“Brain” waves and consciousness: the evolutionary imperative

http---www.yogatoeaseanxiety.com-uploads-2-6-6-9-26696125-3706085.jpg?429In my family, when we were kids, it was a running joke to announce “oh, watch out, she’s having a brain wave…” if one of us paused as though receiving a new idea or very suddenly changed what we were doing. Alterations in brain wave can be a bit like this – we stop in our tracks, we recalibrate our behaviour – and yet, in adulthood, most people don’t give their brain waves a second thought.

There are five brain waves associated with the human being, as shown above, and we have a mixture of them, though we spend most of our time in a dominant state, which will also depend a great deal on the time of day. Delta is associated with deep dreamless sleep, Theta with the dream-state, Alpha with lucid, creative thoughts that intermingle with more action-associated preoccupations (often experienced when we are just waking-up but actively encouraged by using meditation practices), Beta with the busy, active behaviours of our working day and Gamma…well, Gamma is something else (as I will get onto).

What follows is my best attempt at a description of how I consider these frequencies affect human experience in ways that are, perhaps, subtly altering and which relate to our evolution. I’m not trying to be desperately “scientific” here, you understand, since my topic, as ever, is human consciousness yet the abstraction I want to share feels like it has some value as a visualisation of where we are…perhaps where we are headed.

This range of human brain frequencies (though I’m really talking about something much broader than “brain”…) suggests to me, in my mind’s eye, as I will draw for you below, a journey into manifest creation and out the other side. I see a feminine frequency (Theta) and masculine frequency (Beta) joined by an interlinking bridge (Alpha) in the middle range, straddled by two quite distinct “neutral” states (Delta and Gamma) on either side of that necessarily dualistic experience. Most discussions of what these frequencies “are” succeed only in making them into something academic and hard to grasp as a human being (even though we are all subject to them) whereas what I am striving to do, here, is convey how they feel and play out as actual human experience; so that we can then consider how they are the very impulse of evolution at work, through us, and how we get to work with them.

So, let’s get down to talking about the human experience of life via these frequencies.

Whilst Delta feels to me like the primordial soup or “nothingness”, Theta feels like the feminine impulse rising up from that state to form pictures, ideas, flow-thoughts, nice ideas that mingle or separate at will, abstraction, playfulness, possibility…the seed starting to sprout…the very beginnings of the human “manifest” state, just as the feminine aspect signifies “birth”.

Alpha feels like a bridge between the feminine and the masculine; so, it’s where ideas start to take shape in a relaxed creative “environment” where all sides can be explored without anyone falling out over the small-print. Thus a tacit agreement is formed between masculine and feminine aspects –  “lets work together” – and the seed spouts (exactly like when a baby is conceived).

The masculine domain of Beta is where those shapes become our world; things happen, objects get made, we build, we collaborate, we direct with our will and our world rises up around us instead of being an experience inside of our consciousness; so the giant bean stalk begins to grow up up up. Actions have consequences there (how, and with what, do we feed our bean stalk; how far do we venture from nature because size and speed is all that matters to us now, having shrugged off the feminine perspective…) and so the bean stalk may no longer resemble a bean stalk, having been turned into a concrete duplex or whatever else we set our minds to.

Difficulties arise at the high-end of the Beta range (a loooong way from the feminine influence of Theta); so we get defensive of what we have “made”, jumpy or even paranoid. There, trigger-happy and knee-jerk are familiar ways of behaving since there is “no time” to ask questions, time now being a scarce commodity that is bought and sold. Tempers and fortunes frequently “get lost” and power games ensue. People feel as though they are teetering on the brink of ruin, their health becomes frayed, they wonder “what’s the point” or they hurl themselves off the very top of everything they have spent their whole lives creating, back to…what…all that nothingness they miss so desperately at the bottom. In other words, they long to cease to exist; or for the womb; for feminine nurturance and all the love they have been denying themselves (which they have alienated themselves from, having ventured so far from the Alpha bridge or, possibly, burnt it altogether).

Or, those in the enlightenment movement have worked towards a middle way; a way that makes Alpha our home since these “wakeful relaxation” waves, which are so great for achieving clarity and making prime decisions, are abundant during the meditative state…which is good, in fact its great. Meditation has become a real “thing” out there in the world of business and other “doing” people and this marks real progress being made, in consciousness terms. Frequenting this state, for whatever reason, is so helpful since it enables active and engaged people to pull back to where they still retain some perspective and balance so it has to be a positive that this is catching on.

Then there’s another movement where people actually long to make Theta their home somehow (and it’s not the most feasible idea since where there is no action or “masculine impulse” there is no innovation or progress…we all need to draw water, find food, put a roof over our heads, make things…). But its a nice idea and its idolised by a lot of people who are on the top end of the Beta range; living in high-stress, longing to get out of the rat-race, to go off-grid, back-into-nature, into some sort of permanent meditation-within-life state, or that’s how they see it. Whenever this gets proposed to me, I know I would get very bored…and that “life” would still follow me there anyway, since there is no escape from the compulsion of all things to live in a balanced state of both masculine and feminine aspects..

This is all getting very cerebral, trying to work out how to get into the right frequency to experience a better life; but what happens when the Universe takes over this evolutionary conundrum? That’s what the Schumann Resonance feels like to me. At times when it “spikes”, and that seems to be have been happening such a lot lately (though it’s a relatively new phenomenon), the SR’s frequency (also known as the “heartbeat of the planet” to which we all biologically entrain) has been shooting up from its typical 7.82 Hz into the high Betas and even into the Gamma frequencies. Last sunday (17th Feb, 2019) was a prime example; for about 12 hours, it reached very high levels, some say almost 70Hz (and if that sounds impressive, on one occasion last year it reached 90Hz). If you want some more on this phenomenon from an actual scientist, try Dr Joe Dispenza’s very-handy article on the topic here.

RainbowSo what is Gamma (in the “consciousness” sense that I am talking about here)? Essentially unknown until we had EEG recorders to measure them with, they are associated with the “heightened experiences” reported by the most experienced meditators, with peak concentration and extremely high levels of cognitive functioning, self-control, compassion and bliss. Studies also suggest that gamma waves influence every single part of the brain at once. Yet there is something bizarrely similar about this state to being in the Delta zone. A clue lies in how it Gamma is revered by meditators; referred to as “being in the zone”, just as Delta is also revered, equated with the very deepest of deep states of “no-thought”; the dreamless sleep. To me, being similar but not the same as Delta, Gamma is a sort of neutral-zone. Only, this time, not neutral because it is “nothingness” but because it is “everything”. In my mind’s eye, if Delta is a sort of primordial sludge from which nothing has yet arisen, Gamma is a rainbow technicolor pool of iridescence in which “all things” have returned and reconciled; so, at a whole other end of the experience to where we began.

In a sense, this frequency-raising process (which we humans, being receptive of at the level of brian frequency, act upon all the days of our lives…) serves to move the invisibility of “nothingness” (a void space) into the full visibility of “everything” (an all-inclusive space), with us acting as its instruments.

For me, this brief description encapsulates why Source conducted the very experiment that Creation is and put us “out here” to play with it all. In other words, it was done so Source (being “everything”) could run itself through an experience filter “creation” (where duality is a crucial design feature, in order to provide contrasts in order for individuality to become manifest) and thus get to know itself better at the end of the process. Simply put, its like Source having shone a mega-torch upon itself in order to perceive all the different “colours” it is made up of which, otherwise, remained unknown to it, like all the stirred-together colours in a paint palette might resemble the colour of mud. Now, having been separated and then brought back together again (a process instigated by the transcendent Gamma range of frequencies), those “colours” can be perceived both for their individuality and their oneness, all at the same time, much like a prism reveals the colours of which white light is made up whilst also being able to see how it is white light; only this is on a much vaster scale since everything in creation is being run through that prism. What’s the point of all this, you might ask? Well, you’d better ask Source (God, if you prefer) though, without having the appropriate words to offer, I really feel like I get the point these days.

And that fundamental dichotomy, the very generator of our world of all-pervasive duality is, of course, the “split” between feminine and masculine…although, really, there is no split since they are both working together towards this universal objective.

WavesSo, when I imagine these frequencies rising up from the core of our planet and taking shape as us (the Schumann Resonance), it looks a bit like this (left). Those first impulses  of the Delta frequency in the earth feel like no more than a gentle thud thud of a very deep drum beat…the heartbeat of Gaia. From this primordial sludge, the feminine impulses of Theta arise softly, having no more substance than a mist rising from a meadow in the first light of dawn. This is the dreaming state; that brief moment of awareness, poised just before the creative act has made its very first mark. It’s somewhere we all long to re-experience for its simplicity combined with a wild, unreined quality that we equate with ultimate freedom yet we still go there when we sleep and can visit more often when we start to meditate as a daily practice, which can begin the process of recalibration at times when we most need it.

As these Theta waves start to collaborate with the structure-giving qualities… ideas, knowledge (stored data), innovation, ambition…of the masculine impulse that comes to meet them half-way in the Alpha frequencies, they take on more shape and start to get creative; not unlike the way a bean stalk takes heart to climb even higher with the help of a garden support. Pause for a moment and visualise those optimistic shoots of the Alpha in my drawing as a kind of organic bridge or a sacred marriage; a balancing place that enables us to take part in our own evolution…this is how it was “designed” to be.

However, once into the Beta range, that growth impulse starts to look more and more solid and masculine through and through…I imagine, like “towering skyscrapers” of human creation; held together by all the push and thrust of wanting more, a desire to conquer and possess, to be “better” than the next person, to “be right”, to assert individuality, ownership and sway (which everyone now wants their portion of and will guard to the death) and to be all-round king of the castle…etc. No wonder we start to feel vertiginous by the time we are living life at the top of that great big stress-pile!

Yet, just the other side of high Beta lies the Gamma range of frequencies. The first time you encounter these with enough oomph to really notice them, it can make you feel so dizzy, spacy, panicky, like you have lost that precious thing you grip onto called “control” and a little bit like you’re not only going to fall but that you’re being pushed from your perch (though, really, you’re being invited to fly). It can lead to crisis…in health, in resolve, in the very desire for your own corporate life…and suddenly you are changing things very fast because you feel you have to. This process is what I call “the shove” and it’s what happened to me, 13 years ago (whilst busy doing my corporate job) and I suddenly had no choice but to change my life overnight…I could bearly keep myself upright anymore!

This is continuing to happen to a lot of people, in a huge tidal wave, as I am hearing anecdotes about it all the time. However, once we start to experience Gamma on a semi-regular basis, in short sharp bursts, these evolutions become more…I won’t say comfortable but…organic seeming.

Just like the ninth wave impulse (which cycles in 36 day undulations, up and down, very rapidly compared to the previous wave which took two years) this rapid up-and-down quality of the SR, during these spikes I am referring to, is hastening our evolution (and for more on the “ninth wave”, look for that tag across all of my posts). For clarity’s sake, I feel I should add that the nine waves of creation (as identified by Dr Carl John Calleman) relate to a completely different part of the electromagnetic spectrum to that which is measurable by instruments used to detect brain waves or by the basic five sense. He suggests they are part of a morphogenetic (biological) as well as a mental range and they seem to have effected leaps in human “eras” similar to how brain waves effect leaps in human activity; yet the ninth wave somehow reminds me of the effect Gamma waves have on everything that has gone before, amalgamating and reconciling it all. I also suspect our reaction to, or partnership with, frequencies such as the SR has altered in line with the arrival of this latest creation wave (since 2011); perhaps even altering behaviour of the SR itself. And like the rapid undulations of the ninth wave, these sudden spikes in the SR also take us on a brain-wave journey across the whole range of accessible frequencies, so quickly, up down, up and down, revisiting them all over and over again in quick succession, that we have only one choice left…really….

…And that is to find our own personal match of frequency, picked out from the amalgamation of everything we have experienced before. We find our resonance with a certain “spot” and we identify this as our particular “happy place”. It might even be that the Gamma frequency is that “place” and yet we know we can access this, having identified it, in the very midst of an active life and don’t have to spend all our life in some-sort of constant transcendence state, like a super-experienced Budhist monk meditating day after day. It might be that we prefer the feeling of the Alpha bridge; or we might mix up aspects of different frequencies together into a busy and varied life. That “place” we identify as ours is the one we get to know on all the ups and downs, as we pass through it all so often now (like we are trapped on a manic elevator). Its the one that feels like where we most want to “get off” the ride, from within physical life (not escaping from it into some-sort of neutral zone), because the desire to still take part in life, not run and hide from it, is crucial for our evolutionary trajectory. It’s the level of the “skyscraper of human creation” that affords us the best view, the least aggravating neighbours, the best opportunities for how we really want to spending our days, easy access to just the right resources to support our chosen way of life plus an exploration of our gifts, and so on. I describe it like it’s a place but, primarily, its a state (though it will start to manifest as our outside reality when we continue to visualise it consistently enough)…and it’s an inside job.

Let’s pause to appreciate our chaotic world for a moment here…we didn’t used to get this much overview in our lives, before the world speeded up to such a breakneck speed and our accessible frequencies began to flip up and down on the chart. Imagine, just eighty or a hundred years ago, a man in the city, working all hours, feeling so stressed and out-of-sync with his life, everything he thinks he is “about” on the verge of crashing to the ground, would have had next to no facility to experience any different in his lifetime and would have just kept going until he dropped, never evolving his consciousness because to do so would have rocked his status quo too severely. What we get taken though now, on this out-of-control fairground ride of experience, is very much like the labyrinths that were played with so intensively by those learned in the esoteric traditions of old. The route to the top of Glastonbury Tor itself was designed to be a labyrinth; a wiggling route spinning round and around the hill. This route walked pilgrims, very rapidly and in such bewildering, dizzying fashion, crossing both the masculine and feminine telluric energy lines that are located there many times, thus baffling and muddling them up, breaking down all resistance to them, melding them as one, so that they could  have a heightened experience at the top…probably not unlike experiencing the Gamma frequency. How those individuals fared when they came back down the hill and went back to “real life” nobody knows but their world was very different to ours. These days, the very act of being alive will do that labyrinthine thing to you…in spadefulls!

Now, as happened this weekend, we can get to experience heightened experiences over the course of a “normal” sunday afternoon and hardly even register it (though I have really noticed its effects in people around me each time a spike has occured. I’ve observed feelings of sheer can’t-go-on exhaustion, of unexplained fear, of having to question everything, of needing to urgently re-examine life choices and many other existential panic feelings coming up in people, from nowhere, during these spikes; a classic sign that the top of end of the Beta range, with its burning tower-blocks, is being breached and yet, just the other side, moments of such transcendence.

Over the weekend, I noticed the high-frequency-ride myself and yet, for me this time, that first upward thrust of the SR on Friday had me on the crest of the wave, when I had the most extraordinarily uplifted day and felt quite unusually amazing, both physically and emotionally, lasting all weekend. I was still aware of a certain jitteriness towards bedtime each night, for no apparent reason other than the waxing super moon, yet I was able to stay really calm and centred, just observing it and remaining curious. In fact, it was this unexplained excitability in me, plus observations of other people, which led me to check the SR levels on Sunday, which was the first time I realised the huge spike we were in; though I wasn’t really surprised based on what I had been noticing. I was really in quite a profoundly energised and newly motivated love-of-everything state all weekend and just couldn’t get enough of being outside.  These variables are how the SR comes up in different people and there is no right or wrong. Some feel exhilarated, some feel floored or start to feel like they are having an existential crisis. If you let them, these diverse states also pass through with remarkable speed, especially if you pluck out from them what feels best.  It’s all good, it’s all what we each need to happen most. The more balanced we are, the easier it gets and I notice a profound difference in how I am handling it, now, compared to early last year.

Because what the Gamma state affords is an overview; and a tremendous one at that. In Gamma, we may be shocked to learn that we find ultimate peace, not because everything we disliked is suddenly gone away but because everything is all there, all at once…and yet there is no conflict, no disharmony, no rub. Its like popping your head through the clouds of the hyper-stressful, shadowy experience you were having a moment ago and seeing the other side of it, where the sun is always out and everything visible at once, even what we didn’t like; though seen in a new light. We remember what harmony feels like or, perhaps, experience it for the first conscious time.

What we learn, from that overview, is not that we “must do this” or “that thing” to get out of whatever feelings arise when we are back into the more active frequencies of Beta and Alpha. Rather, we learn to accept whatever is…which we can now do since we are operating from an inner state of harmony. The holding of the personal “happy place”, wherever we have pitched it, having come to recognise it on the way up or down of all these frequencies, becomes the place of harmony and we learn to reside there “within” our human lives. And once we do that, everything else starts to resolve, including that we will naturally make changes to our external circumstances to accommodate the harmonious state we now envision as our home. Even if we don’t seemingly change very much on the outside, at least not overnight, it’s not that we are avoiding “doing anything” but, rather, the holding of the state of harmony is the only “doing” that is necessary. To reiterate this important point, any panicky feeling that you “need” to run around making drastic changes or to tear-up your old life “immediately” because you realise it no longer suits you, as often follows a visit to Gamma land, is just part of the knee-jerk, trigger-happy response of the Beta frequency as you come back down the frequencies again; thus, is best over-ridden until you regain a clearer view. You would probably do better to focus on achieving inner harmony “with what is” than doing anything too radical, which only adds to the terrible feelings of panic, dissolution and stress that you are probably already experiencing at the top of the Beta range (where almost everyone seems to hang-out these days, especially in the work-place). Do that inner harmonising work first and the rest will usually follow.

People who achieve this state of presence, even as the frequency levels shoot up and down and the world feels ever-more chaotic, are doing major quantum work to evolve this planet, as I touched upon in my post last week. Because we all impact the field and the field’s harmonious state only becomes stronger and more resilient as more and more of the collective join in this state, regardless of what is happening “on the outside”. This is everything we hoped for and more since we are reaching a tipping point of individuals doing this very thing. When that happens, change will come because the manifest world always follows the idea of what we really want; just as the masculine impulse always follows the lead of the feminine’s first creative urge…from seed to breakthrough to shoot pushing through the soil. Remember, (re)birth is the feminine domain so, once we reclaim harmonious daydreams of the future for the feminine aspect to play with, the masculine aspect will start to do its bidding, creating the appropriate support structures for these to grow upon. Remember also, this has nothing whatsoever to do with gender and is as much of an inside job “per person” as it is a collective project for the whole world to become engaged in; so we can all start to do this work as we reharmonise our own lives. These frequencies that I have been talking about remind us that balance is the structure upon which harmony can be made manifest in our physical reality.

Mastering the harmonious state, whatever else is going on, means that (soon enough) all you have to do is pause long enough to notice your breath, to blink your eyes closed for a split moment and go to that inner state of harmony in your consciousness for just that fraction of a second and you are back there enough to feel something different, less convoluted, possibly even transcendent. This regular practice truly integrates the harmonious effect of Gamma’s transcendent state into our “real” human lives and is, therefore, so much more practical than several hours a day sat meditating or disappearing on long retreats, only to struggle more when the time comes to return to your life. In fact, I suspect, running away from your manic life for temporary time-frames will only tend to make things harder, going forwards, unless you have achievable projects lined-up to make your life more “like that” all of the time…with the cursory proviso to be careful what you wish for. A life of full-time meditation or quietly staring at an unpeopled view could be far less thrilling than you imagine; we are into a collective phase of “enlightened action” now and it is tugging at all our sleeves. Rather achieving these sound bites of harmony allows us to be fully present with people we are dealing with every day, and with their words when they are talking to us, to notice what is happening at the subtler levels of every interaction and to stay present with our own heart as we make decisions that impact countless others. These split-second moments, adding up, impact our world hugely, like individual snowflakes go to make up a giant snowball rolling down a hill…a ball that cannot be stopped and which is bringing such changes with it as it grows subtly yet in plain view.

I suspect that, at the deepest psychological level, as the SR continues to achieve these spikes and as we can’t help but to entrain to them, we will steadily come to equate “acceptance of all” as a flavour of the harmonious Gamma state we have now had experience of, albeit in brief flashes (growing stronger) and, so, acceptance of “others”, of diversity and of other’s points of view, including deeper awareness of how our actions have repercussions for those other people who, at the broadest level, are not so very dissimilar to us, will only increase where separation-mentality used to rule the roost. The interconnectedness of all things will become more apparent and this will become the basis of the state of oneness which underlies the still-so-important individuality of each person; only, now, we will have achieved awareness of it (as, before, only Source could).

