Synergy realised

If you’ve ever used music streaming on Spotify (or there are probably similar platforms that I’m not familiar with) then you will have encountered their very clever algorithms that suggest music based on what you’ve just been listening to.

So, if you happen to play something very different to your norm and you like it enough to continue, Spotify will proceed to suggest more tracks based on the particular nuance of that one thing, turning something which seemed rarefied when you first heard it into a continuous play list of other new music with a similar feel, yet with its own discernible identity that takes you off in a new direction. This can launch you on a whole voyage of discovery that feels precisely orchestrated for you and some as-yet unexplored aspect of yourself that is reaching for the surface. In fact, the way Spotify’s taste assessment brings up music you adore on first listen, though you’ve never heard it before in your life, can be quite uncanny…as though divinely orchestrated. You feel excited, like the universe is magically working with you, to provide you with something new enough to be stimulating and yet somehow perfectly preordained to match your preferences, somehow matching your very newest mood to the letter in a way an old record collection can never do, since this is open-ended and not a closed-system. Yet its you that set all this in motion, from that very first choice (like taking a step in a particular direction) and the algorithms underlying the software simply do the rest, meeting you where you are. This makes you very aware of the power of your influence. You can become almost afraid of interfering to choose a more familiar piece of music in case the magic spell is broken.

So I’ve been enjoying some exquisitely appropriate and genre-mixing music all week, following a flow on Spotify, all filtered to a taste I didn’t quite know I had since it’s all pretty new to even my diverse ears. In fact, this has been an ongoing thing for two or three years now and yet the growth factor is exponential; there is always more “new” waiting to be discovered just as soon as I venture around a slightly divergent corner from my “norm”, which is already far from mainstream. Of course, those underlying algorithms only direct certain music to me based on some bizarre mixes of genre I already like to listen to (my taste is very broad…so its having to work quite hard to find these tastes mixed together in one bundle; so in a sense the more diverse you are to start with, the more “interesting” the music it throws back at you). Also, clearly, it uses the taste of other listeners and artists who like similar music to me; the self-learning process of a super-mind which, of course, is all a computer really is. The beauty of this, of course, is that the “super-mind” that seems to be external is really all of us, combined in our humanity, feeding our divergent tastes, thoughts and perspectives into a vast pool. The more receptive people become to mixed-up and spread-out music genres (as with divergent anything), the more there is a demand for it and so the more it becomes available, with those more playful, cross-disciplinary artists who deliver its material thriving like never before, encouraged to be even more playful. So our horizons are also opening-up like never before…barely a fence left standing along what used to be the traditional hard-edged tracks of musical “type”, which is wonderful for a synesthete listener like me.

Timelines are like that. You take a step and your whole life goes off at a particular trajectory. If that way feels exciting and inviting, you don’t want it to stop…but what about all those other possible timelines including the one you were about to choose, with all the logic in your head, when this “accidental” new route opened up? What if you want to change direction, just for a moment, to experience something more familiar or that you already had “planned”? Will you lose the moment; will the spell be broken? What if doing that takes you backwards into a world where it’s as though the new choices no longer reveal themselves ever again; lost forever because you weren’t responsive enough to their invitation? Is this a time-sensitve offer…will it vanish in the mist? You can become paralysed by all the dilemma. Most of all, you’re beguiled by how all this newness presenting itself feels like such a perfect fit to…well, you’re not sure what but its something quite beautiful in its abstraction, like some part of you as yet explored, wanting to see light of day. So you feel compelled to find out more yet at what cost to what you were planning to do a moment earlier? The arrival of so much that was previously outside of your experience can feel like a deconstructive urge; which, in a sense, it is until we see its burgeoning potential. So, of course, your mind tries to tell you to regain control, like some sort of emergency is underway.

These two, apparently contradictory, undercurrents are ever-present in our lives, though we may not notice them in action most of the time. Left under the surface, they can enact a clumsy dance of beguilement by, yet profound fear of, the new thus unknown and a tendency to grip so rigidly onto what we already think we know, which looks (by comparison) more solid thus reliable to our logical, familiarity-seeking eyes. Whether we proceed along a newer route very much depends on whether it feels so good when it presents itself that we almost can’t resist; even if it seems to take us off our previously devised track. Also, the more we become aware of others taking those least-trodden tracks into the wilderness and thriving on the experience (again, thank you internet) the more we dare to be the explorers in our own lives; thus our landscape opens up, dropping all of its old fences and walls. The key is to balance these two aspects, dispensing with the oft-held delusion that staying in balance is achieved by holding on with white-knuckle determination to all your old ways, like someone trying to balance too many teacups and plates in their hands; rather, its a case of knowing what to let go of and when…

So computer software beautifully mimics the way we are (often the accidental) creators in our own lives; I notice it all the time when I’m working with Photoshop. Layering, masking, merging…all those life traits are there and I’ve become ever-more aware of them, and how to work with them deliberately yet still allow beautiful accidents to occur (those two, apparently opposite, factors appreciated in balance), through being a digital artist. Perhaps this is why I prefer digital processing to painting these days, though the same clues were there in the layers of paint on a canvas, just denser thus slower to evolve.

When we start to crystallise, we notice these patterns so much more and we can start to work with them…but the trick is to work with them just enough but not to try control (which is to limit) them. We need some of the flow and the randomness; though, as in the Spotify case, how much is ever really random anyway? I suppose you could say there is always a divine orchestrator who wrote those original algorithms. Yet just because we discern there is a piper calling a particular tune on the wind doesn’t make us any less beguiled when we hear it. In fact, if it is timed well, we may find ourselves longing for its different tempo after years of feeling caught up in all the rigidity of routine and expectations. Our ideas about whether or why there is a God get easier around this time in our processing, helped along by the timeliness of the piper’s appearance and the well-matched choice of the very-different tune they are playing, as though composed just for us. There may be an algorithm or a piper at work here, yet we set it in motion in a particular way through our particular choices; nobody else is hearing quite the same tune. Thus we can encompass the paradox of freedom within design since we are the living proof for it. The way we choose to respond to the potential to dance to a different tune is our part in that equation; as is our renewed appreciation of form that is beautiful and constructive. We become that living balance, held poised in flesh, and consciously aware of all this as it occurs, which is the three-in-one perfection of the realised human being. If these two sides of us are now the equliateral base-corners of a triangle (or triskele, once this is set in dynamic motion…), we become its capstone; a pyramid of self-realised synergy.

TriskeleSo though we now discern the algorithms that brought this “accident” our way; whether we regard it as God, fate or our higher self, we see its beauty and we make a choice to take part from now on. No longer fearing what lies outside the walls of our previous experience (thus understanding), we choose to uphold the importance of flow since it is this divine union of flow with structure, of randomness with direction, that keeps us in perfect balance. Being aware of it is the crystalline factor, like gaining an overview of both sides and watching as they dance together gracefully, across all aspects of our lives; just as a crystal seems rock-solid yet it is the unseen frequency it holds which is harder to fathom but which makes it so very powerful. We now know we can step in to choose other outcomes if we really want to; but we’re also prepared to wait and see, to go on instinct, not demanding the answer in advance, which was the pitfall and limiting factor of our previous iteration.

In short, we relish surprise as much as we relish beautiful structure and the result is like an exquisite and functional piece of architecture placed in a natural setting, full of light, water and organic features that bring the surprise of nature into and around the space. So, of course, we love living there; its (as ever with the crystal experience) like experiencing the best of both worlds in perfect synergy.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Life choices, Life journey, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Personality type and the crystallisation process – understanding the human vehicle we chose

I’m starting to discover how much this week’s flurry of posts have been part of my healing process; something momentous has shifted in me today. This includes that I have realised I am not going to baby-round in here any more; rather, I am going to say it how “just how it is” to me and you are very welcome to listen, as feels resonant, but its time to cut-free of some of the old-paradigm ways of talking about things, especially “chronic illness”.

