Category Archives: Meditation

Outside of time

The kind of powerful “a-ha” moments that transform whole realities in a single moment are like the meer cat of the mountain; they only show themselves once an insistence upon linear time has left the vicinity. Which is, ironically, when every one gets to realise we didn’t need time to have an experience; we insisted upon it to give a feeling of sides to our experiences, so that we would have something to push against, something with which to compare and contrast one situation with another in a sequence (I was over there, then I did that….now I am over here) but we can think of those sides as like trainer wheels which we can now do without and still not fall over. We now have, off pat, the familiar sensation of what it is to experience one thing as distinct from another, so what if we can continue doing that outside of time? We have become so afraid that we would be unable to know ourselves or even exist (what is existence if I can’t measure it?) without those structures in place that we have become like my father, micromanaging and making-busy ever more in an effort to hold our reality together inside its well-organised little box. But what if the box is preventing us from seeing what we really want to see? What if we really need no box, certainly not as a limitation upon ourselves…and would still exist without it, having our most incredible experiences beyond it; what then? What if – evolutionarily speaking – we have reached the crucial point where we have to be prepared to take that leap into the unknown, beyond the box, to where we are about to mix it all up, structure and no structure, the best of both, like a meeting of left and right hemispheres in the most harmonious and creative partnership of our so-called history? Yet we have to be prepared to prise apart our own white-knuckle grip upon linear time to get even close to this happening. Like someone hanging off the edge of a cliff, we have to know we can let go and trust that we will still be alright when that happens…try telling that to someone seeking an assurance based upon scientific trial and error, but then, our evolution relies upon taking a leap beyond such assurances. Perhaps in the space beyond linear time, we will discover other kinds of reassurance which are just as compelling… Continue reading

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Uncommon alchemy: a Glastonbury tale

Repeatedly bumping into one or two people that you feel that you know and yet never saying a word to them (except with your eyes), knowing that they feel it too…these are the kind of clues to your own experience that present through the layers of Glastonbury. This along with so many signs and synchronicities that it is is quite possible to feel like you are entering a theme park dedicated to all of your own thematic threads, which gives it an air of detachment from everyday life that starts delivering as soon as you arrive. For this reason, I suspect, Avalon can only really be found through the portal of your own heart-journey, not somebody else’s route, so be prepared to give yourself up to this as fluidly as your timetable allows (preferably, having no such schedule). For my own part, I was struck by my choice of a week in October; an interesting choice, just before All Hallows and yet, I already suspected, going there when Somerset’s dark-pagan underbelly was closest to the surface was part of what was held in store for me…and it was.

Sharing an exceptional few days of pure alchemy working with the ancient landscape of Glastonbury…. (read on). Continue reading

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On the insistence upon proof

Last night, I watched “The man who knew infinity” and am still unravelling the many threads that this film started unpicking for me but one thing I noticed is how I now find I am able to call a truce with left-side pursuits such as maths and science just as soon as I notice that their innate process of using and following intuition and of following a path towards god or source is no different, really, than mine. Where the rift has occurred – for me, perhaps for the whole modern world – has been where left-brainedness has become synonymous with this absolute insistence upon demonstration of every step that took you to that brand new place using preexisting yardsticks; that nothing is considered anything in this current world paradigm (which is, I believe, about to change) without irrefutable proof first which is, in most cases, putting the cart before the horse. One of my favourite quotes from Einstein is “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it” and I believe this as a fundamental start point to all problem solving , in light of which demanding “proof” is like a noose dragging you back inside that old paradigm and holding you prisoner there. Continue reading

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The inspired and bliss-filled freehouse of the mind

I used to ask “why is it that, when I paint, thoughts of uncomfortable situations from long ago and old troubled relationships with people I haven’t seen for years sometimes float through my head?” They are no longer loaded at … Continue reading

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Returning to source: a symbolic journey

To get to where I really wanted to be (which was the twin stone circles of Nant Tawr) there were obstacles…so many watery obstacles…I had never before experienced water as such a direct obstacle before and no choice to embark on the journey anyway; and what a gift it turned out to be…the natural landscape incorporated into the very ritual of reaching the place I was headed for. Like the double helix twists, turns and crossing points of my very own life experience across multi-lifetimes, I was both “already there” and “heading back there” in every moment of this scramble across rivers and steep banks…getting nearer and then further away…choosing it, aiming straight, losing sight of it again, finding it precarious, hard, painful even…then getting back on track, dumping any unhelpful baggage I realised I had accumulated, knowing when to laugh along with myself, remembering this “place” once again like a heart-song calling me, sighing with the exhilaration of being back there and the joy of realising I knew the feeling of it like an old friend as soon as I got even close. These experiences were looping and relooping around me like the very water I was crossing until I got the rhythm of how it happened, keeps happening, had been happening since the very beginning of human “time”, like a familiar series of intricate dance steps (yes, I was being shown my very own dance moves by these audacious strips of water). I was being taken through all the old manoeuvres, humiliations, lost-confidence hiccoughs and sticking points of my life until I got to recognise them for what they were and was, instead, able to concentrate on that other feeling of reunion and return…of being up there on the other bank in the sunshine, high and dry…over and above that old feeling of separation from what I wanted, scratching my head at so many seeming-obstacles spread out all before me. By the time I had crossed my final hurdle, with a broad grin on my face, numb feet and slightly soggy trousers, I was really getting it…because that something that was drawing me closer was so palpable to me that the exhilaration of the experience was everything and was carrying me forwards across endless golden meadow. Continue reading

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Peeling back layers

There is a chair in my life that’s, quite literally, always been there – and don’t so many of us have such pieces of furniture and other accumulated objects that are ‘just there’ because they are? This one – an … Continue reading

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When time stood still in Provence…

We knew we were in France again as soon as we started seeing the electricity pylons that look like giant cats with whiskers. The second clue was the distinctive jingle that always plays (loudly) out of the French railway station … Continue reading

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Windows of insight

All along the road that has been the fibromyalgia years, ‘brain fog’ (an appropriately wooly term used to describe a myriad of ‘brain symptoms’) has been such a significant part of what I have been experiencing…and, in fact, its one … Continue reading

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You are everything and everything is you

It was clearly going to be  one of those days when music lyrics “spoke to me”…I could sense this from the fact that my iPod, on random shuffle, delivered “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother” followed by 1990s weepathon girl … Continue reading

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Fibromyalgia – a story of self-healing

PLEASE!! If you have chanced upon this post, visit my related website http://www.living-whole.org. Whilst the post below may still be useful to you, it feels way out of date to me as I have come SO FAR in my healing … Continue reading

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