A very strange thing happened yesterday; for the first time in ages I really lost my light and it felt like falling through a crack between dimensions. A misunderstanding took place with someone and we fell out in one of those ways that can feel like you are being sucked into a vortex; the more we tried to explain ourselves, the more collateral damage there was as we were no longer speaking in vibrations that matched but in desperately hand grasped strands of reason that were like blades of glass tugged up from the roots while we tumbled ever more deeply into the awaiting hole we had dug together.
The misunderstanding that took place isn’t what’s important here so much as the reactions I noticed in myself, since this kind of tumble happens so very rarely to me now; my experience of life really is very serene since I have chosen it that way. In the thick of it, it was as though my senses didn’t work; my vision became horribly blurred and the room appeared to be jaundiced yellow inspite of the bright-white daylight bulbs we have in our house. My thoughts became scrambled and incoherent and yet they were all I could grasp for, my higher judgement having flown from the unfamiliar scene. All my nerves were hyper-sensitive and going into the kind of spasm and pain I have managed to all-but eradicate this year but which used to be the domain of my familiar health crashes that served as my best guidance system to when I was most off-track. Pain like this had delivered my highest evolution yet I had thought I had seen the back of it; seems I was wrong!
By morning, though the misunderstanding had been resolved long before bedtime, I felt like I had the worst-ever hangover (though not a drop drunk) with dehydrated and tortured cells that screamed with pain; I could hardly even bear the daylight. Most of all, I was left with a distinct echo of what that “place” of conflict felt like; which is that it was like being awake in a really bad dream. These days, I am used to feeling like I am my whole reality looking in at myself; chosing my reactions to create my own domain and seeing it all from a much broader perspective. Suddenly, I was back to feeling small and trapped within a physical reality like a heavy box wrap around me and which was apparently disintegrating while I was caught-up in such emotional paralysis that I could do was watch the destruction while flaying my mental “arms and legs” around like a dying fly. There was such a feeling of “absence of love” and it altered everything…all the flavours and hues…making it drab and three-dimensional and, where that loving world had been, I was left with such a gaping heart-hole in its place. Of course, it hadn’t gone anywhere, only my perception had altered; the reason for that such a sudden and drastic change in vibration that it was like I had dropped several octaves and become a deep, duff note on my own keyboard.
The thing that broke the spell was that, when all else felt lost, I sat with hand on heart and thought “I love you” to myself over and over and brought my heart rate down to something near normal. Suddenly, a very different tone of voice came from across the room and we were making up and apologising, both as shell-shocked as each other at what had just happened.
Looking back, its hard to explain what happened except to say an energy “twister” came into a crack in our world and lifted up everything in its wake. We were shaken and disoriented and lifted what felt higher and higher, yet really dropped lower and lower into self-destructive modes that had no point in our world yet we were, somehow, carried away with them like a pair of ragdolls. It was so sudden and powerful that I couldn’t help feeling it wasn’t fully “ours”; like it was an aspect of the mass consciousness going into overwhelm this weekend which, without even having to switch on the news, I can feel is the case. So, had we got caught-up in the tail wind of other people’s stuff?
This feels important to share because I believe it is so and that what I just learned (or was reminded) about chosing my own reactions is so pertinent right now since it holds the power to transform everything; personally and collectively. It is as though we are collectively holding our breath at the start of election week, both highly triggered and oh-so quick to shoot each other yet simultaenously paralysed into all the hopelessness of facing “crap” or “crapper” as our so-called only options, neither outcome the excuse for a party come Wednesday morning. I don’t even live in America and its affecting me deeply; is affecting my family, all the kids at my daughter’s school, their plans for the future, is top of everyone’s thoughts right now since we all know how much this affects the world; have we ever felt so short-changed? There is a tangible feeling of overwhelm, of “what have we done, what are we doing” sweeping the world and this feeds into the cells of our biology, into all the subtle mindsets at play and into the collective vibration of the world. Really, was it just me or did yesterday’s vibe feel like a heavy brick or a dark blanket drawn over the sky?