I realise, to a lot of people, chronic illness is still part of this terrible sad story of things “going wrong” but for me, for the longest time now, its been a process of mulching through my old life and reformatting as a new-paradigm version of myself. At first it was all about breaking down into what felt like the molecules of my old life, so I could up-cycle whichever of those old building blocks I decided to keep ready to start over again, in a new-improved format. That era saw my life change almost beyond recognition as I made changes to all of my habits. Then, after that, it was as though things accelerated into another phase that was almost more bewildering than the first. I could choose to see all that as just another round of mystifying health problems but, actually, seen through the new paradigm context, the last few years have been a crystallisation process; I’ve been crystallising in the body.

In my view, personality is spirit’s vehicle; the one we have is deliberate and chosen to carry our spirit in human form, thus it can tell us a great deal about our “higher” intentions for this lifetime. Writing yesterday’s post Healing through understanding of personality type, which gave my own case-study of being an INFJ, made me realise how this particular personality type is pre-wired to spontaneously crystallise in the body; as though it is their very raison d’être. A lot of people I encounter, often through chronic health topics, some through INFJ or highly sensitive forums, seem to be experiencing the beginnings of this crystallisation process (to be clear, it’s a process of bringing spirit into matter and making a paradigm leap to become a new kind of human ready for the next era in our collective evolution) yet its far from easy, often precarious or even very dangerous to our health to undergo. Thus, no surprise, it can “look like” chronic, mystery health issues and all kinds of other breakdown scenarios but it is also something far more intriguing than that; yet its a very tough road to travel. Far easier for new generations to be born road-ready for the coming era than for those of us who have been around for a while to attempt it in the same human body; yet it can feel irresistible to some of us (more than others), like being the caterpillar that knows it is about to become the butterfly…so we just keep pushing along in that belief.

karina-vorozheeva-666315-unsplashFor the INFJ, it does seem to be that irresistible, or at least inevitable, process because of the way we are made. With just the slightest feeling of pressure from being a misfit or uncomfortable in their present circumstances, the INFJ will start to crystallise all on their own, from very early on in life; perhaps because we hold such high standards and can be quite stalwart in the way we grip-on to those (we don’t compromise ourselves willingly). I felt there was an appropriate word I should use for this situation, when two pressure zones that are quite different to one another are adjacent yet the end result is that something very new (not seen before) is formed, in between those two zones, out of the pressure disparity they are subjected to. In search for it, I came across a description of metamorphism, something I associate with caterpillars turning into butterflies but here it was being described in terms of geology.

“The word “Metamorphism” comes from the Greek:  meta = after, morph = form, so metamorphism means the after form.  In geology this refers to the changes in mineral assemblage and texture that result from subjecting a rock to conditions such pressures, temperatures, and chemical environments different from those under which the rock originally formed.” (Types of Metamophsim – Prof Stephen A Nelson.)

This is what being an INFJ feels like, every day, since we carry an entire universe around on the inside as our primary, thus dominant, Introverted Intuition (Ni) trait and yet our extroverted Feeling (Fe) and Sensing (Se)  traits compel us to keep searching for meaning and a “match” with that harmonious universe “out there” in a human-physical world (where very little makes sense). Since our inner version of life is already fully whole and infinitely harmonised, we will almost certainly feel under the same kind of pressure as rocks that that were formed under one set of environmental conditions yet which are now being subjected to another; we are in the middle of a momentous squeeze all our lives!

So, over a course of many years we stretch and broaden our experiential net (even though extroverted experiences are not our comfort zone…at all) in search of harmony and balance “out there” in a physical word that, in many cases, overwhelms our feeling and sensing traits. The more experience we reach out for, in search of the underlying harmony, the less we seem to find it since the picture only gets more complex and diverse the wider we make our area of focus.

Yet with each encounter that “rubs” us, we become more and more polished, like a diamond that will glint and shine a little more with each newly added facet. However, the process is deeply painful to our introversion and can start to impact on our health, depending on the particular life path we have taken.

Nonetheless, we continue with this “mission” since it is so inherent to us that we can’t seem to resist it. For us, its is a case of “seeking to prove harmony exists in this world or die” since no other mission comes close to engaging our attention (all our other pursuits can either be seen to be extensions of this fascination or they tend to fall by the wayside). In fact, no other personality type is quite so single-minded in pursuing life missions that no body else seems to even notice or reward, let alone understand the importance of, since they are so abstract and thus hard to label or even to see. By the time we reach middle age, we are fully cognizant of having made our life’s work out of projects that are as invisible as we are, though we have achieved very much in the unseen realms; which makes the pursuit of what most-enagages the INFJ a thankless task yet, through our integrity, we can apply ourselves to no other. This “invisibility” knock to our morale does very little to improve our health status by the time we are a few decades into our life’s work, by which time we are feeling weary and depleted.

Our projects only keep on getting bigger; so we start with trying to balance and harmonise all the disparity and conflict in our families, perhaps later our friends or colleagues, and then we try to do the same with the whole world. All our efforts go into this thing though, being introverts, we are forced to find our own particular way of doing this, which is often covert to the degree nobody around us realises how much we care, or are involved in, what is going on around us. As children, we learn subtle diplomacy and trading-off our own comforts to “make others happy”. As adults, we find whatever introverted means we can to do this underground work; in my case, endless blogging from a corner where no one can particularly see me (blogging is such an introverted pastime) whilst shifting so much in the quantum field, I can’t even begin to explain what I really do.

Yet we weary ourselves with our ceaseless task since the world is never going to sit nicely, with everyone in full accord; it will always throw up more problems, push back harder, for all our efforts, and very few seek out our overview, seeming to prefer the long-hard slog of the old ways to attempt solving their messy problems. We find ourselves virtually alone in dreaming of a harmonious world since most people around us seem to enjoy diving back into the fray far too much, which leaves us baffled and lonely.

Over the course of many years, this can seem like it has broken us; our physical health takes all the knocks of the experiential net-widening we have been doing (against our introverted core) by becoming super-sensitive and triggered by nearly everything around us.

Yet if our bodies are broken, our spirit is never so; and is only just about to arrive on the threshold, wanting to come in. Because if our default personality trait is already to operate from Introverted Intuition, the realm of the unseen, we are truly ready to listen now; and to invite into our human experience that which will finally resolve what has been so our of sync in our physical (extroverted) experiences; which is the crystallisation process in a nutshell. If we allow it…

If someone even mentions “crystallisation” to us, we flinch because we imagine a crystal is hard, like a sharp pebble stuck in your shoe and our bodies already feel like that…we feel like both the foot and the pebble, all at the same time!

What we don’t know, as we fight against it, is that crystallisation is inevitable for us unless we hide away in a cave all our lives. The way an INFJ is  “wired” forces us to be as extrovert in our preoccupations as we are introverted in our inclination and we become the imbalanced “thing” at the very core of our experience; at least until we notice this.

Then comes the healing. Because at some point we realise that the gift is knowing what this feels like, perhaps more so than any other person on this planet. For the extrovert, regarding a chaotic world is never going to be quite the stretch to their comfort zone as someone whose inner core “looks like” the very premise of the universe, being that all things are whole, balance is everywhere and nothing is ever right or wrong. Our leap of faith is the widest of any personality type and so we are stretched across a great chasm, by a human experience that alarms and overloads the inner processors of our Introverted Thinking (Ti) trait every day. Relentlessly, we gobble up, churn through and struggle to make sense of all this contradictory-seeming data, though we seem to be nothing more than a collapsed and ineffectual person with some sort of chronic illness that no one understands. Then, when we start to glean what makes universal sense to us; when we discern the patterns and the breakthroughs, discover the light at the end of the tunnel, no one seems to want to hear the good news that we have to share. Like some sort of uber-eccentric yet genius code-breaker, working all alone in a small cubicle away from the mainstream, we are left to our bizarre machinations and the fruit of our labour goes unheard largely and unappreciated, since very few speak our particular language (yet).

