Until we start experiencing life as though there is no “rub” (duality, conflict, friction point, division line…) we will keep being presented with an experience of it being there.

How I got to this, so deeply and profoundly, way beyond the intellectual grasp of it that I have had for so long, at the end of a week that has felt like the deep dive of all deep dives, is far too complex to share. I struggle even to find the words to explain it to myself, coming as it does across multi-dimensions, themes and circumstances that seem to have collaborated in some sort of year-end finale; but, in every quarter of life, this same conclusion has presented itself over and over again. In the metaphorical, even metaphysical, layers of how I have tended to make my choices of “where to be” in my human existence, even down to where I have been living this last decade and a half (I’m talking about new information just surfaced about the ground beneath my house!), I see how I have constantly chosen the exact peak of “the rub” as the place to be and the theme to work with. It has been so black and white, yin and yang, east and west…you get the idea…as to make me laugh out-loud as I gain the new overview. So why wasn’t I already moving forward to this new lighter, higher vibrational place without “rub” that I really wanted to be in (that I sometimes am…yet struggle to stay there)? Because, it seems, I have a habit of plunging back into “the rub”….irresistibly so…all my life, in all my choices, conscious and otherwise. This has been my biggest area of “work” and of transformation; it has evolved me to who I am today and therein lies yet another tie to it…for I have come to associate it with progress and its opposite with some sort of lethargy or stagnation (you could say, this dualistic perspective presenting yet another area of “rub”). But what if those days must be already over now in order for us to move on into territory that has no “rub” in it except whatever contrast we choose to be there for the purposes of beauty and non harmful sensory enjoyment; and then to stay there as an option for all of us who want to.

I realise suddenly that this is how we get to be fully crystalline in our aura. I’ve been reading about a process called AuraTransformation™ (being well-into my second book by Anni Senov) and the material is deeply compelling, not because I feel drawn to have this process carried out on myself (though, at first, I was tempted…) but because the material is some of the closest I have found at describing where I already am…perhaps seven or eight-tenths of the time. Descriptions of people who have undergone Auratransformation™ to the crystal level sound just like me; yes, including many of the physical adjustments they face as they acclimatize. Those times when I’m not fully in that crystalline place; those are “the rub” to me. Only, “the rub” feels a zillion times worse, more intense, more abrasive when you know so well what the alternative feels like and so this becomes the most pervasive experience you are having since it out-shouts the rest, especially via the physical senses; oh the acute sensitivity and pain, the crippling exhaustion! The compulsive dive back into friction and duality, into the territory where conflicting impulses and many opposites push-pulling exist, feels like the most abrasive sensory overload you could ever imagine by comparison with the crystal experience; and in that lies my continuing and ever more severe-seeming health issues. All of which I feel ever-poised to expect to disappear suddenly (my optimism never leaves me; another crystalline trait), like I somehow know they will when something instrumental to my getting all the way there will fall smoothly into place. But when will that be; will my body sustain that long, is my ever more pressing question as I end the year feeling more physically frail than ever.

The many years I spent as an indigo have seen me work closely on that edge between the “old” karmic soul aura (which I also had in place for some considerable portion of that time) and the indigo perspective; yet another dualistic state which I would vacillate between endlessly until the indigo perspective seemed to reconcile the karmic and take out its sting (that work felt, finally, complete in early 2016).  For the soul aura is what provided the material that I was working with in order to transform my experience and that of others I came into contact with. Without “stories” of past experience and an emotional connection to them, there would have been none of “the rub” that was my very tool-kit. When you are indigo with coinciding experience (direct from many lifetimes or inherited from parents and culture) of karmic perspectives, it is possible to work with all those old themes in order to balance and so transform them and yet remain fully aware of them; conscious, always, that you are not “in” or “of” those themes but holding a pristine overview. In other words, you are not fully taken in by them though you don’t fail to take them seriously; for, while the mass consciousness continues to operate via these themes, they remain extremely potent and precarious.