And if what I share here seems like an audacious assumption, followed by a grossly simplified summary, of “what the Schumann Resonance does”,  then I would say there is nothing gross about helping the human mind to comprehend levels of heightened experience that it is only just starting to get to grips with. The visual that came to me so clearly, as scribbled down above, when I tried to help someone else navigate this territory (and which has helped me enormously as I have played with it),  felt well-worth sharing for that very reason.


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The frequency of birds

It seems to me that some people are particularly tuned into birdsong and to others, it seems, the behaviour of birds is quite irrelevant…unnoticed, like its not even there. As one of those who pays close attention, I’ve come to know birdsong as a seventh dimensional “thing” (more on why later), this frequency which birds seem to translate and give voice to, bringing it into three-dimensional space where those who are wired to tune in to it do so and to the rest it is, I suppose, just white noise. Or, sometimes, people who used to be oblivious suddenly start to pay attention; perhaps after they stop having to be so consumed with the material reality that used to keep their senses fully occupied;  and here they are, now, saying “did you just hear that bird?”  with wonderment in their voice, like its the first time they ever noticed. It makes me smile when this happens; like the particular frequency of birdsong penetrates their awareness…and their process of awakening suddenly takes off; being just the beginning of noticing many things that have always been there, in plain view.

Its not that anyone lacks the ability to notice all this birdsong going on but, in some cases, it simply doesn’t garner their attention at all or (I know of such a case) they simply find it annoying. Whereas, for some of us, birds and their antics are some of the most meaningfully high-vibe things going on around us, lifting our mood; which is also why our own vibe can fluctuate according to the rhythms of bird behaviour. Over the course of the last decade, I came to notice how the seasonal disorder I used to suffer from so badly in the darkness of winter was, really, as much to do with the availability (or lack thereof) of birdsong as of natural daylight. My heart still gets gloomy in the winter when its all but absent; and its like I’m born again when the dawn chorus starts to swell and the evening rooftop chorus resumes at the beginning of springtime. Yet I have also noticed how there seems to be more birdsong all year around now; or, I suspect, I am tuning to it more and not requiring such a chorus of it to gain the full benefit.

Sometimes when I realise I don’t like a particular place, almost like my hair stands on end, part of it is the absence of birdsong; something which seems to pre-warn me that I’m out of resonance with this place and don’t want to hang around there (particularly if its on a summer’s day). And it interests me the way that they go quiet before the breaking of a storm (or an earthquake); during that same electrically charged phase when my own sensory cues are telling me something is about to happen, often long before anyone else seems to notice. I suspect this is to to with those same ultraound frequencies I wrote about just recently, which the planet omits under certain electromagnetically charged circumstances and which have been demonstrated to generate feelings plus certain physical symptoms of forboding in animals and people. How eerie is the sound of a sky without any sign of birds; and if that were to ever happen, I suspect all of us would somehow sense we were doomed. Also, why is it that, with ever increasing accuracy over the last decade, I wake just before the dawn chorus, with enough time to rub my eyes and sit up a little in bed (also, my most creative time); am I somehow anticipating it like our bodies remember the time of our alarm clock, even at the weekends, or do I respond to the same frequency that gets the birds up and singing?

As per my recent post about last week’s trip to Glastonbury, a bird’s song can work with me like an affirmative of what I’m experiencing when I’m having an other-dimensional experience, which happened to me, again, just yesterday as I was doing some work to clear a place with an incredibly heavy energy, a Roman amphitheatre where so many horses bones have been unearthed (and yes, its always oddly devoid of bird life). Since becoming more sensitive over the last five years or so, I have tended to avoid this place, though its part of one of the circuits I regularly walk, because it drops my vibe or makes my skin prickle…but, on an impulse, I decided to go in there to do some healing work on that vibe yesterday and a robin flew in and sang to me, just as the energy of the whole space felt more lifted and balanced at the very end. In many ways, it felt like a joint effort!

What’s with all this dimensional stuff, why do I have to make this about anything but the three dimensional experience of birds, you might ask?

Because there is something otherworldly about the frequency of birdsong  and I feel like I’ve known that all of my life. They lift me up…not just to my highest 3D potential but far beyond that to somewhere outside all the convolution of the five-sensory world. An understanding of this has been there for me since the very earliest days of my life, for which I have my father to thank. Being a man of few words (unless he caught onto the tail feather of one of his enthusiasms), we would often sit side-by-side in the garden, even on a winter’s day (me just wanting to spend time with him any way I could) and we would close our eyes and just listen to the birdsong for what felt like hours; so that the song of those childhood birds, including the odd clicks and swoops of starlings, which we seldom get where I now live, are some of my very favourite things to this day. It helped me through some enormously difficult times to have this friendly soundtrack to my life “playing” in the background during my school years. The ethereal song of blackbirds on the rooftops in summer, particularly, transports me to another place.


Soundwave of blackbird song used throughout the album artwork of Kate Bush’s “Aerial”.

In fact, a few years ago, I had the impulse to create a playlist of over an hour’s worth of blackbird song and listening to this helped to tune up my vibration at times when I was really struggling with the darker days, the pain I was in and my lack of energy or enthusiasm for life. I also love to find others who are musically or artistically inclined and who are on this same wavelength with me. Music artists that incorporate bird song in their tracks have been amongst my favourites all my life. My very favourite recording artist since I was eight years old, Kate Bush, created a double album Aerial whose second part is infused with bird song and it is, to this day, one of the most uplifting and heart-resonant pieces of music I ever listen to, stirring me so deeply that I can put it on over and over again, trusting it to transport me when I most need it to.

Oh the dawn has come

And the song must be sung

And the flowers are melting

What kind of language is this?

All the birds are laughing

Come on lets join in

(Aerial, Kate Bush)

The Aerial album was released in the autumn of  2005, the very time when my health was utterly collapsing around me in the most frightening way and it kept me holding on to some semblance of optimism over what felt like a very challenging winter during which my morale was at an all-time low. Its back on my favourite play-list right now and I can’t seem to get enough of it, especially the live interpretation of it on Bush’s album Before the Dawn, which is a goosebump inducing performance and I only wish I could have been there for that rare concert (which I tried, with so many other people, to get tickets for). The title of that 22-day concert in 2014, a milestone event given how rare it is for the famously introverted Bush to perform live (it had been over 30 years) is so apt when on the subject of birds…and, like any bird that is economical in its song or who gives the sense of choosing its moment, everyone paid such attention to the fact she was coming out to do this performance at this particular time. Why, as ever, do I get the feeling Bush is on the same wavelength as I am, heralding something optimistic coming in, dark though it still seems.

Because, have you ever heard a robin sing his heart out at midnight to the light of a super full moon? I have and it was the most beautiful thing. Or any bird that sings when it’s still pitch dark; one of the most exquisite and optimistic experiences of all; the perfect foil to that “darkest before the dawn” feeling (why do I always get the impression that birds are here expressly to see us through this era in our evolution, like guides along the path). When that happens, you just know somehow that it was a “change in the air” (not the quality of the light) that got him out of bed. I’ve noticed for such a long time how those high-frequency “events” that I have become so sensitive to, which space weather often mirrors as geomagnetic events played out in our atmosphere, create a hullabaloo in bird-land. They sing more, they eat more, they congregate more, including many different species passing through, at different times of today, like an impromptu celebration of the unseen coming in. After all, this celebration is something they practice, day after day after day, heralding the sun before it has delivered its first light…

“Something is coming, something is coming, the light is coming, a new start is coming!” Perhaps, by giving voice to what they know most humans remain unaware of at the conscious level, they amplify this, to make it audible to the base senses most rely on and, at least, give them a better feeling about life, if not the overwhelming sense of optimism I seem to be party to. They certainly hold a high frequency for the planet; whether noticed or not, and I am convinced this is important work to do, as it is for all of us that attune to any of the higher dimensions and then bring those frequencies through,  by whatever means we have (our special gift) to help make them more available to other people. Those of us who choose to give these high frequencies voice through art and song are doing work that is as crucial as any other, more physically active or provocative, tasks in the world and the birds remind me to pay homage to my own innate traits (and drop all the endless comparisons with other people). We each work to our own particular skillset, just as a bird is extremely good at being…guess what…a bird (which, by now, I hope you agree, is no small or insignificant task).

Its nothing new that birds are geomagnetically sensitive, using this to navigate, but the sheer depth of their awareness is hardly understood at all; and I can relate to that, being so bafflingly GM sensitive myself that I struggle to explain it to myself, let alone any one else. So I could even say that I’ve turned to birds for a better understanding of myself across all these years of most-bizarre health symptoms; and they help me feel more at peace with awarenesses I have that might otherwise seem uncomfortably out of the ordinary.

So it’s really helped me to consider that the same super-sensitivity to frequencies that can, often, be so uncomfortable in my body, links me to the same higher-frequencies that generate beautiful bird song. If I could have some of what they have, please, instead of the pain, perhaps I too could create something really beautiful (which, as an artist, has been a prime motivator for as long as I can remember; you could say, my dharma). I know that if I could just trust to, and celebrate, the higher frequencies I receive and weather the 3D ups and downs of the rest of life’s experiences, like a bird does, I would do much better…so what else can they teach me? I’m still taking their cue and its an ongoing task; entitling me to spend even more time in my happy place, surrounded by birds. I won’t be the first spiritually focused person to do so…

https---www.myartprints.co.uk-kunst-giotto_di_bondone_296-giotto_di_bondone_St_Francis_of_Assisi_preaching_to_the_birdsThey say that Saint Francis (one of my favourites, as saints go) “preached to the birds”; I would say, more likely, he listed to them, given he spent such valuable time with them, even when he could have been out amongst the throng doing more worldly deeds. He clearly placed great value on time spent with other creatures, for all he was a man on a mission.

The same goes for me; I never feel that time spent with the birds is wasted or decadent in any way. On the contrary, it has taught me so much. These last years, during which I have spent most of my time alone, have never felt lonely in the company of birds; however others may raise a cynical eyebrow, as though I am losing my marbles. In fact, finding others who feel likewise has helped to put me in touch with my 7D frequency tribe…

So lets get onto that seventh dimensional thing I mentioned above. According to Barbara Hand Clow, in one of my favourite books, The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions:

“The seventh dimension is a realm of cosmic sound which generates the 6d geometric forms by vibrational resonance….In the Milky Way comic sound travels within the great 7D photon belts that structure the galaxy itself. Within the photon bands “thought waves of light”  step down in octaves into lower frequency 7D sound waves…Since sound waves are lower frequency than light waves, these sing the Divine Mind”. (Barabara Hand Clow – The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions)

She goes on to talk about how these sound waves generate parallel possibilities or “synchronicities” in 3D. I could write a whole book on how many synchronistic experiences I have had relating to birds (again, see this week’s post on my visit to the Glastonbury’s chalice well for one such). These occurrences don’t feel like mere coincidence of a “nice finishing touch” to a subjective experiences I am having so much as a nod from a higher dimension that I am on the right track!

Thus, as ever, paying attention to…or tuning into…bird life does not feel, in any way, like a lonely person’s hobby or a sign that I have too little to occupy myself but, rather, that I am tuning into a higher frequency that is on course to transform my whole experience of the 3D; as it already has.

Hand Clow goes on to elaborate, in a way that I won’t spoil by paraphrasing fully, how working with the seventh dimension puts us in touch with a similar solar system and even a twin planet, within the galaxy Andromeda; one which is the same as ours except that it didn’t have a cataclysmic event occur 11,5000 years ago, which lies at the very core of all human trauma (thus, the separation mentality at the root of all our current issues; a topic I have written about copiously before). You could say, by tuning into its undistorted biological codes and undamaged DNA, we get to recalibrate to the benchmark of a whole other potential.

The reason I have brought up all of this is that, not only does Hand Clow relate the seventh dimensions to the cosmic sound wave but, specifically, to bird song and behaviours; something which, as I first read it several years ago, made me almost jump out of my seat as I felt its confirmation of something I already knew somehow. According to her, birds are agents of the communication system of the galaxy:

“In 3D we get threads of this system through birdsong. Have you ever wondered how birds migrate? They orient by galactic energy lines, which they follow in earth’s magnetic fields….The Divine Mind moves energy within gravitational fields, while birds hear this movement and mimic it by their flight and song. Because we are filled with grace, birds enhance our creativity…When you attain this consciousness, birdsong informs you in the way no language can…Birdsong and sacred music pull us beyond duality and attune us to high celestial frequencies, which draw our consciousness to the outer edges of earth’s gravitational field…Sacred sound quickens and thickens the healthy biological mist”. (Barara Hand Clow – The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions)

No wonder listening to birds feels like it recalibrates, thus, heals me! I have certainly worked with sacred music and other sounds (such as mantra, solfeggio tones and crystal therapies) a great deal over the course of my life and, especially, during my healing journey but the healing music that has been with me, through thick and thin, is birdsong. It’s just so fit for pupose…this thing…without anyone having to compose the right collection of notes to put together or to choose a particular instrument, singing bowl or combination thereof to create a heightened experience (as the church has worked so hard with for centuries) or to rebuild DNA, a whole new area of study. There’s literally no work involved in birdsong except to open-up to receiving it. Even the birds themselves seem to find it effortless, like they just dial into the higher frequency and open their throats. You don’t get the sense they are deciding to put this trill here or that twiddle there; they express as they find, much as I do when I’m in my most creative flow. Which is why creating art as pure expression and without any material agenda, except to make a frequency (or feeling) more manifest, is my happiest place; my dharma (or life purpose) again.

A woman who talks a great deal about New Time “dharma” (versus old time “karma”) is Anni Sennov, the woman behind AuraTransformation, which I wrote about last week. In the book I’m rereading at the moment, The Crystal Human and the Crystalisation Process Part 1, she shares this about the seventh dimension:

“In the 7th dimension Crystal Individuals and Humans have settled as artists and have managed to share their inner truth in a visible form. In addition, this category includes sales people and messengers of all kinds, who have consciously  dedicated their lives to communicating information about a certain topic, a certain lifestyle or religion etc”

Why am I not surprised that this sounds  a lot like me with my tireless writing, sharing and creating, none of it done in a truly commercial sense; all done for love of delivering a certain message…I’m a bird by any other name. The need and desire to express myself, even when hardly anyone seems to be paying attention, is very much the domain of birds; they require no audience. And the more I tune into those high-frequencies, the more I seem to have to say…though, perhaps, the more niche my audience is getting; so I am having to learn to live with that and do it anyway.

The seventh dimension is also, I suspect, about being impulsive, following the pipers call…just as birds will teach you to ad-lib and improvise…and that is me to a tee now, though I used to seem quite the opposite; mapped-out to the nth. I never used to see myself as “flighty”  but, these days, I commit to nothing except that I will show up and do my very best in any given moment, and I follow my whims in matters large and small. Like today when I was meant to be going out but, suddenly, put my coat down and started gardening because I felt I wanted to prune some plants (act on that first flush of enthusiasm, I have learned from the seventh dimension; it will seldom serve you wrong). My family have had to get used to these sudden tangents of mine; knowing, too, that they often lead us all towards having an incredible experience that we could never have planned for (like I heard the higher potential calling to me on the wind). Living according to impulse is such a big part of this frequency and it cuts through stuffy old habits like the trill of exquisite bird song cuts through the stupor of an otherwise unexceptional afternoon. Like the first skylark of the year, which stopped me in my tracks and elevated my whole day on my walk, earlier. In fact, just thinking about birds, writing all this (as I was all morning) seemed to elevate my walk, when I got to it (my garden pruners put aside…), leading me to instigate two amazing conversations with complete strangers (a group of women and a solitary man) on my walk, waxing lyrical and sharing intimacies about the place we were all in (which I love more than any other) and leaving all of us a little more radiant for the exchange. All of these people vowed to come back for the summer solstice, which I spend there, so it seems I have, uncharacteristically, set up a rendezvous. I also see how, when I tune to this vibe, I touch-upon some, as yet, bearly explored potential I have as vocal (as well as written or painted) inspiration…which, given how introverted I naturally am, is interesting to behold.

A very literal way that I suspect am I “hearing” something of what the birds hear are the incredibly high frequencies – or higher harmonics – that I have been experiencing as loud ringing in the ears for some time now, and very loudly for the past 6 months. These, at times, get close to driving me mad with their intensity…yet, even with this, my bird-training serves me well. Just as I’ve  learned to tune into bird song as a way of tuning-out the ever-increasing noise pollution of 21st century living, not least the ever-higher volumes of traffic that now rumbles past my house, I find that I can tune in or out of these sounds as much as any others…even when they are most intense. I’ll be honest, there have even been times when tuning in to them has been preferable to whatever else is on offer; like my own personal holding frequency. So, while they don’t go anywhere when I “turn them off” (and are always waiting just as soon as I put my attention back on them), it’s as if they are not there at all when I place my consciousness on other things, allowing them to raise my frequency to a higher level (as I believe is their purpose) in the background, without my interference.

Yet I no longer see any of these higher frequencies as something  “coming in” but as something that is already there and fully available, only it is being paid attention to more (at last) by me and many others. In noticing and being inspired by this “bird frequency”, I’m daring to see, and express, a potential that was always there and perhaps the birds come from this place too. Nothing, to them, is missing; they aren’t caught up in paralytic trauma at the state of our broken world; rather, they are all busying themselves in my garden and on my walks as they always do, excitable as ever as they flit from tree to tree, singing their hearts out, poised to build nests and begin the whole merry cycle again, as they do every spring. In fact, their numbers only seem to swell in my garden; with ever more variety showing up and increased trust and intimacy with me, their human host, each season. So, is this blissful ignorance or higher knowledge? Their language of behaviour speaks to me, in pulsations, of other dimensional things beyond the seeming mess of the 3D world. For me, as for them, the song goes on and only gets stronger and more robust. It’s a song that is under the directive of the divine master-planner, whatever “form” you think that takes, and nothing can stop its performance. People refer to a “secret language” of birds but maybe we all speak it; we just forgot how…So, perhaps all we need to do is tune into it more than ever and then “sing” our own version of it, whatever form that takes; becoming a veritable dawn chorus of highly-contagious good news ourselves.

Below are two tracks from Kate Bush’s album Aerial, accompanied by some of my favourite interpretations (from MrMarrs who creates some astonishing visuals to music tracks).  You will need to watch them over on YouTube as viewing on other websites has been disabled…but its really worth it. I so recommend going on the journey of these two pieces of music and, ideally, (if you haven’t already) listen to the entire second part of the double-album itself. In my view, Aerial contains a fully fledged seventh dimensional narrative for anyone who is open to it.

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At the weekend, I had a fundamentally life-altering experience as I stood beside the iron-red waters of Glastonbury’s Chalice Well, in its serene garden-setting (which was just starting to bloom with spring blossom and other early flowers); trite though that sounds. Yet, let me assure you, I hadn’t been expecting anything like that to occur; not at that particular spot…too cliché, too brochured, too…expected.

Chalice 13.jpgYet I did; and if I had any doubt, my longstanding robin guide landed on a branch right in front of my face, the closest I had ever been to a living wild bird for more than just a second and, looking straight at me and evidently quite comfortable with my presence there, he just sang and sang. I could see every barb of every overlapping cross-hatched feather, the vibration in his throat, a stream of vapour or (more like) sound-frequency leaving his hardly moving beak; was able to notice how all the power of that sweetly-intricate sound came from deep in the throat and the bellows of his iron-red chest. Then I went almost weak-kneed as a sudden burst of sunshine lit up a patch of light, just around him, on his shady tree until he glowed in a circle of other-worldly technicolor. Although the path around the well had been busy with a steady flow of visitors and a certain amount of chatter, before this, not a single other person passed our way for the whole time this was occurring and time felt, as it were, suspended, my breathing dropped to the bare minimum….and, though it was probably under five minutes-worth of standing there glued to the spot, it felt like at least half an hour or even longer in hindsight.