We are the very heroes of our age because we are put through far more now than we ever would have been put through in the past, even a hundred years ago, because we are literally bombarded with the feeling and sensory contradictions to our inner core, where harmony resides as though on a throne as our go-to benchmark. Though we amount to less than 1% of the population and look depleted, broken and ineffectual, we are the leading point of an army of paradigm changers…in a new paradigm where making change doesn’t have to be about making a lot of noise, being famous or rich or “doing” a lot of things. We are most effectual, in this burgeoning age, because we work on our severely out-of-balance selves and find harmony in spite of apparent disparity everywhere.

When we get to that healing point of self-understanding, thus appreciation, we find we already have our answer. Because we know now that our grand healing mission for the world is all about the healing of ourselves. In rebalancing ourselves, in drawing harmony back into our own experiences, newly perceiving it where it already exists within our own lives, we do it for all. That inner universe we carry on the inside reminds us that it is only the immediate “outer world”, our human-casing, that needs to be balanced for the two to slot together into a more comfortable state of wholeness than has ever been seen before.

This is  the point when we start to work with crystallising the body; and so it now happens rapidly. We become the closed circuit of ourselves, no longer reliant on everything “out there” being OK for us to be in balance. The conditionality is thrown away at last because we can afford to, just as soon as we also have a crystal aura (which comes before, sometimes just after, the crystal body) to self-protect us from all the ups and downs of the world. Boundary drawing is a skill the INFJ needs to embrace almost more than any other. Yet our experience of being so grossly out of balance has served us well during our metamorphosis process. We know, more than anyone, just how all-over-the-place the world out there is since we have been feeling it, acutely, all of our lives “as us” and so the triumph of achieving this state of balance within our own unit is the very polish to our diamond.

Taking this cue, the chaotic body functions that have previously been entrained to the rhythms of a discordant world, start to harmonise to our own core message….from the universe we already carry within, which is our leading trait, delivered by our Introverted Intuition (Ni).  All our other traits now fall into useful place, beneath the umbrella of this directive, and so we find ourselves to be more innately road-ready for being a crystal human than probably any other personality type, both for these traits and for the disharmonious experiences we have been through until this point. In this case, the crystallisation can be very swift indeed and we are there in no time. If we are capable of modeling extreme balance like no body else, it is because we have come to experience literally both sides of the see-saw, as ourselves in human form, within this very lifetime, which is like an elite academy training regime to prepare us for the crystal outcome. To rebalance ourselves is like rebalancing all the most disparate issues, feelings and sensations of the entire messy world “out there”  since we have been experiencing it all, “as though it was happening to us”, for years.

Perhaps this is why the INFJ is so very rare; too many of us and the world would seem to be full of sickly introverts who were not coping very well with the outside world. Just the right amount and we become the unlikely leaders of a new paradigm; those who lead by example rather than by making a lot of noise. We can just be who we are, doing what brings us enjoyment and balance, and its enough; in fact, its perfect.

We can be aware of how we are all connected at the universal level (no one knows this more intimately than an INFJ) and we grasp how we all contribute to, and meet each other in, the quantum field. However,  we will be much more effective, now we are balanced and self-protected, when we choose not to be so pushed and pulled about by the collective consciousness (whereas, before, we got drawn into it anyway, from being so invested in feeling what others feel because we thought that was our mission). This means we can start to take part more and be amongst people when we choose to be, without fear of our energy, thus our health, taking a hit. Other people can’t simply help themselves to our energy whenever they want to, thus we don’t feel depleted and frazzled all the time (these are changes I’ve really started to notice since my AuraTransformation, which powerfully supports the crystallisation process). In simple terms, we start to recover from our chronic mystery illnesses as these circumstances transform.

Living from personal choice and putting our own wellbeing first is exactly what the INFJ needs to recover themselves, bringing their propensity to spread themselves far too thin back into balance. Then, our sheer determination to stand up for ourselves, which is part of our inbuilt integrity and courage (plus life has made these skills so necessary for us to survive) makes us particularly good at modelling this new trend of self-care because, once we are on board with prioritising our own wellbeing, we are really good at showing other people how this is done (plus we are natural-born communicators). Thus we start to become less invisible, or at least more manifest, in our own unique ways; and we start to identify our dharma (life purpose), which feels so much more comfortable and true to our energy signature than our “mission” of old.

In fact, being stacked the way we are, INFJs model a willingness to take the unseen, intuitive realm of experience very seriously, in fact we are led by it, which is the remedy to a fundamental imbalance we currently have in the old paradigm, where only the seen and logical is given any real attention. When we struggle to thrive, allowing ourselves to seem like the weaklings of the personality spectrum, we reaffirm all those old distorted opinions back to that old paradigm with its addiction to extraversion. However, when we start to thrive because of the way we give as much attention to introversion and intuition as we do to the extroverted and the physical, we model the new paradigm “as ourselves”, becoming its living-breathing advert. Thus, you could say, we come to realise that our prime objective is simply to thrive in our own lives and health; which should be given top priority and attention, not all that “outside stuff” in the sensory field.

parth-tendulkar-1372947-unsplashThough we remain niche in our output, since there are not so many people who truly relate to us, we are like rare crystals planted into the ground, waiting for that moment of activation when we, as it were, form a grid with others like us and those who get what I am sharing here (and you’ll know if you do). Of course there are other personality types who know just what I mean here, adding their equally unique and valuable personality mix to the transformation process (and we can all seek to achieve more balance by closely working with our traits) yet, I will claim this on our behalf;  INFJs realise this transformation process with a certain amount of rapidity, determination and polish due to the very particular school of hard-knocks we tend to self-subject ourselves to along the way. I would love to know what percentage of INFJs are experiencing “chronic mystery illness” or breakdown and/or starting to spontaneously crystallise in the body these days as I can imagine it would be a fairly high number. Who knows, what we are transforming into could be the very stuff of paradigm leaping; which only occurs when an actual-physical investment is made into a new world structure, beyond the “nice” yet abstract idea of a shift, through the very act of living it. We become like a butterfly that is actually up in the sky, on its very first flight which, until then, was so abstract to the creature it once was, wrapped-up in all the dark confusion of its cocoon, that all it had was the vaguest of intuitions that “something” new and liberating was coming.

Like the butterfly, thus with no guarantees, there comes a point in your life when you just have decide…to jump or not to jump. While you keep one foot in the old paradigm, labeling what you have going on as illness or problems, you remain stuck. For me, from now on, the vernacular is that I’m crystallising and I know it has to be that way; no more explaining myself backwards to other people so they understand. When you are flying high, reverting to the label “illness” can drop your vibration in such a way that you feel like you have suddenly fallen through a trap door back into the old world structure. Thus a lifetime of making yourself fully accessible to other people and amenable to their particular world-view can be wearying for an INFJ; the transformation comes when you lead from yourself, keeping yourself in balance and applying all you have come to understand to your own life, while simply trusting that anyone who wants to will follow, but that’s entirely up to them.

Concluding anecdote – Owning your vehicle

The universe has an infinite sense of humour, as you would expect, so I often find the themes I am working on in the abstract come forward in the props and furniture of “real life” around the same time. It was only yesterday, as I received confirmation of having settled my car finance contract, which means I get to say I own my car at last after three long years of installments (about the same time that I’ve been crystallising most concertedly in the body), that I saw the beautiful synchronicity. I remember so clearly all the excitement I felt when I brought that car home and how the uplift to my spirit fuelled a week-long driving trip around the Welsh mountains that would have been more than my health could have handled beforehand; it truly marked a step-up in my recovery. I loved ever single feature of this car because I had chosen them just for me.

