Message received

Four leaved cloverToday, I spotted this beauty on the 24 year anniversary of my mother transitioning from this world; she was always the queen of the four leaved clover, finding them, with ease, wherever she went. I never could…

Exactly 22 years ago today, I found my first ever four-leaved clover, like a nudge to the reason I was feeling melancholy that day (I had no recollection why until this thing happened to bring her, and the time of year, to mind…) and, for about the next 4 or 5 years, proceeded to find hundreds of them…fistfuls at times…like they jumped out at me on my walks. I still have so many of them, stuffed inside the pages of books; they tumble out when I move things…dry, fragile reminders (and I still have some of hers) yet the memory of her has no dryness; she only grows, somehow, more colourful, multifaceted, year-on-year.

More and more, she looks back at me when I catch my face sideways in a mirror or recall little things she did or said that are all the more powerful with the beauty of hindsight; all the many dots joined, back and forth, beyond space-time. In teaching me what she did, posthumously, I became the weaver of great webs; and those webs lead me back to my source in this life, which is her, then to my daughter, who she never met, yet she told me all about her before she left, and to far bigger patterns than any of us. Did I notice this degree of “knowingness” in her when she was here or was it lost against the wallpaper of “normality”? No matter; her passing made me sit up and pay attention to a newer landscape and different modes of communication; here was the first one.

Finding those first four-leaved “clues” was the beginning of me appreciating the little things, learning to work with synchronicities, noticing patterns in everything and coming to accept that not all meaningful communication occurs face-to-face or down a telephone wire (as it was then) nor does it have to cease. I also moved past all the fighting I once did, with my logic hands held up like boxing gloves…letting experiences in more softly, lest they be her. It was the very start of finding myself.

In leaving prematurely, she opened me up to a much bigger picture than I knew about before.

On my walk today, it was a three-leaved clover with a single dew drop balanced on its tip that first caught my eye and, right beneath it, this one, shining out; the first four-leaved one I had come across in quite…a…long…time (I don’t need to any more; I got the idea). Hello mum, thanks for everything you ever taught me, both before and after you moved on. By the way, I left this clover right where it was.

About Helen White

Helen White is a professional artist and published writer with two primary blogs to her name. Her themes pivot around health and wellbeing, expanded consciousness and ways of noticing how life is a constant dance between the deeply subjective and the collective-universal, all of which she explores with a daily hunger to get to know herself better. Her blog Living Whole shines a light on living with high sensitivity, dealing with trauma and healing from chronic health issues. Spinning the Light is an extremely broad-based platform where she elucidates the everyday alchemy of relentless self-exploration. A lifetime of "feeling like an outsider" slowly emerged as neurodivergence (being a Highly Sensitive Person with ADHD, synaesthesia, sensory processing challenges and other defecits overlapping with giftedness). All of these topics are covered in her blogs, written from two distinct vantage points so, if you have enjoyed one of them, you may wish to explore the other for a different, yet entirely complimentary, perspective.
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7 Responses to Message received

  1. clivebennett796 says:

    What a beautifully touching and knowing post a Helen. Made me think of my own Mum. Message received – thank you šŸ˜Š

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ashley says:

    Wow! This year I passed my 70th birthday and the ‘spirits’ of my parents and my grandmother have become ever more present in my life! Perhaps it’s just me getting older but their presence is like a vibration or a radiance, words I think you used in your ‘about’. I need to follow this up!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Helen White says:

      Thank you for taking the time to share that Ashley, means such a lot to hear similar experiences and was very good timing to have someone relate to me today šŸ™‚


      • Ashley says:

        Hello, Helen,
        Having read a piece this morning about ‘stories’ in the landscape I was moved to write that no matter where we walk on the earth we walk on the bones of our ancestors. All landscapes are peopled by the spirits of our ancestors. Then I read your post/s and I recognised something much closer to home; the spirits of my parents and my maternal grandmother. They are right beside me as I write!
        I’m looking forward to following you here.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Helen White says:

        Thank you and I’ve also subscribed to yours as we sound like we are on a wavelength. Very much agree with what you talk about regarding our ancestors, I “feel” places (as I talk about a great deal in some of my earlier posts under the search term Symbolic Journeys) and believe that clairsentience is my special, if undeveloped, skill so I’m working on opening that up a little more right now (reading Dr Judith Orloff’s book Second Sight). Glad we found each other in blog-land, I look forward to chatting some more.


  3. Ashley says:

    What you write about is new to me so I expect to have some catching up to do. Chat soon!


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