Evolving through collective grief to the other side

I woke in the night with a series of realisations…and Gregg Braden (whose book I have been reading) was very much in my mind, like a presence to the side of my shoulder, not coaching me so much as holding space for me as I made these evolutionary revelations for myself and the way that grief works in the human psyche.

I’d been watching a video with him talking, last night, about the grieving process for his mother that hit him quite suddenly, even though she hadn’t passed away yet at the time of the recording. The reaction in his body was that of being paralysed in a sort of prolonged fear reaction with massively elevated heart rate for no other logical reason, which alarmed him until he realised that he had already begun the process of grieving for his mother’s death, though she hadn’t yet left her body, because of the fact she had already, in some sense, “left” due to dementia or some such.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Apart from feeling awful, such pre-emptive reactions in the body can feel as though you can’t get on with your normal daily life since your attention is on these hugely invasive chemical and nervous reactions taking place in the body, scrambling and exhausting the mind. I can so relate as my body has been feeling like that lately; as though I can’t slow down or switch off some sort of adrenalin “buzz” or early warning bell that, if I allow it, turns fear based…and like I am constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop in the circumstances of my own and our collective lives. It was the first time I had properly equated what I was experiencing, and perhaps what a whole load of people are experiencing right now, with grief…like we are in some sort of collective grieving process that knows no end.

This realisation felt associated with an unexpected preoccupation with memories of my childhood home these last few days; some very deep and probing memories which had even caused me to Google earth where I grew up and to raise some questions about things that had never occurred to me before about that location. (Without going into all the details) I suddenly realised that there were things I really didn’t know about that place, which I have always thought of as almost sacred ground, though (looking back to some of the foibles of my childhood intuition) I realise I often sensed something perplexing, even quite troubling under the surface and, given what I now know about my acute sensitivity to place, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that I picked up on things that might have escaped most people, even adults that I might have attempted to confide in (I didn’t). Now I had discovered and owned a rational reason for them, thanks to the wonders of the internet and asking the right questions, I was reminded  in a timely manner that those innocent seeming days were far less pristine than my memory box liked to keep them…they were politically dark and fear-inducing to a very high degree (remember the cold war?) yet we all tend to do this with “the past”; holding it in a rosy glow and conveniently forgetting it had the kind of dark-underbelly that we perceive more readily today.

Yet this hasn’t surfaced now in order for me to ruminate over it but to help me realise, with new maturity, that those halcyon days of the mid to late twentieth century were far from the idyl we like to hold up as our benchmark of “normal”. Yes, in many ways (though largely because we were less informed or aware than we are now…) it was a lovely, simplistic time and I was lucky indeed to feel so good about where I was raised; but it had its murky corners, for sure. And, the danger is, while we all persist in this uber nostalgia for “the past” based on childhood memories of how things seemed, what we selectively remember about it, and for the way changes seemed to happen more slowly and manageably then (time is undeniably speeding up now…), the way they appeared more “wholesome” somehow (though how much of that was to do with advertising and aggresive information filtering…), the world to be more “predictable” and “consistent” (we had so very few choices…), and all those other memes, we simply can’t move on but remain paralysed on the brink of change.

In fact, we refuse to move on because our subconscious minds always trip wire us back into comparison mode, just as soon as the glow and initial excitement of any new-evolutionary perspective has worn off after its “honeymoon” period (evolutionary biologist Bruce Lipton writes about this in a book of related title). Wonderful and exciting new possibilities emerge, they engage us for a while and yet, still, we want to connect it back to this central prototype for what life is “meant to be like” in our minds, usually modelled on the world into which we grew up and from which we gained our formative influences. We are deeply programmed to want to stick with what is familiar and “safe”, and what our parents and grandparents were part of, like our very lives depend on it; to assume that that  is “how things should be” and that anything else is wrong or temporary.

Newflash: the significant changes we are now seeing in this world are not temporary…they are the beginning of “new normal”

What if we are entering into the age of a new normal, which won’t look like anything we’ve seen before? What if its not the new normal that will floor us so much as our subconscious mind’s faulty thinking as it hankers and grasps onto what we regard as so familiar and thus “better” than this new reality? Ironic since the world we hanker for hasn’t really been in existence since before the turn of the new millennium, if we are being truly honest with ourselves and yet it as though there is still a dust storm holding the shape of that old world, as I referred to in my last post.

As I just reminded myself, the world we cling to is a figment of our imagination…both now and even as it was happening since we only ever saw what we were capable of seeing at the time (even when we sensed other layers beneath the surface, as I did). Over time, we tend to iron out even those misgivings that surfaced, or to bury them deep into our psyche to play out as the early-warning systems that can look as though our health is acting up later in life; though really it is just what we failed to see before urging us to bring to light what we weren’t ready to know at the time…which is that “the past” wasn’t ever some idyll to be preserved forever but just a passing point on the way to somewhere else entirely. We tend to rewrite our own story to suit ourselves; and in collectively perpetuating the myth of idyllic past, of some already-achieved “norm” that we must fight for, we make it all the harder to move on to something entirely new and potentially better able to sustain all of us as a harmonious whole…

Meanwhile, as we cling to this flimsy figment of the imagination, like some faded old photograph that has been coloured in with the rainbow tints of time…and as we white-knuckle grip with sheer determination to the supposed “safe” feelings of our youth…we make the present day situation ever more untenable, consumed by fear of change itself.

Because, haven’t I learned this so painfully; the more I cling to some version of the past, the quicker my own most-positive and momentus evolution process falls apart, that momentum collapsing like a hologram as soon as the power switch of “doubt” is flipped. And that’s not to say the profound evolution that felt so real a moment earlier was a figment of imagination, since the whole of reality (it is being shown) is nothing but a series of holograms so what I was experiencing was as real as any other reality on offer, until it became unstable through doubt and so collapsed. But in the earliest stages of its existence, that belief hologram is flimsy and requires consistency in its application; you could say, it needs the positive-power left on day and night. As we manifest our newest realities, especially those that look very different to what we have ever known before, we need to see those realties all around us as the very wallpaper of our life (we can play a part in ensuring this through how we spend our time and who we engage with) and believe in them constantly in order for them to emerge from the shadows and stay there, becoming our next new world.

And here was the shocker, as my dawn reverie brought all these realisations to life; just as Greg Braden invites us to see what look like all the disasters and untenable problems of the world as “the rewiring of a whole new world” so that we can start to perceive them as the very basis for a whole new way of living and interacting with this planet (as successfully or more so than ever before) I see how I have been doing that very same thing in my recovery process….mostly….

Embracing the “new normal”

Because the trip wire in all of this is to believe all our efforts must be about “returning things to normal”. In our approach to the ecological issues, so many people, countries, organisations etc believe our objective is to return things back to the way they were “before”, whenever that was. Devastatingly, people put their whole lives on hold, like they have pressed a pause button, while they wait for this thing to occur, like they are living the lives of zombies, half asleep in terms of their true vitality until someone wakes them up and says “you can open your eyes now, we’re back where we were…” In massive swathes, countless numbers of people worldwide are now losing their vision of a possible future because they are so firmly fixated on the way things were and wanting to get to “get back” such a thing, which is slipping through our fingers like sand, and so this mentality becomes the truly devastating force of our times, shooting us in the foot…

Meanwhile, we don’t put our full energy, our excitement, our ingenuity, our effort and our vision into the new world that is appearing faintly on the horizon. Rather, fuelled by our most fearful and childlike emotions, we keep chasing that other more-familiar and comforting reality that is rapidly disappearing over the opposite horizon and so we look backwards instead of where we are all meant to be all headed together. This is a critical situation and, I suspect, the very biggest threat to our survival.

Behaving like this, we make ourselves untenable on this planet “as it now is” and I know this so intimately because of the fact that I have been making myself untenable in my own body “as it now is” believing I had to get back to my old body and, meanwhile, rejecting the one I am in!

I’ve spent my efforts, consciously or otherwise, comparing my present body to some sort of norm set by doctors and text books when, really, many of my experiences are atypical due to what I perceived as the “damage” of many years chronic illness…because the body I have now is not even remotely like the one I had when I was younger or even half a decade ago. What looks like the ravages of ill health has altered so many of the most fundamental processes that take place unseen in the depth of the body that there is no unravelling its tangle now, though I have spent many years using many different modalities trying to and then demoralising myself at my lack of success. The same applies in all healing journeys…when the objective is strictly to “get back” to where they were before, people get stuck whereas those who transform beyond recognition are those who realise they can never be the same; they are rewired in ways that constitute an evolution and those that truly thrive would even say they don’t want to go back to where they were; that this new norm is, in ways that can be hard to define, better.

(Its not the first time I have considered this with the more-conscious portion of my mind…) what if the rewiring that has undoubtedly taken place in my body, rewiring that is so complex that to looks like a major problem when compared to a text book human of optimum health (what we love so dearly to hold out as “normal”…) is actually the new wiring of a future human prototype? What if the cascading alterations at the level of such deep cellular behaviours that typify some of the most mystifying illnesses of modern times can’t be reversed…but can be built upon as the new human as soon as we befriend then and approach them with curiosity? What if me and those like me have made so many different choices, taken so many different turns and omitted so many typical influences in our tireless efforts to reinstate our own sense of equilibrium that we simply can’t rewind our bodies, ever again, to where everybody else suposedly is, in the benchmark of normal-land; nor should we want to (if only we could stop seeing this through the eyes of an old paradigm). Again, I have considered and written about this many times before but am now, finally, understanding just how crucial it is that I hold onto this viewpoint unwaveringly, not just on the surface as an intriguing academic idea but all the waythrough all the layers of my physical and non-physical bodies in harmony. I need to recruit my very cells, indeed the very quantum voids inside the most microscopic aspects of my physicality, into this viewpoint and, to do this, I have to turn fear off and get my subconscious mind on the team…

Accepting “what is” as the basis for exploring potential (no longer lamenting perceived “lack”)

As soon as this three o clock in the morning realisation dawned on me, the excitement that reverberated through my body told me what I needed to know, like I had hit the bullseye in my evolutionary journey. As soon as the impetus was taken out of “getting back” to how things were (and when was that exactly…do I start with a decade ago when my health most rapidly unravelled, or do I go back to before all the traumas of my 20s, to the lead and mercury exposures of my childhood…to the viral and emotional load of my mother when I was in the womb…?) I knew I was holding something so powerful in my hands. I saw with stark clarity how I had been paralysed for the longest time in a prolongued state of grieving for my “old body”, my “normal” state of health, the way things “were before”…even though, being honest with myself, they were never so very great or typical and certianly not optimum, in fact I enjoy a far broader set of body awarenesses now, which I would be very loathe to surrender. In fact, I had been prepared to trade almost anything to regain that old state of “normal” and yet, with this new clarity, I was left wondering why it had ever had such a hold over me since I didn’t really know what it felt like, its very existence an illusive fairytale held in concensus by many other beings, just like our collective nostalgia over “the past”. Yet the more I believed I had diverged from this state of “normal” the more I had allowed myself to believe I was doomed…and isn’t this the collective fear in a nutshell?

Because when not taken as coming from “the opposite factor”, the “dark” or the “faulty”, seen from the separation viewpoint that “bad things had happened to mess with me”, I could now see that I was holding what could only be the product of a holistic viewpoint that says it was all meant to be…and the only conundrum is how to get my subconscious mind over the fear of the unknown in order to embrace and make use of this new me, exploring it with curiosity not dread. The same goes for all of us; and for our collective world viewpoint, surely.

Now as luck would have it, and perhaps this is why I had this middle-of-the-night epiphany, I have been working concertedly towards getting my subconscious mind over the hurdle of fear-based reactions this last few weeks. Since delving the topics of my recent blogs about fear over technologies that my body already reacts adversely to and thus the health deterioration I fear (for myself, other humans and all other species) as this new stage of technologies is rolled out (note reliance on the term fear) I knew I had but one choice if I was to get through this and survive to then thrive though those imminent changes. I needed to up-develop my own neuroplasticity…with knobs on; and I had to do it quickly, using every resource I have at my disposal.

In other words, realising that I couldn’t alter or even slow-down the momentum of outside events, I had to prepare my body to work with the changes that were coming….and I had to put myself, and this task, first above all other things in a way that old me might label “selfish” but I knew this was just so important; my life’s work, if you like. I had to consider, deep down, that my very survival relied on it and that, in taking this on, I did it for all others anyway since, at the level where we are all connected in the quantum field, these new responses to fear ripple out across the collective in literally “no time”, becoming more widely available as a quantum leap in how people react to change.

And so, by asking myself what I most needed to step forwards into this new era (this is an important question to ask yourself!), I put together a kit of support approaches ranging from the obvious and practical, such as diet with a major focus on consuming heavy-duty antioxidants to tip the balance of the massively increased free radical load I could sense my body was now under siege from (fear also contributes to that…), to harmonising my thoughts and my very environment. I installed a state of the art product (more on that soon or message me if you are curious) to harmonise my living space like never before, giving me a leg-up in the recovery phase. In fact I was so convinced and compelled by this new product (which “happened” to present to me within a day of deciding to turn this healing process into one of “working with”) and by its scientific, as well as “alternative” credentials that both my left and right hemispheres are “on board”, which is important. I began meditating twice daily again, for the first time in years, and got straight what that was intended to be for me…which is not all about “going off planet” but being more fully, commitedly here in physical form. I considered carefully my exposure to books, videos and other inspiration and put together a curriculum of sorts to keep me focused, excited and inside of the evolutionary frame of mind. I asked for, and quickly received, new tip-offs about mercury and lead detoxification, without side effects (more on that soon) since these substances in the body tend to hold the charge of all the old traumas we ever carried in our cells, even after we have done the emotional clearing, sending us back into loops or resonance with other toxins in the environment. So, of course, I looked again at that emotional clearing work, not by repeating it but by allowing myself to appreciate what I have already done so thoroughly and to know…very deeply now…that there is nothing left to clear since all of these approaches are working together to reattach all those fragments of self that ever thought they were separated or in opposition to me (they’re not and they never were)!

I’ve compiled all these approaches and some others that include seeking the support I need from a real time healer and from an online one that I am finding newly helpful and “in sync” with the themes of this blog (intuitive and energy worker Lee Harris whose input I called on many years ago but who feels just right for these times, once again…I will attach a link to a powerful audio below and recommend  all his recent material as support tools). These tactics are rapidly becoming a new methodology that is self-driven and quite determined to glean the evolutionary potential of how I am now, no longer craving some sort of throw back that would be far too outmoded for where I now am or for what lies ahead, even if I managed to wind the clock back (which is impossible and would involve winding back all of the skills I’ve developed along the way). As a sensitive being, I have learned to hone and appreciate these skills above all others and this is so important for the era ahead…

The new era of the sensitive soul

So I want to address this thought nugget to all sensitives that happen to be reading this post. If you too have seemingly struggled all the way along until now, if you have felt like the minority, the singular voice in a crowd and felt lonely or unheard, like you are being swept along by other people’s priorities which grate with your own, those times are about to change too and you will find yourself being part of a much needed body of very experienced and skilled individuals leading the way into this vast new territory. Its not that you are about to stand still while the rest of the world catches up to your higher degree of awareness and, yes, their own version of increased sensitivity (which might not be the same as yours so don’t expect to find too many people prepared to talk about this yet; but they will get there in their own way). Rather, you are about to take your own leap forwards into an even more evolved state; yes, you too are about to change once again but, this time, it won’t be so traumatic or exhausting as it has been, but you do need to overcome your fears around this change process and embrace the new as it comes forwards (again, Lee’s work will support you hugely through this territory). You are needed more than ever and, by dropping the fear, you can reach for your rapidly evolving skillset all the sooner and with such a new sense of fulfilment within reach.

So I am deep into a process…and I won’t pretend this process has become easy yet but then I know I am in a birthing canal and so, as yet, it seems dark and unknown as I feel all the regular contractions come through me…oscillating and powerful… so its up to me to keep interpreting those as a cue to move forwards, not back towards the the familiar yet now untenable place I have had to leave forever. We have all been through this birthing process before and we can draw on it now, with powerful effect, just as soon as we realise we are going through the same familiar process once again, consciously and quite crucially, part-way through our human lives, and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. In our very core, we already know the ropes…

Knowing when and how long to grieve…and when to move forwards into the new

Which leads me full circle to how I started this post; where I talked about the grief that Gregg Braden discovered he had to deal with even before his mother passed. This inevitably got me thinking about the grief I felt over my mother’s death (like him, I can also recall how that began as paralysis and overwhelm several months before she died, as her personality began to slip away because her mind became absent and confused….) At the time, I wasn’t prepared for the terrible trauma of her loss and so I failed to grieve enough or appropriately when she died…in fact, the process only began two years later with a synchronicity that prompted me (I found a four leaved clover on the ground; finding these everywhere was her special gift yet I had never managed to find one in my life before…and then realised it was the second anniversary of her death). With that opening, my grieving started in earnest and it was cathartic in ways I can now only regard as positive because it changed me profoundly and set me on a path. The way that grief processed through me for the next few years became the catalyst for my awakening process as I was now linked to someone “behind the veil” and actively seeking connection “out there” on a daily basis; and so I began to see the positives of her passing when she did, even though I was very young, since it enable my own evolution to build momentum and for me to be changed oh-so evolutionarily in the process….and I knew that she knew, and agreed to, her part in that process. We use this phrase, don’t we: “good grief!” Well, good grief opens us up; it doesn’t shut us down and then we process through it, evolved to a whole other level.