All week, across several posts, I’ve been using the phrase “personality is the vehicle your spirit chose for this life”, or words to that effect and, in fact, the importance of “owning your personality” has been the overarching theme of it all. For me, the metaphor went even deeper than that but I’ll keep it simple here. Why does now “owning my car” feel better than leasing it? Well, I get to do what I like with it now, it just feels better somehow, and more permanent; and the same goes for your personality type, once you fully engage with it as something that is entirely yours. When you know that you chose it, that its not an accident of genetics or fate, or the outcome of life’s conditioning, but something most particular that you chose for your higher purpose, you enjoy driving it so much more….and its self-empowering. So whatever personality type you’ve chosen for yourself, and we all have one, get to know all the features and truly enjoy driving it around…its all yours for the ride.

Related posts & information

Healing through understanding your personality type

My experience of AuraTransformation


That INFJ foible: making a full-time study of ourselves

More INFJ informaton on my Highly Sensitive Resources page on Living Whole


Originally posted on

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Health & wellbeing, Menu, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

When paradigms rub shoulders

Any of you who receive email notifications for my health blog Living Whole would have found an unworkable link where this week’s latest post used to be as of yesterday. That’s because the post I published on Monday was, in a sense, a false start on something I wanted to write about. More accurately, I was still processing even as I wrote about it…but have now processed the whole matter in an entirely new way; which is a message in itself and more worthy of this website, being the very stuff of New Paradigm creating. I want people to realise that there is a completely new way of processing trauma and emotional wounding available to them now as a result of the new times that we are entering…and yet it is so easy to fall back into the old habits.

Those old habits look at everything we have be through via a karmic perspective; one that is entangled and soul-oriented. When we are in the soul operating system (OS), our convoluted interactions with “others” are all about working something out with them; something that may never become fully apparent during this lifetime and so it can seem, in a sense, like feeling around blindfolded in a room full of people.

That first attempt at what I shared was talking about this very thing and yet it still felt over-done in my reliance on processing old hurts to “explain” the conclusion I got to, which felt in the end like it was attempting to straddle two methodologies. I notice this a lot when I am endeavoring to explain something to those who may not be on quite the same page as I am, regarding the New Time energies that are now available and it irritates me when I do this. Therefore, I feel compelled to step-up and stop babying my audience, with the confidence that those who are ready will just find my material and understand every word, so here we go with version two of my post.

The (new) reality is that once you are into the “crystalised” human way of processing through any old debris that is still hanging around in your energy field, you will know it from the considerably higher perspectives you get, from which everything makes sense so much more readily, and from the absence of old emotional pain coming up to “drop” your frequency. This is because you are now operating through spirit’s “eyes”, as you in a human body; thus you gain the clarity that was once only available to you on doing a life-review, at the end of your life, under the old system. By contrast with those old days, this leaden emotional material (the subject I have now taken down from my other blog) has taken me just three days to process into a new place of transformation, with some major epiphanies along the way. It only shifted once I was prepared to jump into the new OS, thus paradigm, with both feet, after which the acceleration was incredible and I have felt it in an extremely physical sense as my body’s cellular structure has gone through a potent couple of days of aches and pains that then had me in an unusually deep sleep, like I was in a coma, last night and then quite clear and ready to share this today. Meanwhile my emotions have altered beyond recognition (and, remember, these are just energy-in-motion; they thrive best when the door is left wide open and radical shift is both allowed and encouraged, ceasing the tendency to recycle what is now “done with”).

In short, I got to this new place (there is no denying) by writing my first attempt at this post and yet….the very sharing of the circumstantial ins-and-outs of what was “happening” (or had ever happened) in the third-dimension around the matter re-entangled me to the very things I knew I was now striving to transform. The longer my post stayed out there, receiving a high number of hits (as the word “trauma” often does…), the more I felt like I was re-entangling myself to the spider’s web of karma that I am long done with. I needed to look at it all again via a higher frequency, beyond the old-paradigmn words and ideas, which very quickly got me to a brand new territory, like arriving at a viewing point high above any of the drama.

I can now summarise the whole thing as this. Akin to many people, I was born feeling “fish out of water” in a family that was very different to me in terms of frequency. Some of the behaviours I was exposed to in a very small space over a lot of years were the most abhorrent I could be subjected to, according to my personality type and energy signature. I struggled with this and yet it was a gift because it forced me to consider other ways to reconnect with something akin to my signature frequency. I also had to find a new way of being that felt more at home to me; so I began experimenting with this, even as a very young child (perhaps even because I was so young, which enabled me to suspend disbelief in order to connect with anomalous experiences beyond the three-dimensional).

I now understand how this turned into a process by which I connected with a very new wave of energy that was only just, very subtly, becoming available at the time (the “indigo” energy or “the eighth wave” of evolution…look up those tags for more posts on my website) and which, in my determination to find anything I could relate to, I managed to “contact”  a decade earlier than it became more mainstream in the mid 1980s. A lot like the times we are in now, I was one of the forerunners of dialling up this new potential, because I wanted to find it so desperately, due to feeling such a misfit “down here” on earth as it then was; and I know a lot of people can relate to this where we are now. When I first made contact with this higher frequency, this left me in the `awkward position of straddling two different realities for a while…the one “in my head” and that of my family and school life. Things, unsurprisingly, became most uncomfortable for me around that time and it was cathartic in many ways that, now I look at it again, feels somewhat like how the last half decade has felt. When you are ahead of the game, there is no getting around the discomfort you feel and yet I am here to give you some comfort from the fact that it is so worth it and people catch up, in their own time.

When I reached the age of ten, what had previously been “flashes” of that indigo potential, which was a much higher-frequency of processing my reality than anyone I knew at the time seemed to have access to, began to solidify as “more” of the substance of my everyday world. This is because I made a superconscious decision to go after such experiences in a much more concerted way in order to stay grounded, as I sensed I needed to do. The only thing that had been holding me back until then was a fear that this would irreversibly separate me from my family, making it impossible for us to be on the same wavelength ever again and, being so very young, I longed to belong more than just about anything.

It was a day trip with two older siblings that I have never forgotten, in March exactly forty years ago, that solidified this intent to chase after the new frequency and be done with what didn’t work for me. I have always held the memory of that trip in some sort of “special reverence” in my recollections of childhood and yet never really figured out why since, although it broadened my experience and got me out of my limited routine, I didn’t come home any more integrated with my siblings; in fact, I had felt quite “alone in a crowd” all day. What I have finally come to realise, through a synchronicity that played out over the last week, is how it was this very powerful sense of separateness that emboldened me to fully commit to “going it alone” from now on, seeing where that would take me and, I suppose, trusting that it had to be better than the uncomfortable reality that I was in (bullied at school, the misfit younger sibling in my family and with older parents who had literally no clue what I spent my time thinking about). In a sense I chose, at that point, the new operating system over the one that connected me with blood tribe, which marked a momentous leap in my personal evolution. 

Looking back, things became markedly easier for me from that time, even though I still felt “niche” in a crowd and never found myself as fully integrated with my peers as everyone else seemed to be; as though there was a fundamental miss-match of perspectives. I began to gather courage in this respect, choosing to like the fact that I felt so different to my peers and, of course, I chose to spend a lot more time alone over the next few years, becoming even more introverted than ever yet working on what felt most resonant to me as the whole point of my focus. I embraced, rather than fighting against, my personality traits for that window of time and this made things easier than they later became as an adult thrown into a much bigger pond.

All of this, of course, is how it is when you are in the first wave of a new paradigm, as many of us are experiencing right now. We long to connect yet we find precious little opportunity, within our frequency range, so we are forced to visit other people on their bandwidth. We become very experienced indeed at being the bridge between paradigms, even quite skillful at introducing “notes” of our new thinking into other people’s experience range in ways that don’t alarm them too much and yet, a trend I continue with the writing of these posts, we learn not to measure our success by the numbers of those who truly relate to us since they are very few and far between.