Only after the robin flitted to the tree directly overhanging the chalice well and continued his song did I feel my breathing return to normal; and only then did my intellect fully surrender and my heart crack wide open. Up until that point, I hadn’t shed a single tear over this roller-coaster of a weekend, or even for a long time, but now the tears came rising up like from a very deep well inside me. They were happy tears; grateful tears; tears of release and from a feeling of great momentum that hung in the air, so solid we could both touch it. My husband steered me to a bench in the sunshine where we sat and processed for a while. It was like “I knew” such a lot in a short window of time and I needed to get it up and out of me, to move on. This was such a heart-expansion.

In fact the area around my higher heart-felt bruised; my whole sternum area felt affronted, like the bones had had to shift to make way…and then I knew, with absolute certainty, what I had just experienced. I had stepped into a new paradigm. I felt, literally, unburdened; set at ease; and as though the crystalisation process of the body that I had been waiting to occur since my AuraTransformation had just clicked into place to house this new frequency I was feeling.

Chalice 32.jpgAll the more so in contrast, I realised with new gravitas, with what I had just left behind…which had come to me in awful, graphic imagery, just before all this occurred, as I stared down the bleak well with its heavy lid propped open. People come here for peaceful moments, to experience an outpouring of love yet (as I noticed, if less so, last time we were there 18 months ago) I only saw where I had been…for many eons; the deep, damp dark as the guardian of that well, the grail maiden, safeguarding an important message, preserving it for a future reality, a burdensome task; which was now complete. I had brought myself back to myself; into fulness and balance and it was done. I heard the actual words “you are free to go…” when I was sat on the cold-wet slab (already eager to leave it) next to that well…which is when I had stood up, striding towards the sunshine, and encountered the robin.

This is just one of many experiences my husband and I had in Glastonbury over the most extraordinary of weekends. How fitting we should have been going there, to the heart chakra of the world, the very afternoon I completed my last post, which was all about achieving heart-coherence even though that post had been a surprise to me in answer to a question posed by a friend (we all know there are no accidents). Straight after completing that post; which felt like a bow tied around all I knew about creating heart-balance, we had packed our things and got into the car to drive to Glastonbury, guided by “my” crescent moon above the inky Somerset landscape. The beautiful orchestration of the universe never fails to amaze.

And as soon as we got to Glastonbury High Street, where we were staying this time (not on the edge of the Tor as before…that was an “interesting” experience), we knew something special was afoot; the energy in the place I had picked was sublime. It was also incredibly powerful; we both felt that. So much so, I initially told myself we were sleeping right over the Michael leyline because whatever it was felt like it completed me (…as though I believed I was distorted by “too much” feminine trait and needed to “obtain” the masculine from some outside source to make me whole again…how long have I believed such nonsense). In that room, I felt so in-balance, out of pain, at peace, sublime and as though held in loving arms, every time we went in there and lay down on the bed…And I slept like a baby, waking with none of my usual stiffness and with insights pouring from me, yet none of the usual brittleness and urgency of “having” to get everything  I realised “recorded” or “made into something”, “transcribed” before I could even hold a pen. Here, everything was alright; what came came, what went went and I was whole anyway. My husband, who already had a cold caught “at work”, just seemed to go “ahhh…” and slept as soon as hit the bed.

So when I realised, at the very end of our weekend, that it was far more likely we were situated between the Michael and the Mary leylines yet “on top” of neither of them, my own reaction made me smile…there was disappointment and a little indignation or reluctance to believe the map I was looking at. What was that trait, in me, that made me long for the kudos of sleeping right on top of a firehose of masculine energy, riding it like a stallion, like I had claimed it, tamed it or knew how to wield it? It was the distorted masculine impulse itself and I nodded in acknowledgement before letting it go with a wink.

Actually, I quickly came to realise, if neither masculine of feminine aspect was asserting itself over the other where we were staying yet both were in the vicinity (these two world-class dragon lines weave around the whole town of Glastonbury, crossing at three points (on the Tor, at the Chalice Well and at Arthur and Guinevere’s grave in the abbey), it meant I was experiencing balance while I was there…both externally and, presumably, within myself given it felt just so resonant and delicious. So I hadn’t been missing anything at all; I wasn’t broken or missing any of my parts, the masculine I sought was already there as me, alongside my feminine aspect, even if their space-sharing arrangement had got a little convoluted at times. Yes, yes…I had known all this, ALL of this, intellectually before now and had so many breakthroughs working with it intellectually too but, until I experienced it to this degree, assisted by the potent energy in this particular place (having had so many experiences of what out-of-balance energy in the body feels like for me, as all the pain and health issues, for instance, that are my daily norm…I’ve shared all of this before), I had never got this close to understanding the difference. My own expertise told me, at last, all that I needed to know about balancing energy because I was able to put my hand up in the air now and say this is what it feels like versus that other stuff.

And it was just so staggeringly simple for me to get there, into that vibrational groove, that I felt all the elation of there being nothing left to be done; this was the beginning, the middle and conclusion of the story of everything and the one single thing that I would share with every man, woman and child on the planet, if I could. Find the frequency of balance, tune in so that you can remind yourself what that feels like and calibrate to it in every second of every day. No need to look for whatever you think is missing; just rebalance what you already have!

All I had had to do was tune into the reminder of that perfect state of balance, in this place, in order to adjust my own innate version of it (like tuning a piano) to get to that sublime no-pain state…and I clearly had, the moment I arrived. It was strongest in the place where we stayed, very evident where we went for all our meals (in the wonderful Excalibur Cafe which is also in the same “loop” of masculine and feminine influences) and we were able to work closely with this frequency for the whole weekend, noticing its slight deviations in various places (such as at the red and white springs, with their masculine and feminine impulses, respectively). Even when we were out of balance’s influence, we found it was possible to tune to the memory of it, which we all innately carry or can find copiously in nature; a reminder we had turned up the volume of by staying in this place. No wonder people visit places like this to be healed; going home feeling better as though they have finally “got the ropes” of their own innate balance state.

In fact, I could now take heart from the fact it had taken me next to no time to tune into this feeling (unlike the last time we came to Glastonbury when it seemed to swing around like a pendulum); it was like I could blink and I was there in the slip stream of this most sublime “other” or third energy current made up of both masculine and feminine combined….a force which some dowsers compare to the third “neutral” wire in an electric plug. Think of it as a staff with two snakes coiled equally around it; when you are in balance, you are that staff – this is the ancient symbol of “medicine”. My husband, by comparison, was finding it harder to tune in or sustain the feeling, though he got there by the end of the weekend (and has, mostly, struggled since we came home…plunging into illness that he is still wrestling with). I even heard of someone who had stayed in this exact place and found the energy too much, even a little provocative; partly because of the noise of people…but then places like this do tend to attract a lot of visitors (fortunately, we were there “off-season”). Yes, it was heartening to find I slipped into balance so easily now. All my efforts, over the last eighteen months since we last came to Glastonbury, had been dedicated to maintaining balance as heart-coherence and I had clearly come a long way, to the point I could lock-on as soon as I encountered its frequency in my environment…and then it was but a small leap to join in its party.

This reminded me (as I touched upon in last week’s post) that there is nothing…and I mean NOTHING…else that we have to do but keep balancing and rebalancing the masculine and feminine aspects of ourselves; everything else will sort itself out from there!

Not only that but this balance is fundamental and necessary for us to embody the New Time crystal energy that is now available (and not just as an aura but as the fully-functioning physicality of the human body, bringing the spiritual aspect deep into every cell of the flesh); one cannot happen without the other.

All of this “knowing” of the state of balance we were, as it were, bathing in over the weekend, trialing this whole new way of being, came to us via our feeling-senses; there was just no denying the experience we were having. For my part, I was striding up hills with such ease and energy to spare and I was able to hold my mobile phone in my hand and use it for quite lengthy periods to talk to a friend or upload photographs (bearing in mind I am usually in pain after less than a minute of doing this normally). It was only after we got home that I confirmed we were situated in a perfect hug of both the Michael and Mary leylines, both about 150 feet away from our room, like a group-hug from the masculine and feminine gently curving round us; no wonder I  had felt so easily in balance, sublime. The very neutrality of our energetic state, after our gentle evenings and good nights’ sleep there, plus our time spent in the nearby cafe, entrained us to balance’s rhythm (like having a rebalancing session after an AuraTransformation…which anyone with that point of reference will understand) and, so, better enabled us to approach each experience we had from a place of absolute surrender, curiosity and openness; no baggage, no preconceptions, meaning we were both having remarkable and vividly heightened experiences at every turn.

The feminine temple of the White Spring (first on our agenda and also revisited before we went home) was the place where much of it happened; what occurred in there, for us both, was deeply private yet potent beyond belief. We will never forget, either of us, what we experienced on that first day we spent time in there, being just so tremendously powerful for each of us in different ways related to our human gender and the distortions we had each been carrying for so long. I felt myself shed many layers and grow tangibly stronger, taller, more physical and determined in that space. It was like my legs were made of iron and my backbone was elongating, taking up a place that had been denied to it for some time as I reclaimed an aspect of myself that had been thrown out with the bath water for resembling, too much, some fixed idea I had had of the masculine traits I believed myself to be in a death-struggle with.  Since then…which was four days ago…I have witnessed leaps in the rising up of my innate masculine traits and a dramatic new physicality wanting to find expression through my body. For my husband, he met that space from the point of view of eons-long of exhaustion from all the masculine demands made of him by “the world”; so, for him, it was a grateful surrender into the feminine that he experienced, which was like watching someone disintegrate and rebuild themselves several times over. As I mentioned, he has been quite unwell since returning home (rallying today) but I regard this as a reconfiguration of himself, on behalf of all via the quantum field, that is as necessary to the great rebalancing as my burgeoning masculinity.

Yet the next day, when we returned there after the above experience beside the iron-red masculine water of the Chalice Well (which we also drank from), we both noticed the white spring’s feminine~spiritual potency again but, in my case, I was much more capable of embodying what came through to me there (with the side-effect that it now seemed less mysterious), like I could see into all its corners and make more sense of its human-applicable relevance to me. Even with a little cynicism where I saw the ways humans had interpreted the feminine energy in that space; so much clutter and so many trappings (offerings, ribbons, beads, cut flowers, symbols, random found things…and there was a discernible sacrificial theme; this is all human-layering that has been “put on top of” the feminine over many eons of interpretation and which can get extremely muddled with the original impulse). That part of me that has been having a big clear-out of all my spaces (inside and out) lately wanted to take a duster to some of it; to reappraise what is truly resonant any more (much like I was far-less drawn to the typical shops of Glastonbury on this visit; full of all the usual hippy-vibe trinkets and accoutrements). My vision was crisply clear in there, whereas I had been spacey, vision compromised and disoriented the day before. I also noticed, as though for the first time, how much its dark, dank, brick-lined interior felt just like being under the ground in a well-shaft and (after my experience at the Chalice Well…) I was struck with the horror that someone let out of prison must feel if taken on a tour of where they were once incarcerated.

In that split moment, I was all reluctance to be back there…which was an over-reaction; beneath that knee-jerk it still felt like a sacred space. So, to bring myself back into wholeness, it was also necessary for me to reboot my relationship with the darkness in the same way as I had just rebooted it with the light. I was getting there slowly until a woman came in with two children, a boy and a girl, and the little girl’s wonderment at the colourful things tied to a branch ignited something in my womb.

Hard to explain what happened next but the darkly feminine space transformed from being some sort of cosy prison-cell where I knew I had “made the most of its limitations”  for a very long time (decorating its interior with gathered things to make it more homely…but always feeling compromised, second best to the word “out there” in the light) into a welcoming womb of creation, a place from which the seed gets to grow. Now, there was no compromise to how much I loved and appreciated its dark earthy potential…side by side with the bright sunny garden “in full bloom” that we had just been in at the surface of life.  I also realised, at last, how I was entirely free to move between them both and wanted to do so, equally (you could compare this with being equally enamoured of winter as you are of summer; for somewhat different reasons, all held in balance). I had clicked my two sides together and was now feeling such peace and acceptance of everything in my experience as they came into this balanced state, as me.

Above all, my heart was skipping with excitement, a new lease of life; I could have flown from the steps of the white spring as I stepped back into daylight to gather some water, in fifty-fifty proportions, from the two road-side taps of the masculine and feminine springs.  I felt free of all-others’ interpretations of what masculine and feminine were to me now (the same distortions I had perceived at the White Spring could be said of the Chalice garden, with its landscaping, its visitor centre and its shop…such masculine expressions compared to the haphazard interior of the former…which have been made to somebody’s idea of what that sacred landscape has to say). Glastonbury had reminded me that the impulses its unique landscape embodies are as ancient as those hills and the rest is all trappings; so we can go right back to source, to rebalance ourselves, whenever we choose to. There was such an air of completion about everything as I walked down that road clutching my bottle of water…even though I know this is only the beginning of the rest of my life.

It was such a cohesive process of self-discovery between these two springs; don’t ever go to Glastonbury and think your work is done just by visiting the masculine red spring in the Chalice Garden…remember, the less assertive feminine waters of the white spring are just a short distance away, across the road (as is always the case, in life). Reaching over to bring them both back together might be the most important work you ever do!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAs for the Tor; there was none of the easy sun-worship of our last visit. Rather, we climbed its steep sides in very high winds and on-off rain coming straight down into the face; a push all the way the top. Up there, we were in a vortex, almost hanging onto each other and the stone walls of the Tor itself, to stay upright, yet invigorated, laughing and grinning away with all the other people and excitable dogs. We went inside the tower for shelter but even the last corner of protection was withdrawn when the wind started to come straight down its chimney-effect and that was it; like the start of a fairground ride, we were held in a spin cycle that left us immobile yet exhilarated, shoulder to shoulder with these other people, made one by this bizarre circumstance going on with the weather. It felt important, somehow, to have our expectations of sunshine (like we had enjoyed all the other times) blown to smithereens and yet to love what was playing-out anyway; feeling its significance, chaotic though it appeared (this was, after all, real life). We watched people being sucked into the tower, with surprise all over their face, as soon as they entered the door frame and others playing with leaning back on the wind so it  held them upright. The wind-chill was bitter yet, we noticed, the younger generation didn’t bat an eyelid but just seemed to know how to work with this force and hardly flinched in their minimal layers of clothing; yet there was nothing stopping anyone else from lightening up and enjoying it, if they really wanted to (and the same goes for the new crystal energy coming in). You could say, it came equally from all sides, balanced, with us at its centre and the only thing that could make us move was the sheer power of intent; a reminder of what living in balance feels like since the wind will take you nowhere anymore…you really have to assert the direction you want to move in.

When we got to the bottom of the hill and clicked the gate shut, it was as though the washing machine switched off and the wind, with all its noise and battery, was gone in an instant…and so we could now hear the sweet singing of birds, who had, presumably, never once skipped a beat skipped. Just one of many, many powerful experiences made manifest over two days (continuing…) by the incredible landscape of this exceptional place.


You can view more photos via my Flickr album (note there are no photos of the White Spring since photography is not allowed in there):

Screenshot 2019-02-13 at 12.41.10

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Leylines, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality, Symbolic journeys | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

No doubt

What would I say to a friend who was feeling thoroughly demoralised and frustrated by these times, wanting to make a difference in a world that feels stuck in a crisis yet with hardly anybody wanting to listen to solutions?

When it happened to me, I knew I had so much to say that I had to set about writing it all down. What I share starts from a state that so many people are in these days; traumatised, panic-stricken and feeling hopeless, yet it takes you quickly on to somewhere very different, opening up a whole landscape of potential that you may not have considered before.

In striving to explain how I keep myself very far from hopelessness, I find my approach is far more coherent than I had previously noticed (until I tried to explain it to someone else, so thank you for the opportunity).  In fact, achieving and maintaining coherence has become a pivotal factor at the very centre of everything I am about, I now notice (and in a way that is heartily relevant, as you will see from what I share). Join me if you are curious.

Where we start our evolution from…feeling hopeless?

We have this idea that we are on a merry-go-round that is spinning out of control and we can’t get off it. Not only that but the ride is getting faster and faster, we are all feeling more and more thrown about and those of us that care to change the ride into a different  kind of experience feel overwhelmed; we just don’t know how to stop it or how to persuade other people they want to get off too. If we attempt anything too drastic, we risk hurting ourselves even more than we already are as such highly sensitive folk who can hardly bear any more pain than we are already in. Meanwhile, people around us seem to be fast asleep or in a stupor, anesthetised with medications and toxic lifestyles; some even profess to like being on the high-octane ride and still others simply don’t seem to care anymore, like they have become numb from too many cycles. So what are we to do?

For those of us sensitive enough to notice how this is a tedious and destructive ride…Who feel the trauma and pain of a dying planet and sickly eco system, along with all its struggling inhabitants, including its animals…Those who witness the zombie-like state of just so many people whose only concern seems to be when can they get the next iPhone or celebrate their bonus with a mountain of toxic fast-food that required the deforestation of the rain forest, the slaughter of sentient beings and a ton of carbon fuel to get to their plate…For those whose family and friends are part of this paradigm and don’t seem to want to wake up to anything different because its “inconvenient”, what’s next?

We like to tell a particular story…you know the one

Its full of pathos and it makes us feel such deep sorrow that we almost enjoy its misery; it stirs us in our soul, we can relate, feel sorry for ourselves, it helps us to identify with others and them with us…and its all about things going wrong! Yes, most people, even the most obtuse, can see this same story’s profile dressed up in many outfits; those oft sung-about “ups and downs” of life that take us up very high, only to crash us down low again…and its as though we are addicted to hearing it.

Yet it wasn’t always like this; before this tale got so ingrained. My own theory is that something “catastrophic” happened, a very long time ago, tipping us from the top of our game (because this isn’t the first time we have been this advanced, as new historians are daring to suggest) and crashing the entire planet into eons of hardship and separation mentality (thinking we have to compete with one another, race against race, gender against gender etc., in order to survive). That event ingrained in our collective psyche as a trauma we never seemed to get over, until now we have a new opportunity to do so…

Our songs, stories, soap operas, legends, religions, even our fundamental belief systems about “what is possible”, hang off this one event and the so-called “inevitability of setback and loss” that we believe it “proves”, to such a high degree, that we keep expecting it to reoccur…and so it has, over and over again. We’ve become quite smug in our accepting of it; to the point that when something “bad” happens, we say “I knew it would”. People bond over their sad stories and its as though having our own misery to share gains us membership to a club…so that anyone who is more optimistic, who dares to suggest there is another way, is (literally or metaphorically), stoned into silence by the herd. This is where we are now.

Yet some of us are singing a different tune…hard though that is; as it always is to go against the chorus of the majority.

A different tune is being carried on the wind – so, dare we listen?

I went to see a musical called Hadestown in London the other week and it was astonishing; not only for the wonderful production but because of how on-theme this was with what I am writing about here which is, in essence, the core matter of where we all are at this point in our collective history. Bear with me as I recount the storyline as it is so pertinent (as you will see):

The plot of Hadestown is based upon the old story of Orpheus and Eurydice; a tender love story set in dark times when the balance of the seasons have got out tilt and the long darkness and cold has got to everybody’s morale. Orpheus, a musician, promises Eurydice a different tune; one he is working on and which will transform everything they experience. However, Eurydice, being hungry and tired of the way the world has become, goes down to the underworld and signs her life away to Hades, the king of the underworld (who is Trump by any other name) on the promise of a more comfortable life. This is a carbon-gobbling underworld where people live out their heinous lives enslaved to an endless task…building a wall to keep them “safe”. Eurydice, of course, realises her mistake all too late…

Thankfully, Orpheus has never once given up on her or his ability to “sing a different song” to the hopeless chorus of everyone else; and so he embarks on a treacherous journey to the underworld and, once there, somehow channels what he believes is possible into a new song (really a very ancient song, long forgotten), of a world that is in balance, its highs and lows in beautiful harmony with one another; not distorted as they have now become.

Hearing the exquisite highs and lows of the new song, Hades is reminded of those earlier times, when he first met his love, Persephone, the queen of the overworld and the bringer of springtime; and how he felt when they were in balance together. So overwhelmed is he by the renewed feeling that comes over him on hearing this song that he lets Orpheus and Eurydice go….