I share this because, as I am seeing it, we kind-of have to do the same with our grief for the old world which, if we are but honest, has already gone into the final stages; here but not really here anymore. We must grieve, yes; as not to grieve is to leave the trauma inside of us, undealt with and denied, walled up as a blockage to our own wellbeing and evolution potential. However, staying locked into grief only paralyses us on the edge and we have to find a means to break through to get to it; to process and move on. Knowing, as I came to realise, that what we grieve over is complicit in the process that “causes” our grief is an enormous help; in the most enlightened place of my “knowing”, I sense that our planet (our Great Mother) is fully complicit in all that we are experiencing and experimenting with right now, as a necessary process on the way to our highest evolution. If she wasn’t, she would have flicked us off her surface, as a toxic annoyance, a long time ago…

The longer we delay the beginning of that grieving process, the tougher and more like a prolonged struggle it will be because our subconscious minds will be trying to get us back to a world where things are like they “used to be” and thats just not possible and never really was. We didn’t lose that opportunity through some sort of mishap, it was always meant that we would evolve into something new at this stage but we had become so attached to the old ways for so long that this is rippling through us like a prolonged trauma pulsing through the collective. It is having the effect of paralysing or at least slowing down all of our best efforts when, in reality, we have all the resources and ingenuity we need to turn things around to a new and even more wonderful reality.

Once we start to glean the positives of the loss we have been through, we process through the paralytic sadness far quicker and we start to use it as a catalyst for something new…something we couldn’t even imagine before the loss was experienced. How many people have gone on to have such experiences after the devastating loss of a loved one and yet…that loss set in motion such powerful changes that their lives are never the same again; indeed, they begin to feel like it all happened to some sort of higher design.

So what if we could allow ourselves to believe that all the undoubted chaos and destruction of these times is all happening to some sort of higher design…and that the sooner we jump on it with all our best efforts and creativity, the sooner we can bring the positive fulfilment of that about.

If all our innovators, our scientists, our creatives, our inspirational leaders (in fact, a whole new generation of leaders…) could stop hankering over the past and a reality that certain individuals have invested in so heavily that their motivations are often skewed on all our behalves (think all the vested interest of the petrochemical industry), we might be able to glean all the potential of the new world up ahead. Yes, it has all new “wiring” and (like me in my peculiar body and some of the odd-feeling things that it does) there is no way of working out how that works except to keep out of fear and keep trying it out from the floor-level upwards…but together, we can all get there and create a reality that far exceeds the rose-tinted daydreams of our comforting yet quite illusional past.

We are in a collective growth spirt, birthing together into something yet to be seen and, like any thriving newborn reminds us, it takes just a matter of hours or handful of days to acclimatise to a whole new and bewildering environment like we have been in it forever…as soon as the confident assumption is that we are meant to be in it and that we are supported and sustained by it.

Undeniably, cultivating those feelings of support, of sustainability…of safety…is key to this “working”, just as I have had to realise that cultivating my own sense of safety, whatever happens to be playing out in the dramas around me, is so crucial to turning a massive corner in my health. Yet if we all stopped looking backwards and panicking over what is already lost, like a precious object just flew out of our hand and we are stood watching it in slow motion as it hurtles away over  a cliff edge, we might turn around on our heel and notice what we DO have and get on with things now, together. We would be better prepared to acclimatise to the “new norm” which, yes, will involve new weather, new challenges, new priorities, new ways of doing things and yet we are designed to keep apace with these kinds of changes just as soon as the conscious desire is there. Our very desire to take part is the lynchpin!

Am I prepared to evolve? (Echoing Lee Harris) we absolutely need to ask ourselves this…and to ask it not only of our thinking heads but of our body cells, of our guts, of our very energy field, of the subconscious thoughts that run beneath the surface. Once we have our answer…the true commitment to seeing this through…our conscious minds need to become the guardians of that intention and work to orchestrate the consistency of the desire at every level of the being that we are. Ultimately, it all comes back to personal choice…and each choice a contribution to the whole…but given a choice of nostalgia and endless grief or optimism and endless possibility, I know where I am at.


Gregg Braden books and video resources, including:

Lifeline Master Series with Gregg Braden (with anecdote about his mother as refered to)

What Does Adapting to the new normal mean? (and other videos in that series)

Support tools from Lee Harris, words and music which I have found incredibly supportive of making that subconscious change with repeated listening:

The Way of the Sensitive: Evolving in Tumultuous Times – Lee Harris with Davor Bolzic

Light Years (2019 – 2022) The Era of Higher Harmonics  – Lee Harris with Davor Blozic

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Becoming superconscious

We all know about our subconscious mind, though we may struggle to grasp just how much this takes care of, for us, in the average day. We mostly think about, and celebrate, the conscious mind and the popular idea of “expanding” it though, fact remains, we only use an average estimate of just 10% of our brains consciously, in our daily lives; the rest goes on in the unseen realms “under the hood”, so to speak. So, many of us have worked at growing our consciousness, bringing our “inner” (and, in the vastest sense, “outer”…) processes into full view, for many years, but what does that mean; what responsibilities and pitfalls does it entail and do we really want to take care of things that we don’t normally have to think about or to deal with? Of course, that all comes with the territory…we can’t have our cake and eat it; with expanded consciousness comes more awareness, more involvement, seemingly much more to take responsibility for…

GB quoteEarth is a giant mind too; in fact, we are it and it is us (and if you haven’t grasped that yet, I direct you at some of the reading matter at the end of this post). As we step into this next era of human evolution, this is only going to be come more (painfully?) apparent. Because when we work so hard at expanding our consciousness, which is to stick our fingers into matters that used to be run “for us” under the surface, we open a vast new potential to “mess up”. Just like having to think about how or when to breathe, to pop enzymes into the gut, to release a perfect balance of certain chemicals into the bloodstream at just the right moments would be a nightmare for any human being whose consciousness is trespassing on those areas (ask anyone with chronic health issues what this feels like and you will realise its like opening a huge can of worms…), sticking our fingers into the pie of managing the global consciousness and, indeed, all the unseen aspects of “running” a planet, with all of the most delicate ecological and biological arrangements this entails, could get messy…very messy indeed.

This has been the story of the last few hundred years, as human beings have so assiduously worked at controlling more and more of the planet, and yet it has never been more poised to turn into a disaster zone, as we vastly accelerate our involvement in matters of which we have no real understanding. Why do we make such a mess of this involvement, apart from this fundamental lack of understanding which, you would think, would teach us even more quickly where we are going so very wrong through all the hard-knocks along the way? Because, as it stands, we’re still wrapped up in so many ulterior motives, subplots and agendas that we are not really interested in the wellbeing of the whole…you could say, our intentions are not clear. With fear, greed or a desire for control, power or manipulation motivating us, we make a mess of our interference with all these subconscious processes, whether we do this at the individual level or at the global.

And if you’re wondering what the subconscious processing of the planet looks like, its all those things that the planet takes care of “for us” such as the ecosystem, the weather, the way microbes, enzymes, bacteria, cells, food chains, rock formations, chemical balances (need I go on?) get on with things without our knowledge or say-so and at blindingly fast speeds that we could never keep up with (just like the processing speed of the subconscious mind). We don’t know even the half of all that stuff yet…not even nearly…whatever our egos, or our scientists, might tell us and yet we think we are ready to get involved in all these processes, at the frequency level, on the planetary scale, which is to truly mess with the unseen realms? I take my hat off at the sheer, audacious stupidity of such an idea yet I guess its no different to what we all do, at the personal level, when we immerse our whole bodies into a particular vibe that’s not conducive to healthy functioning, be that repeated negative thinking or any kind of toxic exposure that we know about yet put up with anyway (could be something we eat, our own pattern of negative thoughts or the unhappy marriage we tolerate…) yet assume it will have no long-term detrimental effect on our health. The reality is, it has a monumental effect on all the unseen processes within the body and, in time, could crash our whole system…

Don’t I know this…as someone who has come to realise, over and over again, that to heal I need to rid myself of all fear-agendas, all outmoded and limiting beliefs and certainly of all ulterior motives, in order to shift to that higher ground of healing. And its tricky…heinously tricky…because bedded deep into that subconscious mind, as well as all the stuff to do with keeping all the body functions working, is a whole other stockpile of stuff which is very old…you could say “historic”. Its made up of all the many stories of “mankind” that we ever told about ourselves, or had told about us, across multiple lifetimes, plus all the “bad situations” that ever played out, like a cesspool of memories stored up as one giant cursory tale… and its primarily fear and lack based. It tells us that to survive, we must get down and dirty…must fight for control…must always be in charge…must grab the wheel first in order to create what “we think” is best for the whole; and this is whether we’re talking at the individual or, guess what, at the global level once again.

So, kind-of inevitably, we’ve reached this point in our mass-human story too. Human consciousness wants to expand, its tired of being the minority 10 percent player on this planet versus all the subplots that nature has running all around it and it demands to get more involved. So much of what “goes on” is still dictated by Mother Nature; we don’t really know what happens under that hood (though we like to assume an awful lot, based on science that hardly skims the surface of the precarious domino effect that keeps our world standing). Like the human mind, the global mind thinks it has to take over more territory of control…to expand its involvement and then dictate a certain tune, for all things to march along to. And so our telecoms (which is about so much more than telecoms…) are rolling that out now…as surely as though our nervous system was developing a new infrastructure of synapses to feel their way into matters that don’t really involve them and, maybe, shouldn’t…

I know what that feels like…when your nervous system gets involved in areas that never used to concern it, you have to be prepared to take over the controls of functions in the human body that bewilder and defeat you; and it only gets (a lot) messier before it gets better. Try having to micro-manage every aspect of your health, every day of your life, for a few years in order to keep the basic equilibrium that others take for granted (the story of anyone with autoimmunity or other chronic “mystery” illness) and then tell me this is fun? All kinds of trauma, interference, toxins and other epigenetic influences can unravel these everyday body processes so thoroughly and fast, cascading an array of symptoms as once-automatic functions go array, that a person doesn’t know what hit them. Yet, somewhere in there, I learned something important from the experience and its going to lead me to this…

So I’m going to surprise even myself here and say “maybe this all has to happen”. Maybe we cant get any further in our evolution without first expanding our involvement into the no-go domain of the global consciousness, where (as it were) all human consciousness is pooled together into a mass experience that (ever-increasingly, thanks to the communication explosion) we all seem to be having together. This pooling of experience is already happening of course; the global mind is “a thing” whether we are aware of it or not (though when was the global mind ever truly free from manipulation; for as long as there have been politics, fear-mongering and advertising, this has always been the case…). Now, the global mind is on the verge of being dictated to like never before, through the roll-out of frequencies that can orchestrate the very way people think and experience the world, to some sort of global agenda, since it will be everywhere using bandwidths that are crucial to the unseen processes of the human body. Apart from the degree of abuse that this will open us up to in terms of the mass-scale manipulation of belief systems (indeed, of the very version of reality that we will be subjected to…using the subconscious mind of everyone as the bandwidth of delivery), and all on an unprecedented scale, there’s a whole array of other problems in store for those who think this is such a good idea. This is just like when the minority 10 percent of the human brain (with its limited experience of all those matters that the subconscious mind is used to taking care of) thinks it can dictate to the whole of the body; before long its “oh, whoops, how do I keep those finely tuned chemicals in balance, what does that connection do exactly…oh and I’m meant to keep all of the body organs, glands, synapses and cells happy and optimally working, all at the same time; how do I do that? Oh dear, I seem to be feeling unwell”. Likewise, the whole planet could be feeling unwell and in crisis pretty soon as a tiny minority try to decide how it will be for all of us from now on, against the gut feelings and sound advice of so many people…

So how could this serve us? In my own journey, this systematic breakdown of my health over the last decade and a half (typified by the sense that my body was being interfered with by a degree of awareness that was interfering with its processes…) has also been a powerful stage in my deeper understanding of how chronic illness happens and how to evolve myself out of it; completely altered yet grateful for the upgrade effect that would have, otherwise, eluded me.  Yes, I feel vastly evolved compared to the person I was before I came into such a state of crisis. However, before getting even close to that realisation, things had to get really messy. When we expand our consciousness, we make conscious all sorts of dark and dusty corners of our subconscious operating system that, once shown light of day and perhaps cleaned down a little, suddenly (ironically) find they cant function so very well because its like making the riding of a bicycle or the walking of a tightrope conscious…before you know it, you’re losing your balance. As soon as we bring opinions into a domain that should be allowed to get on and do what nature intended it to do best, we go into some sort of wobble that just keeps on wobbling…

Which is the inherent risk of thinking we can get involved in the global mind at every level, using frequencies that will mess with more than just humans…in fact, affecting every form of life, from microbes to insects to all forms of wildlife, to plant cell behaviours, to the weather systems, to the cycles of water creation, to the ratios of one life form to another…and onwards. Catastrophe could be around the very corner when we mess with these processes that remain, largely, in the dark to our conscious minds and, in many cases, best left so…so we’d better be prepared to take over all of these crucial tasks (I hope that they have a fleet of robot bees that can handle all the work when the real ones are made extinct, for instance) or our our world is going to flounder, big-time and quickly…

Yet, didn’t I say above, maybe this is necessary; even desirable? Well, these painful growth spurts sometimes are, as I have learned (the hard way) because there’s nothing like floundering to make you realise the limit of your territory…forcing you to evolve so quickly….to get out of your own way…and to know where to pull back; not necessarily to where you were before but back outward to some other place, where you can see the whole picture, as from above. See it…know it like never before…be it in your daily life…allow it to experience what it wants to experience through you…yet seek to interfere with matters that don’t need to involve you less than ever before!

Because there’s another layer of consciousness and its called superconsciousness. Unlike the global consciousness, which is the mass-version of our individual human consciousness, beset with all kinds of distortions, insecurities and false beliefs, fears and unhealthy preoccupations, this level of consciousness is far beyond all that and has no agenda whatsoever…none…except, perhaps, to be a vehicle, or rather space-holder, for embodied awareness and for evolution, which is the very driving force of the universe.

When I pull back to this place, if Im truly honest with myself (which is all I can ever be from its perspective) I know there is no turning the human technological evolution around. We cant put the jack-in-a-box back into the box. We don’t want to go back to living separate and rudimentary lives (those that do, I suspect, do so as reaction to what they don’t like about the current paradigm more so than a desire to go back to such basic and difficult lives). In my own case, for instance, Ive been nursing some halcyon idea of pulling back to some remote, rural place to live out the rest of my life in peace and relative tranquility but, when Im honest, I know that won’t serve my needs because I love to share, to connect, to expand, to innovate and experience newness and variety…and how do I do all that without connectivity? I need this revolution in technology as much as the next person and yes, when I’m completely honest, I desire it!

What makes me hesitate, what makes any of us that are aware of the bigger picture hesitate, is the feeling that this is being done for some other agenda, which is to control and manipulate human consciousness, not to embellish and support it. While greed and power drive an agenda, there is always this risk and when we get into the realms of involvement into areas that we have never trespassed into before, this gets serous. The micro to the macro, its no different in the individual human; when fear, lack, a desire to control outcomes or to run any sort of agenda has got into my healing process, all my efforts to attain some sort of “evolved” new level of health have, similarly, crashed and burned all around me…every time.

So, how do we expand from the 10% involvement in our own consciousness to achieving a bigger portion without all the collateral as we (inevitably) fuc&-up our first few attempts? Maybe we cant, maybe its a growth curve we have to jump onto or risk being paralysed on the edge of an old world that is no long enough for any that are on this evolution trajectory. Yet what about all the chaos and mess this could unleash, as above?

So the next question is, what have those of us who have worked at growing our own consciousness, evolving past the pitfalls, learned? What can we do differently; can we drive out those old fear agendas, such as vulnerability, lack, greed and power, and make use of this growth infrastructure for better things, beyond all agenda except to connect and expand consciousness? In other words, can we hook it up to a higher bandwidth…not one of those frequency bandwidths they keep talking about auctioning for 5G but the bandwidth of our superconsciousness, where all higher intentions stem from?

fuu-j-1154532-unsplashNot only do I think we can but I think we have to make this the next leap; just as I have realised I have to do to make the next stretch in the stuck-place of my personal health. In my case, I have to leave behind all presumptions about what is humanly possible and harness the power of belief in something else, beyond the limited human perspective, without trying to control the outcome or drive it from behind using my fears. As ever, the same applies on the global scale. We all have to want to reach this place of superconsciousness so quickly now that we are the ones that flush this new level of connectivity with our highest vibes; pushing to the very edges all manipulation and agenda to make room for a degree of human connectivity that has never existed, in physical form, before. The highest vibe will always prevail when we we don’t keep defaulting to the “typical” range of vibes on offer, which will be more belligerent than ever, coming at us as they will from every airwave, all around us, day and night. One of these sources of low-vibe, which could floor us in our attempts, is the very fear-vibe around the technology itself since its well proven that negative beliefs influence outcome (see Greg Braden’s excellent book below). When we believe we’re doomed, guess what, we become the self-fulfilling prophesy!