The last bastion of “wanting to fit in” is probably where our families are concerned for anyone prepared to make this pioneer journey. Though we can shrug off the idea of ever being surrounded by hordes of intimate friends who truly understand where we are coming from, something touches a nerve when we feel left on the outside of our family group, long after we have ceased spending any significant time with them in a physical sense. This is what happened to me when my siblings proposed getting together later this month. I felt torn in two across a great frequency chasm since I both knew in my gut that this was the most horrendous idea for me, guaranteeing a deep plunge into exposures I had done with years ago and yet part of me still felt I had to, even wanted to, go.

I know a great many rapidly evolving people who go through this same conundrum much more often than I do, yet I had managed to achieve such independence from family that this scenario had rarely come up for me over the last thirty years, mainly because I live far away and tend to see my siblings one at a time, often on my own territory or somewhere fairly neutral. I knew already that my sticking point was joining them en masse as this guaranteed a repeat of feeling like I was the odd one out, profoundly misunderstood and under a lot of pressure to drop down my frequency to fit in for the duration of two or three days. Every effort to secure some independence over that duration, for instance alternate accommodation and having a major hand in choosing where we ate (being vegan), seemed to get thwarted or be used to make me seem like the difficult one. I noticed how it took just a particular tone of voice, familiar from many years ago, to send my body back into some very old reactions once this lower frequency took a hold of me.

So, the synchronicity that I mentioned above was that a reunion with my family was proposed in the same place as that memorable and decisive trip I went on with two of them, forty years ago. Perhaps it was the synchronicity of place and the round number of years but something in me couldn’t resist trying to be there, though the logistics were terrible. When it all blew up in my face, due to family politics and old hurts coming up that I had long-ago considered dealt with, my mind set to working over time…what was all this about, there had to be a higher purpose?

That was when I shared the first post on this topic; and yet it felt leaden and so I quickly took it down again. I see now that its content didn’t fit my new frequency, which is how I knew wasn’t me talking so much as a hologram of a version of me from a very different iteration. That iteration was a me that hadn’t made, not only one but, two major  leaps in consciousness (numerous smaller ones) since my early childhood days, having recently upgraded to the crystal OS (see my post Crystalising), thus its hurts came from another time and way of looking at things. As soon as I “went there” to join in this conversation with my family, I felt my frequency drop two levels and it felt awful; my body experienced so much pain, like I was in a car-crusher, thus my reactions to the situation in hand only became more emotional and I probably sounded more than a little highly-strung as I tried to make myself heard in their language, my own being out of the person I was dealing with’s range. Try as I might to keep the vibe high with joy and enthusiasm, I felt myself tumbling downwards and could only imagine how the event itself would draw me into more of these feelings when I got there. The fish out of water now felt like a bird falling from the sky!

I want to make something clear here; I have no issue with varying frequencies per se (the world is full of them, it’s the very basis of the sheer variety of human experience that is available, which is what we came here to experience). The problems I experience as a child were when one particular frequency tried to force itself upon or dominate mine, as was the case with one particular sibling, and in ways detrimental to my ability to find respite or recuperation, thus my stress levels went through the roof. My family are lovely and intelligent people, typical of the range of most people with a soul OS, with lows and many highs of frequency across a range of behaviours but they never seemed to relate to the peak of my range and, in some cases, to make a game of bringing it down a few pegs or to laugh it off. Demonstrable “logic” is the determining benchmark, especially amongst the dominant males of my family and, try as I might, my entire reality falls down the cracks of that perspective. I long ago gave up bashing my head against such immoveable brick walls…but, where family is concerned, walls have a way of following.

Yet I felt real excitement at the prospect of saying yes to this reunion (which later confused me, until I came to realise how I was sensing the potential transformation “up ahead” that I am now sharing in this post rather than looking forward to the actual reunion itself). Yet, immediately I said I would go, I registered  such discomfort in my field, since there’s nothing more “off” feeling than being drawn into a frequency range that is not yours, as the sense of longing around family attachments can induce you to attempt like almost nothing else in this world. From then on, every laboured detail of the arrangements, ever struggle to make things work to suit all of us, felt like I was being dragged over hot coals and, worst of all, I knew I was overriding all of my own instincts on the matter until, finally, I decided not to go after all…and relief came flooding in.

Why had this come up? To highlight to me the same theme as forty years ago…a tendency to “hold myself back” for fear that if I fully run with my next evolution (in this case, the crystallisation process) I will be left isolated and have no further way of “contacting” people that I have known all my life, such as my blood relatives. Yes, I would be able to contact them in 3D but would we ever truly relate to one another anymore since that is my weakest domain; or would they continue to think I was “as mad as a barrel of frogs” (only more with each passing year)? In a sense, my resolve was being tested before I made a much more concerted leap into the crystal energies without, as it were, looking back over my shoulder any more.

In no time at all, having made this leap, I was able to do some potent work with releasing their energy, one in particular, from my field, where I still found remnants of them still woven into my own structures (where nobody should be…except for you; yet memory entanglements such as trauma will hold these structures in place for whole lifetimes unless you do the work). Then by reclaiming, and cleansing, my own energy from theirs (which delivered some surprising and powerful results, including finding the pristine blueprint of my undamaged photonic “light frequency” DNA codes, taken from me shortly after birth, preserved through the very act of being tucked away in someone else’s security deposit box all these years…more on that playful theory in my forthcoming book), I have my answers and some healing. Because the one language that persists between all of us is the language of love; I still love them, unconditionally (as I see I always did, which was the so-called tragedy of my childhood at times when I wasn’t always being treated well), thus there is no reliance on me “getting them” or them needing to “understand me”. They never did before so why lament this being so absent now; I merely need to own up to what is already the case and take heart from it. I have no doubt we will spend many more pleasant times together in the coming years but perhaps not in such a laboured way which, on this occasion, felt utterly cathartic at the higher dimensions; yet just too loaded to continue with in the third dimension. Through standing up for myself, I suspect I have just claimed a degree of neutrality, in my reactions to them, that I have as yet to road-test, which should be interesting next time. Perhaps we can avoid a total paradigm clash and achieve something…fresher.

I just want to add, one person “got me” not so long into my first OS upgrade all those years ago; and this was my mother who, by the time I was into my teens and beyond, was talking “barrel of frogs” language with me like a native. In fact, it is my belief, I rubbed off on her more than a little bit and she underwent her own evolution leap a few years later, only to decide to leave this dimension to continue it elsewhere (which is why I felt just so abandoned when she died). These days, I find my best ally in my sister who is picking up that baton of joining me in my weird corner; and seems to be “getting me” a little more every day now. As for my daughter, not only does she get me but I get her, for which she is very glad indeed as she is noticing how none of her friends’ parents seem to be on anything like the same page. We freely connect in both this and other dimensions; and talk about it openly like other people discuss the news (she also found the recent family drama I got caught up in funny as it’s all so antiquated to her). Perhaps, as a friend said to me the other day, it is the women who are most open to this paradigm leap; they who dig in their heels the least, who are most curious and thus so much less riddled with a fear-based compunction to shoot down whatever is deemed to be “alien”. Yet, in the older of two brothers, I find a model of balance in his preparedness to hear both sides of any story and on that I pin my optimism that we are all headed the same way in the end, albeit it at quite varying paces.

I mentioned finally owning up to being different to my family (acceptance being inherent in that) and, yes, “owning up” to many things has been such a big part of this transformation process, particularly to my own unique traits. I find my energetic signature all over this five-decade long story and it helps me to know myself more fully than ever before. I find, also, such strong evidence for my own unique personality type which, far from being a hindrance, has been my very best friend throughout all of this, for all it made me so different to the rest of my family and the vast majority of my peers.

I have never been more fascinated by my sense that personality is not some mere accident of circumstance (the conditioning of all of life’s hard-knocks), which is as the old soul OS would have had me believe, but that it is something quite unique to me and most carefully chosen as a super-power to support me throughout all my adventures in being human. 

Thus, I find Myers-Briggs more useful than ever as a rule of thumb for, at least, starting to decipher “how you tick”, which leads you straight towards what your spirit chose as the most appropriate vehicle for its physical road trip. What personality “buttons” and “features” do you have on your dashboard? They are all a clue back to blueprint you; they can even help direct you towards your dharma.