Or, at least, he lets them go, on one condition; that they must never doubt! They are told to walk back to the overworld in single file and Orpheus must never look over his shoulder to check Eurydice is still with him. And, of course, in a moment of doubt, he fails to keep to the terms and Eurydice is sent back to Hades…leading to separation…a tragedy…our world.

So, you could say (and I suspect a great many people in that theatre probably did) that the endless cycle has been reaffirmed by the telling of this familiar tale; that we should leave our seats feeling demoralised, having been reminded that we cannot ever break out of it since we will always be sent back to Hades. “Its a sad story…and it keeps repeating and repeating” went the refrain in the song.

But is it really a sad story, or does it contain another message, hidden in plain sight…because, perhaps just like in life, we always get the opportunity listen out for a different melody; one that goes against the grain. Perhaps the running theme isn’t that we always fail but that we don’t listen out for that singular melody, or dare to believe in it enough when we hear its beautiful message. People like Orpheus come along and they play such a tune…as they have been doing since the very begining…so why haven’t we got much further in our evolution than we have?

Because doubt comes in…and thus we bring about our own downfall.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

Doubt is, basically, fear…that we won’t be able to change, can’t make a different ending,  that we aren’t enough, that there are too few of us, that the given version of history has all the answers and that the “bad things” that have always happened will always continue to happen.

So, in always doubting, we make those fear-based expectations into our reality…over and over again.

What would happen if enough of us stopped doubting? What if we could look beyond the so-called evidence of a world in “irreversible” crisis and all these shocking headlines and have every confidence, regardless of what things seem like, that things are evolving apace; that we WILL get to experience that different ending to the sad story?

That’s not to say we ignore all the warnings and carry on abusing our planet; I don’t dispute global warming or any of its effects and I absolutely believe in taking responsible action to avert an eco-disaster; these are priorities in my life. However, on top of doing all that, I do assert that we need to have faith that we are part of a shift, that shift is real, that we can each contribute significantly to such a shift (regardless of how many people we can persuade to listen to our point of view, as I will explain below) and that it is already on track to be the kind of shift that the world has never seen before.

But things feel chaotic, like everything is atrophying…

This is the tug, like a great force of gravity, pulling down on our ankles whenever we feel like we have even a moment’s doubt…look at all the evidence out there, the news, the anecdotes shared by our neighbours about bad things happening to people….things feel heinously chaotic right now. How can we  keep out of doubt about a “happier ending”, given what our eyes are telling us?

Well, we can when we take in the bigger picture. From that broader perspective, it makes sense that things have to be kind-of chaotic, at least for a while. The old ways have to undergo a deep scrutiny, like never before and, where necessary, break down altogether, which leads to void and instability; we have a lot to do in a very short time, but that’s not to say we can’t do it. This is why it can feel like such chaos at the ground level.

I have long had a feeling, based in part on the fact that pretty much every culture on the planet had  its version of a prediction that these times would be terribly hard, “apocalyptic” you could say; and partly due to some deep inner knowing that I have always had, that things would get particularly tough between 2015 – 2020. I have had this on my radar for so long that, looking back, I think I used to half-expect a world war to break out, or something along those lines, within that timeframe; but I don’t feel that any more. Its as though I could never imagine myself beyond that era, even as a child; like there was a cliffhanger where life just disappeared. Now I tend to think it was always a void to me because it marked a great reboot, beyond which I still wasn’t in a place to imagine how things would turn out yet.

Again, our long-running fear-based belief systems got a hold of that word “apocalypse” and turned it into something that the original forecasters of these times didn’t really mean since it refers, more accurately, to a rebirth or reboot and that is what I believe is happening here.

And we are actually living through those times; wow, look at us, we’re amazing to be handling all this, which is way beyond anything that our recent ancestors had to cope with! I subscribe to the point of view that if the embodied aspect of consciousness that we are (a spirit in a body) chose to be alive in these incredibly hard times then we had something to contribute; and that’s every one of us…we are each playing the particular role that we signed up for to perfection; no one has missed their cue. If we seem to be poles apart, if there is more friction coming up than ever, then perhaps we need that rub-factor, the contrary points of view, the extremist angles, to make us really want to do this thing…whatever it is. We’re launching into a whole new paradigm so we need the run up to that, like a rocket taking off or a sprinter off the block. We could never have done that if we were all in tacit agreement with each other, living near-identical lives.

Lets tell a different story

How can we know the old story is over; how do we know the new one will be any better? Well, we can use our own defunct logic if we like….if we have been in the “down” phase for such a long time, it must be time for an upturn. However, I see it as more of a spiral….we’ve done the up-phase before (prior to whatever cataclysm occurred to send us off into a a several-thousand-year-long tilt), and we’ve lived through incredibly dark times since, so now we are ready to put those two sides together into a new era of amalgamation. You could say, bringing the yang and the yin, the left and the right hemispheres, the masculine and feminine aspects, back together into a realisation of wholeness, as a collective and a planet. Why am I so confident this is the case? Because, I firmly believe…

The universe has a plan

I’ve written copiously about physicist Dr Carl Johan Calleman’s work with the Mayan calendar (which, in his view, hasn’t ended; far from it) in which he hypothesises that all of human evolution is happening under the influence of a series of quantum waves “pulsing in” from the universe to impact the development of our planet over the course of billions of years, evidence of which exists across all the various layers of study. The cosmic source of these waves, by the way, has been depicted, cross-culturally, for as long as we are able to delve back into history, as the tree of life symbol that is shared by all cultures (though we seem to have forgotten its significance, more recently). From the huge biological leaps we have made at certain key times, to the patterns of human movement across the earth plane, to the various stages of profoundly altered behaviour (in giant leaps) that have occurred, again at certain key times in our history, these evolutionary milestones, like branches of a tree, have all occurred to a rhythm that is quite compelling to see on a graph…moments like the worldwide emergence of organised religions, the birth of science, the industrial revolution and so on. Calleman makes a convincing case and I, for one, felt the distinct shifts he refers to (people of my age have lived through two of them), long before reading his book. For a fascinating journey through time in light of these “nine waves of creation”, as Calleman labels them, I refer you to his book The Nine Waves of Creation: Quantum Physics, Holographic Evolution and the Destiny of Humanity (and via my various other posts on the topic: search for “ninth wave”).

According to the rhythm of the arrival of those waves, a brand new wave (the ninth wave) was instigated in 2011 and it is, indeed the one which is destined to, as it were, “bring it all back together again” after the previous three waves had, by contrast, fragmented it all apart (generating an ever-widening rift between the masculine and feminine aspects of human psyche, played out as our collective history). We should see, and are already seeing (if we allow ourselves to expand our viewpoint) massive strides in the healing of all the various ideas of “separateness” that have been underlying human behaviour for just so very long. These newer, more evolved…more holistic…ideas are starting to percolate through as all the various movements we are seeing to do with gender, animal rights, the dissolving of borders and barriers (against which talk of “walls” and revived “nationality” are merely the last desperate backlash) and so on.

If we are experiencing a lot of backlash then we have to make allowances for the fact that this is just the beginning of the transition process and it will attract a certain amount of push-back from those who fear losing the “safety” of the old paradigm (think of Hades wall…) and who are, thus, digging their heels in. Yet the movement towards wholeness is growing exponentially and the snowball effect is well underway if, like someone listening out for Orpheus’ song on the wind, you allow yourself to notice all the positive changes taking place. You just have to take a cause close to my heart, veganism, to notice how last year broke all records in terms of numbers of new people joining its ranks and this year, Veganuary is reported to have have exceeded the previous four years combined in terms of participants. The trickle-down effect of monumental changes I am seeing as a vegan consumer, via shops and restaurants offering massively increased ranges of vegan foods, media coverage, common acceptability of being vegan as a lifestye choice and so on, is startling and I’m hearing from long-established vegans that they have seen nothing like it in the previous forty years.

Across many aspects of life, beyond this specific, there is no stopping the kind of momentum for change that is underway…to the degree that, if I was the kind of person who was desperate to keep things the same as they have “always been”, I would be feeling very anxious indeed right now!

A new wave is coming in…and nothing can stop it

Dr Calleman’s book, whilst extremely compelling as an abstract theory, merely echoes what many of us were already aware of happening, at the ground level; having already sensed that we were entering into brand new territory these last few years. And with a brand new era “coming in” we can expect some disruption, some teething pains, a feeling of being thrown around in the spin cycle.

Screenshot 2019-02-08 at 07.48.44The thing is, the spin cycle of doing a load of washing is, as we all know, a necessary part of the process of getting the clothes clean (and we’ve upgraded the washing machine lately). When you’re in the midst of it, however, it’s going to feel like you are being thrown around somewhat. The ninth wave that Dr Calleman talks about oscillates to a rhythm of  36 days (see the ninth wave calculator to get the idea of where we currently are, which is the “daytime” or “switched-on” phase, of the 81st oscillation as I write this). So, our evolutionary impulses are going on off on off, very fast…compared to about two years duration (720 days) per on-and-off oscillation for the eighth wave (which began to assert its rhythms in the mid-to-late 1980s) and 39.4 years in the seventh wave before that (which had been running for over two hundred years so we were, at that time, evolving relatively slowly compared to where we are now). In other words, we experience as much “change impulse” in about a month, now, as we we did in a time frame of about forty years in the 1970s, for those of us who were around.

This is important to know if you are feeling frustrated by people that don’t seem to be evolving very fast, if at all; not everyone is atuned to the ninth wave yet…which is where we get into some interesting, friction causing, scenarios. Many of those earlier waves are still available, especially during the “switched-off” phase of the ninth wave, which lasts for half of every oscillation, lasting eighteen days.

Fig 8.1

comparison of the 6th to 9th waves

So, when the ninth wave is in its daytime or “switched-on” phase (above the line, see right and above), it potentially influences us and others around us the most and when it is in its  nighttime “switched-off” phase we are, as it were, left to our own devices (or the influence of earlier waves) once again.

So, did you already feel like things are speeding up these days? That’s because they really are and, when we stay on the ride with these evolutionary rhythms (which our subconscious may be tuned into, even if we arn’t yet aware of them), we can feel up one minute and down the next. Have we undergone a sudden change lately; perhaps an illness, given up our old job, moved to the country? Could be the ninth wave asserting a new melody in our lives. These changes for the better could have looked like “crisis” at the time we were handling them. If the way in which we feel out-of-sync with world circumstances manifests as health issues, we may feel wonderful one minute and absolutely terrible the next, in very quick succession…which can be quite exhausting and demoralising until we find our feet. Its all too easy to blame this topsy-turvey feeling on the world being in a mess; but what if it’s the rhythm of the world righting itself? What if this is the engine of change itself, purring throughout our awareness in ways that feel, at first, disconcerting in the extreme? Instead of feeling like we are undergoing a most disconcerting personality change, perhaps we could entertain the idea that we are finding ourselves…at last.

However, once we start to acclimatise, as those of us that are synchronizing with the ninth wave will do pretty quickly over these rapid-fire 36 day undulations (can you start to notice how your life has been changing in leaps that are approximately a month long?), we notice a sort of personal bench mark or steady continuum asserting itself, somewhere between the highs and the lows. Once we start to recognise, and lock onto, that personal  “best feeling place”, regardless of whatever is going on in and around us, we come to equate it with a more robust sense of selfhood than we have ever known before. In fact, we learn how to do this all the more quickly because of the extreme ups and downs going on; like we are in training, using circumstances to create some resistance to assert our own state of coherence “against”. You could think of it as a computer game, where we increase the challenge level to get so much better at playing it. The more we are able to hold our own steady place of heart coherence regardless of trigger events (more on that below), the more quickly we personally evolve…and the better we get to truly know ourselves, which is the name of the game when it comes to evolution.

Given time, we get to know this coherent place as who we really are; yes its us! So when you get there, say hello to yourself…it might be the first time you’ve ever met yourself properly in an embodied form because this could the first time you ever dropped all the pretence and belief filters to get so real with yourself. It’s an amazing experience, I can assure you…and once you find this place, you’ll likely want to stay there and make it your new home. Things tend to get a lot easier from that point because your experience is no longer conditional upon what’s “happening” on the outside…because you have now established your most balanced operating hub, the one that was always there but you temporarily misplaced it, which is located (not in the brain, as neuroscientists would love to tell you but) in the heart; more on that below.

So, how do I work with this new wave…why don’t I feel better yet?

When we have a new wave of evolution at our back, we must surely have some real momentum for change “on our side”…and we do, although we work with it most effectively when we tune in to it (of course). You could liken this to hearing Orpheus’ song on the wind; being the one who listens out for a new rhythm, a melody with a different story to tell…and then believing in it, making it your default rhythm…Playing it, often…Turning down the drone of that other discordant ditty that is being played by the fear-driven masses…And, so, getting ourselves out of doubt…

First of all, instead of believing you feel “off” because of what is going on “out there”, bring all your overwhelmed feelings home and take responsibility for them. See how the world is playing the role of a mirror to your unrecognised self-doubts. Many of them grow out of misplaced ideas of your own ineptitude to contribute a solution to this apparent world-crisis; a feeling that you should be doing more than you are…yet doing is less important than being this time; so consider, what are you being, in your heart? Let go of all those nagging thoughts that you “need” to change the world into a better place, singlehandedly. Such thoughts are only depleting you, feeding your sense of hopelessness, exhaustion, conditionality and DOUBT. Remember what I just said about doubt?

If you are feeling threadbare from all that you have been through already then you might want to consider some radical means of rebuilding your own energetic integrity; and I talked about the AuraTransformation that I underwent in my post last week. This process works with the incoming crystal energies which, in my view, are one and the same as the high frequencies of the ninth wave (just as the indigo energies correlate with the eighth wave and the soul aura with the previous waves). This has meant that, although I was already tuning into the ninth wave before my AT, I am coping so much better with its high frequencies now that my new operating system is onboard.

Whether you need to take such a step yourself depends on how depleted your energetic system is feeling; you might be able to cope more than adequately with integrating the new energies  (which will give your life a significant overhaul once you tune in to them) if you are healthy and use other means to achieving what I refer to as heart coherence (a potent form of balance; explained in the section below). An AT will make your heart into the only chakra you need, located at the very centre of your entire operating system, which is a significant change from the old seven chakra system (to which we have become so attached; these are now fully integrated with the heart). So you have to be prepared to launch into this new territory without any doubt that this is the appropriate thing to do, including all those doubts that your yoga teacher etc may dispense when they hear what you have done, which goes against centuries of teaching about chakras. Those centuries, however, were part of the old pardigm. You might need to look at where else you are so attached to “fixed” or “widely accepted” ideas that you can’t take a step forwards…

Yes, you have to have immense courage and determination to cease such doubt when you put your own heart-choices to the test in the world.

Whether you pursue an AT or not, achieving balance (using the heart as your centre) is the most important thing in this new era; and we will see what that looks like, inside and out, in very quick time once we hold onto its tail wind; which, to start with, can look disruptive as things adjust (and we see just how out-of-blance we have been…) yet it is thoroughly transformative when seen at the broader picture.

Working differently

We cannot change to a new paradigm using the same methods that defined the very paradigm we wish to leave behind us now; a paraphrased version of something Einstein once said which has never once let me down.

So, when we push and shove other people to gain attention to our “new song” or “more evolved” way of doing things, we only create more resistance. Hammer your audience with images of all the horror that goes on inside of an abattoir, for instance, and they will only eat more flesh in defiance (and you will demoralise all those who are already sensitive enough to care when they see all your graphic pictures); I have witnessed this so many times. Have you ever noticed how the more you bang the drum of your perspective, others around you…even your friends…will bang the drum of the opposite perspective even louder. I seem to see nothing but really meaty recipe videos auto-playing in my newsfeed every morning, before my reflexes are quick enough to click them off my screen, since I enthusiastically adopted a plant-based diet (which I seldom mention in my private social media accounts, out or courtesy to my friends), which could traumatise me if I let it; instead I have trimmed back my intimacy with certain people (and stopped following their “news”). This unconscious behaviour is the fear-reaction of those who resist change; and its almost funny, but provoking it can delay the very evolution that we long for as it creates more head-on collisions than are strictly necessary in our new paradigm since we can do things a different way now…

Spend time visualising what you want the world to be like, every single day. For a few minutes at a time, see the rivers and oceans as clean, the children as fed in your powerful mind’s eye (the eye of your heart). Imagine a world where no animal that you come across has slaughter at its inevitable end. Focus on seeing everything, nature included, as already balanced and in perfect working order. For my own part, I have a quiet trust that nature knows exactly how to rejuvenate this planet, and remarkably quickly at that; and is only waiting for the cue from us, which will come once sufficient of us are on board, holding this clear “without doubt” intention for the planet to repair and for us to pick up our task as worthy and responsible custodians of it, going forwards. Only once we show our full commitment will she reveal to us exactly how this is to be done, in ways that we can’t even speculate about at this stage, since science is not even aware of them yet. Holding this faith feels like a superpower.

The power of visualisation is so underused (even by me); meaning we hardly know the power of it yet, in practice, but when we each take responsibility to use it, daily, we play such a key part in regenerating this world. Visualising balance, as well as actively working to create or hold balance, in all things, is one of the most powerful tools we each have in our kit. Using it is like strengthening a heart muscle that we only just learned about. I suspect that, in the unity field (more on that later) its effect is cumulative, like putting savings away in a bank account for a rainy day. So don’t make the mistake of underestimating this skill (and don’t keep putting it off  because you are too busy “doing” stuff); as I already said, it is the superpower of the new era. It will also encourage you to spend more time in your heart.

Your task…in fact your ONLY task…is to reconnect with your own heart and make it central to your entire operating system! Sound easy? Its more challenging than you might think and we will find every distraction we can to do otherwise. So, making this a full-time practice is, really, the only task we should be prioritising right now, until we make it so consistent that we can stay heart-centred and balanced through any circumstance that comes our way.

Getting heart-centred

So, in summary, reconnect with the heart and make it the absolute centre of everything you think and do…this is your aim, in every moment of every day. What do I mean?

Well, it’s a bit like getting off the elevator at a different floor…allow the brain to play second-fiddle for once, and stop going “up” there all the time, like it has “the best” view or the only viewpoint that “counts”. Instead, get off at the floor of the heart and take a good look around. Better still, feel around. There is something much more intrinsic to our humanness than our brain (whatever neuroscientists may try to demonstrate to us…) and its the human mind or, more accurately, the body-mind. This is a combination of brain-function and heart-feelings, working together in perfect synergistic harmony. Once they click together, we can actually feel this as a sort of glow emanating from the higher-heart region, which is located at the centre chest, just below the collar-bone. We can direct our responses there in any situation….and then notice how we tackle or respond in a different way than if we allow just our logic-driven brain to deal with it or, even, our feeling senses emanating from the (often fear-dominated) lower chakras; this heart centre offers a much more balanced view than either of these. Yet it doesn’t exclude either logic or feelings; rather, it incorporates the higher aspects of both.

Well that all sounds very nice (if a little abstract) but give me a more real, tangible example of what I can do to make the world a better place, you might say. Well, try to lead you life from joy and good feelings. Make choices from there, not learned responses, entrained habits or “what everyone else is doing”. Dare to be different and put what you feel first over dictates of “logic” since good-feelings act as a sort of sat-nav to where we are meant to be going. Once you make choices from this place, synchronicities will start to occur left and right and you will feel as though you are playing the lead part in a beautifully scripted play where things begin to feel divinely orchestrated. Meetings with people, changes of circumstance in your favour, information appearing just as you need it…and much more…will become part of everyday life. Follow this like a trail of breadcrumbs and, when you don’t get that switched-on feeling, question whether you are on the right path.

What difference does what I do make to the rest of the world?

At this point, I’m so tempted to reel off a glut of new science and fascinating books etc that support how we are all connected to one another and how one person making this change of life-approach impacts the whole (just look up Rupert Sheldon, Bruce Lipton, Gregg Braden, Lynne Mctaggart or the Institute of Noetic Science, to name just a few starting points). However, I would be here all day, digging out sources to back-up something that I already know to be the case, and I’m not wanting to turn this into an academic study. As a mirror touch synesthete who feels events that happen on the other side of the planet, I already know this stuff is real; and maybe you do too…you just need to stop doubting it!