So we have to know the power of our own human minds at this point; that to flood this worldwide system with negativity could serve as the very instrument that wraps the global consciousness in such a blanket of fear that we collapse our own field. We can do what we feel compelled to do but we need to keep out of the fear vibe…I stress that above all things; from personal experience, it undoes everything. Be mindful of your thoughts; low-vibe throughts only deplete your energy. Never underestimate the power of love in this context; as the “flip-side” of fear, it can be so quickly turned on and flooded into places where fear once, so conveniently, held a space (thank you fear…you can go now). Know the limits of your physical involvement…whist never underestimating the power of your other-dimensional abilities. There’s a trip wire, born of human arrogance, where consciousness expansion leads us to believe we have to take charge of everything we’re now more fully aware of in a physical sense…That’s just a phase of infancy that we pass though on the way to a new maturity, on the other side, where we see oh-so clearly that we really don’t have to at all; that we take part through unblinkered awareness alone. Learn to let go of the need to control everything; which is deeply entrained into the human psyche but some of the greatest leaps only occur when we just stop doing that thing (don’t I just know that from experience). Take responsibility for the vibration you put out, whether expressed “out loud” or not, since we all transmit this information via the invisible frequencies that connect us with other people, all the time. Collectively, we have to uplift our global vibe, incidental of 5G delivering its own vibrations, to the highest level achievable…tune into 5D and above…and then let go of trying so hard (where we push against all the time, because trying so hard only keeps us entrenched in the three-dimensional mosh pit). Doing so transports us higher, way beyond such petty agendas into the realm where we are already super!

To make all this easier, and I will write more on it at some future point, we need to draw on everything we know that we know but currently side-line or fail to draw on as daily resources. If you have been on a consciousness expansion journey for a number of years, you will probably know what I am talking about; we have all gathered powerful tools along the way but may have become lazy or undisciplined about using them in our everyday lives…well, now is the time to use them, meditation (which I have returned to, twice a day) being amongst them. Before now, I was one of the many people that I frequently encounter ready with complacent, even very compelling sounding, excuses why I didn’t need that practice in my life any more but I have now reversed that thinking, with powerful effect; like these tools were just waiting for these times.

These linkages, the comparisons, I keep making between human mind and global mind, by the way, are no mere metaphor…we are all inherently connected to that global mind, we each drive it along far more powerfully than we know, so in doing this work “as the individual” we do it for all, crucially tipping the balance…perhaps even having the last laugh as the new era of connectivity serves as the infrastructure to roll out a level of positivity that, until now, has relied on far less tangible means of communication. When we make all our interactions, via any means, the highest-vibe we can muster, driven not by old stories of fear and lack, we up-grade the entire system and allow for what currently seems so cutting-edge yet fatally flawed to be a mere stepping stone, a brief teething phase for our planet on the way to some other sort of evolutionary burst…the main event, way beyond all the commercial hype…that is just waiting to happen on the other side.

Valuable Resources:

Just a couple of resources if you want to do research, or be encouraged, regarding the full potential of the human mind:

The Spontaneous Healing of Belief – Greg Braden

Becoming Supernatural – Dr Joe Dispneza

Also, some higher perspectives on 5G that feel in sync (I just discovered Amanda Ellis’s video, below, since publishing this article but recommend it for being on just the same wavelength):

5D, 5G & high-frequency consciousness – Elizabeth Peru

From 5G to 5D – stop the fear!!! – Amanda Ellis

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Life choices, Meditation, Menu, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

…and now, really act like you’re awake

I’ve just come from a 3 hour-plus mediation to music since dawn, which felt like the pull-back-and-repair phase my body needed after a few days during which grief and a sense of hopelessness, like none I had ever experienced before, had hit me like a tidal wave (see earlier posts). Its done very much to get me back into my heart coherence, as I knew I must over what has been a powerful few days of total recalibration. Far more has shifted in these few days than I can adequately put into words.

During that “meditation”, amongst many other things, two distinct memories came up for me, set about ten years apart comparative to now. They were devoid of emotional charge but vivid; like watching a life review and, straight afterwards, the sense I got was that I had been shown these to demonstrate how awake I have become. In ten year increments, I could witness my awakening progress to see where I am now…how astonishingly far I have come.

This has been one of the most powerful gifts of these last few days, which is to have gained the profoundest sense of my own power and of seeing things clearly, without all the programs of old. I met with my energy healer, a couple of days ago and, this time, there was no preamble…I was straight into all the material that I can’t easily discuss with anyone else and she was right there with me, reflecting back how sovereign and in charge of these circumstances I really am. Though I am consumed with sadness, waves of fear (yes) and a human wish that things were different, there is such a deep knowing that they are exactly as they have to be. It’s buckle up and get ready for the ride time. This change-over in human eras is gigantian, not a mere step as, for instance, the transition into the twentieth century or even the beginning of the industrial revolution before that. Ginormous as those felt, this up-pace is inconceivably different and the world we once knew is already gone. Do you sense that, when you really tune in to your fully awake self? It’s gone and we are looking at a hologram made out of its dust cloud as particles play out the last rhythms of its long-learned behaviours. Whatever comes now marks the beginning of a whole other epoch and our nostalgia will get us nowhere except into denial and a degree of resistance that, quite possibly, hurts.

To own this is to graduate, and is to drop the last vestiges of pretence that we were clueless or that this thing was done to us against our knowing or our will. We are all part of this, we chose to be here at this time (if, indeed, we are) and we each have our part to play. And play that part we must if we are to hone this new world the way we envision it…the way we all want it, not just a handful who seem to be so determined to steer it for us all. Yes, incredible technologies are necessary, they are the very future but these have to be done the right way, with the right priorities, with a sense of the whole picture, not a minority-invested corner.

Yet we know things that they don’t, having done the consciousness work to drop all the scales from our eyes and really see that whole picture…whole in its wholest sense, not this little side theatre made up of three-dimensional things. So in we must all go to that new world, bravely and yes, with excitement and wonder in our hearts, or it will all be done their way.

So many topics could spin from this; such as that of an almost paralysing sense of responsibility some of us feel for the unsung world of other sentient beings, our very planet, their wellbeing and the room that needs to be made for them in this all-new paradigm…And yet, when I graduate, I am forced to own my own knowing that they are also sovereign beings, with their own awakening journey to contribute to this evolution of all, that they know what to do in their own way and that my fear over them only reflects my fear over myself. To know these things is to trust without having to have the logic to explain it all away and I am having to task myself with that in spade-loads this week, in the face of some of the most emotion-triggering topics I know.

That’s not to discount the part to be played by intuition, which is ready to tell us (more than ever) when we are headed off track…and those with this turned up need to be prepared to speak out, even when it triggers us to do so. Yet, in our awakened selves, we can learn to do this without the heavy load of emotion; sticking to “their” language of logic and reason (as we have spent a whole lifetime being entrained, by them, to do). We go in, we do or say what we have to and we return to our heart coherence, moments later; turning the outcome over to the winds, without investment or beating ourselves up. For many of us sensitives, this will come as such a relief.

We can also drop so much BS! Recognising where we are still subjecting ourselves to limiting beliefs, lack of self-love, our desire to “fit in” at all costs and a deference to information that, not so deep down, we know we don’t resonate with is a key part in all this and I challenge us all, myself included, to do this now. Our resonance-detector really has to become the key tool in our kit bag, on a daily basis; it will help us to quickly see thorough information that, in other ways, seems so credible and yet isn’t ours to know. We each have our own specialisms, our task area and when we stick to it, its as though the very sea parts to let us through…

Above all, to be awake is to know that we are enough, that our experiences are our own version of “laboratory”, that we have all we need, that every moment is a clue, that synchronicity speaks, that all is already well and ours is to remain curious and willing, not to drown ourselves in fear.

Sovereign Being

“Sovereign Being”, Helen White 2019

Perhaps that is the biggest thing I am owning this week; this “no-space for fear anymore” realisation as part of a new paradigm that, far from happening around me, is happening through me and me the influencer of it (as we all are). As I keep mentioning, heart-coherence is all, which is to get into that space where we are very far from abandoned and nothing can touch us… not just here and there, in special moments, in meditation at the end of the day but dropping into it many times over, whenever we need it, by cultivating the circumstances that support it (such as being creative, in nature or listening to music)…perhaps learning to do it all the time, regardless of circumstance, if we practice enough, as we must. Achieving this has become the prime goal of my life, that thing that takes absolute priority over all else…and, if so many of us do it, this will be enough to transform the world!

In this heart-coherent space, I quickly see through what’s not important (real though it may be)…where I give my energy away too freely…what depletes and distracts me. Even where valid actions present, I can see that perhaps they are actions for others and not for me; that to simply know they are valid and useful actions is to put that knowing out into the quantum field for somebody else, with a different skillset, to pick up.

Fully remembering how we all exist in “the field”, where energy speaks, and that nobody can truly interfere with that, however it may seem, is to claim that connectivity and power and amp it up…which we all must learn to do now, above all other pressing things. Each one of us is the drop in an ocean that is fully sentient and alive, that adds our vote to the swell and this knowing is where I see the barrenness of my former life, in those days of forgetfulness, lived in for so many years, where I didn’t realise that. So to truly know this is to realise the gift of these times, over any hardships or insurmountable problems. Because to be wide awake though challenged is more powerful by far than to be asleep and at relative ease…I see that now and, in seeing it, I notice that I have never been more charged-up than in these last few days of abject grief; for they have squeezed out of me the deepest knowing of self that I have ever experienced in human form.

And this is just the beginning; these times will continue to squeeze and squeeze us all until we are under no illusion that we are anything but awake and sovereign, that we are connected with all, that we are “family” with the whole universe and that we are here to mould our future together, not to be blown by the winds of other peoples’ self-interested beliefs and desires.

To feel like this is to be vital, to be truly alive and energetic beings in every sense of the word; and this is when we start to work with energy as the true masters that we are. There is no situation where we cannot apply what we know to change outcomes in ways that remain quite unfathomable to the scientific mind and this is what makes us such key players in the creation of a whole new world. So you have to want this, to be part of it and to cease harbouring the belief that tells you that you are not yet fully awake, that you are in long-mourning for the old world, that you are in the dark or a victim. If you have read this far, you are awake enough to own it all fully now and to realise that your contribution is as it should be, you have all you need to know within and all that remains is to listen and respond. The new world that arises from that has every possibility of being the greatest thing we could never even imagine before.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Meditation, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

On the other hand…

When we were training my dog as a puppy, several years ago, my daughter liked to do a trick where she put a treat on one of his paws, which he wasn’t allowed to eat until he was given permission to do so. Our dog became really good at this but would turn his head sharply to one side, to avoid seeing the treat, until he was told “OK” and then he would eat it, so quickly, it would just vanish in a gulp. You got the impression you could have put anything on that paw and he would have eaten it, regardless of what it was, so eager was he to grab it once “allowed”…

In effect, by turning his head, he was removing the treat from the equation, as though it simply wasn’t there…which, when you think about, is to remove the choice altogether…to say “there is no choice”, which has a very different energy to a situation where you are making a conscious decision between one thing or another. One makes for a predestined, limited scenario and the other for a masterful engagement with what it means to be consciousness in living form.

We all have choices in every moment of every day; choices that, though they seem trivial, affect trajectories far more life-altering than we often care to think about. We don’t enjoy thinking about this responsibility (a default position learned over many thousands of years, as though we made a “bad” choice once and lived to regret it)  and so, many times and in more situations than most people care to admit, we simply remove those choices from the picture, as though they aren’t really there. When we hand over the decision-making powers to others; be that regulatory bodies and governments or to other family members and people in our cultural “tribe” we are, in effect, twisting our necks around as though to not see the other options, removing them from sight. Even when we suspect we might not want to chose those other options anyway (so we think it doesn’t matter that they are removed from sight for us), as when we assume that those making decisions on our behalf have our best interests at heart, we are reducing ourselves into a limited being and forgetting our consciousness, each time we do this.

And sometimes, those things we avert our attention from are things that are being chosen for us by those that (our instincts tell us) don’t have our best interests at heart…yet, rather than tackle them, we pitch our gaze at some sort of alternate reality, which is very far from manifesting yet (whether you call that wishful thinking or practice of the law of attraction). This trend allows major, trajectory-altering, scenarios to unfold which are tantamount to our fundamental freedoms being taken away from us in plain sight, as by the roll-out of 5G (as I wrote about recently) and yet perfectly intelligent people shrug and say “what can I do, it can’t be stopped”. Most  people I have spoken to have done zero research about what this new technology will do to human beings or the ecosystem.

Even in the most “enlightened” communities, I see this behaviour in spadefuls. The cult of light worship has made so many people formulaic in their pursuit of that with which they want to engage themselves. If the choice of situation on offer involves outcomes that are dark-seeming, manipulative, nefarious, disturbing to think about or “low-vibration” as goes the phrase and, on the other hand,  alternatives that are so sparkly they might be the fairy on a Christmas tree (and equally out of reach, in practical terms, unless we get more practical in our choices…) they turn their attention to that sparkly fairy and hold it there, with all their might, Meanwhile, they ignore, as though its literally not there, all the dark underbelly of a world that persists in presenting very much evidence that we live in far from sparkly times.

Obsession with a distorted version of law of attraction (since it also advocates the need for action…) has done much to fuel this shot in the foot for what ought to be a more active version of spirituality in these precarious times. Whilst I wholeheartedly subscribe to the quantum viewpoint that we can alter outcomes by what we focus on and expect to happen, I have learned from experience one other very hard lesson to take in; being that the quantum choice only seems to hold sway and true sticking power when we make an ACTIVE choice, not a pre-designated one or those which, in many cases, are almost formulaic in the way we automatically favour the light over dark, before assessing the full situation. Its as though, in missing out the process of looking into the darker corners, our high-vibe choice loses impetus. People, as ever, become lazy, choosing light, light, more light without remembering why they are even making this very choice anymore. They become almost religious observers of a particular practice without getting down and dirty in the business of life, which is far less pristine than they would prefer and which, when we open up our entire awareness, within the human experience, involves seeing very much that is unsightly and disturbing…but to do so is a graduation of sorts.

My experience in Venice, which I wrote about recently, reminded me that we live on a thin line of potential between dark and light all the time, even if this is more manifestly tangible in some places, as an energy seemingly pouring out of a crack in the ground (for those of us who are acutely sensitive to the energy of place), than in others. Walking streets that hailed me with evidence of what was both exquisite and revolting in equal proportions was a powerful reminder of this in the lead up to a period of time when this would be taken to whole new levels of experience in the choices of my daily life. Life itself is a labyrinth and we hit constant dead ends when we don’t work with the light and dark equally, wherever they flow together. “Dark” is not inherently bad…but it can go that way when we leave it to its own devices for far too long, as we have in the last era; turning us into dreaders of dark, worshippers of light yet somehow caught in the middle.

“So which is it? Are we hopelessly fragile victims of events that are beyond our control, or are we powerful creators harbouring dormant abilities that we are only beginning to understand?…Which of these truths we experience is determined by the choices that we make in our lives, choices base on our belief.” (Greg Braden – “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief”.

So what if we will only transform the whole when we look both potentials equally in the eye and then stand up for own, no-longer conditioned, belief systems, knowing what we now do (which is to be aware in a uniquely human format)?

Our present reality is made up of some significant amounts of evidence of dark and nefarious “happenings” seeking to manipulate our choices and, indeed, our entire future reality…and yet. It seems we are made up of a vast population who are still fast asleep to such things, another layer that are lethargic and demoralised, having not yet discovered the power of remembering that we can alter realities using a consciousness they have forgotten they have and then…amongst those other people, the very people in whom I would hope to see signs of ACTIVE choice of one thing over another, I see only signs of so many heads turned acutely in one direction, refusing to see the other hand on offer and thus a failure to follow through with actions. They have pre-made their choice based on assumptions, scrubbed all thought of what they don’t want to admit is there like a bogey man under the bed and, as such, they remove all power from the choices that they make…

And to pre-empt anyone with the thought that, surely, by avoiding looking at what he didn’t want to see, my dog became very good at not having to deal with it, what I actually observed was the following. That, in not being “allowed” to look at that thing, he only wanted it more…like some sort of unreasonable craving, keeping him attached to it, and that’s how we are with all those things we want to be gone from our world so much that we’re pretenting they’re not there. The more we make them into the forbidden territory of our attention, the more they seem to hang around, like so-much unfinished business…because we’re not dealing with them fully!

Trying to open conversation about these darknesses, the very things we need to be aware are there in order to push off against them into another reality, I feel as though I am being stepped around, as though contagious. Its a conversation killer amongst friends that I would normally turn to for the kind of conversations that move mountains. I’ve received reactions varying from the downright scathing (as though I have achieved a poor mark in my spiritual homework this week for focusing on anything other than light…) to the “run to the hills” approach of those who say they just can’t bear to think about “all that stuff” going on and so, like my dog, they just pretend its not there, head turned sharply the other way. So all-pervasive has the idea of “light worker” become that many people reject dark themes with the idea that “its just not my area of expertise” or “my skillset”; as though they are a plumber and this is for an electrician to deal with…when really, to become whole, we all have to become all-rounders. These are powerful individuals who could make some serious inroads towards manifesting our new earth and yet they are rendered ineffectual through an old set of beliefs and so much fear around looking darkness in the eye, as well as seeing all the light potential.