My clues are written all over my extremely rare INFJ (less than 1% of the population) personality type, as written about on Living Whole HERE. and HERE. I was always meant to be one of those who feel like a fish out of water since getting to know how this feels, from a very young age, is how INFJs become the well-versed forerunners of an era of change. From birth onwards, we are already so familiar with that feeling  of “being different” and “misunderstood” and with having to be utterly self-reliant through thick and thin. Nothing is more formidable than my ability to stand up for myself, even at the risk of sounding,  as I keep saying, “as mad a barrel of frogs” to those more reliant on mainstream logic for their behaviour guidelines, and as demonstrated again this very week.  This is where my family has done me the most enormous favour, providing the very training ground in which I get to test this out, ensuring that fitting in was never part of my famiar experience range, and so I am particularly grateful for them.

Owning my personality peculiarities as a particular strength, newly regarding them as the very leading edge of all of my gifts, is what feels most empowering about this whole episode since I realise I did not choose to come here to be comfortable or to “belong” in a crowd but to be one of those who dared to be a pioneer into a whole new territory, however tempting it may be to keep looking backwards. I had to learn to remain determined to step forwards even at those times when to step towards what feels more aligned to my frequency risks making me appear more weird, highly strung or plain bonkers to people whose opinions have always mattered to me. Speaking our truth, eloquently, is something we are particularly good at, especially when under pressure from non-resonant circumstances (so, just wait for the long manifesto of what we do resonate with to appear at the end…this is how we are helping to process into a different world reality). Oh and we are natural-born mystics (more on that below). If I come across as somewhat ruthless in my refusal to conform when it just doesn’t feel right to me, then I make no apology. I could put it no better than Jacob Nordby does here:

“I need to be startlingly clear. This thing of finding your authentic voice, expressing your blessed weirdness and revealing your soul isn’t an elegant process. You don’t do it to be cool. You don’t do it to get laid or get rich. It’s only real when it is ruthless, relentless and inevitable. But it is also a matter of personal and collective survival. Yes, it’s that important. You are that critical.” Blessed are the Weird — Jacob Nordby

If this family scenario has been a lifetime’s worth of endurance training for me then I feel as though I have just walked away with the gold medal and I encourage you to look at some of your own trials and tribulations through this newly crystallised perspective; it really does enable whatever used to feel like an immovable rock of pain to transform into a multifaceted diamond.

Finally, know this….the best feelings are awaiting you when you follow the path of your own momentum, and stop hankering for what everyone else has, including approval. If you are a contrarian, a heretic, a mystic at heart (as those who help to shift paradigms are…) then walk that sometimes solitary path with a smile and stop worrying about acceptability. To quote Nordby again:

“mystics rattle our reality tunnels. They walk a lonely path because most humans are invested in seeing through a fixed belief window. Mystics help us to understand that there is a whole lot more to the picture. Even though we might not understand their paradoxes and metaphors, something in us knows that we are thrilled to be connected to an intelligent system so imponderably massive that our minds cannot comprehend the wholeness of it for more than a split second at a time.” (Jacob Nordby — Blessed are the Weird).

If you have reached the point where you are able to hold that enormity for more than just a split second then, for goodness sake, don’t trade that in for acceptability or inclusion. Run with it, trusting others will follow.

When we stop looking over our shoulder or comparing with others, trying to fit in, to be the same as everyone else, we get into our own slip stream of joy and resonance. People…the right people…will catch up, other people will just show up and our bodies will stop throwing up all the signs and clues that we are trying to force our round peg into a square hole. I can assure you, the feeling on the other side of making that effort is quite new which, having now compared it with some of the longest running lower-vibe sensations of my life, I can say with some authority. Enjoy this new wave as it comes in to you!

As for the original post on Living Whole HERE, I will edit that to expand on some closely related thoughts on the importance of working with personality type to heal trauma.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Seeing the light of day

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAThere’s no coincidence to me that the bird most associated with darkness, with night-hunting, with reticence, even with superstition and the spiritual aspect plus all the usual dross hung onto that by a male-oriented world (considered a harbinger of bad luck, an omen of death and all of that) has started to appear almost daily on my walks. This barn owl, the companion of many half-light walks at dawn and dusk last summer (as mentioned in my recent post The Quickening), is now to be seen most afternoons, in drizzle or full sunshine; she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s there when I first get to the river and I get to see her figure of eight coverage of the two very large fields where I walk, not to mention sitting in trees and on fence posts. Over about a year now, its become a game to try and capture her in flight, swift though she is, and these are some of my best efforts so far. Why “she”? I just feel it and its nothing to do with gender; as ever, this ever-more frequent and reliable encounter feels like a messenger or a clue, a sign of the times. There is a feeling of unstoppable momentum in the air as more and more things dare to “come out” into daylight and the whole of nature is singing its song.

Owl flight 5.jpgThere’s been speculation for over a hundred years, probably longer, why more barn owls seem to be sighted in full daylight than, its assumed, used to be the case (see The Daylight Activity of Barn Owls) yet that too is consistent with my gut feeling on the matter. The feminine aspect has also been showing her face in the light of day more and more, in steady increments, over that exact same time span.

There’s a great article on all the superstition associated with owls on Ancient Origins entitled Ancient Symbolism of the Owl: Omen of the Good, the Bad and the Deadly (an excerpt, with full article available on subscription). According to this, the very earliest owls, around 48 million years ago, also hunted by day, sharing the same characteristics as modern hawks. One gets the impression they were, as it were, forced to become creatures of the shadows by circumstances beyond their influence and in order to preserve some of their inherent characteristics, not unlike the feminine aspect herself. I’m with the neolithic folk and ancient Greeks for whom the wide staring eyes of the Eye Goddess were all-seeing and all-knowing, and with Hindu tradition in which they are regarded as the companions of goddesses. According to the article, “The white barn owl especially is considered as a brahmin (an upper caste in Hinduism specializing as priests, teachers and protectors of sacred learning).”


It’s no coincidence to me either that this is occurring on my daily walks just as something else sees the light of day for the very first time. My plan to write “a book” has been near the top of my to-do list since I was eight years old and yet here I am, almost fifty one, and it’s only just materialising, finally. This project almost “happened” twice before but, for different reasons each time, the timing wasn’t right and it felt too forced, like I was trying much too hard. This time, I had the very first thought to do it just a week ago, I dived in on Monday and, within days, I have chapter after chapter in draft form; it’s literally pouring out of me, straight from a pool of self-gathered wisdom thus no research required.


Click to see more owl photos.

So if I spend less time “in here” blogging for a while, you will have to excuse me. All of my best is now going into my book and, tempting though it is to share one or two chapters here as a taster, I’m going to refrain for now and let this baby be born intact. At this rate, it won’t take so very long.


Some tips on self-publishing

Incidentally, if writing a book is also near the top of your to-do list, there’s never been an easier time to self-publish; even more so than a couple of years ago when I last explored resources. So, I’d like to suggest, perhaps its time to let your book see the light of day too!

I found a long list of such resources in this useful article 30 Best Self-Publishing Tools and Resources for Your Next Book and the handful that I have gone with, so far, are Pressbooks (for an eplatform ready book layout), Canva (for creating a cover design) and Bear. The latter, in particular, is already something I adore, keeping it open on my desktop and using it all day every day. By tagging note entries, I already have chapters, cross-referencing and even indexing well in hand and its so easy to use. I’m finding I can, for instance, jot down an inspired thought I had while doing something else and still find it again later in order to flesh it out or, at least, know its saved-up in outline with a couple of appropriate tags to link it to other related sections when it comes to drawing it all together. I can even use it on my phone when I’m out which means no more scribbles on the back of receipts (which bodes well for a few nights away and couple of long train journeys and flights I have coming up; the kind of travel that is guaranteed to throw up all kinds of gems).