But as you step into crystal (which, for me, has been the last decade) you realise that those themes are so old now, so tired, that they just have to go in order for you and everyone else to progress towards a new reality. They need to be dissolved and swept away as though they never even existed in order to make the next leap; without even so much as a souvenir kept for old time’s sake. The longing to do so takes you over the more you spend time in the crystal frequencies, which can feel like many (many) near death experiences and yet, each time you return with your shining new booty, you still(!) keep plunging back into the mire or, if “you” don’t, your biology does as your cells have previously known no other way to be, so they hold memory far longer and more determinedly than your consciousness, setting up repeat cycles that it is incredibly hard to break out of since it takes time and consistency for cells to learn to operate quite differently and without all that baggage. This is why those suggesting AuraTransformation™ insist that it is quite impossible to successfully undergo this process any other way than to undergo their energy “treatment”; since the human biology can become fried, scrambled or whatever by the attempt to introduce significantly higher frequencies to the cells. Well, I guess I know what that feels like…and yet for the moment I still remain convinced that the DIY process is (and should be) possible and that a massive part of it is this recognition, and ceasing, of the compulsion to dive back into “the rub” wherever it presents. You have to cultivate in yourself a determination to stop thinking that you have to live on that front line in order to make a difference to yourself and others (mindful of how compulsive, even addictive, the indigo psyche can be).

In other words, I am entertaining that, in the new reality, there is no “rub” only unity consciousness; and to get there, you need to act immediately “as if” (in a sort of fake it ’til you make it approach that you are utterly convinced by at every level of your existence). To do this, it is necessary to learn to be aware of dualistic pitfalls at every level of life and, as far as super-humanly possible, choose not to see “rub” but only “unity” or “wholeness”…however compelling the need to acknowledge the duality that is apparently staring you in the face may be, and even if that acknowledgement is only to communicate its potential wholeness to others. This is where I notice how my blog-writing sometimes tips me back into nodding at duality where, really, it is only wholeness that I am seeing, in order to explain the process of how I got there!

I notice, already, how my week has been littered with times when I have surprised myself by choosing a softer, less front-line option out of those available, even before I had this overarching realisation; putting my own bliss above some an old compunction to feel I must face-up to themes that would have taken me back to where I was staring duality in the face, yet again. Each time I made a different choice, the outcome felt entirely new, more spacious and of a considerably higher frequency. Already, surprising solutions to the debris of old dualities have presented in the aftermath of this divergence of my attention so that, suddenly, I find I am working with a team of experts who are best-fitted to handle aspects of (for instance) my health and my circumstantial conundrums that might otherwise have kept me locked in personal combat. Becoming more like gently flowing water in the way that we pick our route forwards is, I suspect how we allow those higher frequencies into the body, inch by steady inch; avoiding the melt-down crisis of monumental proportions if we were to wedge open the floodgates of our own evolution and insist upon an energetic upgrade all at once or swinging back and forth as though we are attempting to straddle two realities at the same time (old-style spirituality that is like a sort of hobby conducted on the meditation mat or at retreats around the edges of so-called “real” life is not compatible with a crystalline perspective). When we stop juxtaposing those higher frequency times with the deep plunge back into the mire where friction still exists to be tackled, we allow the body to achieve stability and to learn the ropes of the new reality at a pace that it can handle while it undergoes its own up-frequency. This isn’t to deny so-called reality as it presents but to see it as already whole and to focus upon that at every turn; which I had been doing for a long time but, suddenly, I get this at a whole other level.

I already intuit more strongly than I can convey that my own physical healing lies there awaiting me to join it in this place without stark friction at every turn because my magnetism to it has lessened; or, where “rub” is apparently unavoidable, there is only opportunity for wholeness to be notice even more readily than anywhere else. Many lifetimes have seen me work with this theme; and I am as grateful for that as I am prepared to let it go. This post will probably only make sense to those who have reached a similar threshold but, to such readers I say, I hope these words help to shed light and add momentum or credibility to what feels precariously new, unnervingly different or perhaps alarmingly out-of-character (almost like you risk letting yourself or others down very badly or are about to take a plunge off a very high cliff edge into completely unknown waters) and yet beguiling optimistic and light-filled; like nothing you have ever felt before within an embodied human state. I intend to let this feeling spread-out into my cells and get used to making itself at home there; no rush and certainly no need to overwhelm as it is all good.