One other meme I want to address on this topic is that to bring dark into focus is not to go against enchantment. Disenchantment is a very-major ailment of our times; something I can feel happening to whole swathes of people (especially noticable as I returned to the UK recently…Brexit and other disullusionment sources, that have seemingly robbed people of their freedoms and future aspirations, have played a big part, especially amongst young people) and its a topic I plan to write about soon. As I mentioned before, I am reading Sharon Blackie’s book “The Enchanted Life” and she is one of several advcates for a, very-crucial and timely return to encantment if we are to rebalance enough to move forwards with project earth and yet darkness is not the thing to remove or threaten it, per se. The truth of the awful state of our ecosystem is not the reason for our young people being so disenchanted with life, for instance; they are disenchanted with the lack of serious, practical responses being made by those who could pull-together and turn this around. So, rather than going against enchantment, when we allow ourselves to see both dark and light and remember how to work with both, we become re-enchanted as we relearn the magic of our own powers, like the magician achieving some new “trick” that eluded them before they mixed up different ingredients. We feel imediately uplifted…don’t we?…and like some sort of invisible weight has dropped from our shoulders when we tackle something head on and realise that we’re not the only one working for a different outcome. Imagine if we all set about transforming our physical world tomorrow; everything else, all self-interested commercialism, halted for a mass effort to confront what feels “off” about our current priorities and the mess we’ve made in our world. Just imagine all those feelings of pure enchantment that would flood in if this mircacle-in-action were to occur before our very eyes, even as we took an inventory of all the “dark stuff” to be owned up to.

There was a time when I saw all the prevalent light-obsession hanging around in spiritual people’s viewpoints and yet trusted that their stance, in its way, was enough…that these people tipped the balance, anyway, and that it wasn’t in their remit to get down and dirty on the frontline of heavy choices, as I seem to have picked for my own “entertainment”. Yet, as the matter of tipping our human scales becomes every more pressing, an existential decision that could make or break us very soon, I find myself increasing in frustration and despair to be surrounded by yet another version of  decision-avoidance. It has become apparent to me, in so many ways, across all the levels of life, that if we seek to make our spiritual selves into embodied spiritual selves, with an actual 3D planet on which to live, along with all our other dimensions fully intact, we have to prove ourselves with ACTION as well as focus. We need to DO and BE in equal proportion in order to effect the clicking-together of our yin-and-yang division point, to become the living, breathing whole that we aspire to be. We already know we can be (already are…) whole “out there”, somewhere off planet; the whole point of this earth exercise is to replicate this wholeness in a physical, earth-based reality, where we are prepared to stand up…in some very physical, manifest and practical ways…for our choices and the earth we want to live on, even if that involves looking at things we really don’t like to see. Compared to the transcendent life we have been leading until now (which has involved being out of our bodies more than in them, for a lot of us) comes very hard and yet, when we do it, we make magic happen. But…it requires more than just one of us doing it; and I am finding it so hard to rally people to that perspective that I am almost at the point of despair. I said almost…speaking my truth on these topics is one of my ways of taking the action of choice based on seeing as much of the whole picture as my awareness is capable of; we can ask no more of ourselves than that.

Yes, the world is full of activists right now, each with their particular cause bundle and yet, I know, to do only this is not quite enough. We also have those who, in their new-age (and more traditional) way, are all about praying for a better outcome. Then there’s those who (I truly hope) are coming to know that to bring in the power of conscious focus, the ability to make quantum choices for the light, whilst also seeing what we don’t choose as clear as anything in all its heinous “glory”, accepting this as a reality that is deserving of their acknowledgement (like a wounded child that is tugging at their leg…), is the most powerful combination of those two skillsets that we all possess.

To operate from both of these parts of ourselves (the human-immersive and the spiritual-overview), in equal balance, is the most powerful thing we can do right now. It will afford us astonishing results but it requires of us that we dare to look at all the dark in our periphery…see it, know its there, acknowledge it and then choose different because we dare to know what we are not choosing. By the way, to make a choice in the physically manifest dimensions requires action of a very particular kind and, though not an easy transition for those that prefer to direct their visualisations of a better world rather than get vocal, active and controversial, you know its what I’m talking about here. Like I said in my last post, we get all the plates spinning together in a powerful new way when we split our time between Doing, Being and Transcending; a trinity (or triskele) of priorities that is as ancient as it has largely been forgotten or misconstrued. Only the transcendent part is strictly “off planet” in the sense of not having an opinion about outcomes; the rest is fully engaged with the earth’s stories, albeit in different (linear and non-linear) ways of working through us.

There’s something about mixing up these two sides of our physical awareness in one soul that is quite alchemical, like making gold out of two substances that “should”, according to certain laws, never mix…and yet we can do this miraculous thing when we remember our full (physical and nonphysical, combined) potential. Yes, its not easy, can be dangerous, takes us very close to our edge (where I seem to be right now…) and we need to keep ourselves physically as well as mentally strong. Yet, when we master it, we ascend to the true mastery of another era that awaits us, just over the other side of the choice to be as we were always meant to be; in balance and whole. If many of us could bring ourselves to do it…to turn our heads to centre and see what lies on both sides of our binary earth-based reality (without the fear-based preconditioning of the previous era) and then still make the choice of will, we could turn this whole world around on a dime.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Could 5G hasten our extinction?

Very little of the (real) news about 5G makes happy reading but if there’s one piece of information that I can’t seem to shake out of my head, its that it could be devastating to all the bees that are so crucial to life on earth; also to birds, who play a far more important part in the matrix of life on this planet  than most people yet realise, not least as pollinators. If these two species get “scrambled” or wiped out, I don’t give our chances of survival much time; possibly under a five years, due to the cascade of “problems” this would unleash and yet the science is very credible. It makes such logical sense to me and, again, I’m plagued by my own non-compute that this isn’t making headline news.

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Dr Ulrike Warne “Bees, Birds and Mankind: Destroying Nature by ‘Electrosmog’” (all other highlighted quotes, unless stated, are also from this source).

We are all electrical beings; we all know that now, right? The body is a landscape of unfathomed electrical communication methods beneath the surface of our cells (and which scientists still have no real clue about) engaging in the most minute and quite instantaneous dialogues between synapses and enzymes, blood, sweat and glands. When we bring powerful, dominant frequencies into our environment we often rue the day, suddenly and with no easy explanations yet, such as in cases regarding the use of Tetra communication devices that “suddenly” cause cancers or suicidal depression in individuals “for no other reason” (see this paper by physicist G J Hyland, University of Warwick and the International Institute of Biophysics Neuss-Holzheim, Germany). Again, these stories don’t make headline news and are often ideas which are quickly scoffed at by those who are made uncomfortable by them or with other interests to promote.

Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 09.30.52Which is much the same as how most people default to scoffing at, and make-fun of, those of us that are hypersensitive to wifi or mobile phone technology, as I am well accustomed to. I read an excellent article “5G: The Unreported Global Threat” by Devra Lee Davis, PhD MPH President of Environmental Health Trust ehtrust.org and Visiting Professor of Medicine at The Hebrew University Hadassah Medical School. The only comment, before mine, was from someone who asked “where is the canary in the coalmine?” to which I responded “I’m here, and there are countless thousands of others…” Only, here’s the things, we who have adverse symptoms as a result of manmade electromagnetic interference are weary of arguing our corner in a world that doensn’t want to hear our party-pooping thoughts and, besides (strangely enough) many of us can’t use social media due to severe health issues when in proximity to communication devices, shutting down our most likely conversation channel (the ultimate irony and a shot in the foot for us all of those most effected if 5G turns out to be as detrimental to health as it could be).

In my case, I continue to use my computer because I’m a writer/artist and can’t stop myself from needing to express, being my only satisfaction left in a world that is becoming increasingly difficult to take part in, but it comes at a cost. I have to use technology via a series of fixed wired connections all around my house (never the bedroom and always switched off at night) and, if you want to phone me, you’ll have to use a landline which has a wired phone at its end. I’m also a recluse by most people’s standards and I have to measure my time spent on technology like some people have to count their drinks; one strike is OK, two can be two much and a binge tips me over. So, I’m a dinosaur and yet I keep on trucking…many people like me have given up or gone off grid, though there are pockets of people in places like Sweden, where electrohypersensitivity is recognised as “functional impairement” and so they get some social support and can get their homes “sanitised for EMFs” as I have had to do for myself here in the UK. They have a right to special measures from their employers and there are certain rooms available to them in hospitals, so I read from Olle Johansson who is Associate Professor, Karolinska Institute Department of Neuroscience Experimental Allergy Unit in Stockholm.

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Prof. Dr. Karl Hecht, Dr. med. Markus Kern, Prof. Dr. Karl Richter, Dr. med. Hans-Christoph Scheiner – Introduction to “Bees, Birds and Mankind”

Humans are just the tip of this iceberg, although I know all too well from my own health how these “minute” influences from man-manipulated frequencies are bigger than invisible elephants in my electro-compromised world. In the average day “out there”, I can walk through an unseen security system at the entrance to a shop and feel as though my legs are suddenly buckling, my tongue tingles and registers a “metallic”  response from being in a car on the highway surrounded by all the telecoms, my head registers pain and pulling sensations and I hear frequencies all the time but more often around electropolluted areas, my skin burns when someone near me has a mobile phone in their bag

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Can we say goodbye to the astonishing beauty of a murmuration where “large flocks of starlings in an area of an estimated 500 m2 or more, packed with birds, can perform complex flying manoeuvres within 5 milliseconds”? As with every living creature, from sharks to microbes, starlings use the relatively predictable electromagnetic environment that we share, which is the product of billions of year’s natural evolution together, to communicate with each other, navigate and more that we don’t even know about yet. Interesting that starlings were the casualties of the recent 5G test in the Hague, a story that has been labelled “conspiracy theory” and scoffed away, as they always are by the information bullies…

or I break a fiery sweat from standing under a certain monitor that I otherwise wouldn’t have noticed…this is the degree of my sensitivity. Perhaps that’s why I’ve developed such an affinity with bees and especially birds, preferring to be out in nature, with its “other” (gentler) range of vibrations, emitting from living things. Yes, if I must feel vibrations, let me feel theirs; in fact, being around them recalibrates me after the onslaught of modern life. More “logically”, I put this love of the smaller creatures of nature down to the fact I’ve been invalided, now, by my intolerance of modern tech, for just so long that these are some of my closest friends; I spend my days engaging with the bees and the birds that I’ve attracted to my garden and, without them, I would see hardly another soul from one day to the next.


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Prof. Dr. Karl Hecht, Dr. med. Markus Kern, Prof. Dr. Karl Richter, Dr. med. Hans-Christoph Scheiner – “Bees, Birds and Mankind”

So, perhaps my long-running meditation in their company has helped me develop this affinity but I just “know” that messing with frequencies on a blanket scale would be quite devastating for them, in ways that would start-off the domino effect that we could never put right again. With that intuition pressing down upon me so hard that I wasn’t sleeping any more, or was having dreams about some sort of ecodisaster with winged-things falling to ground, I went off in search of clues.


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Translated by an Australian news source from the Dutch newspaper that reported the incident: “A 5G test was done, in relation to Dutch railway station Hollands Spoor… to view the range of the mast and see if any adverse equipment damage would occur on and around the station. Immediately afterwards, the birds fell in numbers dead from the trees. What is going on here? This is a horror scenario, when these two facts are causally related to each other — which means that bird death is caused by the 5G masts. Because we are on the verge of rolling out the national 5G network”. “In the following days, in The Hague, in the Huygenspark, a stone’s throw from the Hoefkade .. Dead birds, with dozens on the ground .. As if we’re watching the thriller ‘The Birds’ by Alfred Hitchcock.” The birds were taken to a laboratory, noted to be healthy in every way and scientists have yet to return a verdict. Go to article for more accounts relating to herds of cows and fire crew near 5G test equipment.

It took me a very short time to come across worrying trends (see also my links at the bottom), such as accounts about 5G trials in the Netherlands, where hundreds of birds fell from the sky last year “for no apparent reason” when they switched the 5G antennas on for a test (never making broadsheet headlines, the story has been sidelined almost as though it was an April fool’s joke).

Not long after that, I came across a piece of incredibly coherent science from Dr Ulrike Warnke who has sent the last few decades researching the effect of frequency on living organisms, in this case bees and birds. I found his report Bees, Birds and Mankind: Destroying Nature by ‘Electrosmog’ just compelling, knowing it held water, because the third sub-heading he writes about, being the likely effect of this manmade radiation-generating technology on humans, for once matched all my own best theories formulated over several years of being forced to study myself as the lab of my own experience (since nobody else had any answers for me…) See below for more on this.


Studying myself in such detail has been no easy thing for me to do, not being a biologist or a doctor but, to date, Dr Warnke’s compilation of theories is the closest thing to an explanation of the systemic breakdown of functions that seems to have happened to my health, for all my efforts to resist and repair, using good food, exercise, nature’s medicine and positive thoughts. For all that, I feel like I am constantly on a tread mill whereby, if I lapse in my efforts for just a moment, the whole cascade of health issues becomes overwhelming again. Because, when you’re being messed around with by frequency, you are against one hell of a formidable (invisible) assailant and my only friend has been that I can, at least some of the time, avoid wifi and mobile phones in order to pull out all the stops and repair myself again (as I am having to do this week…having experienced a “collapse” following two weeks “out there” in hotels, airports and restaurants).

One of the most pernicious side-effects of whatever is going on is that I struggle to get enough antioxidants into my diet to balance-out all the free-radicals that seem to self-generate in some sort of snowball effect; for all I seem to spend fortunes on best quality fruit, veg and supplements. In a future world where this became a common health issue yet without bees, as Wanke’s report suggests we could be on the verge of, the absence of fruit and other antioxidant sources would be a major problem to an increasingly sickly population since I only cope by consuming more organic produce in a week than some people put on the side of their plates in a month. Above all, by taking these frequent pitstops from “normal” exposed life, I keep myself alive and I keep on moving forwards, as cheerfully as I can muster, in the stop-start health of someone who has had to become resigned to the fact the world I could have lived healthily in has been, at least partially, taken away from me (though it seems it may be about to disappear forever).

Time out to recover…that’s what people like me (hypersensitive is the term, until many more of us get it…) rely on, or perhaps the ability to pull out of the circus altogether; as has long been my pipe dream, planning to go somewhere without neighbours and far from a city once my husband can give up work. Which, in its own way, is a tragedy since I am a social person but have had to resign myself to the most introverted of lives. However, the all-consuming nightmare of 5G has removed that possibility which, in part, is the culprit of the existential-level crisis that has taken me over. That and…back to the real subject here…the bees and the birds.

Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 09.27.21.pngSo, if bees and birds were to be made disoriented, sickly or extinct, how would that look; can you even imagine a world without the exquisite beauty of birdsong that (I believe) lifts human morale and influences health even when we are too busy to notice it)? Maybe you could and are prepared to just shrug at that prospect, though I can’t imagine such a person would bother to read this post…


But without bees…well, the http---cospowerlines.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com-wp-content-uploads-2017-05-bees-einsteinscience to do with what would happen if there were no bees is compelling; they say up to 70% of our crops would fail but I suspect the chain reactions affecting other parts of the food supply would be far more detrimental than that since other plants, insect and animal “chains” would flounder or stop, triggering widespread disease and decay of the ecosystem like watching a fast-spreading blight take over a vegetable plot. Our varied and colourful world would quickly cease to be and we would be scraping over barren earth in no time; let them 5G the hell out of that. Though we’d probably find those behind it all have some sort of space-age refuge to run to and the leave the rest of us to rot…

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The same scientist that is quoted left (Ruzika) put out a survey to other beekeepers via an academic magazine. Out of all those who confirmed that a transmitter had recently been put near their hives, 65% confirmed that they had colonies “inexplicably collapsing”. Similar cases, “heralded by ‘angry’ swarming of the bees, were also reported in New Zealand (FIRSTEN- BERG, 2007)” Other eco-threats are making bees ill, as has been widely reported but, the thing is, no bees were found unwell in these particular cases (they were just otherwise healthy carcasses…much like the starlings above, and like the otherwise inexplicable suicides of healthy teenagers that live near multiple mobile masts on university campuses). Its the same as the increasing numbers of people (me included) worldwide who are being found to be chronically “unwell” but not by all that many “typical”, measurable parameters because one of the things in common is the invisibility of any kind of explainable cause. This is very often the case when the cause is an electromagnetic one…and yet the symptoms are very real and observable, life-altering and severe, as in my case. Of course, this inability to show “how” gives the ticket to telecoms companies and governments (using outdated thermal indicators and traditionally measurable symptoms as their only benchmarks) to plough ahead with their schemes while the ability to thrive of billions of lifeforms flounders in full view.

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The many ways in which bees, birds and other lifeforms use our electromagnetic environment is as complex to the layperson as it is fascinating and I refer you to the full report by Dr Warnke if you want to explore this, which I recommend. The fact remains that there can be no disputing that electromagnetic “information” is a crucial to these Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 11.09.47species as it is, as yet, a mystery; we are sticking our fists into a pot containing a stew full of delicately interelated seasonings and not only stirring it around with our actions; we are mashing the whole recipe to a pulp through our ignorance, arrogance and impatient foolhardiness. Many of those involved in these areas of study are paid by the very people whose interests lie elsewhere…

Very few other human beings can be bothered to go deeply into this niche domain; my interest stems from the necessity to get to know the electromagnetic environment because of health issues that (it became so apparent to me) had everything to do with it. So, you could say, I was spurred-on by a basic survival urge…and now we all have to be spurred on by that very same incentive. We either have to get to know all the minute details of our electromagnetic environment, like our very lives depend on it, or we have to get the hell out of its business; there is no half-way measure. Man’s (long-running, deeply flawed) compunction to “own”and “control” the planet can go nowhere now since we cannot own or control what we fail to understand; and we will only kill it in the attempt.

Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 11.33.38As stated above, the explanation presented (the “effective mechanism”) given by Dr Warnke as to why humans also react so adversely to manmade electromagnetic interferfence spoke “truth” to me given I am someone who shares those very issues, which led my investigations to science that looks a lot like what follows. This can be summarised as “The disruption of the nitrogen monoxide (NO) system” though “there are probably other effective mechanisms as well.”