The very fact of using these apps is making the whole writing process easier and more pleasurable, with a stronger sense of “getting somewhere” and creating a structure quickly. When our best intentions and the best means to carry then out converge, its a clear indication we are right on time. So maybe this is why I saved-up writing my book until now; the right resources simply weren’t ready for me any sooner because the right time for it is exactly now.

Here is another great resource for creatives discovered in the last week: if you enjoyed what you read here or in my other posts, why not consider buying me a coffee via 🙂

Photos ©Helen White, All Rights Reserved. Header image “Night Flight” by Helen White (see artwork here).
Posted in Birds, Divine feminine, Menu, Nature, Personal Development, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The quickening

It was as though I suddenly had to make immediate and direct contact with the earth…via every round molecule of my flesh…though I didn’t think it through at the time. I just threw my jacket on the ground in that sunny field as we were walking and lay down on it. Promptly taking my cue, my husband did likewise and, with time, our dog settled too…so we lay there, like that, in a meadow by a brook for the longest time, certainly over an hour, with other bemused dog walkers doing double takes before calling their own dogs away lest they jump all over us in their curiosity. I kept a hand on my dog’s rump via which I could tell if his pulse quickened which then let me know if anyone else was approaching but, most of the time, I kept my eyes completely shut though the surprising intensity of February sun was burning iridescent colours through my lids and I gobbled this energy up. Inside, I felt incredible….just so so so incredible…like I was coming to experience what vitality inside of flesh, made all the better because of flesh, felt like instead of experiencing it outside of myself then drawing it in as the finished product. I didn’t want it to end and so I set a memo to do much more of this; sometimes, I realised, we just have to get back to grass-roots and I needed to prioritise this from now on. I promised to be back at this level very soon…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAIt took some persuading for me to move to my husband’s cue that he was hungry for lunch but he was right, we would have stiffened-up had we stayed there much longer. Yes, it was still “only February” and the earth was still pretty moist beneath the layer of sun-warmth. Yet, as soon as got home, our chairs were put out and after what could have been a summer salad, we reclined ourselves back into position and continued our eyes-closed sun gazing for almost another three hours. Floating somewhere between alpha and theta, I noticed inspiration after inspiration passing through; mostly, new colours that I longed to play with in the designs I’m currently working on but I let it all remain as liquid; like spilt ink morphing and taking shape only to disperse and reconstitute again and again. It felt like a month’s worth of therapy in a single afternoon; a couple of mountain ranges had moved by the time we went indoors. Bird song had accompanied us the whole of the day; so much more prominent than it ever normally was…the rhythms of it more meaningful than ever and those solos as though there were just for us. The light quality was astonishing, as though an iridescent blue filter had been applied to make everything more vivid, pristine and crystal clear, somehow; we both experienced that.

And I knew, as I woke today with sun-flushed skin, like I might normally in May or June, that what I had welcomed so hungrily into tissue and bone, yesterday, was what I term “The Quickening”. It’s a phrase I came to use a handful of years ago when I both noticed it yet seemed to buckle under its physical demands. It always started to beat its drum in early February, around Imbolc, becoming stronger until, by this last week of Feb I would be both happily observing its effects in the world around me, my favourite time of year, yet still (oh irony) sent down onto my knees by it, lapsing into a new bout of pain and chronic exhaustion for what seemed to wipe out a month and a half of the burgeoning year. I always remembered the date it became most lethal-seeming to me since it was around my father’s birthday…21st Feb (he would have been 106 last week), by which time its current would normally have become so strong and demanding of me that it was as though I was cleaved in two. Part of me would be so uplifted by the obvious change in tempo, the increased bird song, the light quota, the feeling that everything in nature was joining in some sort of carnival procession with spirits growing ever higher and more elated…and part of me doubled up in woe that I was too weak to keep up or join in. Things would, eventually, settle for me so that I became more comfortable in my body by late April or early May, but always at a pace that felt as though I was lagging behind…a little more with each passing year.

The year it came on the strongest was the one where the months that followed were the hardest of all the years I had been unwell in some sort of definitive way, like a retrograde turning point; the one when I seemed to become allergic to the pulse of life itself. We had had the opportunity to get away for a weekend in London around that date, 21st of Feb, and so I set off in good spirits to have this unexpected treat but came back as though hacked down by a broadsword. Just one night there, over which I hadn’t slept a wink in our four-poster bed, and I was back home curled up in the foetal position for a day, too sensitive to open my eyes or do anything until some kind of cautious equilibrium was refound. Walking those London streets, it had been as though the pavements were electric, burning through my soles, sparking nerve pains up my legs, which I blamed on the electrification of everything but, really that was just the finishing touch. It was the combined energy; of all those people, underground-overground, along with electric currents, wi-fi and then the life force of Nature itself, on top of all that, like the straw that broke my camel’s back, rising up through the pavements, unstopable even where there is concrete and girders (perhaps pushing all the harder for it) that had floored me. How ironic, that what was apparently too much for me seemed only to bring me down even closer to what seemed to be my peril; the ground beneath my feet.

Because all of what I’m describing here is the profound inability to ground myself that has been at the core of all of my health (and other) issues for years!

This need to ground ourselves, as bandied around so freely these days in both health and spiritual circles, is so fundamental to our wellbeing that, without it being met, we cease to exist. Quite literally, our bodies and our ability to manifest anything of substance fails and so our desire turns to pure spirit and we leave, inch by inch by inch, like vapour rising from a corpse on a hot day. Excuse the unsavoury graphic but it feels closest to what I have been through for the longest time. Somewhere along life’s path, my ability to trust life and stay grounded had become precarious, as so-often happens to many of us, as our health starts to testify to. Sometimes this breakdown happens abruptly in the way of acute illness, at other times in a long and lingering seperation that becomes chronic and precarious health, but it all comes from the same state of imbalance between our physical and nonphysical aspects and then we start to doubt our very ability to be here in physical form.

So to be compelled to lie down on the ground; more, to have survived it (believe me, I have zealously followed such whims many times before, only to feel in much worse pain afterwards), in this month of The Quickening was, for me, a remarkable outcome and one that I have paid its due attention. Just as I paid attention to some new developments in this regard last year, though they took somewhat longer to get started that time. I see now how I have been on a steady path of progression since early last year and how this is all part of such a positive new trajectory for my health.

A year ago, I was still in recovery from the flu that began the day after my AuraTransformation and which took me several weeks to, really, get over though I was still feeling compromised for much longer than that, as though my body was having to find feet it had long-ago lost sight of. And yet…by mid-summer…I was noticing something else. I was feeling this Quickening every day now, more and more, hearing its pulse as the dawn got started and the light began to repigment….and I was now wanting to stir to its drumbeat. No, not just listen from the sidelines; it was no longer enough to plump up my pillows and just lie there, playing audience to the dawn chorus…I needed to be part of it. So I could be part of how Nature repaints the picture of life with each rise of the sun; and how every living creatures plays their part, like well-rehearsed brushstrokes taking up position; the birds in the sky, the song in the air, the rising of moisture from the earth and the laying-on of colour from the strengthening sun.

So I began slipping on my clothes and sneaking from the bedroom as soon as I felt its first rhythm, which would always wake me with just enough time to be by the back door with my keys in hand, to summon a sleepy dog and be gone through the deserted streets in the first monochrome light of day, to a place…a favourite place…that I often walk by the river, though made “as new” in this new colour scheme. 