We are all connected in what is often called “the field”, the “unified field” or “the field of human consciousness”. You could say, we all get to meet-up there; and when some of us have an evolutionary breakthrough its true that, in a sense, we all do. Useful that, isn’t it? It means we don’t all have to do this evolutionary work…not even the majority of us…before leaps in human consciousness are made. The more tuned-into the field those who are set upon positive changes are, the more other people are affected by it!

So how do those who are wanting to do the work set about contributing now, knowing what they are just starting to understand about the field?

Much of that new science is based on the concept of “heart coherence”, as I briefly referred to above. HeartMath Institute have done huge amounts of research into how being in a heart coherent state (which is exactly that state I described above…where heart and brain synchronise) alters people’s stress reaction, their ability to process clearly, to enjoy optimum health, to deal with complex situations, to manifest what they set their intentions upon, to roll out their own state of higher consciousness into the wider field of collective consciousness, and more…the list goes on and on with much still waiting to be discovered.

I have demonstrated this for myself as I have a HeartMath training device, the emWave2, which I periodically wear clipped to my ear, from where it monitors my heart coherence, so I can become more conscious of when I am in that state, how I achieved it, when I lose it and how differently I function at those times versus when I am not. Apart from having amply demonstrated to me how fear-based or even momentarily “doubting” thoughts take me out of heart coherence in just a split nano second, losing me some of my accumulated headway, I have been shown how much more productive, optimistic and solutions-based I am when I am in that heart-coherent place….not to mention my body feels so much better, pain withdraws and I start to recover very quickly from any setbacks in my experience. I am, literally, better at life and can roll with the knocks, keep a clearer head and stay in a place of joy for far longer, reaping the benefit of far more inspiration and the kind of heightened experiences I used to enjoy in mediation…only, now I can have them while I’m busy doing things that constitute “ways that I engage with the world”, doing what I most enjoy. This is how I get to make my personal difference; and is how you also get to make your personal difference whilst pursuing your own particular dharma, or life purpose.

In short, maintaining a heart-coherent state optimises our humanity so imagine if we all did it, at least most of the time. No need to imagine how powerful that could be as HeartMath have also conducted numerous Global Coherence experiments where synchronised heart coherence has affected or even altered outcomes for the better as a result of intention setting whilst tuned into the quantum field. Their core hypotheses are as follows:

  1. Human and animal health, cognitive functions, emotions and behavior are affected by solar, geomagnetic and other earth-related magnetic fields.
  2. The earth’s magnetic field is a carrier of biologically relevant information that connects all living systems.
  3. Every person affects the global information field.
  4. Collective human consciousness affects the global information field. Therefore, large numbers of people creating heart-centered states of care, love and compassion will generate a more coherent field environment that can benefit others and help offset the current planetary discord and incoherence.

(Quoted directly from HeartMath.org)

In other words, there is a feedback loop between individuals, the field and the collective; and we are all playing our part in this. Their studies are finding that not only are people synchronised with each other across the globe but with the planet itself. Its happening already but imagine if enough people consciously worked with this knowledge…how we could change the world using the focused powers of our minds!

Tipping point

How many people would it take, you may then ask, to make the positive difference only some of us seem to be focussed upon. Most people haven’t heard of heart coherence or HeartMath; they don’t meditate or practice mindfulness and couldn’t care less if the world changed from how it is since they are (basically) fast asleep and in base survival mode.

True. Yet some fairly well-known hypotheses show that it takes, actually, a very small percentage of people to tip the balance enough for a significant change to sweep in across the collective (see below). Bear in mind, also, that those in heart coherence are actively working towards accessing, and positively influencing, this field where we are all quantumly connected, whereas those who are living materialistic, fear-based, left-hemisphere driven lives don’t even believe in such a field so they are, as it were, low influence participants by comparison (whatever it may look like at the three-dimensional surface of things). This is where we have to stop doubting what is really going on beneath the surface of a world that looks more messed-up than it really is; and trust that change will start to manifest on the surface more as enough key people get really good at maintaining heart coherence. Given this need for trusting the process, this is where those fairly well-known hypotheses I mentioned before are really so compelling.

Malcolm Gladwell, author of The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, came up with the figure that it would take just 50 million individuals (out of the 7.7 billion people on the planet) being involved in the world enlightenment movement to create a “critical mass”. This happens when an unshakable belief is held by 10 percent of the population, a theory put to the test by scientists at the Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute, New York who reported that “Once that number grows above 10 percent, the idea spreads like flame.”Others have predicted an ever lower tipping-point percentage.

Once again, the importance of having “no doubt” in the possibility of a new paradigm, is illustrated by these models; otherwise the snakes and ladder game begins again just as soon as we question that can do this thing based on “old logic”.

Really, we are talking about needing to achieve a relatively modest critical mass that has “no doubt” in the possibility of such a paradigm. To keep out of doubt, we have to stop taking, at face value what we see with our eyes every day and being so demoralised by it.

We have to get over our doubts that we can do this thing!

Being the lighthouse

We also have to get over our doubts about whether we are, personally, doing enough to contribute; and to keep worrying over this is to set ourselves back, all the time, on loop (sound familiar…)

Just because we don’t get to meet members of that (must be getting close to) 50 million world-wide population count of consciously evolving people every day, in our neighbourhood, workplaces or families, doesn’t mean they don’t exist or that we arn’t powerfully co-creating with them. I’ve already made that point above; we can do all of this work by contributing to the field using heart coherence. Think of it as being a “remote worker” for an entity called The Shift; you can do it any time, any where.

However, once we stay in heart coherence, at least most of the time, we will start to notice how we “bump into” these kindred spirits in other ways; online or “by chance” on holiday and so on, connecting with each other so powerfully, almost as soon as we cross paths, like we have known each other forever. We need to take heart from these connections; and keep them alive as long as they feel truly resonant…they are so important for morale!

It also helps to see ourselves as something akin to a lighthouses during this phase. You wouldn’t get more than one lighthouse on the same headland; they have to be far more spaced out than that to be useful yet their beam covers quite a wide area of influence. If we take heart that we are forming a matrix of such lighthouses, right across the planet, we can start to visualise how the spaces in-between will start to fill-in over the coming years and that planetary grid will light up like a diamond. Really, take the time to visualise this, if you can (very often) and, meanwhile, keep shining your light…who knows who might be so grateful to see it cutting a path through their particular brand of hopelessness some day!

I read somewhere recently that it takes just 34 days to touch every person on the planet…Because, it said, if you touch the life of just on person today and they are so impacted that they do something to positively touch the life of another person and those people  affect just one person each, etc., in each subsequent day, it would just take 34 days for you to have impacted the whole world. Knowing about the incremental impact we can have in this way is one of the reason I keep tirelessly doing what I do; via my blog, my social media posts and so on. If we keep on working at sharing our point of view, even when it feels as though we are swimming up-stream or talking to deaf ears much of the time, we can be sure we will resonate with exactly who most needs to hear what we have to say, in just the right moment…and, being so impacted by this, they might go on to influence countless other people. Who knows how many people we impact over the course of a lifetime.

So, just imagine, by living from your heart, demonstrating a heart centred way of being in all your daily choices, and by sharing your enthusiasm and joy with as many people as you can, you get to influence far more people than you could possibly imagine.

It’s not even about being some sort of YouTube megastar and gathering a massive following (though you could do that too…as along as it genuinely brings you joy), since you could affect just one person at a time and still play your highly significant part. Heres’s why…

Trite though it sounds, we really are all connected

You need to know that you are the micro to the macro; that the themes you play out and reinvent the ending of, by finding a more heart coherent way of dealing with them, contribute to the collective process of expansion, even though you can’t know how…which is a case of trusting an inbuilt process where collective consciousness is concerned. Again, there is new-science exploring how one person making  a breakthrough exponentially increases the likelihood of other individuals enjoying that very same breakthrough across countless locations around the world, without needing to have any physical means of contacting each other in three-dimensional space. Yes, these are exciting times for being alive as we discover these things about ourselves and our interrelationship with each other and the planet itself.

When we renegotiate our own relationship with, say, physical pain (not necessarily by demanding that the pain stop but by altering the way we respond to the experience of it) or when we step up to take personal-responsibility for what we experience in our lives, we make these new boundary-pushing experiences or “spin” on life more available to every other person in the collective. These are just a couple of examples of the infinite number of mini-evolutions we are each contributing to the collective field, every single day.

When we stop doubting ourselves and our ability to make a change for the better, we make the old paradigm, which is built upon foundations of doubt, completely obsolete.

An epidemic of love and enthusiasm is hard to resist

This is a different era; so we need different tools for the job. Persuading and arguing is so “last year”…

As above, we engage other people most effectively when we are just so brim-full of our own high-vibe enthusiasm that they just can’t resist joining us; it’s really that simple. And if they’re not ready yet (and they might never be), we can step away, knowing that there is really no point wasting our effort on those who are quite determined to stay the way they have always been. Why waste our valuable resources on trying to convert them when that is no longer the most productive use of our energy? There are other ways of influencing change without entering into logger-heads situations and, in fact, those only distract us from our purpose.

Besides, keeping our excitement and enthusiasm stoked-up is the rocket fuel to this whole way of experiencing life and I encourage it heartily. Actively encouraging fun in your life, and focusing on what you want to see more of in this world, is my best advice. Don’t knock your vibe down several pegs each day by gluttoning-out on depressing news and all the other negative stuff. Instead, spend valuable time appreciating what is working, what is already beautiful and balanced and high-vibe (and if you struggle to come up with anything like that to focus on, get out in nature).

Spending time in nature is about far more than providing remedial therapy to yourself after a lot of stress facing up to the horrors of life. Nature really does have all the answers about how to reboot each of us…and this whole beautiful planet…so the more time we spend in it, the more we will absorb the frequency of the very solutions we need to hear; which will “come to us” just when we most need them. Almost the whole population of the planet desperately needs to become more attuned to nature again, since we have so lost our way in this respect; so when we spend time doing this, we do it for all. Thus we know it’s not about “being lazy” or “escapist” from the work we feel we should really be doing; it’s truly important that we help tip the balance of how most people are spending their time. I’ve experienced more examples than I can count of how time spent outdoors in nature replenished my enthusiasm for life, and inspired expansive new approaches to “a problem”, when all felt “hopeless” just a short time before.

And it’s not all bad news (as some of us have got into a rut telling ourselves); the world has moved on in some seriously positive ways in just the last 20 or 30 years. I was reading last night how the study of emotions as a valid area of consideration in relation to human health was still considered ludicrous in the early 1980s…imagine that; how backward we were not so long ago! Back then, the only people we connected with on a regular basis were probably our family, work colleagues, close friends and neighbours but now, with the internet, we get to connect with pretty much the whole world every day if we want to. We can share our thoughts or have a conversation and receive feedback in a matter of seconds; how incredible is that? Yes, we are so fortunate in so many ways. Appreciate, appreciate, appreciate and all these resources we have at our fingertips will keep on delivering their highest, most switched-on, evolution-supporting aspects and the more negative aspects of our world will start to back off or lose steam.

In short, focus on what we do want; let the rest drop away. In fact, when we use modern technology to connect with others and break down barriers, including the limitations of time and distance that separate us, we affirm our commitment to the ninth wave’s impulse to connect as one open field of consciousness (and not just in the quantum field) and so we invest ourselves in the evolution of those technologies into newer versions that have far less detrimental impact on the ecosystem (versus if we don’t use them, they will cease to exist and we will revert back to a disconnected world).

So, enthusiasm…plus being an agent of connection and flow

Appreciating just how connected we are is such a big part of this gratitude thing because we now have the choice to connect with others…even if we chose not to, and this is a real privilege and a gift. We can get on a flight, if we feel this is going to serve our dharma in some way (which includes the value and joy of connecting with others and seeing new places). If we want to make a difference, we should use these gifts rather than going off to the wilderness and licking our wounds about a world “gone wrong” and the need to stop subscribing to modern carbon-using resources; but then, if we really want to go and live in the wilderness, we can also make a contribution to the collective, as long as that also brings us to a place of heart coherence. We have so many choices once we see the world through this perspective.

These are not times for being dryly spiritual on top of a hill (unless we really want to…), meditating our way into some deeply intimate other-dimensional space that takes us away from the world we struggle with. They are times for contagious joy and spreading the word or, you could say, “singing that new song” from every hillside and to whoever might want to listen to it. Whether we do this to whole crowds of people or to just those people we “accidentally” bump into in a restaurant or at a local market, the cashier behind the till or a person we pass in the street, sing the song and own it; we might be surprised at how many people choose to sing along.

If you’re looking for a folk hero at this point, you could do worse than the Dalai Lama, who gets his fingers into every pie he can and is one of the most enthusiastic beings on the planet.

I sense that so many people are getting caught up into a sort of petrified state; frozen into inertia because they don’t know which way to turn or because they have told themselves they can only call frivolity back into their lives once all the world’s problems are solved. No…it should be the other way around; we need to get back into joy, to live as though we are already there (because, in that non-doubting place, we already are…and we need to hold that space so the rest of the world catches up). This isn’t about wasteful, materialistic frivolity, it’s about expressing a passion for life.

For those of us that are heart-centred, enthusiasm flows naturally when we do and share deeds that feel in sync with what we believe; such as becoming conscious consumers or eating a plant-based diet. We should not underestimate how irresistibly beguiling our message is when we operate from this place of excitement and enthusiasm (rather than “fighting against” what we don’t like). I have seen this so many times, in my own experience, when people have gathered to hear what my husband and I have to share like bees to a honeypot and all because of the way we light up with love for the heart coherent life choices we have made. The “magic” factor being they can feel the frequency of our enthusiasm because it flows, equally, from both our rational mind and the part of us that has to feel good about our choices in order to commit to them. You could say, such messages hit a particular “note”, like the song of Orpheus; containing, as they do, the yin and the yang singing a duet in perfect harmony.

All of us that are making such heart-centred choices wield far more influence that we know when we put out our message of heartfelt enthusiasm because our vibe deeply impacts others, sending out good feelings that remind them of their own wholeness and how to get back to it. Once we start to notice this effect, we often find we have a new desire or confidence to communicate with others, in person or on the internet, through words, art, vlogging, music or whatever we can use to convey our new-found love of life. I encourage all of us, even those who have never been drawn to writing or otherwise sharing their personal perspectives before, to consider finding a means of expressing what we are so enthusiastic about now, since it adds turbo charge to our evolutionary effect.

Wanting to be here…that most essential of ingredients

To make the kind of changes we envision, we have to be fully invested in them; there can be no half-way house (back to “no doubt” again). The trouble is, those who care the most tend to be those who are, as it were, half in and half out of the doorway of their own embodied experience. They are so turned-off by the way the world is that they hardly want to be alive anymore and spend all of their time imagining leaving or being on retreat.

Especially because those of us who are most tuned-in to the subtle “new song” playing on the wind are sensitive enough to be the ones who hear it, we have to work harder at wanting to remain embodied through these wild and bumpy times. Fact of life; more sensitivity also brings more pain. When we don’t want to be embodied because it hurts us too much, our health takes a knock and we find ourselves so depleted that we are hardly here at all. We also don’t do well when we hang out with joyless people, get bombarded with “bad news” all the time or get told how to do things a particular way, since we are natural innovators and creatives so we need all the juice and rich-playful variety of life to keep our engines ticking over. We have to want to be here in this physical playground which, much of the time, lacks appeal to us when things are, apparently, going wrong all around us. It’s as though we have to really want to be here (at least) twice as much as the next person because we know there is another reality “out there” beyond the physical world; which is why we have so many issues around staying embodied and tend to fly-off out of ourselves for long periods at a time.

However, in order to play our crucial part in these challenging times, we have to stay in our bodies much more and so we need to be temped by delicious experiences…by beauty and music, the tenderness of touch, by laughter and the exhilaration of the kind of physical sensations that make having a body the best thing we could be doing right now. Keeping these experiences “stoked up” in our lives, like keeping a hearth-fire burning or a candle in the window, is a crucial way that we serve the collective as it, quite literally, keeps us here as we approach that all important tipping point as a collective…and keeps us out of doubting whether it’s all worth it, through both thick and thin. I hope, with these idea, that I have helped to remind a few of you how.


One final word; soften, if you can, your reactions to the people around you…allow that each is doing their best, given where they are, to work to the disturbing new rhythms that are coming in. Not all of them were as prewired for them, perphaps, as you.

If they seem fast asleep then they will wake up in their own time and way; so banging at their door won’t really make a difference and, as above, we can make the most potent changes of all by concentrating on being how we are and radiating such enthusiasm for that way.

If those other people look tired, worn down and sickly, don’t judge them as doing badly at this evolution thing. As I am testament to, they could be acting as full-time agents of change (in ways that nobody would guess); which is why they are so threadbare in their physical health. It could be their particular dharma to help bring in this new era by helping to heal the collective at the level of the field, where their every breakthrough is contributing to a mass healing and increased self-awareness at a massive scale. They could be exhausted with this task and yet they still give themselves to it as their contribution.

The new era will call for less judgement about other people and more focus on how we tend to our own garden; which is where some of the more activist approaches to change hit against the risk of recycling the old ways. When we point our fingers at other people we are, in effect, in a state of doubt. Its like we are saying “YOU over there, you’re preventing ME from evolving by holding onto your old ways”. Don’t you see, that makes your own evolution conditional upon an outside circumstance and that is not what this is about. To get beyond doubt, truly beyond its long-running effects and range of influence, we have to see how it has been seeping into everything for a very long time. 

Instead, why not listen out for that different melody on the wind…believe in what it has to say…and then sing along.

Hadestown moves to Broadway on 22nd March and I highly recommend it as a breathtaking production with wonderful music and, ultimately, such an optimistic ending…if you so choose to notice there is a key hidden in plain sight (we just need to stop doubting ourselves).

This is very-much a musical for our particular time; yes, we all need to hear the sad cyclical story once more, from high above, like conducting a life-review (a theatrical stage is the perfect place to gain such an overview), so that we can get very clear about where we have been…and where we want to move on to next. If you are anything like me, you will come away from it feeling extremely moved by the pathos of our old story…and also very determined, which is the perfect place of balance from which to evolve since it both cherishes and respects what we have been through whilst wanting to transcend it.

Epic III (Opheus’ song) from Hadestown, the 2016 cast.


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My journey with AuraTransformation

There’s a process called an AuraTransformation, which is designed to be a complete and fundamental upgrade of the human energetic operating system from the old “soul” format to the most current one available, which is the new “crystal” aura structure, ready for the love-intelligent New Time energies that we are now living in. Children are now being born road-ready for these new energies but what about us? This, for those of us above a certain age and/or who struggle to remain embodied, is a radical way of upgrading our energetic…and our physical…health. To learn more about what AuraTransformation (AT) is, with answers to all your questions, please go to the AT website since there is no point in me repeating the core information here; there are also several books on the subject, written by its creator, Anni Sennov (these and many more resources are listed below).

The reason I am sharing this is that it is a year since I had the second session (the Balancing session, since the process is carried out in two parts) of my treatment; so, you could say, its my AT birthday today!

I should add, this was…and still feels like…a MAJOR event in my life; not only a milestone but a REBIRTH of sorts. In fact, I am more aware of this now than I was at the time I underwent the procedure, which is why I am ready to talk about it some more. It is certainly more manifest in my daily experience of life now than it was a year ago and has taken me on an interesting journey from the moment I found out about it; let me explain.

How and why I found Auratransformation

For years…I mean as long as I can remember…I had struggled to stay in my body, to such a high degree that I didn’t know any different; in fact, for a lot of those years, I told myself I was coping as much as the next person and that my weird sensations were “normal”. At some, hardly articulated, level I felt like I was always subject to some kind of disadvantage, which I couldn’t quite put my finger on, like I didn’t fit, or had different “equipment” to everyone else. I just wasn’t able to engage in life in the way that most people seem to, and prefered to be in some other place which, increasingly, felt off planet. I also felt vulnerable to things, even (or especially) those I couldn’t see. My aura, such as I had one, felt shot full of holes by the time I was a relatively young adult.