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I mentioned also that my health issues feel like a constant battle against free radicals; however much I work hard to eat the best possible diet and lead a healthy lifestyle. “Human blood cells exposed to mobile radio in standby mode show increased quantities of free radicals, resulting in lipid peroxidation (MOUSTA- FA et al. 2001)”, which I have been aware of for some time, from many sources. Many other Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 11.54.34studies pointing to this are included in Menke’s report. This leads to at least one damaging outcome: “The NADH oxidase enzyme exhibits a high – and quite reproducible – sensitivity for magnetic and electromagnetic fields of mobile phones (FRIEDMAN et al. 2007).” NASA (2006) already knew it was sensitive to gravitation but newer science has brought up that “The NOX family [of oxidases, where NADH is found] is also responsible for a large range of pathological processes, especially neurodegeneration and heart diseases (BEDARD et al. 2007)”. As with most things “Over-stimulation is a threat. It is analogous to a drug or medicine: Dosed correctly, the substance can be beneficial; but overdosing can be poisonous. This is exactly what happens with permanent exposure to magnetic and electromagnetic fields”.

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“It is a fact that the NADH oxidase enzyme also produces the superoxide anion (02-°) free radical” and then “also stimulates the formation of toxic hydrogen peroxide (H202), which also in- creases NO production by up to 100% (LI et al. 2002). These two additional NO stimulants explain the above mentioned increased NO production under the influence of magnetic fields and electromagnetic radiated fields – also through mobile radio communication.” If exposed long enough (AKDAG et al. 2007), the NO system breaks down, due to a self-regulating factor designed to switch it off if it is overproducing; however “even if the NO now appears to be regulated, the damaging effects…remain intact” and this is when the pathological effects start to show themselves….all of which are very familiar to me (see above-left and the list of symptoms below). Lactate acidosis, (a-typical) hypoglycaemia, chronic fatigue, inability to recuperate energy, inflammation, restlessness and panic “disorders”, sleep issues, fibromyalgia, chronic nerve pain and MS type symptoms…and more…are all familiar symptoms and areas of study for me: so say hello to my cell mates, I’ve been trying to get to know these uncomfortable bedfellows for a decade now, getting more bewildering every year.

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Catalogue of symptoms and diseases (excerpt), derived from the known effective mechanisms of nitrosati- ve/oxidative stress

Of course, I am para-quoting sections of the report here, to tie in with with I had already learned about the probable cause of my unrelenting health issues and those of others with “mystery” illnesses like me; and I strongly suggest reading the full paper for yourself.On the subject of free radicals, it is so interesting to me to read that in the case of birds, not only do they use the presence of nano-particles of magnetite in their heads (a well-known phenomenon, also found in 

the abdomen of bees) for orientation; they also “receive complementary information on the direction of orientation via the free radical levels. Using these data, they are able to know at each stage of their flight what their instantaneous location is with reference to their biological magnetic field (WILTSCHKO et al. 2005) map”. My own ability to sense electromagnetic location (mostly in the form of a distinct physical “reaction” when I relocate) has only increased and become more fine-tuned as I have become more sensitive to these particular health issues; as though I am pre-warned to move on by my sensitivities via sensations that I know all too well but struggle to describe; abbreviated to the oft-use phrase “I feel toxic” around cellular communication equipment. It intrigues me to consider that birds and bees use this early-warning system too; but I also know what it feels like when there are nothing but alarms coming from your body, all the time…

Here lies just the very doorway of a whole new domain of human understanding when it comes to our innate and long-forgotten abilities relating to electromagnetic sensitivity as guidance system, communication device and information source (which should be the very sweetie-store for those scientists who get to explore this burgeoning field of information). And yet we are about to put the breaks on all such innate skills by making the environment we live in wholly manmade; replacing the innate communication devices we already have and are yet to fully explore with a grossly limited manmade telecoms system devised using yesterday’s science parameters.

We could do this no more effectively if we were to put a glass dome over our heads and seal all the exists forever, turning on the air con and settling down to watch a repeated diet of man-manipulated holograms of what life “is” according to those who write the software; since this is what 5G will do. The whole fantastical, beautiful, complex and above all LIVING and EVOLVING thing that nature is will be extinct…or, more likely, we will be ejected as a threat to all the other species. We should all know by now, Nature has a way of always having the final say; we won’t be the first species to get coughed up as a phlegmy nuisance to the whole. Honestly, I sometimes wonder if we are even worth protecting as a species, we are such a mess-up…

Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 13.48.33This 5G project, as it stands, is all folly and I believe that if you scrape through the layers of yourself, beyond the hype, the commercialism, the desire to be like everyone else, to be “cool”, to not be a luddite, to believe that all science and innovation is fundamentally good…etc….you will find that, not so very deep inside of yourself, you also know this is all folly and that your instincts are throwing up misgivings the size of rocks. The  way this half-baked science is being rushed out into the world, without a real clue what it is or can do, to quote one of the promotional videos I saw this week, is so suspicious that its an obvious indicator that “somebody” is up to something. Either they are so blinded by dollar signs that they have lost all reason or they’re trying to get away with a backstory so unimaginable that most of us won’t let our minds bring it to the surface, like when Hitler ushered people onto cattle trains before people’s very eyes. That’s because they probably are and its a trauma to the human mind to have to accept that not all intentions are good ones (which then paralysis us in the sudden need to recalibrate our core belief systems about the world; but we have no time to just stand here like deer caught in the headlights). They are relying on the greasy slide of human gullibility and desire to allow this to happen before anyone realises the giant pitfalls, and then it will be too late, no going back and a whole arena of dependencies created for the corporate world as we not only require medicines by the bucketload but foods that will have to be manufactured out of plastic ingredients to tide us over until we mostly wither back into the soil of a rapidly dying planet (though I’m sure “they” will all be a-OK, along with just enough people kept alive to be some sort of server class). ”

“The biological system expresses itself just as the environment does and unity and coordination with its environment is its guiding principle.” So, should we happen to survive, we will become this tech; no more or less than an extension of its programming objective. Thus, all independence will be lost once this technology exists; we won’t even be able to think for ourselves (or know if we ever are) since the capacity for mood and, yes, mind manipulation using frequency is a well-explored area from trials with crowd control. There will be no running away from it or its influence over the very person that we are…

So we’re standing at a junction, the scales haven’t (quite) tipped yet, although it astonishes me how close we are getting to this edge before anyone with enough sway to alter the trajectory wakes up. Scientists, yes, have clamoured to add their names to petitions but what use is a petition…I’m become disillusioned about such things since “they” merely flick them away like flies; meanwhile, having signed this petition or that, we become lazy about actually doing anything. The willpower to stop this has to be much bigger, has to be at the grassroots, has to be proactive, has to have the masses behind it and that means finding an antidote to the brain-altering drug called “I want”, which is the very thing that this whole mobile technology nightmare launched onto the market like never before in the early part of the millennia. Never in human history has the “I want” monster been more powerful, drip-fed as it is by the very instruments that they want so very badly; everyone “must” get the new iPhone or whatever it is, so that you get the impression they would sell a grandparent if they had to, perhaps even a limb.

The public are hungry for their technology “fix” and demand feeding on time…but they, presumably, want to be alive too. What they need is to be reassured that this kind of technology will happen…better than ever…just not this way. This route is the stupid route and, only once we get it out of the picture will new innovators emerge ready to devise the true tech of the future; one which makes room for life.

This is what we are dealing with…and its daunting…and yet I never underestimate the power of human positivity when the conversation is blown open by those courageous enough to speak truth and when driven by the right intentions, you could say a higher frequency than even “they” can generate but which has nothing to do with manipulation or machines.  Please now, I urge everybody, from all walks of life, join the conversation…we all have to, before it’s too late.



Screenshot 2019-05-24 at 08.22.41.pngAll quotes inserted above, unless stated, are taken from Bees, Birds and Mankind: Destroying Nature by ‘Electrosmog’ by Dr Ulrike Warnke. The report is part of a brochure series on the effects of wireless communication technologies by the Competence Initiative for the Protection of Humanity, Environment and Democracy, published by Prof. Dr. med. Karl Hecht, Dr. med. Markus Kern, Prof. Dr. phil. Karl Richter, and Dr. med. Hans-Christoph Scheiner with an Advisory Board as follows: Prof. Dr. rer. nat. Klaus Buchner, Prof. Dr. med. Rainer Frentzel-Beyme Dr. rer. nat. Lebrecht von Klitzing Prof. Dr. phil. Jochen Schmidt, Prof. Dr. jur. Erich Schöndorf, Dr. rer. nat. Ulrich Warnke, Prof. Dr. med. Guido Zimmer.

The main research areas of Dr. Warnke, an internationally renowned bioscientist at Saarland University, include biomedicine, environmental medicine, and biophysics. For decades his research interest centred especially on the effects of electromagnetic fields.


Additional reading

What would happen if bees went extinct? – BBC Future, “As far as important species go, they are top of the list. They are critical pollinators: they pollinate 70 of the around 100 crop species that feed 90% of the world. Honey bees are responsible for $30 billion a year in crops. That’s only the start. We may lose all the plants that bees pollinate, all of the animals that eat those plants and so on up the food chain. Which means a world without bees could struggle to sustain the global human population of 7 billion.”

For the First Time, Bees Declared Endangered in the U.S. – National Geographic

Why bees are so important – Sustain

Why birds matter and are worth protecting – National Geographic

Why do we need to take care of our birds – European Commission. “According to the latest scientific studies, 43% of Europe’s bird species are threatened or facing serious declines and therefore not in a good conservation status.”

Bees, Butterflies And Wildlife: Research On Electromagnetic Fields And The Environment: Electromagnetic fields from powerlines, cell phones, cell towers and wireless impacts the birds, bees, wildlife and our environment – Environmental Health Trust

Non-thermal Effects of Microwave Radiation on Birds – Nature “Non-thermal effects are manifested as changes in cellular metabolism caused by both resonance absorption and induced EMFs and, when neural structures are involved, are often accompanied by a specific behavioural response. An important difference between thermal and non-thermal effects is in the matter of time scale. Chickens exposed to a “slightly thermal” microwave field (20-50 mW/cm2) respond with an escape or avoidance reaction within a few seconds of the onset of radiation.”

The effects of electromagnetic fields from power lines on avian reproductive biology and psychology: a review “For birds, the timing of reproduction, multiple aspects of migration, seasonal metabolism, circadian physiology, feeding and sleeping patterns, plumage color changes that relate to mate selection, growth and development, and the oxidative stress status of an individual may all be expected to change when melatonin is altered under EMF conditions”. (It should be taken into consideration that there is no “escape” from the influence of 5G as there is from power lines. Many types of migratory birds are known to avoid power stations etc as they approach, splitting their flying groups only to regroup again afterwards.)

Oppose Development of Spectrum Frontiers 5G on Health GroundsSubmitted by Ronald M. Powell, Ph.D.  “It would IRRADIATE EVERYONE, including the most vulnerable to harm from radiofrequency radiation” and “likely rely on the FCC’s current outdated, excessively permissive, and thus widely criticized , radiation-exposure guidelines that enable many parties to make false claims of safety for wireless products…It would set a goal of irradiating all environments, including the insides of homes…ending any remnant of the notion that “your home is your castle”in which you are supposed to be safe and have a measure of control of your environment…It would force cell antennas onto residential streets, bringing the threat even more up close and personal to the public…It would bypass all current studies endeavoring to determine if radiofrequency radiation is a factor in the explosive growth of major health conditions, such as autism, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and Alzheimers disease…It would totally ignore the rapidly growing international biomedical research literature that demonstrates that radiofrequency radiation has a host of adverse effects on human health (and animal, insect, and plant health, too) at levels far below the current FCC exposure guidelines…It would dismiss, as too expensive, the tremendous potential of wired technologies (especially fiber optics) to provide higher data rates, greater cyber security, and greater safety for human health, as if those benefits should be excluded from any cost comparisons with wireless technologies.


One of the biggest issues we have is that almost no 5G research has been conducted in any of these respects; which means we are very far from being ready to “launch” this technology.

Posted in Animal welfare, Birds, Conservation, ecology, Health & wellbeing, Menu, Nature, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The terrible responsibility of “just knowing”

Why is it that I can’t seem to turn my nervous system down a few notches; what is it so desperate for me to know? Why does it deliver sound and sensation effects that I can do nothing about, can’t even quell for a moment? Since returning to the electrosmog of the UK, the shrill frequency “sound” in my head is relentless, there’s no disguising it and, at night when I turn the light off, I’m left all alone with it…with such a feeling of dread…only to find it still there in the morning. And my skin…it feels like its on fire. In Italy, yes, the noise was there but much quieter, subtler and in the background, like it used to be, here, a few years ago…but then things don’t feel so “amped up” there. Or, perhaps I needed the break from continuity to wipe away the scales from my eyes a little more, since its just so easy not to see what’s going on when you are in the thick of it…

Since returning, 5G, seems to be pressingly on my mind since its everywhere here; smiling counsellors under newspaper headlines shaking hands with telecoms execs, proudly declaring they want to be the first in the area to “switch it on” for the betterment of mankind. So why do I feel such pressing horror at it all? Is it just for me, this dread, knowing as I do how I can’t easily be within half a mile of a cellphone tower without experiencing it as heat and pain, and now they want to put one in front of my house (what is that very tall street lamp they’ve used to replace the old one, so LED-bright I have to shut every door on my landing before I can attempt to sleep; that my shutters glow space-age blue around the edges and pitch dark is lost forever…). Why, when I take refuge in the antics of birds in my garden, do I feel so very sad at what this means for them, how they, and the bees, and the trees and so many subtle aspects of the ecosystem are not going to be the winners here….how I feel almost as though I’m saying goodbye to them, like I’m trying to crystallise what it feels like to be able to take them for granted…

And how do I “just know” this stuff; why do I know that, like me, the birds and bees will be left compromised, possibly much worse (see below; don’t they know we can’t carry on without bees), by a frequency bandwidth that will sounding its tune, quite literally, everywhere in the blanket coverage that Britain declares we will have within a matter of a small number of years, starting this summer? There’ll be nowhere to hide, no opt-out corner to be had. Did my morale sink the most when I discovered that some of those very places I had in mind for our move west, being remote, rural, away from all this, were part of an initiative to have 5G first, so that farmers can track and trace their crops and livestock? Was that when I broke down in the existential crisis that shouldn’t have had to come so soon in the wake of such a good holiday, where I had (for a couple of weeks at least, allowed by the feeling of lessened intensity that permeates the very air there) managed to shove to the sidelines the substance of all these pressing alarms going off like a room full of  alarm clocks ringing at once?

Nobody is listening. That is the thing that sends this constant shard of pain right through my heart. Many people, doctors, organisations, etc are clamouring to air their disquiet, even their science, but nobody that can stop this thing has the slightest intention of listening and it feels like a heavy freight train rolling down a sheer escarpment…to every nerve fibre in my body.

For those of us who are sensitive, intuitive, empathic, gaining our “knowing” from who knows where or what, nor what dimensions, this is real, not pathological; and once, a long time ago, it was valued. Before the “age of reason” shoved us to the sidelines or had us put away, medicated, laughed at, we were the advisors to kings but not so any more; no, without an empirical piece of paper to show what we say holds water, we are the laughing stock, the fools on the hill. To be honest, even if we had that piece of paper, we would still be shut down pretty quickly by those with a vested interest; there are no winners in this game since the rules are all messed with.

And yet those who are already sensitive to the radiation from mobile communications (and to many other things…) know, quite literally know, with every fibre, ever ringing nerve end, of our being, that something is going wrong here. We may be the extreme end of the reaction but we are flagging-up what other’s are equally affected by, even if they are not yet aware the harmful effects or able to attribute those effects to the appropriate “thing”…because some of us simply pay attention more than others; being made that way, with the finer tuned nervous system that shares more in common with other species, not the industrialised human. We just know what we know…and there’s no quieting it down, no sitting it in a corner to play with its toys, no singing and dancing it away, taking it out of itself with distraction and no acting like it’s not happening. We are the clanging bell of our own early warning system and perhaps the hardest part of all is the feeling, renewed every day, that we should be doing something with this information; that we should be shouting it from the rooftops, alerting those who can do something about it, coming up with a single-handed plan to turn the boat around….but, realistically, we know that we can achieve none of that, might finish our fragile health off in the attempt, and so we are caught…trapped….the canary whose voice is going hoarse, trapped in a nightmare, longing to be free of the man-made hell that we seem to have landed in.

Even the most rational person….

can surely see that something is going desperately wrong here? Or are we really all so much like children now, trusting our governments to have our best interests at heart, that we submit to their final decision. Just read the summary put together by those who are most concerned about 5G, extract below, and some of my links if you are not up-to-speed on what 5G really means for you, your family, your planet. Many people seem to think its just like 4G but with an extra digit…but its really not; its very different science, using a short-wave, high-frequency bandwith that is known to tamper with aspects of human, animal and cellular (thus, plants included) health and communication methods that we don’t fully understand yet.

