Perfectly poised on the peak

Have you ever tried to line up a compass with “N” and “S”; say, on a flat surface, minutely tweaking it this way and that to get the needle perfectly locked on? I do this often as I have a device with an inbuilt compass in my house but which gets knocked off course by people using that room. When I turn that compass to realign it, the needle flips this way and that but, when it gets close to mid-point, it does something different. First it quivers and almost resists, sort of bounces on its axis and strobes with resistant energy, so minisculey and fast, that its shakes seem to animate from the inside, making it come to life. At last, on that centre point, it pulls in to the impulse and locks on then surrenders as though it always wanted to be there, settling perfectly on that midpoint…but not without the struggle first.

Screen Shot 2017-11-28 at 11.23.51

Magnetic storm arrival

I realised, on waking this morning, that this scenario happens a great deal, within me. For instance, today, I KNEW before checking that the promised geomagnetic storm arrived in the night. My clues are that I had wildly bizarre yet lucid dreams, I tossed and turned so much my bed was a mess and I was damp with sweat though the room was stone cold, my trigeminal nerve had become super fired-up sending electric sensations and cramps into my neck and face but, mostly, the signs were on the inside of that mental screen. In the still dark room, I was acutely aware that the energy in my brain was swinging back and forth, back and forth and there were lights in my “vision” accompanying that sensation; the same flashing lights that used to accompany the beginnings of a migraine in days before I managed my body sufficiently to avoid them. My stomach was experiencing very similar sensation; no surprise there as the stomach is the second brain and with similar nerve receptors as the frontal lobe, joined via the vagus nerve and prone to reacting to subtle stimuli in much the same way…like a sea anemone in a current. We are told there are no discernible “feelings” in the brain; and, though they are different to those in, say, a finger, I beg to differ. I’ve known this, viscerally, all my life, since as small child I would try to single out and even control the bizarre sensations that were firing off inside my head. These days, I experience the same super-sensitivity in my stomach lining, as though I am intimate with every nerve receptor on my stomach wall, feeling enzymes popping into action and food passing through plus every subtle reaction. Why don’t we all feel that? Maybe the majority of people eat such a diet that they are furred up and desensitised by ingredients that overwhelm then switch off these nerve endings, as I used to do, but now I feel everything, all the subtleties; because I have had to become very “of” the body in order to stay in it when my natural inclination was to want to go back into a state beyond the body where physical body sensations were no longer an incumbrance. To stay here I had to embrace all of it and this meant to know the body intimately or there was no point; I could no longer abuse the body, ignore it or treat it like my servant. The result is that my high-sensitivity – which is not of this body – has been brought INTO the body and I now feel things that many other people don’t register about the body at all…(for those who are waking to it) yet.

bryan-minear-325881And this morning I could feel how the universe had injected this planet with such a strong force over night that the localised geomagnetic polarity was bouncing back and forth, back and forth…and my body was reflecting that. Or it was, until I remembered the compass needle and did what I do with that when I want to settle it quickly, so I set my intention and I focused on the end result of it being settled in the middle point; no force or coercion but just allowing it to realise that middle point by holding it in myself. In my head, I did this so quickly that the “needle point” settled very quickly indeed; the stomach took a little longer to catch up but it got there. Meanwhile, what started as the kind of day when I would once have assumed I was in the beginnings stages of a severe pain episode had morphed into a high-energy day in which I still feel full of vim and vigour not to mention extraordinarily well coordinated between left and right hemispherical tasks. You might call it “being in the zone”.

I share this personal experience because, amongst other things, I am left wondering if electromagnetically sensitive people, of which there are an ever rising number, might also be people who are particularly hemispherically balanced as I am (many tests have confirmed what I already knew on this score). So, why didn’t this catalyse whole-body super-sensitivity earlier in my life? I suspect, because it was happening in my brain but hadn’t yet been rolled out to the rest of my body at that early stage. From birth until about five years ago, I was used to confounding all the most “uncomfortable signals from the universe” (or you could say, self-medicating against their weirdness) by consuming sugar, wheat, alcohol and an array of toxic additives used in food, prescription meds, chemicals in tap water and sprayed on my food, and so on like most people, not to mention furring up my responses with all the toxic attitudes and distorted belief systems with which we tend to surround ourselves. As I’ve done all the clearing-away of that, the rest of my energy body has caught up with this mid-hemispherical thing and I’ve become ever more sensitive to agents of duality in the environment and that includes the magnetic polarity of this planet, which I feel and respond to through my body. Is this so very weird or is this how we are meant to conduct our relationship with Gaia?

I want to borrow a description from a very dear friend of mine who used this yesterday within a different context. She was referring to a birth chart and described these particular areas we all have in our lives, which some people consider to be a “problem area”, which she sees in a far more positive light and prefer to call “the rub”. And “the rub” can be like sandpaper or it can be like butter; but its purpose is to serve your highest evolution. This rub is something you chose when you came here into human form; its why you came at all and what you wanted to experience and look into more deeply. In my mind, it’s the leading point of the evolutionary spiral. And her description of the two types of rub is, I realise, exactly what I have learned about physical pain; and the greatest success I have had with intense pain is to encourage that pain to be more like butter, less like sandpaper.