Over time, I became painfully aware that I was highly sensitive, to an excessive degree, feeling people, thoughts, things, frequencies, all kinds of sensations from my local and broader environment…and feeling wide-open to them all in a way that left me feeling vulnerable all the time. On top of that, although I kidded myself I was leading a normal physical life (socialising, travelling, running a business, making use of my body, enjoying having physical sensations, engaging in a physical relationship and so on), I realised it was as though I was doing all of this from outside of my body too…I was just never fully grounded or “in there” as I should have been. In fact, it felt like a catch twenty-two because being in my body subjected me to so much over stimulation and, later, pain from being exposed to way too many things all at once, but being partially outside the body (or vacating it altogether when things became too overwhelming) left me with a half-life and my health was really showing it.

moth to flameOver the last decade or so, my health became steadily worse, I became even more vulnerable to “outside” things and my only peace came from having a life that felt more and more withdrawn and sheltered from outside stimuli. I also knew, by now, that the popular idea of “ascension” meant, to me, achieving a higher consciousness from within a human body…not by vacating it to go and live elsewhere, in another dimension far beyond physicality, like a spiritual guru of old; but how could I achieve this if my body kept faltering? Everything I was passionate about, all I kept talking about in my blog etc, was this idea of  achieving enlightenment whilst in a physical form and yet I couldn’t seem to achieve it in my own case. I made huge leaps in my health, based on insight about what I needed to do to sustain myself better, but none of them seemed to stick because I would burn-out again just as soon as I found out I was able to house even higher-frequencies than before; so it was one step forward and a massive one back, over and over again.

Towards the end of 2017 I realised I had had enough of this and I started to search for something to help me through some sort of transition, though I had no idea what this “thing” was.  At the same time, I put out a cry for help to the universe and my fumbled words were something along the lines of “find me something, I don’t know what it is but maybe something like a sort-of Super Reiki; only, not just a physical fix because I’ve tried all of those but something that works fully and permanently at the energetic operating-system level”.

Within five or ten minutes, with no exaggeration, I came across AuraTransformation on the website of an AT mediator in the south of England and I gobbled up all the information on both her site and the official AT website that was linked. I also downloaded every single book written by its creator, Anni Sennov and, over the course of the next week or so, I gobbled those up too.

Considering whether AuraTransformation was right for me

Some of it wasn’t new to me; I had already read about the new indigo and crystal aura structures a few years ago. Yet, perhaps like a lot of people of my age-group, I had found out about this in light of being a parent. It had occurred to me, several years ago, that my sensitive and fairly highly strung daughter was an indigo child and so I researched it with a view to becoming a better, more relatable, parent to her. It never occurred to me to ask “but what about me?”; it was almost underwritten into all the copious information that is now out there on these topics that my generation are, in a sense, obsolete now; we will never catch up with the youngsters and the way they are pre-wired for the next stage in our evolution.

Yet, in some unspoken part of me, I have never really accepted this and can clearly recall how, the more I read about indigo traits, the more I felt like I was exclaiming “that’s me, that’s me” far more than recognising them in my daughter; even when it came to recalling my own childhood. Since I was as young as I can remember, it feels as though I have been accessing, and playing with, ever higher frequencies yet, like a moth to a flame, I kept coming away from these experiences even more physically compromised than before, so perhaps my indigo trait was an early model that would never see me though; perhaps there was no hope of me effecting my own permanent upgrade, to make this ride more comfortable for me. I had tried in so  many ways, yet struggled, to find lasting ways to feel more synchronised with the New Time we are now in and less like the age and state of my body and my energetic capacities were out of step with each other. Finding AuraTransformation was like finding a key to the door that others had hung a “no entry” sign on and I was like a kid shouting “I knew it, I knew it could be done” as I read all about it.

I should also add a couple of balancing points to all that enthusiasm: part of me felt in resistance to it, for one reason that was quite trivial (but felt like it could be “a sign” it wasn’t for me) and others that were more weighty. The first was that I strongly disliked that the brand name has a trademark symbol as follows: AuraTransformation™ (which I should probably include all through this post…but I haven’t…because I know how many people I have spoken to have been put off by that). It made me wonder if I was dealing with a gimmick or a money-spinner rather than something that had real substance and potential (I later came to understand why the trademark was deemed necessary to protect people from imitation procedures since it is not something that untrained people should be carrying out). I also felt such a lot of resistance around the fact that I had come, by that point, incredibly far in my own consciousness-transformation journey…and I had done it all alone, without the need for a guru, being part of a particular community or following any particular path. I had always dived into whatever spoke to me with passion and curiousity…and then taken what resonated and moved on to the next thing, never committing to a particular brand of consciousness process but mixing up the best bits of many approaches, as appropriate for me. I already felt like I had such a direct and beautiful connection to source, via my heart, that I felt quite protective of that, knowing it was quite refined and not knowing whether an AT might disrupt that connection in some way. Really, overall (apart from my physical challenges), I felt like I had “got it together” pretty well so far and this had been all my own hard-work, I was thrilled with how far I had already come, so did I really need to hand over to some external mediator at this stage of things? Really?

To overcome these doubts, I had to do what I always do and immerse fully into the material, drinking it up, scrutinising it from all angles, with a long list of questions at the ready. By the end of the year, I was like some sort of expert in what AT was, what it involved, what risks and considerations there might be given my age and my health status and yet I still couldn’t put it down, I was drawn to it like a magnet. In the first couple of weeks of January 2018, being full revved up to go ahead with this, I interviewed three different AT mediators by Skype, in my quest for the exact right person…for me (which is so important)…and, when I found Sarah Jennings, I knew I was there. I booked my two appointments and, a week later, went all the way to Exeter, twice in one week, (which is no small distance from where I live) to have the procedure carried out.

Undergoing my AuraTransformation

Of course I was excited, of course I expected a lot from it, of course I was also afraid it would turn out to be a lot of hype and I would feel no different…I expereinced all of these misgivings and more, but mostly I could feel that this was right, it was important and it had arrived right on time in my life. I felt like I literally couldn’t have continued the way I was and had such a doom-laden feeling about the way my sensitivities were headed, which were making my body more and more depleted, even as I was becoming more conscious and aware of myself…which was a terrible paradox, a sort of splitting of the ways, like I was dissolving back into the ether. There was only one way that this could have gone, sooner or later, and I didn’t want to cut my life short; I have such a lot to live for. I knew I needed to ground myself back into my physical body, as a matter of urgency, if I wanted to stay around as a physical being.

So I went ahead with it and, after the first session, I was elated and…yes…I certainly felt something major had occurred, it felt momentous in a way I won’t even attempt to describe as it was most-particular to me, relative to the way I had been feeling before it was carried out.

Yet I also knew something major had shifted because of the feeling of solidity, of having landed and of being really, finally, in my body in a way that ( I saw with all-new clarity) had dwindled steadily since I was a child…even though I knew I had made my best attempt to hold onto it (and I was now able to love and appreciate that child-version of me, who had tried so steadfastly to be here like all the other kids, once I saw this). In fact, it was like being reunited with the physicality of my youngest self and rediscovering sensations that were marvellous to me back then but which I had been unable to hold onto for very long; not once I was put into the schooling system and encountered so many affronts to my high-sensitivity, forcing me to withdraw, more and more, from the body. Suddenly, I had such clarity around all of this; as you only can in hindsight, once you are past the worst pitfalls of a situation.

So, I was elated and I felt quite different that day wandering around Exeter and on the long train journey home; and my family could see it about me straightaway. My daughter, who knew next to nothing about it, only that I had been for some kind of treatment, treated me quite differently and it was as if she couldn’t take her eyes off me. One of the well-reported effects of an AT is that it significantly improves relatability between adults and children (like they can “see” you, and you them, far better) since, being born after the mid 1990s, they already have an indigo or crystal aura, or a mix of the two, depending on the date they were born. What has since happened, in that respect, amounts to a very interesting year where my daughter and I have almost had to learn to be quite different people together, exacerbated by her coming of age and leaving home (yes), but I can sense how so much of what has played out has been to do with this fundamental shift in my own “operating system”, but all that is a huge topic and for another post.

How my body initially reacted

For the next few days, I was on a high but…more than that…I was lit up, on the inside, in a way that was so reminiscent of the event I regard to be my “awakening”, which happened spontaneously in March 2011; an occassion when I felt like I burst open and had a goblet of golden light overflowing inside of me, in the region of my higher heart (more on the relevance of this to the crystal aura later) and everything…I mean everything…changed from that day. This felt somewhat the same and like I was glowing all the time, from the moment I woke up in the morning; which was now done with such ease and none of the usual turbulence from “re-entry” into the body.

The most interesting session of the two, in a sense, was the balancing one, which happened a year ago today because it actually felt like an anticlimax after the high-jinks of the first one. It was like I had already landed in the body and now I was being sealed into the deal…and, at some level, where it hit against an old belief system (more on that later), there was a panic-reaction taking place in my body when that door, as it were, came into the door frame and clicked shut…like I was trapped. Yes, a very big part of me had relished this ability to take flight from the body, to fly off whenever the mood took me and here was its rebellion as I became more grounded. In hindsight, it feels as though too many belief systems I had carried, for a very long time, about entrapment, and the need to avoid it at all costs, were sounding their warning bells and I felt more somber on the return trip home. Even on the journey, I felt unwell and, by the next day, I had developed full-blown flu, the kind I hadn’t had for many years, laid up in bed for over a week and still weak and unwell for almost a month. This was my body’s response to my spirit coming home to it after all these years of partial separation or what had been like some sort of new-age marriage with all the freedom, none of the commitment. There was a lot of ironing out, renegotiation of space and discussion of house-rules to be carried out over those first few weeks and I set to my AT homework as diligently as I could, from my sick-bed.

Yet, quite organically, by the end of that phase in bed, allowing my body to adjust, I had made some quite spontaneous changes. For instance, I went fully vegan, from an occassional, half-hearted attempt over all the months before, and I bought a juicer and began a daily celery juice regime at the start of my day (as a bare minimum), as I was genuinely craving green juices to get me over my flu. These two things, and a year of learning ever-more about herbs and plant-medicine, have defined the year since, becoming a lifestyle that is so natural to me that I can’t imagine any other…or how I ate the diet that I did before my AT. My body suddenly seemed quite clear about what it needed me to do to sustain my energy from now on; similar to how it was right after the experience I had in March 2011, after which I also made some very dramatic, instinctive changes to my lifestyle and diet, quite literally, overnight, which was the first major leap in my health-recovery journey.

Another thing that came up for me…some of my old issues, beliefs, stuck points, old emotional debris or whatever, literally fell away with the AT as I had kind-of hoped they would; especially where they turned out to be “stuff” that wasn’t really mine in the first place. Others, that I thought I had already put to bed, over the many years of doing all the consciousness-work, seemed to come back as though to insist I look at them in a whole deeper, more definitive, final and holistic way. This, of course, set me on a course of having even more “to process” over the coming months and, initially, felt like a version of “set-back”, even though the bigger part of me was half-expecting it to happen; the shock being in just how much I thought was finished-with that, really, wasn’t until that point. Its only now, a year later, that see how I have moved through as much in one year as it took me several years to even scrape the surface of before my AT.

Every AuraTransformation is a very personal experience…

Back to the resistance that I initially felt in the body, this is something the books about AT caution about; when we come to AT later in life, there is far more risk that the body will have ingrained traits that are much harder to shift or evolve, which may cause some difficulties with the process. They also caution that anyone undergoing an AT should be in good basic health. Clearly, I wasn’t…and I was approaching my 50th birthday when I had it….but I, knowingly, took these risks because my instincts told me this was the way I had to go.

Here I need to explain something else that is quite important to say about my case of over-riding all this cautionary advice. I am aware of two things about myself and have no doubt about them whatsoever when I share them with you, bizarre as they may sound to some.

One is that I have had an indigo aura all of my life, even though I was born before the date given, by Anni Sennov, as the time frame when people with the indigo aura started being born from the mid 1980s (and, to be fair, the books do refer to people with what I term “flashes of indigo” before that). In fact, I can see how all of the people I have been most attracted to, and formed the strongest relationships with, over the course of my life, including my husband, also have very strong indigo traits and they are almost all of my age group. However, in my case, I feel as though I had indigo traits from the start and was fully indigo from, I would say, the early to mid 1970s (I can recall aspects of the transition..the experiences I was having, how I was curious and welcoming of them), which is what caused me so many challenges at school and so on, as I was always swimming against the tide of my era. When I became an adult, which coincided with the first mass wave of indigo energies coming in, there was almost a fashion trend of adopting  “indigo” behaviours by those with soul auras who tuned in subconsciously and my innate trait felt drowned-out and confused by these bizarre yet disingenuous interpretations (there was all of the rebellion and non of the high-frequency); so I anesthetised myself back to sleep with drink and chaotic living for the next few years.

The second thing is that I have been turning crystal quite spontaneously since at least 2011, from the date (and the event) that I shared above, and those occasions or even phases of experiencing the crystal frequencies have been growing ever-stronger, more potent and longer lasting for me ever since. But! Crystal energy is extraordinarily difficult to ground into the human body all on your own; its frequency is so potent, so different that it is somewhat like running the wrong voltage through a household wiring system and it can blow the entire fuse box. I don’t hold that it is impossible to achieve, as the AT books assert, but I do believe this is a formidable feat and success will depend on many other factors, such as how grounded that person already is and the state of their health, also how long they have been attempting such a transition…I really wasn’t grounded and my health was already a mess from having played with high frequencies, outside of my time (and operating system), all of my life, as I have already shared. Attempting it could have some serious health consequences, as I was already finding out, and I needed this procedure to make it safe for me to continue.

This is what I have come to know, for myself, over the last year, which is why I was so reserved about sharing my AT experience until I had figured all this out for myself, beyond what the AT books or anyone else was telling me; basically, beyond what anything other than my own direct experience let me know, which it has…so I really feel like I know what I am talking about here, at least in my case, and can be honest about it. I am not affiliated with AT in any way, I opted not to train as an aura mediator myself when the opportunity was offered to me, so I remain independent of it in every sense except that I have undergone the procedure and this is what I believe; that it really helped me to ground what I was wrestling with, and being seriously depleted by, beforehand. I will never know how the alternate route would have turned out if I had passed this by but I am glad, in my case, that I went ahead with it.

This is an important caveat attached to all the positive reasons for chosing to undergo an AT if you are older or have health issues (though, really, it applies in all cases); you need to be prepared to take full responsibility for yourself and the outcome of your choice. Do the research, feel into it yourself, read all the books first (not afterwards as some people do), don’t have the procedure unless you have done the inner work beyond what the books say about it; check in with yourself. Don’t, for heaven’s sake, do it on a whim or because a friend did it (or I did it) or because it sounds nice; this is a major, life-altering procedure and should be treated with absolute respect. Above all, it’s about stepping up to take responsiblity for yourself, more than you ever have before, which is just the beginning because you will only do so more and more once you have had the AT carried out.

In fact, I have been uncharacteristically reserved about AT since the time I decided to have it. Normally, I am not at all reluctant to talk about new ideas and treatments that I am exploring, even at the point when I don’t know how they will turn out, as I like to share the journey of processing through uncertainty, to encourage other people to be prepared to do the same (these are, after all, boundary pushing times).  Yet, somehow, for all these many months, I have wanted to hold AT very close to my chest, to remain inner and private about it as I let it unwind itself and watched what happened. I didn’t even want to take part in various online group support sessions that were offered for people that had undergone the process; when I checked in with myself, I mostly wanted the space to feel into it on my own. I had just done some serious work to untie me from other people’s energy so the last thing I wanted was a new tie to the concept of “AuraTransformation”, making it all about the process, hanging out primarily with AuraTransformed people. Yes, I can be fiercely independent and that hasn’t changed. There has been something decidedly “quantum” about this approach I was drawn to, like I was utterly loath to influence the outcome by loading it with anyone’s expectations, including my own.

Experiencing the crystal energies…and sustaining them

As a result, there have honesty been  times when I have doubted it myself; have thought “well that was a load of nothing then” as though nothing had changed; still other times when I have felt quite certain I was riding a whole other wave of experience as a result of having undergone it. Towards the end of last year, I almost forgot to think about it completely, as though it was integrated, a given…yet I was still struggling with my health, especially towards the very end of the year, though the autumn had surprised me by being the best I had had since, well, before I was a school age child and would suddenly feel depleted just because the calendar turned to September. This time, for the first time in living memory, I just kept going and had a wonderful couple of months, we even went overseas in October and I was so vibrant, chatty, made new friends, even found myself enthralling people with what I had to say…these are all typical, observable qualities of the post-AT person, especially if they are normally quiet, reserved and “invisible” to other people, as I used to be. We literally become more visible to others because we are more “here”!

Yet, as I said, I still struggled at the end of the year and, in many ways, felt like I was set right back to before I had the AT. It wasn’t until the very beginning of this year that it was as though an enormous penny dropped and I understood so much in an instant.

Those times when I was flying…I was actively working with the crystal energies.

Those times when it was as though I was worse-off than ever….I really wasn’t working with them, in fact I was flying in the face of them and this was hitting me even harder than ever.

I had allowed myself to forget that the power of manifestation is even more potent, more immediate, once you are in the crystal energies….thus, if you choose not to steer, its like crashing a sports car into a wall, rather than crashing the clapped-out old vehicle you used to drive. Yes, the impact is so much more obvious though (I had noticed this too) the potential to recover is much more speedy and responsive, once you set your intentions onto it. So, of course, I was bewildering myself with very high highs and very low lows, like a novice flying an out-of-control jet plane, pulling and pushing on the lever; what a ride!

At other times, it was like I had slipped into some sort of cruise control which was fixed on the indigo energies, a convenient middle-ground, only these experiences were feeling more indigo than ever…kind-of  turbo-indigo. This brought up in me all those bull-in-a-china-shop traits of indigo which had always been the most challenging for me to embody, given my strong desire for a quiet life, such as being the contrarian, irresistibly challenging the status quo, taking on causes and speaking my mind without holding back and little care for who I offended…oh how I did such a lot of that last year. It was beginning to feel like a teenage revival and really rocked my boat at times. Now, I see how this was just a stopping-off point on the way to the crystal energies, which feel like home to me and I am spending more and more time there, now I know the difference (for much more on indigo and crystal traits, and the difference, I recommend Anni Sennov’s books). Which is not to say the crystal energies mean ceasing to challenge anything; quite the contrary, your desire to be more active around themes that matter to you only increases, yet there is a different, less “singe your own feathers” way of going about it (more on that later).

What I notice about the first year since AuraTransformation

Meanwhile, I can see now, as though looking down on my year from a high-up viewing point, how finding balance – in all things – has become my focus lately; how the higher heart chakra feels like my very centre-point these days; and how these shifts have altered, pretty much, everything. I don’t try to experience either of these things; they just are my truth and, in fact, my reluctance to do anything but sit back and see how my AT transpired allowed me to know that this all happened quite organically, with no pressure to perform, as it were. Integration of the masculine and feminine, a divine union taking place as me, has become my reality without any effort whatsoever and it feels like such a key part of my dharma to share this experience with the world, as you may have noticed I have been doing across so many topics. I have also found myself, instinctively, working with my elements more than ever, even though I was wanting to play with these before my AT; yet now it has become a key part of understanding my new operating system to work with these intimately to keep them conscious and in balance.

I can see how I have shaken off the last vestiges of “karma” (which, to be frank, I was already shedding before my AT) and have replaced this with a much stronger sense of dharma…my purpose in life…a desire to be of service (already there but now it energises rather than depleting me)…which is even less conditional than ever, since I know now that this may very-well have nothing whatsoever to do with “making money” or “taking the world by storm” and everything to do with being more, unapologetically, me in whatever shape that takes. I am experiencing, direct, that being crystal is not about ceasing to be active and vocal; rather, it allows you to be more active, impactful and unique than ever and yet to stay in balance; no longer having to choose between human engagement or “being spiritual”, like they are two different ends of the same see-saw.

My sense of perspective or “overview”, from within the human perspective, even when I hit a piece of core wounding at my own or the collective level (I am usually pretty quick to notice how I am really dealing with both at the same time), has never been clearer, so I no longer rely on mediation to achieve that, though I do still find benefit from pulling back to meditate from time to time to slow my hyper-energised state down a little. I maintain that level of energy for far longer now, without crashing my own system every five minutes. Though I still engage with human wounding, in fact I believe its part of my dharma to do so as part of what I offer to the collective healing, I don’t get drawn hopelessly into “the dark stuff” any more and can pull back out or hover on the periphery, even as things are unfolding around me, which is fascinating to witness.