For those of us already responding to cellular technology, I believe this has less to do with “poor health” and much more to do with an early-warning system that these technologies are not yet compatible with human biology (my health crashed with the advent of the smartphone; in our way, those like me have become the experts). We might get there in the end, if human and animal wellbeing are kept well in the picture of how these technologies are developed (we need to learn so much more about what health entails than most doctors or scientists currently know)…but we are not even close, yet. However, this phase is being rolled out regardless of the lack of any significant “data” to demonstrate it will not significantly harm life on this planet (and plenty to suggest it will, see below); rushed through like some sort of shotgun wedding to cover the tracks of something else that is gestating on the other side of it. I’m no luddite, I love some of what technology can do, but I recognise when vested interest has got the upper hand over human and planetary wellbeing; and, once this is “switched on”, do we really think that those who control it are going to switch it back off, for any justification whatsoever? Besides, the chain reactions will have been started, and no earlier “back up” of the eco system that we can revert to.

If this continues, I believe we will see one nefarious action after the other, “justified” by the drive to grab this new technology and with all of our previous niggles about the eco-crisis overshadowed into oblivion by a giant monster of an eco-meltdown, caused by playing with matches before we know enough about fire. The idea that corporations can “buy” bandwidths like a piece of real estate is just so obviously fawed but then they get away with it by saying they’re doing it for our benefit. Meanwhile, all our previous priorities will be torn up for fire paper. For instance, we all like to do what we can to support the growing need for more trees and yet, already (because 5G milimetre waves tend to be absorbed by rainwater, leaves and plants…), I read there are widespread projects in hand to cull trees in its name, see this letter to Broadleaf magazine:

To: Letters Editor, Broadleaf

Dear Sir/Madam

I wonder if supporters of Woodland Trust are aware that the mass culling of healthy trees all over the world is reported to be related to the fact that trees, their foliage and especially wet foliage, can absorb and therefore impede, the propagation of 5G, the new generation of wireless technology?

This untested, new technology not only threatens the life and health of our trees, plants, animals and wildlife, but also ourselves.

In acting to protect our wonderful trees from harm, we also safeguard ourselves, our children and the wellbeing of future generations.

I hope that Woodland Trust will be successful in educating the public on this issue.

Yours faithfully, 

Janet  (Dr) M.A. M.B. Ch.B. (retired GP), Wales, UK.

Trees, as some of us know, are more social than we realise; communicating with each other in ways we don’t begin to fully understand so even when we don’t cut them down to make way for masts, we will be tampering with them in ways that threaten their very function and health on this planet. “Think GMOs on steroids” says the well-known EMF-specialist UK website Electrosense. The water that falls from the sky onto these plants will also be irradiated. A 2010 study on aspen seedlings showed that the exposure to radio frequencies led to the leaves showing necrosis symptoms”. I’ve already read an account of trees being removed because of bands of dead leaves showing up where 5G was being trialled. If you look around for these topics, you will find mounting evidence of this kind of things, affecting local nature and wildlife, happening in localised pockets (we need to stay vigilant for them), under a myriad of excuses and false reassurances…

People may assume that they haven;t been sensitive to the previous generations of cellular commication and so this will be no problem to them (though this doesn’t account for me and others like me who are undeniably sensitive). However, from what scientists already know, 5G opens up the potential for a new arena of risk relating to skin, nervous system and eyes which, as someone who already suffers from skin and vision issues relating to 4G and bluetooth, is a major concern to me.

“The biggest concern is how these new wavelengths will affect the skin. The human body has between two million to four million sweat ducts. Dr. Ben-Ishai of Hebrew University, Israel explains that our sweat ducts act like “an array of helical antennas when exposed to these wavelengths,” meaning that we become more conductive. A recent New York study which experimented with 60GHz waves stated that ‘the analyses of penetration depth show that more than 90% of the transmitted power is absorbed in the epidermis and dermis layer’. The effects of MMWs as studied by Dr. Yael Stein of Hebrew University is said to also cause humans physical pain as our nociceptors flare up in recognition of the wave as a damaging stimuli. So we’re looking at possibilities of many skin diseases and cancer as well as physical pain to our skin.” From Electrosense – 5G Radiation Dangers – 11 Reasons To Be Concerned.

In case all that wasn’t enough to worry about, this technology is already used for crowd control and paves the way for any single neighbourood, or even more precise targets than that, to be subjected to a new generation of control weaponry in the hands of those who would want such a thing…

Since getting home from Italy a few days ago, the sheer intensity of this “off” feeling as I newly notice the increased levels of exisiting electro-smog causing my skin to burn, eyesight to blur now I’m home, has been gathering all around me (maybe I am also empathising other people’s unspoken panic…). Its quite impossible for me to ignore these signals, this time; whether they are  “worse” because I had some time out from it all because things really have amped up here in my absence, perhaps 5G testing is going off without our knowing (for instance), I really don’t know… However, this intensity of “alarm” had to be spoken, I had to let the bird out of the cage today; get it off my chest. Like detecting a storm on the horizon, long before its first clap of thunder, I just know something dreadful is “going down” here. I have come to trust my body-reactions, far  more so than government reassurances and the hype pushed out by those with a vested interest, since they have never let me down.

So, this post has interrupted the thread of writing that I did while I was in Italy, some of which I am very eager to share, being of a different dimension, a much higher-vibe, to all this (a place I now prefer to be) but….sometimes the truth of our souls must “out” and so I had to pop the cork of these feelings, both for myself and those who might be sharing my intense disquiet. Perhaps we all need to pop this cork together instead of sitting nicely, for once, as we are entrained to do.

Because many of us, I suspect, are feeling like this right now…perhaps not even allowing the misgivings to take form; keeping them in, dreading conflict with people who hold different viewpoints, addressing those disquieting things we know are going on inside as “health symptoms” to be turned off with medication or other means. My urge to you, if this feels accurate, is that we must speak out, must air our concerns, play our part (however small)…we owe it to ourselves, our children and their children, all the other species we share this space with and, of course, our beloved planet.

Despite all that I have shared (please look through some of the information I’ve taken the time to put together below) and much more sobering and credible information online, from which the logical conclusion would be that we rethink or, at least, slow down the 5G process, there seems to be no sign of this happening. As I just heard on a video celebrating this new technology, those people who are working on it really don’t know what it is or will be capable of doing…its all work in progress and we are the experiment.

Our govenment’s response to a recent petition, for the record, was merely “Exposure to radio waves has been carefully researched and reviewed. The overall weight of evidence does not suggest devices producing exposures within current guidelines pose a risk to public health…However, the results of this study highlight the continuing uncertainties in this complex area and reinforce the importance of mobile phone users following the long-standing precautionary advice, which is available at the following links…”. This painfully naive response, which suggests they don’t even seem to fully realise that there will be no ability to “follow precautionary advice” to avoid over-exposure of something that will thickly blanket every square inch of the entire atmosphere of the world, whether we are “holding the phone close to the body” or not, reaffirms what seems to be the case here. The corporations and those behind them are playing the role of decision-making adults here, our governments are like little children wanting the latest gadgets and we are all caught in the crossfire; there is no interest whatsoever in the harmful effects that are about to be unleashed (perhaps they are desired) and it is down to the individuals like you and I to share this information and make ourselves heard, as a matter of urgency, before its too late.

Meanwhile…inept as it feels…we can pour our love and attention, more than ever before, into what we most fear losing, sharing the gift of our appreciation with trees, bees, birds and other creatures, a sky (relatively) free of interference, the fact that Nature’s cycles approximate what we expect, that we can still eat food that hasn’t been tampered with by unseen bandwidths, that not all our water is yet forced to ring to the clanging frequencies of manmade “sounds” carried on invisible waves (water being a mimicker of those frequencies that surround it, as demonstrated by Dr Emoto), indeed our profound gratitude for having food and water…at all. And we can meditate and hold abundant space, inside ourselves, for something far mightier than the monster tech of our times to arise out of the core of our planet and call time on such ill-informed tamperings; since the one untested territory we have as our trump card is that we know-not the power of our own (and combined) focus when fuelled by the most positive intentions.


The following extract, with many links to supporting studies etc, is taken from an INTERNATIONAL APPEAL Stop 5G on Earth and in Space (go to website for full appeal):

“Despite widespread denial, the evidence that radio frequency (RF) radiation is harmful to life is already overwhelming. The accumulated clinical evidence of sick and injured human beings, experimental evidence of damage to DNA, cells and organ systems in a wide variety of plants and animals, and epidemiological evidence that the major diseases of modern civilisation—cancer, heart disease and diabetes—are in large part caused by electromagnetic pollution, forms a literature base of well over 10,000 peer-reviewed studies.

If the telecommunications industry’s plans for 5G come to fruition, no person, no animal, no bird, no insect and no plant on Earth will be able to avoid exposure, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, to levels of RF radiation that are tens to hundreds of times greater than what exists today, without any possibility of escape anywhere on the planet. These 5G plans threaten to provoke serious, irreversible effects on humans and permanent damage to all of the Earth’s ecosystems.”

At least five companies[5] are proposing to provide 5G from space from a combined 20,000 satellites in low- and medium-Earth orbit that will blanket the Earth with powerful, focused, steerable beams. Each satellite will emit millimetre waves with an effective radiated power of up to 5 million watts[6] from thousands of antennas arranged in a phased array. Although the energy reaching the ground from satellites will be less than that from ground-based antennas, it will irradiate areas of the Earth not reached by other transmitters and will be additional to ground-based 5G transmissions from billions of IoT objects. Even more importantly, the satellites will be located in the Earth’s magnetosphere, which exerts a significant influence over the electrical properties of the atmosphere. The alteration of the Earth’s electromagnetic environment may be an even greater threat to life than the radiation from ground-based antennas.

Even before 5G was proposed, dozens of petitions and appeals[7] by international scientists, including the Freiburger Appeal signed by over 3,000 physicians, called for a halt to the expansion of wireless technology and a moratorium on new base stations.[8]

In 2015, 215 scientists from 41 countries communicated their alarm to the United Nations (UN) and World Health Organization (WHO).[9] They stated that “numerous recent scientific publications have shown that EMF [electromagnetic fields] affects living organisms at levels well below most international and national guidelines”. More than 10,000 peer-reviewed scientific studies demonstrate harm to human health from RF radiation.[10] [11]

Effects include:

Effects in children include autism,[28] attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)[29][30] and asthma.[31]

Damage goes well beyond the human race, as there is abundant evidence of harm to diverse plant- and wildlife[32][33] and laboratory animals, including:

Negative microbiological effects[48] have also been recorded.

The WHO’s International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC) concluded in 2011 that RF radiation of frequencies 30 kHz – 300 GHz are possibly carcinogenic to humans (Group 2B).[49]However, recent evidence, including the latest studies on cell phone use and brain cancer risks, indicate that RF radiation is proven carcinogenic to humans[50] and should now be classified as a “Group 1 carcinogen” along with tobacco smoke and asbestos.

Most contemporary wireless signals are pulse-modulated. Harm is caused by both the high-frequency carrier wave and the low-frequency pulsations.[51]

The idea that we will tolerate tens to hundreds of times more radiation at millimetre wavelengths is based on faulty modelling of the human body as a shell filled with a homogeneous liquid.[77][78] The assumption that millimetre waves do not penetrate beyond the skin completely ignores nerves,[79] blood vessels[80][81] and other electrically conducting structures that can carry radiation-induced currents deep into the body.[82][83][84]Another, potentially more serious error is that phased arrays are not ordinary antennas. When an ordinary electromagnetic field enters the body, it causes charges to move and currents to flow. But when extremely short electromagnetic pulses enter the body, something else happens: the moving charges themselves become little antennas that reradiate the electromagnetic field and send it deeper into the body. These reradiated waves are called Brillouin precursors.[85] They become significant when either the power or the phase of the waves changes rapidly enough.[86] 5G will probably satisfy both criteria.

In addition, shallow penetration in itself poses a unique danger to eyes and to the largest organ of the body, the skin, as well as to very small creatures. Peer-reviewed studies have recently been published, predicting thermal skin burns[87] in humans from 5G radiation and resonant absorption by insects,[88] which absorb up to 100 times as much radiation at millimetre wavelengths as they do at wavelengths presently in use. Since populations of flying insects have declined by 75-80 per centsince 1989 even in protected nature areas,[89] 5G radiation could have catastrophic effects on insect populations worldwide. A 1986 study by Om Gandhi warned that millimetre waves are strongly absorbed by the cornea of the eye, and that ordinary clothing, being of millimetre-size thickness, increases the absorption of energy by the skin by a resonance-type effect.[90] Russell (2018) reviews the known effects of millimetre waves on skin, eyes (including cataracts), heart rate, immune system and DNA.[91]

Stakeholders thus far in the development of 5G have been industry and governments, while renowned international EMF scientists who have documented biological effects on humans, animals, insects and plants, and alarming effects on health and the environment in thousands of peer-reviewed studies have been excluded. The reason for the current inadequate safety guidelines is that conflicts of interest of standard-setting bodies “due to their relationships with telecommunications or electric companies undermine the impartiality that should govern the regulation of Public Exposure Standards for non-ionizing radiation”. [92] Professor Emeritus Martin L. Pall lays out the conflicts of interest in detail, and the lists of important studies that have been excluded, in his literature review. [93]

Other related articles and quotes:

Cryptochromes are very badly affected by weak oscillating electromagnetic fields that are orders of magnitude weaker than the Earth’s steady magnetic field. This can disrupt both solar and magnetic navigation, which can account for colony collapse disorder in bees.”—Dr. Andrew Goldsworthy, quoted in Bees, Butterflies And Wildlife: Research On Electromagnetic Fields And The Environment by The Environmental Health Trust.

“Life’s exquisite electro-physiology is still being discovered. Researchers at Bristol University reported in May that bees’ hairs are highly sensitive to flowers’ delicate EMFs. In controlled trials in Switzerland, bees reacted to mobile-phone signals with high-pitched ‘piping’: a cue to desert a hive.” – Wireless Pollution ‘Out of Control’ as Corporate Race for 5G Gears Up.

Screenshot 2019-05-22 at 21.09.00

The article Bees, Birds and Mankind: Destroying Nature by ‘Electromog’ (exctract right) by Ulrich Dr. Warnke of the University of Saarlan is a must-read on the likely effects upon these species of tampering with the geomagnetic field to this unprecedented extent. To quote Geovital, the Academy for Radiation Protection and Environmental Medicine (these are the experts I consulted to help protect my living enviroment due to my radiation related health issues): “The Cryptochromes (photoreceptors that regulate entrainment by light of the circadian clock in plants and animals) are very badly affected by weak oscillating electromagnetic fields that are orders of magnitude weaker than the Earth’s steady magnetic field. Disrupting both solar and magnetic navigation, which can account for colony collapse disorder in bees. If we lose the bees we lose the ability for our food plants to be pollinated.” From Geovital article  – Our Obsession with Mobile Technology Could Destroy Wildlife.

Hundreds of Birds Dead During 5G Experiment in the Netherlands from one of many accounts related to 5G and birds.

Doctors worldwide reporting the incredible benefits of reducing EMF exposure (as I can testify, though this will no longer be possible to achieve once 5G arrives).

“The plans to beam highly penetrative 5G milliwave radiation at us from space must surely be one of the greatest follies ever conceived of by mankind. There will be nowhere safe to live.” – Olga Sheean former WHO employee and author of ‘No Safe Place’

“It would irradiate everyone, including the most vulnerable to harm from radiofrequency radiation: pregnant women, unborn children, young children, teenagers, men of reproductive age, the elderly, the disabled, and the chronically ill.” —Ronald Powell, PhD, Letter to FCC on 5G expansion

“Milimetre Waves (MMWs from 5G) are absorbed by both plants and rain. Studies have already shown that MMWs may invoke stress protein changes in plants such as wheat shoots, while low levels of nonionizing radiation have been linked to disturbances and health problems in birds and bees. It could even pose a danger to the food supply via its potential absorption by plants”. From Amplified EMFs Coming to Your Neighborhood Soon and many more articles on these topics.

Neuroscientist Dr Sarah Starkey talks about the “official advice”on radiation frequency and how it came about, riddled as it was with conflicts of interest that, to this day, still prevent the public interest from being safeguarded by their findings (video of her presentation here and below).

The so-called “independent” evidence used to prepare the guidelines currently used for raditation exposure (as presented by Dr Sarah Starkey on 5th November 2018 at the PHIRE Conference, London).

What we desperately need to happen now…


Screenshot 2019-05-22 at 13.40.23

What we need now…before we go any further, not after 5G has been fully invested in. From Dr Sarah Starkey, talk given at the PHIRE Conference, London, as above.



Posted in Animal welfare, Birds, Consciousness & evolution, Conservation, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Seasons | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Revisiting the Venetian labyrinth

We forget, sometimes, that our planet came first, that we were the late addition; that energy impulses come through our very feet and we interpret them with our actions; but I never forget, nor fail to notice the energy of “place” and how we interact with this.

A hypothesis never spoke more resonantly to me than that proposed by Dr Carl Johan Calleman; being that the planet has been subjected, for the last few thousand years, to a downloaded blueprint of a sphere divided into eight partitions. Thus, the planet itself is hemispherical, even to the point of being made of quite different core structures (half crystalline, half molten) in its two primary compartments or halves, in the same way that we have more and less structured left and right “sides” to our brains; indeed, this seeming coincidence is because there is resonance between human and planetary mind. As a series of energy waves have “come in” to this global mind from a cosmic “tree of life” (each of these waves oscillating between alternate “on” or “off” periods), these have become available to human beings, whose minds then have the option of developing resonance with this new planetary influence. Since this compartmentalisation process began, this has played out as the stuff of a separation era that has been as challenging as its been productive over the last few thousand years; shifting people into new places and dynamics all across the globe.