This description of “the rub” fits perfectly with what I described in my last post in which I talked about situations going all the way to childhood (even in the womb) where, for a lifetime, I have paired each circumstantial trauma with an emotion…each of these  forming the two sides, brought together, of a hard “rub” that, in the longer run, has served my highest evolution. Only by coming together from both the emotional and the circumstantial side, to form a whole, was I able to identify that rub sufficiently to work with it in a deeply personal, powerful and (ultimately) transformational way. At the time, these “rubs” can feel like a pebble in your shoe, and you can limp around with this thing in situ for years or even whole lifetimes; until the day you are sensitive enough to realise “oh, there’s a small piece of grit in my shoe and its been causing me to limp” and so you make the time to take off your shoe and remove this thing. There may be an after-pain, you may even have learned to walk in a very distorted way to avoiding putting pressure on the pebble but that can still be corrected with effort and patience. Soon enough, the body catches up with the consciousness and you are able to walk tall and straight as though that rub had never been there, though you will always be more grateful for the new state because of experiencing what came before.

If this whole anecdote sounds like hyper-personal nonsense, let me point out that I am noticing this kind of super-sensitivity surfacing in other people now. My husband, for instance, laments almost daily that he is becoming ever more electro-sensitive “like me” and especially to geomagnetic events which, sometimes, he flags up even before I do. Jokingly, he blames me like I infected him with this “curse” but I believe the real reason is this. In the last half decade, he has completely transformed his inner and outer realities while his body has lost significant weight and been honed into a new shape through a regular practice of yoga; which is the most powerful equaliser of hemispheres throughout the whole physical body that I know of. The more he has attuned to his own centre point, the more he has “felt things” which, in the beginning, don’t necessarily feel desirable since they add to the overwhelm point of how much over-stimulus we are already subjected to in our world by our media and our circumstances. But what if it is necessary and inevitable to feel more through our subtle senses? What if this is exactly how we come to discern our own middle point, our “rub” or our evolutionary spiral tip within the physical human body (not just as some spiritual ideal)? What if it’s a no pain no gain thing, though I prefer “temporary discomfort” as we learn to navigate by this thing and then find the middle point as our permanent dwelling place. What if this is the way that we get to dump all those defunct old belief systems that currently dictate which way we go so that we get to navigate according to an innate inner compass that leads us back “home” to ourselves? What if we were always going to have to make this more visceral, more manifest in the physical realm (yes, uncomfortable at first), making it practical and real in our daily lives, not just this state of inner calm achieved on a meditation mat? How were we ever going to roll this thing out into the world if we didn’t know what “the rub” felt like at the most personal level, where it affects each of us the same because there is no hierarchy, no power game to be played where we we feel its effects with our physical senses? This kind of experience is the great leveler; it strips us of all our trappings, our masks and our ulterior motives and leave us all wanting, pretty much, the same things.

Screen Shot 2017-11-28 at 11.35.42So, what if what we are seeing all over our news is the evidence of “the rub” being reaching by the entirety of mankind as the evolutionary growing pains of a planet whose compass needle is bouncing and tremoring and seeming to flip around all of its own accord…just before it settles? What if it has to look this messy, this extreme, this unlikely to become still or to line up with what feels balanced, before it finds the middle point? What if our roles is to find it (and hold it), first, within ourselves and then to hold what that feels like steadily in our mind’s eye and with our intention until it becomes physical reality? Is this how we reinvigorate ourselves with life’s passion – which has a tendency to arrive on the coat-tails of finding a sense of direction – instead of folding beneath the overwhelm of far too many things tugging us this way or that way and no idea how to discern between them? Is this when we notice how those nearest a breakthrough will feel more and even, perhaps, hurt more before that breakthrough of light happens and that this is why we must keep going and not give up in despair, supporting those who feel it as pain; allowing and encouraging it to be more like butter than sandpaper? Is this when everything in our experience falls into place and feels “true”; like the true aim of an arrow tip clearly pointing the way although there is no beginning or end to this arrow since it becomes steadiest in “the now”? In other words, our fixation must be upon achieving what we can now, in this moment, not on some end goal or where we have been. This is how we join up all the elements of ourselves and find a centre point where these all correspond; even patiently awaiting those aspects which haven’t yet caught up, holding space for great healing to take place when they arrive. Perhaps this is when we get to realise our greatest truth in physical form as well as know it as an idea; which is, after all, why we came.

Hawk 1Shortly after writing this post, I set off for my morning walk, still feeling bizarrely “joined up” in all my senses. Just as I parked, a reminder that we are at the Ninth Wave peak popped up on my phone (if you still don’t know what I am referring to here, search “ninth wave” across my blog). A minute later, I spotted this sparrowhawk in the distance. Fixed on what it wanted below, it hovered there in the broody sky…perfectly poised, balanced, unwaveringly set on its own compass point of intention like it had locked-on to it and remained there for many many minutes. Other birds seem to try and disrupt it, coming from right and left and almost flying into it but nothing threw it off its poise until it had dived down on what it had set its mind on. interesting juxtaposition; far too timely not to include.

About Helen White

Helen White is a professional artist and published writer with two primary blogs to her name. Her themes pivot around health and wellbeing, expanded consciousness and ways of noticing how life is a constant dance between the deeply subjective and the collective-universal, all of which she explores with a daily hunger to get to know herself better. Her blog Living Whole shines a light on living with high sensitivity, dealing with trauma and healing from chronic health issues. Spinning the Light is an extremely broad-based platform where she elucidates the everyday alchemy of relentless self-exploration. A lifetime of "feeling like an outsider" slowly emerged as neurodivergence (being a Highly Sensitive Person with ADHD, synaesthesia, sensory processing challenges and other defecits overlapping with giftedness). All of these topics are covered in her blogs, written from two distinct vantage points so, if you have enjoyed one of them, you may wish to explore the other for a different, yet entirely complimentary, perspective.
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