Before AT, I was kidding myself that I was coping with the way I am…but it relied on me staying in a sort of blissful daydream outside of the mainstream current of life, at least most of the time, to keep my energy intact. I was playing with some pretty high-frequencies yet the more I played with them, the more depleted and, thus, less able I was to go out amongst other people to share or catalyse in a social context. Since having my AT, I have noticed how I can bring my higher-frequencies out to play amongst certain other people (who I seem to attract) and, rather than coming home crashed-out, I can show up and feel even more energised by the interactions I am now attracting, craving more of them, not to mention witnessing how this positively impacts those other people too. I find this is an area that I am longing to have more experience of; which was not characteristic of me at all before my AT. I am drawn to people with the crystal potential, whether or not they have had an AT, and seem to have naturally run out of steam persuing some relationships, without any drama, just good grace.

Do I still have health problems? Yes I do; whatever your challenges, AT doesn’t profess to sweep them all away overnight. However, I can feel numerous ways that my body is now catching up and, whilst things are similar to how they were, they are by no means the same. Different things crash my energy than before; and it has less to do with those aspects of leading a “normal” human life that I used to feel like I was missing out on, which means I can take part more. These days, it has more to do with unravelling the damage and life-long conditioning my physical body has sustained from having had to cope with such high sensitivity to anomalous experiences “outside the body” for so many years (which has, quite literally, altered the way my nervous system is wired, which is not an overnight job to fathom; I won’t say “undo” as I feel sure the peculiar way I am wired serves some higher purpose). Also the fact that I do still tend to rush headlong into high frequency experiences, with too little regard for the consequences…though I am getting much better at pacing myself and remaining present with whatever is happening here and now, taking into account the preferences of my human. Maintaining balance…most of the time…has become a far bigger focus to me now than it ever was; much more to me than chasing after high-frequency experiences in their own right (given a choice, I prefer them to be grounded…which is where the real creative fun starts). You could say, I’m focusing on being an activated human!

I’m also able to be more fun (and funny), irreverent, light-hearted, trivial and relatable…no bad thing! I feel on such easy terms with most people I meet, from the outset, and if they don’t meet me there, that’s their problem.

I have noticed how I feel more in my physical body; which, you may assume, was always the case but, actually, I have always been quite obtuse to my own feelings and far more inclined to pick up on everyone else’s. This means I am, finally, learning to check in with my body and treat it with more care and respect, not to mention having better instincts about what it really needs. I will always be highly sensitive; AT is not a general anesthetic…but its the way my system deals with all this information that I see evolving rapidly.

I’m at the beginning of a journey of which the first couple of years is just the starting point. Listen to any of the videos made by people who have undergone an AT (which now include people from all walks of life…teachers, mums, pilots, hairdressers, artists, scientists, business owners…people with AT must be walking around in almost every town) and they all say pretty much the same in this regard. For pretty much every person I’ve heard, AT was just the start of a wonderful new journey which felt quite different to the life they had before. Even in its earliest stages, I can tell that this is what crystal feels like and I know this is where I’m destined to be now; I can feel, at last, like it really is my home and I’m ready to move in on a permanent basis, not just visiting. People can see it in my eyes, which have changed; I’m much more present in my body, without that constant otherworldly appearance that used to make me look like I would blow away in the wind or was away with the fairies.

Very quickly, from the point of feeling all of this, I was able to see the last year in focus, could see all the pitfalls as though they were highlighted. I could make sense of what I was doing right when it was coming together and how to do that (whatever it was) more concertedly than before, by focussing my efforts from now on, instead of free-flowing so much. I put effort into my crystal status now and it makes all the difference to my experience, day after day. I am also rereading the AT books and that is such a revelation because, whereas last time it was in advance of the treatment and I was mostly speculating “this could be me, wouldnt that be nice”, I am able to see how this now is me, these are my experiences…and not just in the brief, unsustainable flashes I was having before!

Where I am now at the one-year anniversary

As this January progressed, it was as though I could feel the one-year anniversary coming up on the horizon, like it carried some significance, a coming of age of sorts. It’s predicted to take two years to fully crystallise from the point of having an AT and I feel like I have certainly stepped-up to a new level in just the last few weeks. It was so funny, I had forgotten the exact date that I underwent mine, though I knew it was around this time of year…but, when the date came (though I still wasn’t aware of it) I had a phenomenal experience, a sort of heightened fanfare of a day, doing the sort of things that used to depete me, for instance going out to the theatre and for a meal in London, plus some other syncroncities, which seemed to crystalise such a lot of things for me about how far I have come. Its only now, a few days later, as I realise that it was the one-year anniversary of when it happened, that I see how I was having a sort of rebirthday party thrown by the universe.

Do I feel more grounded; oh yes, I certainly do and yet it’s not at the expense of that part of me that wants, in fact needs, to soar way-higher than my human self, to explore far beyond the confines of my physicality. I seem to have achieved a sort of best-of-both worlds, which is what the crystal energies are all about, after all; but to experience this, as your manifest human self, is something else entirely, compared to what sounds like a very nice idea. This fills me with such hope that what is possible on the personal level is equally so at the collective…and this is just early days in my own process, I know there’s much more to come.


AuraTransformation website

Dare To Be – UK-based AuraTransformation Mediator Sarah Jennings

AuraTransformation YouTube channel – a whole library of video testimonials, conversations and other useful information.

Balance on All Levels with the Crystal and Indigo Energies and all the other AT books by Anni Sennov

Sarah Jennings on what AuraTransformation did for her ( a beautiful summary in this conversation)



This blog, its content and any material linked to it are presented for informational purposes only. They are not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, treatment, or prescribing. The material and opinions shared are anecdotal and should not be considered to be medical advice or diagnosis. This article does not constitute a recommendation for the treatment described and the effects related are my own anecdotes, not a prediction of how anyone else might respond. I am not affiliated with AuraTransformation™,  nor am I its representative (please go to the AuraTranformation™ website for its official description and further information). Please consult with a licensed healthcare professional if you have or suspect you might have a health condition that requires medical attention.

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Responsible masculinity

I coined a phrase “responsible masculinity” in my last post and its applicable to all of us; not at all gender specific. There’s something I find off-putting about certain strains of feminism and its that its feels like more of the same “masculinity run amok” as we are collectively accusing the men of. What these times call for is an appreciation of what the masculine trait brings to the sum of all that we are; and how necessary it is…and a collective admission that not all expressions of masculinity are the same, that we need to be mindful of which version we unleash as ourselves.

If we see examples of distorted masculinity all-around us then the invitation is to be its other version, ourselves, without so much finger-pointing; whether we are man or woman…and to learn to discern the difference, regardless of the smokescreen of gender, so that we know what we are talking about. 

Just as not all distortions of masculinity are modelled by men, not all men are modeling distorted masculinity and I am seeing them appear all around me at the moment; not least in the form of my husband, who is modestly modelling something quite new in all his guises, whether in his (on the surface of things…if not so, deep down, where he makes his quiet difference) “conventional” career, or as a yogi, as a father or as my husband. What is this thing that he models so well? Balance, between his masculine and feminine qualities, which he also possesses in abundance and is not afraid of admitting or demonstrating. Was this always the case? Well, maybe, at the blueprint level, he was born with this balance (perhaps all men are) but he wasn’t always capable of showing it, at least when I first met him. Over the years, I have seen him raise his feminine side up and temper his most distorted masculine aspects until they were able to lie side by side in quite a new format, one which shines out of him the most (in a sense) because he is male and it is more unexpected coming from the very male-looking package that he is. 

Yet when a woman does this too, it is no less important or mark-making in the world than when a man finds his inherent balance. As a woman whose masculine intellect was so domineering for years (even though my inherent emotional trait is to be almost entirely feminine…what a mix), I have had to work on my own inner see-saw in countless ways to get to where I am today.

There are versions of masculine, versions of feminine…and then there are divine examples that we can strive towards (which is a masculine compunction…to grow upwards and extend ourselves outwards…in itself). See what I mean? We can’t make war on any of it without turning on ourselves; our aim has to be to discover and explore its better version, as ourselves, and then be that. When we model it, growing into this new-balanced version of ourselves, we make it more available to others, doing the work of promoting this thing effortlessly and without pushing or forcing anything in an aggressive way; which leads me right back to the very point that  I am making.


Related post: When the sun comes up

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When the sun comes “up”

screenshot 2019-01-29 at 09.17.25The sun is “up” at the moment; a rare solar minimum flare, the strongest for almost a year, delivered a burst of sun energy on Saturday 26th at 13.22UT (click left for video). This affects us all from the very moment it happens, deep in our cells, whether its offshoot “arrives” anywhere near earth or not. If we are sensitive, we feel it “as it happens” and we notice it as it builds up heat. Because we are deep into solar minimum now, we notice it all the more for its contrast though, hard to believe, we were experiencing surges like this almost every day just a very few years ago. It’s like a wake up call, a reminder, a promise of the new sun cycle to come..which is only just around the corner, its murmurings already noticed as some reverse polarity sunspots that have started to overlap with this dying cycle. We are, after all, creatures of many cycles and, just like we may start to sense spring in the air on a January walk, invigorating us though the ground is still cold, we do this with the sun’s vaster cycles too and they remind us, at the cellular level, what we are all about. Because we are made of sun, just as surely as we are made-up of the moon…the masculine and feminine within us, as us (there can be no contest there…not if we want for good health) since both play their equally important part.

jordan-wozniak-256456-unsplashIf we are tuned in to this, or even if we are not, we may have noticed a heat rising up in us, deep inside, over the last couple of days. It may have seemed chaotic, destructive, things may have seemed to “go wrong” or “go up in smoke” since we affect more than we know. Tempers may have sparked, situations flared-up out of “nowhere”, or technology may have faltered, crashed for “no reason” (eventually, we each have to come to know, respect and steer how much energy we are able to garner when we tune into the sun; like learning how to drive a sports car, this is part of our consciousness journey). There’s this precarious tendency for things to be made bigger than they really are and for petty things to be turned into pissing-in-the-snow contests if we aren’t on our guard in this energy flow. People become more strident, competitive or, some, more burned-out…their energy, as it were, consumed away as if they suddenly have none of it left, which may feel like a fever, a sudden cold. “Why am I so tired” they bewail, perhaps reaching for their comfort habits, though all they really need is extra down-time and to listen to what the body needs to cool its hard-drive down; lemon balm and water (not alcohol and caffeine).

Do we have anyone around us who is feeling drained by this new inner-heat? Hold their wrist lightly, or even our own if this is us, and we can probably feel a high-strung pitta pulse charging through the body (learn how to do this here). We refer to it all the time, don’t we, when we say somebody’s “blood is up”. Well, in Ayurvedic terms, their pitta (fire) is up and it would serve them well to seek out more vata (light and airy) and kapha (grounding and moist) balancing agents, in whatever ways they can. We’ve enjoyed some wonderfully refreshing winds here in the UK and a good walk in those, but not for too long since wind can whip up a flame, can be so therapeutically cooling on the cheeks, followed by warm (not hot) liquidy drinks and foods to stabilise the energy. We may have gone the other way and feel invigorated by this new surge of life-force; so we want to go with it, to catch onto the tail of inspiration and dive into projects while this turbo-boost is coming-in so thick and fast. Great…just be careful not to burn out by attempting too much too soon and balance this with variety; quiet times, meditation, a walk in the park.

bryan-minear-316499-unsplashWhen we get so desperately out of balance, we tend to focus such a lot on “inflammation” (in our world, in our bodies) that we forget just how necessary fire really is. As we come to know our own bodies and our energy systems better, we can work all the more effectively with these sun behaviours, recognising them as (really) ours and how they are here to serve us in a myriad ways that progress our lives. Like the sun warms the seed under the ground, triggering it to sprout, urging it to push through the soil into new circumstances, these sun events signal to us that its time to grow ourselves. If we feel anger, irritation or frustration, this is just because we woke up as though from a deep sleep and realised we want more than what we are currently putting up with…that’s all. If we are angry and frustrated with others, it’s because we direct at them our own frustration at ourselves. When we see this all the more clearly, we stop fighting everyone and everything around us and work with ourselves to effect the very changes that we long for, using sun-power to fuel our next evolution.

Because sun energy engenders change; it actively encourages it in whatever form it comes…and any movement makes for change. In fact that very word I so-wanted to use holds a clue; to engender is to beget, to procreate, to catalyse, invoke, spawn, give rise…this is what the masculine energy brings to the sum of all things. It derives from the same word as gender: the Latin word generare which means to produce or beget so how can we ever engage in gender wars…this masculine part of the equation is how we create, both inside and out. This procreative movement, this change, could be anger, an uprising…could be a dance or a whole new paradigm; it’s all from the sun. Women who rail for feminine causes, me included, are drawing on their inner masculine as they do this. What we have to remember is that this energy is us; it’s within us, not “happenening to us” from the outside, though there is a collective-contagious aspect to these surges when they happen, for sure. Developing what I term “responsible masculinity” is a necessary part of the evolutionary journey; and its an inside job. We each get to interpret our own version of it, to take it to one extreme or the other…or somewhere in the middle and that’s what its all about; finding our balance.

reposted via The sun is “up” on Living Whole


Related post: Responsible masculinity

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Is technology our friend?

When I settled down to watch the playback of a live stream the other evening my ears (appropriately enough…) pricked up to hear the host observe how her ears always get so hot and red when she does one of these live calls. It wasn’t, she thought out loud, because she was nervous or excited but it happens every time…which is something many of us (who are similarly sensitive and observant) notice about using video calling. So why is this any different to watching any other sort of video, we may ask; what are our ears  and, for some of us, our faces and chests, even our whole bodies, trying to tell us? What turns us so red?

Its been on my mind because, with my daughter now living away from home, I’ve been pressed into more than my usual number of such video calls lately. Even though I do them using a desktop and with an ethernet connection, I too notice this highly energetic component of the call; which either limits how long or how often I can make them or means that, sometimes, I just have to be firm and say “not now”.

It floated into my consciousness this morning, having received two or three such calls yesterday (and having such a hot-ear problem in the night) that, perhaps, our vulnerability lies at the energetic level of how we communicate with one another, which is an area of study receiving a lot more attention, finally. Perhaps, at such a level, we anthropomorphise the equipment with whom we are, seemingly, engaged in meaningful communication during these calls. I see it in my mind’s eye as though we, as it were, unfold some sort of satellite antenna when we engage with another being via live stream in a way that we don’t when we, say, watch the playback or any other sort of video. This antenna being a subtle piece of our human “kit” that we always use when we meet other people; used to read their energy field and ascertain certain pieces of quite crucial information about them before we even open our mouths. But what if that “person” is actually a computer screen generating a powerful electro-magnetic field? As we suck-in that mistaken “prior assessment of person” frequency into our own field, how does this impact our nervous system?

This reminds me of something quite profound about how we all engage with other beings (whether we are aware of this or not). Assuming first assessments – which take place in a millisecond after meeting – are favourable or, at least, optimistic, we drop our barriers, let in their essence, sucking that frequency in for as long as it takes to make a next assessment of what frequency they are carrying (are they friendly, angry, feeling sad…). When we watch a video of a person, of course, it’s not the same thing, even when it’s a YouTube video (and we don’t expect that it will be) but when its live stream we know, somehow (back to those subtle senses) that this is taking place in same time, if not same place, so we open those barriers up to let in…what, exactly? Whatever it is seems to make our ears get very hot.

So, running with this theory, what other times do we let in too much manmade electro-magnetic sludge, mistaking it for an essential component of being “in relationship” with something alive. Well, in my own case, two far-out examples are in my relationship with the moon and the sun. The moon and its cycles have affected me and my health far more profoundly in tandem with how much I have come to regard it as an energetically animate “thing” which, I suspect, was pretty early on in my life yet it only increased as time went on. The more weight I assigned to the moon, the more weighty its effect, you could say; and this was deep-deep-down in my psyche, not at the surface level. Same with the sun, as I woke up to the sense of a “spiritual sun” I only became more affected by its behaviours, the solar flares and such which I am now so very attuned to. In line with that development, I have only become ever-more sensitive to the effects of technology; so, is this because I am more aware of them, having opened up my receptors to allow in a fuller awareness of cosmic frequencies; or because technology’s effects, in our environment, have only become more and more aggressive over that same time frame?

If there seems to be something unhealthily anthropomorphic about this trait I describe (and I have always been somewhat prone to this) then, perhaps, anthropomorphic tendencies are a necessary byproduct of spiritual awakening. Because to assign such feelings to so-called inanimate objects is a sign of realising that all life is energy…and all energy is life. And the sun, yes even the moon, are far from static objects in “the sky”; the same goes for the significant levels of radiation that we have generated all around us, associated with the equipment we use to communicate every day; this, too, is a living thing that we have unleashed and brought into very close proximity. After all, there is nothing new in this universe; it’s all energy…

Perhaps some of us are more prone to sensing this about our world than others and, as ever, it falls to the sensitive types, and the synesthetes. I had an interesting experience last night. I had, unwittingly of course, inserted the batteries into a movement-sensor lighting device “the wrong way round” in my half-asleep state. At some point in the night, I “heard” a distinct crack and saw in my mind a very potent image that comes back vividly to me as I describe it; of a red curtain of sorts, like a heavy velvet drape, which suddenly sustained a gash like a sword had cut through it, leaving its edges blackened and smouldering. It abruptly woke me up, as though this crack had taken place inside my head, and was enough for me to declare outloud “what the hell was that!” It felt as though my head had gone “pop”: but, more logically, as though something electrical had blown in the house but, bear in mind here that, due to my electrosensitivity we flip off the mains electricty over night to gain me a more recuperative level of sleep.

Though the house was all quiet, nothing going on, I lay there unable to sleep for the longest time. Eventually, I gave up and went for a stroll around the house to clear my head…and went to the room where the device was. Bothered by the fact it didn’t seem to be working, I unscrewed it to find the brand new batteries had leaked all over the insides; they had apparently ruptured. It was then I realised they had been put in “the wrong way”, a confusion caused by the spring mechanism being a completely random way up in each battery socket (the penalty, I suppose, of cheap manufacturing) and, reading the instructions, noticed that wrong insertion might cause device failure or could even destroy the device.

So, this minor energetic event occurred quite some distance away, in a different room and yet I received notification as a distinct sensory experience, colours, bright light, even a sense of implied smell, as though it happened in the vicinity of my head. I feel it is only fair to add that there was a significant geomagnetic storm last night; the first one of this level for a while, and these make me acutely sensitive to a number of anomalous triggers. Yet this visceral effect of the energetic event my nervous system picked up on (in other words, it was translated into the language of my five senses…) is, I suspect, what some synesthetes have the ability to do if they are also highly sensitive. In other words, they pick up on energetic subtleties…frequency, if you will… and they assign them a much-more relatable sensory equivalent. So, imagine what our inbuilt yet bewildered human-energy-reading gizmos might, potentially, translate EMFs into, as sensations in our body; having mistaken them for a “living being” with whom we want to communicate. Whilst this might be the transition phase of humans getting used to working more closely with technology, such cross-referencing of sensory data might be a very real effect and cause some fairly bewildering symptoms while we get used to it.

We might be at less risk of this when the technology we use is “just” regarded as this piece of machinery, a block of plastic and wires that we use for some useful purpose. However, perhaps when the expectation is to communicate, as in during a video call, we are more vulnerable than ever to making the mistake that the EMFs we detect coming off the “machine” we are talking to are, actually, the benign, even loving, human energy force coming our way from the person with whom we are communicating. In other words, we assign them a personality of sorts; anthropomorphic behaviour in a nutshell.

This topic crosses over, of course, with cybernetics and all the potential pitfalls that this aspect of human ambition is rife with. It begs the question, what constitutes “life” and how far do we let such evidence of life “in” to our own energy field, dropping all our shields? Do we, for instance, entertain thoughts of having relationships with robots (a dubious area darkly explored in the recent film Zoe starring Ewan McGregor). What, indeed, are the markers for sentience and when will we recognise these as being amply present in animals and birds, for instance, before we launch into recognising them in our own creations made-up of plastic and wire? We are already giving names to our “intelligent technology”; Siri and Alexa are obvious examples. Like some people name their cars, is this all done tongue-in-cheek or does it signify something about the human being; not just about their psyche but about the way we are energetically “wired”? In other words, we seek to have energetic exchanges with others and, as long as we find energy coming back at us, we consider that thing to be, well, alive!