If so, he proposes that the 12th degree longitude east is the “location” of the planetary hemispherical division, supplying plenty of historical evidence for his hypothesis (there is now, also, some compelling scientific evidence in suport of his theory, regarding the varying core substance of the planet, divided at the 12th degree as he first speculated: see his book “The Global Mind and the Rise of Civilization”). All of this suggests that, out of this rub-point, we have ejected ourselves like the very human fountain of (often conflicting) ideas and, thus, spread ourselves (and these ideas) all over the globe. “Logically the effect of the shifts between different fields of the global mind would then be most evident close to the midline separating the Western and Eastern hemispheres, since it is there that the primary yin-yang polarity is created”, Calleman explains. In other words, places along the 12th degree may show up the various rubbing points of each wave era somewhat more distinctly, during their phase of influence, than in other places…and, perhaps, those of us who are sensitive and tuned into a particular wave get to feel this even more so, as its happening, especially during times of profound shift, as we are currently in.

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Illustration from The Global Mind and the Rise of Civilisation” The Quantum Evolution of Consciousness – Dr Carl Johan Calleman

This 12th degree longitude location as his best suggestion for such a “divide” sent tingles down my spine when I first read about it as I had long been fascinated by how, of all the places I could pick for my annual holidays and other ramblings, I had always tended to weave my journeys up and down some sort of north south line, on that very longitude, like a meandering snake wrapped around a long staff. Perhaps this first occurred to me when I put together one of those TripAdvisor maps of all the places I had ever travelled. From Italy to Scandinavia, it had exerted some sort of magnet pull to my experiences; many of them as cathartic as they had proved interesting or challenging over the thirty years of my adulthood. Some places, in particular, had drawn me more than anywhere else, perhaps with no obvious rhyme or reason, like I had no sway over the human plot-line that would have me go there, over and over again, even when I tried to exert other choices that would seem more rational. We each have our places; I seem to “work with” the very borderlands of yin and yang, both inside and out.

I won’t go on to list all of these experiences; there are way too many, though more than enough to catch my interest. However, one of the most potent places, perhaps the most in terms of visit-frequency, is Venice, which I first went to as a back-packer in my very early twenties. In that story alone, I see the evidence of this illogical magnet-pull effect since, though my first experience there was as darkly “interesting” as it was rich and unforgettable, I rewrote the whole schedule of a month’s worth of travel, for my friend and I, in order to return there on the way back from Istanbul; a change in our plans that led to some friction that went on to cause the dissolution of that friendship. Yet I would have it no other way; quite compelled, I just knew I had to return for more. It continued like that for the next 25 years, with a re-trip (at least) every 5 years, including a darkly fascinating honeymoon to my first marriage, where (already) we spent nearly all of our time apart…and me to be found, happily, exploring all those Venetian backwaters all alone, on some sort of winding wandering path to try and refind some part of myself. It was about then that I started reading books, absolutely any fiction, I could find about the place. It was only much later that I started to wonder if I had had previous lifetime experience of Venice…On every visit, I “had” to visit the Mondo Novo (“new world”) mask shop and bring one back; no other mask shop came close to this exquisite workshop, the rest were just tourist traps by comparison and my house still displays this bizarre collection of acquisitions.

Again, many years later, in 2007 (the oh-so-potent fifth day of the eighth wave according to Calleman…just when you would expect the right/east hemisphere to “rise” according to his predictions), I happened to return for my second honeymoon; different, vastly improved, husband. This trip was done with a typical lack of convention for this stage of my personal growth (corresponding as it did with the year I spent unpicking all the buckles and ties of my previous life) since we went there a week or so before our wedding and took along our blended family of two kids. That time (which was the very last time I visited Venice, until now) was the most intriguing in that, although I still loved it with an irrational amount of fervour, those previously detected shadows to be found in many of its corners now became a sort of dark underbelly that was beginning to show itself through my actual physical body, so that I felt sickly, feverish, swollen and came home with so many insect bites, to which I had such a horribly exaggerated reaction, that I looked like I had some sort of tropical illness and had to be put on antibiotics to clear it up. It was as though, at the very point my consciousness was starting to crack open, this potent place dared me to do it, threw down the gauntlet and tried to put me back inside my box of fears, though it didn’t work (the experiences of the following year blew me wide open).

This latest visit, a couple of weeks ago, was just a day-trip squeezed in between Verona and the mountains and yet I knew I had to go there; experienced the same irrational fervour of excitement at the very idea we could squeeze it into our itinerary, though it had been the longest break-away from the place (12 years) since my last visit.

At the surface of things, and judging by the mountain of photos I took (Venice being infinitely photogenic) I wasn’t disappointed…and yet. Something had shifted, in me, since those earlier times; as though I was no longer subject to the same degree of beguilement as before…the spell had been broken and I had become the independent observer of the place, perhaps for the first time. It was then that I realised how important the benchmark of this revisit was, compared to all those other visits to a place that always evokes such a distinct reaction in me; a reaction that is never just vanilla-bland but which is powerfully contrasty and distinct, made up equally of both black and white.

This time, it was as though I could see all that black-and-white-ness all too starkly and yet, mostly, I was able to distance myself from it; to observe, to play witness. Walking its familiarly labyrinthine streets, which I felt compelled to do in a most particular order, I got the sense of an energy that feels like snakes coiled around a pivot-point; a sort of basket with its centre in San Marco. Both of us, being the no-longer dialled-down or apologetic sensitives that we now are following a decade’s worth of personal growth, felt the energy become distinctly more frenzied, less comfortable, the closer we got to that centre point and yet…as its streets are designed to “do”, there is virtually no avoiding that central magnet point of San Marco, forced as you are to head to the Rialto Bridge in order to cross over to the other side of the Grand Canal (oh what a clever design). My least favourite place in the whole of the city, Rialto is undoubtably a microcosm of the world at large, its in-your-face  commercialism and brashness an affront to the senses of any who dare to abstain from its allure (though we walked up the outside steps to completely avoid the shops). On the other side, all paths seem to tug us to San Marco but, from past experience, I knew different and took us off to a sort of refuge to the side in the hope of some sustenance before we continued. There seemed no mistake in the way that two places that felt far-more attuned to our frequency “happened” to appear soon after that, before we reached San Marco, like a rescue party to our flagging resolve, situated on the very shoulder of the head of this monster-energy. The first was an unexpected juice bar and then we found the tiny plant-based restaurant that I had ear-marked (unheard of in Venice a decade ago…rare even now) where we spent some peaceful time, sat in a small courtyard, before bracing ourselves to “go in” to the mouth of the monster.


All-too-familiar depiction of Eve conversing with strangely human-looking serpent in San Marco; so weary of these old mindsets.

San Marco is, of course, a must-see of the whole place and yet, more than ever (it had happened to me before) its energy was disturbing to me…to both of us…in fact, my husband (who was less familiar with it than I) most of all. The push and shove of frenzied tourists, of Oriental photo-taking groups pulling well-rehearsed photo faces, of just as bizarre couture shops proposing androgynous-looking outfits that were OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAalmost sinister in the audacity of both their camply space-age style and of their price tag (effeminate silken suits bedecked by zebras…etc), all the typical tourist-targeted trash asserted in oddly repetitious window displays and yet the crowds only clamouring for more, no one seeming to mind or to question… Oh and there were flashes of such beauty, and of heart-rendingly adacious genius (right), too; all in the mix. It all felt oddly dystopian, if with a splash or two of vividly unexpected colour; as though this was the place where all the paint pots were stored before the H-bomb went off…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERABy the time we got through this portion of the city, and having found our way back to the other side via a bridge that has (I realised) always felt like my saviour back to the relative sanity of Academia, we were almost panting with the exertion of “getting out” and were grateful for a sudden, refreshing, shower of rain. Leaning against a wall, for breath and to enjoy the odd juxtaposition of a nun clicking away on her mobile phone, I had to smile as I looked up to see such synchronistic symbols embellishing the wall of a house; a tree of life, a cornucopia (“my” special symbol; a OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAreminder of the veritible funnel of sheer abundance that the gift of awareness is…) and a pair of serpent-like entwined birds. Yes, this place is made up of tightly packed serpent energies, the same masculine and feminine dragon lines that I have worked with so many times in the OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAlandscape before. Only, here, they are forced to live shoulder to shoulder, to oscillate oh-so rapidly between one and the other that it is like a high voltage electricity socket…put your fingers in and you will know about it. Alternatively, live there and you will be taken through the motions of a high-frequency experience of what both light and dark look like, feel like, in ever-present intensity; one always peering over the shoulder of the other in seeming contradiction and yet…when they happen to spark…pure magic can ignite.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThese places, as I started out saying in this post, assert their energy and then humans came along and interpreted them through their actions, expressing them as what looks like human life, human decisions, human preoccupations, human mastery. What made people settle in this swampy, mosquito-ridden place; what made them just so determined to be here that they exercised all their powers of ingenuity to build where there was almost nothing to build on, to keep innovating, starting over from scratch when the waters reclaimed all their efforts, learning from their mistakes in order to build a city that became an empire and a spiritual, cultural, commercial tour de force of the separation era? Yes, I’m sure there are historians and other academics that could explain a set of circumstances that made that all as it was but none of their logical theories, really, holds water the way Venice really does…as a city built on water, of the water, so much so its inhabitants (or, at least, its gondoliers) are said to have webbed feet. Now, that same breed mostly glide unseeing, unfeeling tourists around the flowing backwaters as part of some sort of unrelenting machine of tourist schedules that sets off these multi-cultural day-trippers like clockwork toys, dashing from pillar to post “doing” the Venice of their guide “apps”. I felt so glad I had spent so many lonely trips walking these same routes at quieter times, to my own rhythms, with nought but the sound of cooing pigeons, sounding bells and the lap of water against brick…feeling into “place” without a guidebook to tell me otherwise.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERANo different, really, to any of those other places that I have detected a power-node made up of masculine and feminine leylines meeting, only here they are space-compromised housemates and so their world has eliminated almost all but what was made of brick or water, getting straight to the point…like a citadel to the yin and yang forces at the very meeting point of the global consciousness that lies at the 12th degree. You could expect such a place to have had an interesting past; and so it has.

And yet now, somehow (or was it just me, having seen what I needed to see and thus no longer so compelled by the magic of the now-internalised and claimed feeling of my own hemispherical power-house), Venice felt like being on board a dying star. Its influence has waned in tandem with the dying pull of the separation era (yes, really, that is happening all around is, hard though it is to see at ground level…) and so what used to be a radiant beacon of light seemed to be going through all the sparks and spluttering of a winding-down Catherine wheel; its hoard of treasures reduced to an over-abundance of worthless trinkets and its east-meets-west political influence drizzled down to a rather comedic pastiche of its former self, as some sort of tourist stop-off for the endless click and grab cruises pouring in.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAYet, hard though it is to explain, I still loved it with such a fervour; a real heart-pang…perhaps it was nostalgia or because I saw all its flaws, knew what it had acheived, held both in balance and accepted them just like I would accept both the human and divine expressions of my own innate qualities. As I sat there drinking tea in a Japanese tea room off the main “drag”, I realised I saw it exactly as it was, warts and all, and loved it all the same. We can ask no more of ourselves when we regard our own humanity and that of every one all around us; all being made up of this same stuff. For those two hours that we sat slowly sipping tea in a place with a rare garden through the adjacent windows, as the rain continued to turn all the foliage back into some sort of wildly dripping secret garden in the miniature, as though alchemised by the relief-tears of Nature’s joyful weep, I allowed this new feeling of uncondionality to wash over me and was so glad I had come.

Yet so disenchantedly pragmatic were we, by then, with the grand passion-driven schedule we had previously devised (grand passions, after all, have the tendency to burn themselves out…), we cut our original plans to stay into the evening, cancelling our table at the one vegan restaurant in town, in order to head back to Verona in the ever heavier rain of the greying day. Though we wandered slowly back to our start-point through what is my favourite, being quietest, part of the city, my business here felt “done”. All the colour seemed to have washed out of the place now, in this seldom-seen weather system of what has been a bizarre month of climatic surprises. The Mondo Novo shop, when we got there, had long-ago closed down, its once enchanted windows newspapered over and left looking quite ghostly and desolate. The feeling of being on the verge of a new era, of not being there yet but stuck waiting in the wastelands, was ever-present as we got back to our car, not really knowing when or even if we would be back.

Out of interest for those who work with this understanding, the ninth wave (as per Calleman’s books; see my other posts on this topic) was deep into its night phase when we visited Venice, thus its influence was removed from the equation, being decompartmentalized at the time (we rely on contrast so that we can see and understand our world). So, perhaps, this is, first of all, why I was compelled so strongly to go there and tugged, almost against my desire, towards its very centre like a whirlpool (“when [the global mind] is decompartmentalised…the midline boundary collapses, resulting in a movement towards the centre abolishing the previous polarity” Calleman explains). Perhaps, also, it is why I was left looking at what seemed like a somewhat tired and irrelevant throw-back to an earlier era (“wave”) full of its old preoccupations and polarities which don’t interest me any more; thus I may have experienced it quite differently a few days later during a ninth wave “day” phase (though I suspect I experienced it exactly as I needed to experience it for my own evolution).

It was then as we decided to leave prematurely that, yes still charged-up on the undeniably bizarre “dynamo” energy of this still turning merry-go-round of an energy node, and in our sheer tiredness from a day of endless walking, my husband failed to enter the right line at the motorway toll booth or me, being “off with the fairies”, to notice until he announced he didn’t have a ticket to pay at the other end. As we were forced to resolve this almost painfully complex issue at the end of the road, there being initially no one to help us get through the barrier and work out how to pay the inevitable fine the next day, I still had to laugh at what this really felt like. Venice had had to have the last laugh; especially upon those who dared to see through its seduction. In having seen it exactly as it was, as though caught in its underwear, we had been thrown like a wild ball from a roulette wheel and had landed in “the wrong” lane to get home again. By the next morning, I found it funny, even if my husband didn’t. It was almost as though were were briefly held prisoner at that toll station, trapped in a labyrinthine dead end for our lapse in joining in with the beguilement party…and yet, in asserting our right to travel away from Venice’s pull freely and in our own merry way (as in, unticketed…albeit by “accident”), it was as though we had made a break for freedom from all such energy nodes; claiming back the individual right to be the hemispherical choice of ourselves. Bizarre as it sounds, it felt distinctly like we had passed some sort of gateway test, graduating to becoming the autonomous consciousness (at the auto station…) that enlightenment is all about; no longer swept along with all the many impulses that come up from beneath the feet but choosing what feels most heart-resonant, using innate knowing as our guide…

It had been a powerful day; one that continued to play out its repercussions for the next few days (observed with interest) and it all reminded me to be respectful of these meeting places between light and dark, masculine and feminine, wherever they occur. Necessary as they are, being the very pivot-point of our human creation, they are not to be taken lightly; we need to know what we are getting into, to be prepared to take the rough with the smooth, to allow both impulses to occur together and even mingle (for the purest alchemy), however much we may feel as though we “prefer” one over the other, for they cannot be separated…anywhere in creation. Its when we try to do that very thing (separation) that we go so badly wrong and yet its where we use these forces hand in hand that they manifest a formidable energy; formerly, the creator of empires and, going forwards (in the right hands) a whole new world…we can hope. We all need these skills; we can’t afford to leave them to those who would sell our world for an easy profit. No longer tied to the 12th degree, those who have learned this stuff, who have experienced it viscerally, have now spread out to new places; ones where they no longer need to enact the impulse of a particular place, having internalised what they know in such a way that they can recreate the same yin-yang balance in any place of their choice, using their heart-consciousness (since the heart is the very cauldron where these two supposedly opposite forces mingle). Yet we can still be thankful, as indeed I am, for those places such as Venice, Rome, Berlin, Copenhagen… (the list goes on) that have trained and widely distributed some of the greatest energy masters, greatest influencers (“good” and “bad”…they are all just shifting energies) of our world, having learned how through the very soles of their feet!


The Global Mind and the Rise of Civilisation: The Quantum Evolution of Consciousness

The Nine Waves of Creation: Quantum Physics, Holographic Evolution and the Destiny of Humanity

Both written by Carl Johan Calleman PhD – own website calleman.com

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Being the unpruned tree

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Posted in Books, Consciousness & evolution, Conservation, Gardens & gardening, Life choices, Life journey, Menu, Nature, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Cutting through all the crap

Usually, I love a good birthday like the next person, possibly more. I suspect, something about being born on May Day, a time infused with all the potent energy of new beginnings, has always enabled me to convince myself the feeling of that day was something about me and what I have to bring to the world. “Worry not world, I’m here now”, it probably told me, at some subliminal level, as a child, and as I watched all of winter’s tattered clothes get folded up and tucked in a bottom draw for another season, I would feel as though it was all my doing or, at least, a party put on for me. The very fact of me bouncing out of bed with such gusto in the morning was the flipping-point of any bad situation and everything would look brighter from now on, it couldn’t not; oh, the inbuilt optimism of youth!