There is such a very tangible sense of us all being triggered en masse by what is happening on the world stage right now. Whether we turn on the news or not (and I don’t) we are being played by rhythms of fear-mongering that are being broadcast through our cells, passed person to person via all the subtle currents that connect us as energetic beings. Through the ways that we allow ourselves to engage with each other, respond mindfully and step up to our own power (or not!), we are making the notes on a vast collective instrument and the sound it is making right now is a little unsure of itself…even amongst those who consider themselves awake or evolving, those who choose love and envision a brighter future…yes, even those people are wavering somewhat, like they are really not sure what to do with themselves, where to put their attention, how to behave in the physical world or in the private domain of their own heart at this testing time. Some are being taken back into what feels like a relapse into the kind of fear and sense of lost power that they thought they had put behind them five or ten years ago and this is disorienting them; making them question their whole evolutionary journey or, like they used to, whether they really want to be here in human form. Yet never has it been more essential to apply everything we have come to know about being divinity in form as the “human actions” of our days; to allow the rubber to meet the road as we drive a new reality forwards, not suddenly bailing out into fear. As I learned last night, every thought counts as it holds the power to alter a reality; to drop down or climb back up the dimensional scale.
Many of us have come such a long way with our personal evolution over the last three to five years that what is playing out in the world feels, at once, so alien (thus not anything to do with us) yet also so doubly abrasive when we pop out of our high-vibe bubble that we hardly know how to respond. So many people that are “spiritual” are declaring an intention not to vote and yet I would urge them to take whatever steps resonate with their heart within the premise that “not to vote” is the same as voting for the other possibility. We have to take the physical, human steps towards our chosen reality as well as the mindful ones that help birth a new reality; I have learned this at every step of my evolution. To wishful think is not enough; it takes action “within the current paradigm” as well as intention-setting “outside of it” to create a new reality; the weight we give to the best we have out of the current physical circumstances serves as the traction against the walls of the birth canal that accelerates our journey towards the light at the end of the tunnel; we can’t just sit hoping for a better outcome and crossing our fingers we will get there. The whole world is holding its breath for America to vote-in the best deal on the current table and most of us can’t take that vote so we are asking Americans to do it for us. We are holding that intention with everything we have, hoping those who hold a ballet card will take that walk to the box.
And yes, I have learned through personal experience that entropy (what looks like wholesale destruction, a “bad” outcome to start with…) can birth a whole new reality more dramatically and in a much more wholesale way than shifting things brick by brick but that’s assuming we survive it at all…and, having survived my own disaster, I am all for surviving this world-scale entropy. I want to “do this thing” and see a vastly transformed reality in my lifetime, not just serve the planetary rebirth that happens after the dust finally settles on a human reboot that leaves us in tatters for the next few generations. I can’t afford to waste the next few years in the mire resulting from an abysmal lack of cognitive attention to what is actually happening in the world right now; I have to do the best I can do with the mechanisms that currently exist until they are superseded by something far more wonderful and heart-centred.
Back to my original share, the contrast in the feelings I experienced in quick succession last night were like a review of where I have been and where I have got to. I was reminded how I used to live in that other place most of the time and that my day-to-day swing back and forth wasn’t that noticeable since the highs weren’t really that high. The rest of the time, I was numbing myself with alcohol and food and television and all those other things that we keep on drip-feed to help us cope with what feels absent from our lives when we live like that. I found it hugely interesting that the pain I experienced after last night’s mini-trauma felt so much like the toxic symptoms of too much alcohol which, collectively, we put ourselves through all the time, out of choice, for the brief chemical, so-called “high” that we gain at the other end of that spectrum. Its been almost a year now since I drank alcohol and its taken me this amount of abstinence (almost the longest of my whole adult life) to gain me this amount of clarity about what that habit was really all about. Drinking – even just two or three times a week – kept my realities manageably numbed (or dumbed) down so I didn’t ever get the real out-of-this world highs to contrast so starkly with the lows; these days, I’m not so afraid of the contrast that I will surrender one experience to make the other more tolerable!