What happens then? Do we open all our energetic doors, welcome it in, start to merge with it at some level? You don’t have to have a chip put in your arm to do that; over-exposure will do it to you without you even realising. When we trust the face on the screen, how much more do we open up and say “come on in”? The brainwash technology behind much television programming has used this for decades but what I am talking about here is so much more than subliminal messages; it’s the frequency omitted by the devices themselves.

You might say, but surely when we speak to someone on a video call, we know they’re not there, that they aren’t real in that sense…its just a screen with a facsimile of a visage and a voice. Well, yes, at the level of intellect but we are talking about energy exchange here; this is the domain of the subtle energy body we each have and it speaks in frequencies. At that level, the assessment might be as basic as “alive” or not; and if there is energy pouring off this machine then who knows how we might gobble it up. This might be affected by whether we have ever met this individual in person (if not, this “reading” we are getting of them is all we have every known) or how long it has been since we met that person “in the flesh”. Potentially, the energy we receive off the device comes at us much more forcefully than the person to whom we are speaking; or perhaps we receive both, depending on the charisma of whomever the conversation is with, I should imagine. Given that it is already well-documented that humans (no less animals) can tune into each other over vast distances, do we then experience the human energy and the technology energy all in one hit? No wonder our nervous system feels overloaded enough to go red and fire up.

woman-3509149_1920Also, numbers of people connecting on a call might be a factor. If one person is hosting a call addressing, say, 100 people in a live stream, does this potentially overload the person’s nervous system? Do other people on the live-call (I know I have) feel it too? Back to the red-hot ear phenomenon, which I have long felt is connected to the vagus nerve (see my big-juicy post on that); perhaps our in-built satellite receivers are maxing-out or, at least, more so than if this was a “shared frequency event” (conversation) with just one other person. As more and more people join the call (“wow, I have over 200 people attending tonight…”), do they/we just get hotter and hotter? Like when we sense someone is talking or even thinking about us (which we do), only to a factor of many multiples and cranked up by an electro-magnetic charge, which makes it, somehow, all the more tangible. There’s no mistake to the age-old phrase to have your “ears prick up”; this ability is related to the vagus nerve and is one of our most basic sensory devices as we feel into our relationships with “other”. Yet, whereas a hundred years ago, we might have had daily or even weekly dealings with the butcher, the baker and the candlestick maker, these days we have so many more interactions in a single morning, or even an hour or two, than that…many more than we can count when we add in all those people we regularly connect with across the other side of the globe, even if ony in a social media or business sense, and who may be thinking or talking about us at any moment.

The collective shared-frequency potential is a phenomenon that the HeartMath Institute have more-than touched upon in their cutting-edge research and which has been used to good (and demonstrable) effect to focus intentional mediations, joined by very large numbers of people, at healing world situations. In such cases, the sheer potency of the energetic charge I am talking about is just what we need to cultivate as a power force (or love weapon) of sorts; used as an instrument of positive change and healing.

Going back to the topic of live streams, the “feeling the energy of your audience” aspect is somewhat like being on a stage in front of a large audience, you could say yet, really, it’s not. We are never so intimate and open on a stage; we keep to a format and, to some extent, our barriers remain up because our senses tell us there is a vast crowd of people with their eyes upon us, watching our every move. Over eons of behavioural evolution, we have come to know the well-rehearsed ropes in such circumstances and stick to what feels appropriate to share, as a boundary-setting exercise; in ways that most people are possibly still too novice to realise they should when it comes to the video-conferencing format . When a person is sat in their lounge hosting a call that goes out to high numbers of people, who they can’t see and can hardly visualise, they are likely to be off their guard to the point of being completely relaxed yet, really, they are making connection with all these individuals, “in real-time”, intimately opening-up to them all at once, which has to be impactful.

Another consideration is, perhaps like performing on a stage, some people actually get energised by this; it fuels them to be on a screen, connecting with all these people across the airwaves. There’s a whole generation of vloggers, virtual coaches and internet personalities etc. who sustain  themselves with a daily diet of this kind of energy, without ever having to leave home or, necessarily, meet that many people in person. We make our friends that way too, in many cases; equating “likes” and other forms of “feedback” as displays of friendship (almost as thought the computer itself, as it delivers these measures of self-worth, is the real friend). Is it healthy or sustainable? We don’t know yet…

Again, I suspect those of us that don’t enjoy this vibe are the sensitives, also the introverts, those who prefer minimal audience and one-to-one conversations “in the flesh”. We are those who tend to feel deeply into life more so than engaging with material cues as to “what’s happening”;  we start by reading the energetic signal and then we make more solid deductions from those. In all our encounters with other people, we send out those antennae-like sensors of ours to check out who we are dealing with, and we bring that energetic profile back home to our nervous system, which is very-often wired quite unlike that of a less sensitive type (for more on that, I refer you to Elaine Aron’s website and books, amongst others).

For those of us that are electro-sensitive, as I’ve touched upon before, perhaps we don’t even need the formality of making “a call” to experience this effect. We can simply be in an environment where lots of people gather and where wi-fi and cellular signals are strong, to feel drawn into that energetic soup and come out with very hot ears, faces, maybe even the whole length of our vagus nerve (the longest in the body) and thus all the many the areas of the body impacted by all these disparate frequencies we seem to “suck in” from our environment. We are, in effect, forced to take part in all these multi-conversations as they, quite literally, pass through our bodies as frequency. For me, good reason to avoid public spaces and wi-fi dense environments, at least most of the time; an arrangement that means I can put up with the trains and the theatres when I have to, or really want to, having not crashed my system with a daily overload. In other words, I use spadeloads of discernment around technology; keeping it on my terms.

Because of this discernment, I am doing pretty well, actually, as an electro-sensitive living in this techno-obsessed world of ours. What I do notice, still, is that in the hours or even days following a video call, my ears can be red-hot and over-sensitive, even painful. So why still do it? Well, for one, my daughter pretty-much insists on it, being of a generation that feed off the visual so, to them, old-fashioned phone conversations are just not stimulating enough. This is even though she pays me very little attention in return for my hot ears and burning body; her eyes and attention wandering everywhere as we chat but its an occassional price I pay to enjoy her company, long distance (something my mother and I didn’t have). Yes, technology has its perks.

Where does this acute sensitivity (when others seem unaffected) come from? In my case, I have only become more sensitive the more I have “woken up”  in spiritual terms. It’s almost the sting in the tail of this awakening process that you, effectively, notice and feel more. Or, rather, I have noticed, it can be a particular problem in what I refer to as the indigo phase as we tend to become very addicted to high frequencies and photonic light during this stage; like a heat-seeking missile seeking it out and gobbling it up in the form of whatever facsimiles of these happen to come our way…including sources of EMF.  In other words, we become confused and beguiled by the sheer array of higher frequencies that suddenly open up to our awareness and, at least some of the time, we are attracted to the least-ideal sources of it. When we start to crystallise in our energy structure, we notice how we suddenly start to become much more discerning about sources of high frequency “light”…and, ultimately, we come to realise that what we are looking for on the outside is, really an inside job…we ARE the light.

So, am I still sensitive to EMFs, now that I feel myself making that transition? Well, yes, I still feel how much they affect my body and thus it makes sense to mitigate my exposure as a priority, given that I  currently reside in this body and respect its needs more than ever. This continued sensitivity is partly because the body is such an habitual creature; its responses take a little while to be unlearned, and I am working on that; but to imply the body is lagging behind or demonstrating an inappropriate response is far too simplistic and, frankly, condescending.

Especially in the light of the other reason I am still aware (and indeed, I intuit, my higher consciousness wants me to still be aware) of how much manmade EMFs impact my human body, which is because what we are being exposed to, right now, does feel like too much, too soon…and we still have a lot to learn. In years to come, I feel confident we will regard some of the uses we are currently making of technology to be foolhardy and far too abrasive with respect to the human energy field (both individual and collective); which we need, more than ever, to keep intact for our ongoing evolution. Those of us that have different, less material, priorities to the mainstream, would do well to remember that the technologies we are currently being subjected to are in their very infancy in terms of anyone understanding their longterm effects on health. At the very least, they seem to scramble and work-against our innate frequency enough for it to be uphill work rebalancing ourselves constantly, if we expose ourselves too much. Again, as in all things, it’s a matter of discernment.

Is technology my friend? I’d be a hypocrite to say it’s not as, having made the switch to digital art over painting over the last year, I now rely on it more than ever and, yes, in that sense, I truly love what it can help me dobe and express. I’m really excited about some of what technology is allowing us to play with today while being quite wary of some of its applications. I even feel, at some level, as though I have seen it all before and can see some of the pitfalls up ahead that others seem so blindly oblivious to. I scrutinise everything before I jump on board; which is no bad thing. The crucial distinction that I make, which many others seem to forget, is that it is an instrument that I use, not an extension of who I am. Boundary setting is so important in this regard, as with all things. It’s also a case of getting the balance right – I use it, but I don’t seek to merge with, or become, it; worse, for it to become me. Knowing the difference maintains my humanity which, just for the moment, I kind-of rely on as I came here for that very experience. It’s a fascinating topic; one I intend to allow to open up more without forcing it along with too much intellectual speculation. There are no answers or accusations here; just some ideas to be playful with.

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The magic of snow

I’m just back from a walk in the almost dark in the almost snow; the kind of snow that gets you wet rather quickly since it comes down in great sloppy pancakes that stick to all your clothing…and it was really rather magical.

It was a reluctant walk to start with; one of those that every dog-owner has on days when they are so preoccupied with doing other things that they think they resent the interruption of wrapping up to go out in the cold. At least I pushed through it and was quickly prepared to own that I had been mistaken in my grumble of “I just don’t need this today”; this walk, in the premature darkness and the softening effect of the snow, was just the right thing. After all, how often does it snow here; I can’t remember the last time I got to walk in it. I had also forgotten its unfamiliar magic; how unfamiliarity (and the unplanned interruption to what we think we want to be doing) is, sometimes, just what we needed most.

Because this is such a familiar walk, a short distance from my house, across a common, through woods, up a hill with, normally, a view; yet I could do it in my sleep…sometimes feel as though I do sleepwalk it, at least when I’m distracted.

This time, due to the darkening effect of the weather, the big white house on the hill was all lit-up against the dusk and, skimmed by a field that was already turned into a blanket of white, for all the snow was so wet, seemed quite transformed by the timeless quality this turn in the weather had given to it. Although, close-up, I knew its glowing yellow interiors are really a collection of office spaces with flickering strip-lights and metal filing cabinets, from this distance, behind the snow-flurry, I conjured up a world of swinging lanterns and carriages at midnight, as it once might have been after some evening gathering or other.

This brought to mind the reminiscences of a friend I once had, who said she had gone there for tea with her mother, oh, forty or more years ago and been taken up to an old-fashioned nursery in the attic, with the children of the family, presided over by a uniformed nanny; imagine! When the last time was that I had recalled that particular nugget, I really don’t know but the way I was now seeing the old house, built to feminine specifications as a dowager house, offered new depth to the sterile modern reality of a building whose innate beauty is seldom seen or appreciated any more, I strongly suspect. It was like opening a box of perception to “see” all of this as though transported, from just a few moments stood softening my gaze on a snowy hill; and I was only just warming up…

The pathway through the woods was eerie, its landmarks all but vanished, its length seeming longer with my sensory cues all-but scrambled away by weather and dark. I became aware (more than seeing them) of birds flitting into foliage, hunkering down for the night ahead; and I knew, from experience, that deer would be very close since this is where I go to meet them. Yet, beyond such associations, the new timeless quality persisted as though these conditions took away all linearity from these familiar places. I could have been here at literally any time, without all my familiar prompts, and all such times seemed to converge in a way that, actually, spoke such simplicity, like these woods had been stripped back to their very essence.

I became so aware that I was feeling the energy of the place so much more than using my five other senses; yes, this was certainly true. Then, what I felt came up at me in layers which synchronised in ways that weren’t reliant on chronology or intellect, as though things in common across vast eons, such as the feeling of snowfall on trees in this or a similar place, were speaking much louder to me than what happened just a moment ago; like portals in the multidimensional fabric. Perhaps, to have been such a trigger, snow in a dark woodland setting is much more familiar to me than I know…

I struggle to write more at this point because what I convey here in words is just the tiniest fraction of what I felt tuned-into as I walked that path into the steady white curtain of snowflakes against the barest outline of trees. Really, there is no conveying the richness of such unconstrained sensory experiences though there is very little to “see” with the eyes; they are like a synesthesia explosion that is quite particular to the needlepoint, across multi-timelines, that our unique consciousness is.

As I made my way back to the road and the crash-back into twenty-first century cues, all the horses in the last field were gathered together for shelter, like the spokes of a wheel, beneath a giant redwood; their snow-skittish silhouettes against the navy-blue sky the very last thing I saw before climbing the stile. I felt myself breathe in the sight for the faction of an extra moment before bracing myself to confront the onslaught of “reality” once I reached the roadside; a pinprick to my bubble.

A walk like this, gilded by the brushstrokes of relative unfamiliarity, can take you out of yourself and remind you of currents outside of the sequential. Snow happens so infrequently here…as I said; so, perhaps, there is an especial magic that occurs when it suddenly does, like a blanket thrown over the too-familiar, or, at least, a prompt to experience outside the box. Though it had been less than an hour, the experience felt (longer isn’t the right word…) much deeper than that and I now return to my work refreshed and yet subtly altered, as though I have been on an adventure outside of the supposed sequence of my day, which has grown my awareness in immeasurable ways.

Perhaps the softness of the unexpected snowfall was a cue to soften my own benchmarks; to allow other experiences in to those that are expected and which, therefore, tend to filter out most of what we could potentially “see” in any given circumstance. It’s a sensory muscle worth exercising; one that gains tone the more we stop expecting anything at all…a reminder to myself.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Menu, metaphor, Nature, Personal Development, Seasons, Spirituality, Symbolic journeys, Walks | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

How we encourage empathy…and not just in women

An interesting article on Medium got me thinking about something I had noticed but had as yet to bring into clear focus. As per its title, Justin Lee asserts that “In The Age Of #MeToo, Men Must Read More Literary Fiction” in order to bring them into line with women when it comes to empathising with others. He questions, is their education left lacking because they are turned-off from reading fiction at a very young age, quickly coming to equate it with a “feminine” activity due to their schooling and our societal ideals? Reading fiction is, as Lee points out (and I would concur) like a moral training ground; a place where we learn how to understand and even empathise with the thoughts and emotions of others, even when their lives are quite different to ours. Yet while the women are gobbling up all the fiction, men are really not so avid.

He quotes a study carried out by Kate Summers which not only found that women, resoundingly, prefer fiction to non-fiction whereas men are split evenly, but also that:

males indicated a strong preference for male protagonists. Of the 29 male participants, 24…preferred books with male protagonists, while 5…had no preference. No male participants [preferred] books featuring female protagonists. In contrast, the majority of female participants (19) indicated no preference for the gender of a book’s protagonist, while 6 [preferred] male protagonists and 4 [preferred] female protagonists.

Obviously, choosing characters that are mostly “like themselves” is not going to stretch a person’s moral character or teach them anything about what it feels to be in another situation or, indeed, gender.

Another worrying trend he flags up; could we be in danger of turning the publishing industry into a female stronghold, thus at the risk of alienating the very men that might be the kind of writers to appeal to other men? I had a gut-feeling it had gone this way in the publishing industry (everyone I know that went into that career, which was quite a few, was female…) but wasn’t absolutely sure it was so until Lee shared a startling piece of information. He calculates

Of the top 100 editors for debut fiction, 77 are women and 23 are men. And of the top 100 agents placing debut fiction, 79 are women and 21 are men.

In other words, “most editorial meetings tend to be dominated by women”. If this is so, any male author  (including those debuting, which is a precarious situation to be in) is going to have his work presented to a resoundingly female dominated panel; thus there are likely to be few male opinions of their work to be had, to ensure they are given equal consideration. If boys are already being turned off from fiction, what future does this offer for the role of reading as their moral training ground (not as something prescriptive but as a means to trying on different points of view)? Clearly, we need more fiction that will appeal to them; and more incentive for males to become fiction writers.

ramin-mirz-yev-1255081-unsplashLee’s article has given me a lot to think about and, by point of comparison, encouraged me to look to my own world of reading. In my family’s case, my mother was an avid reader of fiction but my father only picked this up, to read war-fiction, after he retired and my mother coerced him to do so, to keep himself occupied. True to gender type, I gobbled-up fiction from a very early age and went on to do a Literature degree. Yes, I can credit this with the development of the very foundations of my broader (outside of family values) emotional intelligence, my early sense of there being an extremely diverse world out there, beyond the bounds of my actual experience, plus my ability to use and understand words in a broad range of contexts. In the last decade, I have tilted towards non-fiction but this is largely owing to an obsession with research, combined with a lack of hours in the day, plus a lack of fresh fiction on topics that genuinely interest me.

My sister is much the same when it comes to a life-long habit of gobbling books and, in fact, semi-professionally reviews pre-launch fiction, going through mountains of it at an astonishing rate. Our daughters, being of the generation that had internet distractions, came to it later but both have a steady interest in fiction now they are adult. Whereas, for comparison, our sons read things like Harry Potter and Tolkien when they were boys…and then gave it all up as a childish pastime; my step-son chokes as though having swallowed a fur ball at the mere mention of “literature”. Another interesting observation from my own life is that my first husband, who was severely lacking in emotional intelligence or empathy, never so much as looked at a fiction book in all our years together. My second husband, who is as mindful as they come, reads fiction and non-fiction ever single day and in equal proportion; having followed a long-running practice of alternating books of each genre to keep things varied and in balance. Perhaps I should caution my daughter to choose a man according to his reading habits…

Another thought of my own; perhaps in an age more adverse to the written word than it is to more “visual” material, YouTube has the scope to be the new diversity training ground for boys requiring empathy opportunities outside the scope of their own lives. Now hear me out, before you groan; I don’t mean the kind of videos that make your brain feel as thought it just atrophied. There’s a newish genre, the lifestyle vlog, that seems to be attracting the men-folk, and I count my husband amongst them but didn’t realise it was “a thing” until we sat down to dinner with new friends on holiday. When I ribbed him for the lifestyle vlogers he thinks of as friends, the male half of the couple we were with piped up that he also follows those same YouTubers, which ignited a passionate discussion between them. Ribbing aside, I see how, by means of immersing deeply in the niche lifestyle, trials and tribulations of other people (usually mixed gender couples or groups) following diverse, often very challenging life paths, my husband is electing to engage deeply and realistically with these folk (as if he knows them…), thus empathising with their broad range of challenges, moral dilemmas and social strains. I can only imagine that if other young men are, likewise, attracted to this material, this could be offering them the diversity and breadth of perspective that they might once have gained from reading novels; just a thought.

In fact, this is all food for thought and I heartily recommend that you read the whole of Lee’s article as it discusses this fascinating topic in a lot of depth; all the more interesting for being a male point of view.




Are women naturally more empathic than men? A study from Pisa University has concluded that psychopaths don’t yawn when other people yawn because they lack empathy; and that women are twice as likely to yawn, when someone else does, as men are. Contagious yawning, says the lead researcher Elisabetta Palagi, is a sign of empathy and is more likely to lead to “pro social behaviour”.

Another consideration; are we, as some studies and observations seem to be suggesting, all becoming less empathic than ever? This article by Chrisina Patterson in the Guardian, especially the anecdote about the woman lying in the road, makes shocking reading. As someone who is a life-long empath and a mirror touch synesthete to boot (I frequently feel other people’s emotions and pain, as if it is my own), I find this astonishing. Perhaps all of our kids need to read more books and watch alternative lifestyle, culture and gender-perspective videos as part of a curriculum, and far more pressingly than they need to be taught (more) IT skills and business economics in their schools…

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