Yet I’m noticing a far more somber take on things this year. For some days now, probably longer, a different feeling has been clawing at me, gaining its larger territories from me first thing in the morning, just as I wake up, gnawing at my gut. If “a feeling of impending doom” is too much then maybe “deep pervading sadness” is closer yet I can’t seem to shake it off or deny it any more; which, for this time of year, is new enough to gain my full attention. Is it just my age, being (as of yesterday) 51, I ask myself…am I dreading getting older, feeling like I’m “over the hill”…but no, honestly, I dont think its that at all.  It feels all too pervasive; I’m noticing its clues everywhere, like a creeping blight spreading subtly and surely into summer’s crops…

I like to spend some time on my own in the run up to my solar return, to go for a walk, yes, even take some pictures of myself somewhere meaningful to me, usually out in nature with my dog. If this sounds like the usual selfie-obsession, I can assure you its not my style; I seldom take such pictures unless I’m goofing around with my partner, the rest of the year. No, it feels like something more akin to that very-useful practice of looking one’s self straight in the eyes, long and lovingly, in the mirror (a practice that so many people will do almost anything to avoid, so arresting yet unsettling…then cathartic… can it be). Like testing the water of where I’m at in the flow of life, this annual benchmark enables me to scrutinise myself, to assess where I’m really at, to ask “what do my eyes tell me?”, knowing they tell truth.

This year wasn’t particularly good news. Try as I might to smile in this, my favourite place, on a sunny afternoon, lying down on a hillock dotted with all the usual wild flowers of spring, I couldn’t seem to raise a smile. Actually, the smile was there but it didn’t spread even close to the eyes, try as I might. No, those eyes looked deadly serious, looked so hound-dog sad, looked deeply concerned. They reminded me of the eyes of the young yet determined Greta Thunberg who appears in my newsfeed daily; filled with all the concerns of an era, the weight on her shoulders of all of us, like a teenage Atlas yet no one much thanking her for all her efforts. My eyes, in those pictures, still haunt me for the deep, all-pervading sadness, the inability to lie, that shines out beneath furrowed brows that had no idea they were anything but neutral at the time. This year, they’re set deeply behind the curtains of fleshy concern that make it look as though my face is puckered into the announcement of bad news to myself.

What is it that has taken from me the annual ability to be frivolous, the usual unconditionality of joy that takes me over, like the skipping around of a Maypole in springtime? Why can’t I manage even one or two minutes of that degree of abandon now; like I haven’t a care in the world? No, thats not quite true, I can still pull that face…with my husband by my side, or when its him holding the camera at me, goofing around…which is why most of my publicly shared pictures look the same as they ever did, my face the carefree reflection of the loveable jester I chose to keep my head above the water of this life. Yes, I’m all too aware, these days, that my husband is the only “thing” that keeps me afloat. On those days when I’m being really frank with myself, I’m also aware that, without him by my side, I doubt I could bring myself to go on another day…I doubt I would see the point. When I’m on my own, which I am much of the time, a vastly more serious person steps in; someone who spends almost every living moment focussed on matters of grave concern to all of us, with our very survival as a species, with the matter of how we’re evolving, whether we’re evolving, whether we’re evolving in time…

Why doesn’t anyone else seem to bear this load? Yes, I know that they do (or course they do); in pockets, many do and those people tend to make a life’s work of activism, of “fighting” to do what they can do for this world spinning out of control). For me, with my “ailments”, all those sensitivities that make me feel like the bearly-on-my-perch canary in a coal mine, I know I can’t go deeply into those activities, I lack the robustness; and so, I have to assume, there are many more like me who are quietly, almost mutely, drowning in compassion and concern for a world that is going terribly, terribly wrong and not enough time to rectify it. The all-pervading feeling of “fiddling while Rome burns” haunts me, these days, when I allow myself to do the most ordinary of things and it takes the joy out of everything; gay abandon no longer feels like an option. There is no “time off” from these concerns, I find; having used up all my holidays long long ago…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAFor instance, for my birthday, we went to a vegan restaurant in the New Forest (Chris Packham’s favourite, I’m told…and there’s a man who’s prepared to put his mouth and his fame where his concerns are, which is leading to him being targeted by all the shitty underbelly of a world in denial). After that, we did what is typical of many a year’s birthday celebrations and went to a National Trust property for the afternoon. These houses and estates seem to appeal to me less and less, these days, yet, like cathedrals, I find I’m drawn to them…still…for the particular space that they occupy; their locations, not their bric-a-brac. Such places hog some of the most powerful and unsullied energy hot-spots of our world because those who claimed them, historically, were no fools when it came to planting themselves and their dynasties on the power-nodes of the land. So, this time, I felt drawn to a place called Mottisfont Abbey, long since a country house, for no reason except I remembered the gay abandon of particularly abundant roses the one time I’d been there before and knew I wanted to be around some exceptional trees, though I had no direct recollection of what trees were there (I was quite a different person when I was last there…a sleeping version of my current self, with eyes only for the obvious).

So, we arrived at the Mottisfont estate and, as ever, by the end, I knew I could have “taken the house or left it”…in fact it left me cold. I almost had to do star jumps to shake off the stagnant, heavy energy of its spaces and those who lived in it, with their miserable servants (documents left lying around for “historic interest” made it quite clear how these were just glorified slaves), before it was turned into a mausoleum to another era that (while TV dramas continue to romanticise them) still holds this one in its grip. I do tip my hat at the volunteers there, all of “a certain age”, brim-full of their well-practiced anecdotes, bubbling with tireless enthusiasm for their particular dust-mote filled space yet our desire to linger over the details had never been at such a low. As these white-haired guides all flew the building as a flock, us being the last to tour the house, I was left wondering, who will do their job in another ten or twenty years time; who, of the next generation (my generation) will pass through this respectable turf, prepared to develop so much minute interest in all this stuff, having not cared so very much for it all the rest of their lives? Do the National Trust even have a contingency plan for the mass-extinction of all their volunteers or is this another extinction crisis that we are in denial about? 

With bitter irony, I could imagine many people, certain tabloids, the TV news, taking this one far more seriously than that of our species…certainly headlining it more.

“Old” me (a version that used to wonder if I would ever do such a “job” in my twilight years, to keep my brain active…) would have found this sad but now I really don’t. Out of all that we saw there, taking Mottisfont as a location rather than “an estate”, the house struck me as the most surplus to requirements of anything, except as a charming old folly, seen from the outside. If it was just doing its thing by being there then fine, but we are, collectively, preserving it (the endless round of conservation tasks was well underway) at what trade-off with more pressing matters? When told so proudly by a volunteer, for instance how a forbidding and uncomfortable-looking fourposter bed had recently cost £30,000 to build from scratch, the identical replica to its predecessor, built by the same family of craftspeople as before….never to be slept in (so, surely an MDF box with a coverlet would have done the job)…just so people like me could nod sagely as they wander past, I was struck only by the unconscious and blinkered nonsense of it all when there are such pressing needs in the world. How many people could that fund-pot, spent on silken drapes and tassels, have made a profound difference to? What differences could be made to the sustainability of this estate or, better still, some far more impactful  location? Like when I heard about the hundreds of millions of dollars worth of pledges that have, quite astonishingly, been made to restore Notre Dame when bearly a fraction of the world’s population will ever get to see it, this relic of another time, I was only saddened by this almost obscene demonstration of human obtuseness. Where are such pledges when we talk about the climate disaster, the extinction of species, the trashing of the oceans?

Yes, I realise, a big part of my all-pervading sadness is the utter disillusionment with my species that I am bowing beneath the weight of; is this the inevitable consequence of gathering all the wisdom of my years, as I was so eager and enthusiastic to do? If so, where are all the other wise ones; let’s show ourselves, we’re all needed now, like never before. Without such wisdom, we are like so many unruly children run amok, heading straight for the sweetie jar of life, again and again, always thinking we can worry about the consequences “tomorrow”, yet quite unable (or unwilling) to grasp what is far more serious and in need of attention, right beneath our noses.

Mottisfont 35.jpgSo, yes, I was there yesterday for something else and yet hardly knew what it was until I saw the trees…vast, spreading, monumental oak and plane trees the scale and height and breadth of which I seldom get to wrap my appreciative arms around. The first thing that struck me, as we first entered that lyrical landscape from the bend in the lane was, oh, the trees…and then (the country house itself) a very small pile of brick by comparison, a mere scuff-mark on the land, made out of manmade preoccupations and just so easy to sweep away. Everyone else, or nearly all of them, you could tell, was there for those bricks and mortar, marching determindly towards them, walking straight past these great giants on their path as though they simply weren’t there and yet the one-time abbey turned into Tudor spit-turning, leather tanning monstrosity, then shrunken back to genteel county pad, now mausoleum to a pile of relics, was the very least of it to me; a burp or a hiccough in time, as we too will be if we’re not so very mindful.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

These trees, so huge you couldn’t even frame them in a single shot, were so obviously the main event (their quiet wisdom was palpable; they had played witness to all the other stuff, watched it all sagely and not missed a beat in their tree-ness) along with the spring by their side. Oh, the wonderful, magical spring…the moot font of “Mottisfont” (or “meeting spring”) of times passed, long long before those first bricks were laid. A strangely bluish pool (for such a cloudy afternoon) feeding into a small waterfall, then into a slip stream of the river Test (always one of my favourites), I could feel the power of this water-source without even touching it (which I wasn’t able to do, it being fenced off and signs all over the edge of the stream forbidding paddling…). The trees conveyed its frequency; every leaf and blade of grass there was resonant with it. No WONDER the rose garden here had left such an impression on me all those years ago, no wonder these monumental trees growing and growing; with this water source beneath your feet, how could you go wrong?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAOf course, we, as a species, can go very wrong…and we have, and we do…continuously; and this is what saddens me so continuously now that I can bearly raise another thought to counter it, having reached my wisdom years. My “yeah buts” about the human species are rapidly running out and I’m left wondering why we are still so fast asleep; but then any wonder when you notice how the gridlock of learned behaviours holds us fast in our lanes of non-dissent. A day spent at the National Trust is enough to make you see it, horribly, in the repeat behaviours that have not altered one-jot since I was a girl…the same rank and file to purchase pointless gifts and for the tea shop as has always been, the same queue for earl grey and scone (“anything vegan and gluten free, perhaps something less sweet?” meets wide eyed, agape response). The same utterances at other OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAtables from groups of people that look and behave just the same as they always have. The same all-pervading feeling that while these old buildings stand intact, their contents kept neatly in place, everything will all be alright, the national identity preserved for another membership year, the bad news sneaking through any cracks “just hyperbole”, and so we can shirk personal responsibility and continue on as we always have. Well intentioned as these institutions are, they contribute (not least with their choice of priorities) to the preservation of a very dangerous illusion. They give the impression that somebody…way more informed than we are…is taking care of everything for us and with all the meticulouslness of a conservation archeologist, white gloved and thorough; that we can let the experts get on with it, they know best, but what if they turn out to be asleep on the job? What if our future has nothing whatsoever to do with revering and preserving our past (and all its inherent flaws)?

Of course, there are many degrees of this issue with “institutionalised thinking”; our governments are heinously institutionalised, as are our schools, for instance. The NT does such good work preserving these places (which, otherwise, would have been parcelled up and built on as soon as these historic buildings and their previous owners fell into hard times) but, going forwards, we have to get the balance right, between preservation of what’s truly important and, primarily, keeping these spaces protected yet open for public access, use and appreciation. Many of these places are far too powerful to be locked away, we need them now; as potent energy nodes on the landscape, they reactivate divine values and forgotten wisdom in our collective memorybank,

With the launch of my fifty-second year, why do I suddenly feel we are gripping the white-knuckled grip of a culture on the edge of a cliff? And these once-benign places concern me; I seem to see through them all, cutting through their crap like a hot knife through butter now, my rose-tinted goggles removed. They are held in trust (the clue is in the name), just as so many other institutions hold the long-established, seldom questioned, trust of the people…and yet, what if it turns out, they are as misguided as they could be, the very band continuing to play as we all march to our demise? Until we question our way out of the entrenched normality of a previous age, we have no hope of seeing what is really going on before our very eyes. Thirty-thousand on a bed…it still haunts me!

An evening spent talking to my brother, who has just lost the beautiful green field next to his house, its “green belt” protected status and other protective loopholes mysteriously removed just as a developer came along wanting to buy it for housing (back-handers to council members are suspected…yet residents feel defeated before they begin to contest these things…which is what “they” want them to feel) hasn’t helped my mood. Now is not the time for complacency, for any of us, if we can but rally like it really matters. We are, each of us, facing our versions of these scenarios, arn’t we? Each and every one of these opportunities to face up to the crap we see going on is our contribution to the whole momentum of calling to account whatever and whoever is, directly or indirectly, abusing our planet for questionable motives.

So, perhaps, the furrowed brow and all-pervading concern in my pre-birthday pictures were right on the target for this year; the litmus paper in my water source and, it tells me, I was just a little bit too soft before. The sun is shining brightly today, it could almost be any day in any May that there ever was, yet there’s part of me that (I notice) won’t let myself be beguiled into such complacency any more without also noticing the darker underbelly when I scratch the surface oh-so lightly. If I have any pervading past-life memories it is of having experienced cataclysm before; of having wired myself to be the super-sensitive to its traits, this time around, as well as determined enough to speak out about what I see. And if the spirit of Maytime runs through my very veins as my most familar feeling, my home frequency, and yet I’m not quite feeling it this year, am noticing something disquieting in the air, and am sensing our global opportunities for “rebirthing” (as Maytime knows how to do best) are getting desperately more compromised all the time, my deepest feminine intuition tells me to have the courage to acknowledge this and to speak of it, not just sweep it under the rug “this time”. Perhaps I’ve entered an era of my life where, instead of a comfortable demise into tweed and deadheading roses, I’m about to start seeing through all the illusions, all the time (not even able to switch it off for high days and holidays) and if that increases my frown lines then, I guess, so be it.

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Rare as gold

Screenshot 2019-04-29 at 22.15.23.pngI consider myself very fortunate indeed that I heard more than one nightingale on my walk in the forest on Sunday; I even managed to get a photo to check this was what I was really hearing since I was quite amazed….they are so rare that I had hardly ever seen or heard one in my life before. We have apparently lost 40 million of them in the UK in the last 50 years, their numbers “plummeting by 93% to fewer than 5,500 pairs” (see article below). The irony is that they are known as the “common” nightgale and yet I struggled to find a “commons” photo to use (the one I managed to take was poor and partly obscured by foliage). Its so very sad to watch these extinctions taking place and there will only be more, until we get ourselves back in balance…

Which is why I doubted my ears at first, yet the up-and-down song and the rich velvet diversity of its verses had me wondering, even before I confirmed with my eyes. Blackcap was my first thought about this song which (was I imagining it or were these birds hopping around very fast or throwing their voices) seemed to be coming from almost every bush; but no, I already had my suspicions this was something rarer, and then I got the first sighting of the smallish brown bird, creamy white front, high up in a tree. I got home and compared the short recording I’d taken with examples on the RSPB site and Youtube and still I wasn’t quite convinced that “my” song matched the examples until, I read, the nightingale has over 200 phrases in its repertoire, using around 250 different buzzes and trills and whistles…so there is no singularly distinctive trill or phrase, this bird has a lot to say!

And I got the distinct feeling these birds had a great deal they they wanted to say on this occasion; something had certainly set them all off. I find I want to ask (not for the first time, see my post The Frequency of Birds), what part does frequency play in the triggering off the song of these birds, especially when they sing at nighttime, as they are famed to do?

Screenshot 2019-04-29 at 22.03.11.pngMusician Sam Lee is in Berkeley Square tonight, reworking “A Nightingale Sang in Berkley Square” to an audience that he hopes will disperse playing the nightingale’s song on their phones to draw attention to their plight. This is a closing ceremony of sorts to the Extinction Rebellion events that have been taking place…a poignantly fitting one at that, since we stand to loose so much more if we don’t pay attention to what this movement is all about.

If you’ve never heard of Lee, look him up or, better still, listen. He organises these wonderful events (see Singing With Nightingales) where you go for nighttime walks in the kind of woods where some of the very few nightingales can still be heard, to a secret location where he and other musicians improvise song and music with the birdsong, around a campfire. It’s high on my wish list to go to one of these events as soon as its feasible to arrange one we can get to easily as they sound just magical.

In Lee’s words, the nightingale is

“an animal that is so utterly at one with music and the environment and using all the tropes and articulation and emotional capacity of a human musician, in the shape of a tiny brown feathered being. Its song is absolutely full of indulgence and decadence and serenity and sexuality and pleasure and connection and commonality.”

The fact that I heard these birds, for the first time ever, in multiples, on Sunday as the Schumann Resonance got going into what turned out to be a two-day extravaganza of high frequencies, ranging from 30 up to 89 Hz (from the “usual” 7.83Hz) feels like no coincidence. Increased frequencies, to which we could expect birds to be especially sensitive, may have contributed to the extraordinary bird song levels and certain trends in bird behaviour…something I’ve been noticing for a while.

These include significantly increased thirst levels (a trait I share when the SR is spiking, said as I guzzle yet another large glass of water, hoping to sate today’s unquenchable thirst). My husband, who also noted relentless thirst today, works in a converted barn on a farm and has a water trough right outside his window for the horses in the field. He said he has never seen so many varieties of birds arriving as showed up today; magpies, rooks, woodpigeons and more were virtually queueing up for water like it was a soup kitchen, returning over and over again for more. Its been like that at my fountain too, including some very thirsty goldfinches who, strangely enough, seem to show up  in number whenever the SR is high, though I used to consider myself fortunate if I saw one or two in a whole summer. Whenever they arrive in their gangs, to invade my water vessels and the very airwaves with their unmistakably excitable song, it feels as though the golden energy is flooding in!

Today, the birdsong outside my window and down the chimney has quite soared with the SR and the birds are clearly feeling pretty excitable about it all. Interesting times.



Singing with Nightingales

A Nightingale sang in Berkeley Square – watch the video

Bird lovers flock to Berkeley Square as nightingales return

The frequency of birds

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