These days – I know – I vibe really high and many of us now do this. My life feels clear and as well-tuned as a beautiful note played on the edge of crystal goblet. And I also feel so much more than I used to like all the colours and sounds and sensations are turned up. There is so much more sensory resonance because my body trusts what it experiences and lets it in so much more readily; there is none of the dumbing down or voluntary fogging of senses that I used to engage in to dull the pain. Yes, this can make it feel all the more traumatic when those feelings coming in aren’t the best; when they have their root in fear and overwhelm, tragedy and horror…but then there are so many heightened moments of pure joy and utter appreciation of what it means – really means – to be human that it feels worth it and, most of the time, I don’t go anywhere near the depths any more. Yet we can’t afford to be afraid of those depths either; we have to know that, as well as learning to live at a higher vibration, we know how to deal with the lower ones. Sometimes we just can’t ignore the dross; it too comes into our safe haven like a twister breaking through the glass and lifting us from our seats at our dining room table, leaving destruction in its wake; but one thing never alters…and that’s our ability to choose how we respond to it. Do we allow ourselves to be lifted up and smashed against the wall or do we become the eye of that storm.
By making the breath conscious, loving myself and holding my centre no matter what, I broke my own twister’s spell. I watched it dissolve before my very eyes. My recovery, this morning, from a place of feeling crumpled-up in pain is nothing short of remarkable because I’m simply not allowing this drama to pick up any more substance that it already thinks it has, like a monster snowball gaining momentum down a hill. I’m like the mighty tree that interrupts its path and breaks it down into a zillion molecules so that, no longer enjoying shelter amongst so many like-thinking thoughts, its icy beads melt quickly into the warm earth. Together, we all get to do this thing in the face of “outside” circumstances by holding our light and choosing our vibration in every moment. Either we deep-dive into all the fear-spin and allow ourselves to become one of the gloom-peddlers…or we don’t. I still feel we need to vote, not just light candles and pray…but make that “best of” choice mindfully, regarding it as the sturdier platform upon which to build the foundations of your highest intentions than the other one since we still need a world to wake up in the morning after.
When it comes down to it…however substance-filled and non-negotiable our world seems to be…it all really does comes down to that rather trite saying “love and light” in the end. Cliché and ineffectual though that may sound, these two mighty “swords” dissolve realities and build new ones when we know how to wield them in every circumstance. If you have even got this far in my post, you are probably someone who already knows that and yet…sometimes, when tested, we still feel like we are too small to make a difference. What I have just been reminded of is, no we’re not. Through our every smallest, most personal, domestically oriented, even trivial situations and the choices we make within them, we get to quantumly super-power the very different choices that a zillion other people are also making right across the globe right now; we are all making waves.
We are also waking up from emotional paralysis and the addictions that kept us cushioned from the old realities we abhored and yet put up with for so very long. We are all – already – such a long way from the shore of those old realities that if we were to revisit them for even just an hour (as I did last night) we would feel like we were on another planet where the air is too heavy for us to breathe and our vision becomes distorted, the colours turned down, like we had dropped to the bottom of the ocean without an oxygen tank. We are already vibing so high compared to even just a year ago that we don’t even notice it, most of the time, unless we hit an energy wall that (rarely) brings us down and those are becoming less and less effectual at doing so, each and every day. Just think what another four years can bring into our experience and then another four again…and then apply to the current world events the dose of keeping-things-in-proportion that they deserve…whilst still taking whatever action serve your highest interests in the short term (like ensuring a free-thinking, free-moving, globally connected world); like taking baby steps while your higher self is taking unseen strides. Many of us are bridging two realities now; one foot in the physical world, another in the metaphysical and we are that aspect keeping the two of them working together and in balance. After all, this is what makes us so divinely human; the best of both, embodied as one.