling extreme balance like no body else, it is because we have come to experience literally both sides of the see-saw, as ourselves in human form, within this very lifetime, which is like an elite academy training regime to prepare us for the crystal outcome. To rebalance ourselves is like rebalancing all the most disparate issues, feelings and sensations of the entire messy world “out there”  since we have been experiencing it all, “as though it was happening to us”, for years.

Perhaps this is why the INFJ is so very rare; too many of us and the world would seem to be full of sickly introverts who were not coping very well with the outside world. Just the right amount and we become the unlikely leaders of a new paradigm; those who lead by example rather than by making a lot of noise. We can just be who we are, doing what brings us enjoyment and balance, and its enough; in fact, its perfect.

We can be aware of how we are all connected at the universal level (no one knows this more intimately than an INFJ) and we grasp how we all contribute to, and meet each other in, the quantum field. However,  we will be much more effective, now we are balanced and self-protected, when we choose not to be so pushed and pulled about by the collective consciousness (whereas, before, we got drawn into it anyway, from being so invested in feeling what others feel because we thought that was our mission). This means we can start to take part more and be amongst people when we choose to be, without fear of our energy, thus our health, taking a hit. Other people can’t simply help themselves to our energy whenever they want to, thus we don’t feel depleted and frazzled all the time (these are changes I’ve really started to notice since my AuraTransformation, which powerfully supports the crystallisation process). In simple terms, we start to recover from our chronic mystery illnesses as these circumstances transform.

Living from personal choice and putting our own wellbeing first is exactly what the INFJ needs to recover themselves, bringing their propensity to spread themselves far too thin back into balance. Then, our sheer determination to stand up for ourselves, which is part of our inbuilt integrity and courage (plus life has made these skills so necessary for us to survive) makes us particularly good at modelling this new trend of self-care because, once we are on board with prioritising our own wellbeing, we are really good at showing other people how this is done (plus we are natural-born communicators). Thus we start to become less invisible, or at least more manifest, in our own unique ways; and we start to identify our dharma (life purpose), which feels so much more comfortable and true to our energy signature than our “mission” of old.

In fact, being stacked the way we are, INFJs model a willingness to take the unseen, intuitive realm of experience very seriously, in fact we are led by it, which is the remedy to a fundamental imbalance we currently have in the old paradigm, where only the seen and logical is given any real attention. When we struggle to thrive, allowing ourselves to seem like the weaklings of the personality spectrum, we reaffirm all those old distorted opinions back to that old paradigm with its addiction to extraversion. However, when we start to thrive because of the way we give as much attention to introversion and intuition as we do to the extroverted and the physical, we model the new paradigm “as ourselves”, becoming its living-breathing advert. Thus, you could say, we come to realise that our prime objective is simply to thrive in our own lives and health; which should be given top priority and attention, not all that “outside stuff” in the sensory field.

parth-tendulkar-1372947-unsplashThough we remain niche in our output, since there are not so many people who truly relate to us, we are like rare crystals planted into the ground, waiting for that moment of activation when we, as it were, form a grid with others like us and those who get what I am sharing here (and you’ll know if you do). Of course there are other personality types who know just what I mean here, adding their equally unique and valuable personality mix to the transformation process (and we can all seek to achieve more balance by closely working with our traits) yet, I will claim this on our behalf;  INFJs realise this transformation process with a certain amount of rapidity, determination and polish due to the very particular school of hard-knocks we tend to self-subject ourselves to along the way. I would love to know what percentage of INFJs are experiencing “chronic mystery illness” or breakdown and/or starting to spontaneously crystallise in the body these days as I can imagine it would be a fairly high number. Who knows, what we are transforming into could be the very stuff of paradigm leaping; which only occurs when an actual-physical investment is made into a new world structure, beyond the “nice” yet abstract idea of a shift, through the very act of living it. We become like a butterfly that is actually up in the sky, on its very first flight which, until then, was so abstract to the creature it once was, wrapped-up in all the dark confusion of its cocoon, that all it had was the vaguest of intuitions that “something” new and liberating was coming.

Like the butterfly, thus with no guarantees, there comes a point in your life when you just have decide…to jump or not to jump. While you keep one foot in the old paradigm, labeling what you have going on as illness or problems, you remain stuck. For me, from now on, the vernacular is that I’m crystallising and I know it has to be that way; no more explaining myself backwards to other people so they understand. When you are flying high, reverting to the label “illness” can drop your vibration in such a way that you feel like you have suddenly fallen through a trap door back into the old world structure. Thus a lifetime of making yourself fully accessible to other people and amenable to their particular world-view can be wearying for an INFJ; the transformation comes when you lead from yourself, keeping yourself in balance and applying all you have come to understand to your own life, while simply trusting that anyone who wants to will follow, but that’s entirely up to them.

Concluding anecdote – Owning your vehicle

The universe has an infinite sense of humour, as you would expect, so I often find the themes I am working on in the abstract come forward in the props and furniture of “real life” around the same time. It was only yesterday, as I received confirmation of having settled my car finance contract, which means I get to say I own my car at last after three long years of installments (about the same time that I’ve been crystallising most concertedly in the body), that I saw the beautiful synchronicity. I remember so clearly all the excitement I felt when I brought that car home and how the uplift to my spirit fuelled a week-long driving trip around the Welsh mountains that would have been more than my health could have handled beforehand; it truly marked a step-up in my recovery. I loved ever single feature of this car because I had chosen them just for me.

All week, across several posts, I’ve been using the phrase “personality is the vehicle your spirit chose for this life”, or words to that effect and, in fact, the importance of “owning your personality” has been the overarching theme of it all. For me, the metaphor went even deeper than that but I’ll keep it simple here. Why does now “owning my car” feel better than leasing it? Well, I get to do what I like with it now, it just feels better somehow, and more permanent; and the same goes for your personality type, once you fully engage with it as something that is entirely yours. When you know that you chose it, that its not an accident of genetics or fate, or the outcome of life’s conditioning, but something most particular that you chose for your higher purpose, you enjoy driving it so much more….and its self-empowering. So whatever personality type you’ve chosen for yourself, and we all have one, get to know all the features and truly enjoy driving it around…its all yours for the ride.

Related posts & information

Healing through understanding your personality type

My experience of AuraTransformation


That INFJ foible: making a full-time study of ourselves

More INFJ informaton on my Highly Sensitive Resources page on Living Whole


Originally posted on www.living-whole.org

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