And for all those many weeks of high summer, I got into the pattern of walking in this Quickening air of early morning, if not all then, many days; often accompanied by “my” owl (an old friend from sunset evenings) still hunting in the half-light, who would almost seem to be following my route across two vast fields and return to her box in the tree near the car as I walked back to it with the ever-strengthening sunlight warming my hair. Those mornings were pure magic and it was as though they reconnected me to life; with the upward thrust of what it means to be physical, to want to stand on legs, to move and to be vital in physical form, as The Quickening always speaks about. The most remarkable thing of all was how I was bouncing out of bed, onto immediately upright legs and straightened back, none of my usual stooping and dragging that made me seem like an old woman until I had properly woken up. I was as lithe and as action-ready as my far younger self had ever been and it felt so amazing, so exhilarating, that it made me want more and more of it; to the point I became convinced I was now going to go backwards and would get younger as the years went on from the sheer desire for it, reclaiming all I had missed over the last decade or so like it had been held in a savings account and gathered interest. Though it had taken me until mid summer to catch up with this pulse, this feeling lasted me until late October and I had the most physically active and upright year I had had since my health crashed well over a decade ago.

So this year, to be on time…to feel The Quickening as me, inside of me at its very first stirrings and to be in a state that can carry that pulse, hold onto it, made manifest as me, and not be floored, toppled over, or in so much rigidity and pain that I can’t move my limbs for days or bear the daylight, has been so tremendous as a sign, a clear signal, that I am grounding at last. And this has been going on for several weeks now; I have been doing some of the longest walks of my year since the sun regained some warmth and I seem to want to be outside more than in, upright more than sitting, moving more than stagnating…all of this is wonderfully new.

My AuraTransformation (see my post) last February (sorry to go on about this but it has been so key to my process) began this sheer momentum of crystallisation taking place in the body in such a way that  it has equipped me to merge the spirit, which I already had in spadefuls, with the flesh and not topple over…which, for me, is immense since it is all I could ever hope for, to stay alive. Its only as I experience this for the second year running that I get to grasp how this new momentum began with that milestone and turned the downward slide of my health on its head.

Honestly, the way I was before taking that step, I was doubting whether I would manage to keep things together for so very much longer because, once “old age” joined in the party, I feared I would just disintegrate in weakness, pain and more-and-more bizarre symptoms and that would be that. Now, I feel like I’m just at the beginning of enjoying this brand-new marriage of two aspects of myself that have always been on a somewhat tenuous footing with each other and which are now fully committed, together, to go the distance…as me. As I sit here writing this in the early morning…a little stiff from yesterday, yes, but nothing some of Doterra’s magical Deep Blue couldn’t make bearable and having jumped out of bed, to my yoga mat, as soon as the first light came around the shutters, I know I’ve had the breakthrough of my life this last year and, for me, this is enormous progress. 

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAYesterday, it seems, I went to meet The Quickening on its territory. Yes, I went to meet it on its terms as its first stirrings pulsed the very rhythm through the earth that gives the blossom its cue to open from the bud, the birds to sing louder, the green shoots to push through the earth, the bulb to explode with new life, the mating pairs to think ahead to nesting, the first butterflies to risk flight (I saw my first one last week, in my cherry tree), the clouds to give way to blue and the river to run with all-new vitality, casting sparkles into a clear sky…and I lay with it, taking it into me as the very life-force of planet earth that it is. It was tantamount to saying to it “yes, I plan to stay” and that is what it took to begin over again, on a brand-new footing; to make myself whole, drawing that part of me that I have made my everything (the spirit; thus it is puffed up like the biggest balloon from a lifetime of constant attention), deep into the infrastructure of the physical aspect of me, newly made all the stronger from the sheer will to be here and take part in life. Now, I can’t wait for those sunrise walks to begin and which, I suspect, are a matter of mere weeks away, just as soon as it gets a fraction warmer…so, in under a month, I would say. For a woman who could hardly get out of bed in the mornings for over 12 years, this quickening process in me is astonishing and life-affirming, like the rebirth enacted by Nature itself, time and time again.

Posted in Menu | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Well, Hallelujah!

You know how it is when a song gets kind-of ruined for you from being overplayed? It was a few years ago now, not long after Alexandra Burke repopularised the Leonard Cohen song Hallelujah, that it happened for me, with that song. My daughter, who was busy doing her singing exams and preparing for various school concerts and festivals, chose it as one of her pieces and it was all we ever seemed to hear, being sang at the top of her lungs all around the house day and night. Or on our so-called “peaceful” walks in the countryside. In fact anywhere and everywhere.  For months. Actually, it spilled out into years as she just seems to have to hear the opening bar and she’s off again, to this day. So for a long time, whenever it came on in my hearing, I would have to dash to switch it off. My husband would virtually run from the house shouting “Noooo” (in fact, we both would, in comic unison) and plunge his head into a bucket of water to block off his ears…OK I exaggerate but you get the idea. We’d had enough of it.

So you’ll have to forgive me if I never quite got around to really examining the words, apart from that ear-worm refrain; until yesterday, that is, when something made me curious (after, guess what, it came up in that way it does) when, for once, I didn’t reach for the volume button.

Only then could I perceive its absolute perfection as a “hymn” for our times (just make sure you read all the verses, not just the abridged version that is so often sung). I gather it was a deeply personal song that took several laborious years to write but isn’t that the real beauty; that what is most personal, heart-rendered and gritty is, generally, also most universal? Yet “Its a cold and its a broken halleluja” are not lyrics of despair, however Cohen intended them (art has this way of birthing through us, as its vehicle, only to become its own “person” with an agenda all its own too). Far from it…they help reunite us with ourselves.

fancycrave-307429-unsplashBecause we arn’t pristine and our spiritual aspect isn’t this polished-up, high-note thing kept for Sunday best (in fact I dislike that word “spiritual” for the way it seems to shut the door on so many people’s ears for sounding too much like something separate from this world when, really, it’s an intrinsic part of everything). Divinity is a perfectly imperfect thing that we get to wear every day and we should be getting it out of the closet and doing that right now; it’s what this up-gearing of eras is all about, so we can evolve our world into a whole other paradigm to what we’ve been through before.

When we regard our divine aspect as something pristine, we hold onto the belief system that says that we have to be perfect before we even allow ourselves to come close to it, to touch it with idle curiosity, to imagine ourselves to be associated with it, to try it on and, yes, to become it in the flesh…and so, most of the time, we simply don’t go there. It becomes like that “thing” you’re always going to do “one day” when the “time is just right” and all your “circumstances are just so”…and so, like the sunday best you never wear, it stays in the closet, never even looked at. What Cohen did to bring that idea crashing down into the harsh, messy reality of our world was imperfectly beautiful. No wonder (a certain unsung part of) so many people seemed to gather to his lyrics like moths to a flame; hungrily, though they hardly know why. From the recording studio to the school concert repertoire, it must be one of the most repeated songs of our era.

So my perfectly imperfect twist in the tale was that all that holding of those lyrics at-bay meant they were there for me, like an unopened gift left behind after the tree has gone, when I needed to most pay attention to them; perhaps to share these few words.

Akin to everyone else, I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and yet I know myself to be divine, which is the knowledge that has upgraded my experience of everything in this world, and then some, and I wish only for everyone else to know this about themselves, too….however “cold” and “broken” they may seem. We are all holy and realising this is what makes us whole again.

I’m certainly not some cookie-cutter parent who treats every utterance from a child’s mouth as manna from heaven and who gushes praise and encouragement at every turn. For the record, I’ve done plenty of that when its felt from the heart…but my well-rounded daughter declares she is oddly relieved that we’ve always been very “real” and a little bit “irreverent” as parents; it’s what makes us feel most solid and trustworthy to her, in every possible kind of circumstance. She’s got over the teasing about that song…and she still sings it anyway; I expect it will play at her wedding (possibly as part of the humourous speech given by her father; he’s been mentally planning it for years)! And I’m so very far from perfect in just so many other respects that I would be here all day listing them all if I tried but I’ve come to love them all as uniquely me, knowing them to be part of my divinity in human form…and that’s the point. In fact that’s the whole point, for every single one of us. Well, hallelujah.


This evening, my eye fell upon a very favourite piece of music on Spotify that I hadn’t played for a long time so I did. Its Jocelyn Pook’s “Desh” (Homeland), a score written for dancer Akram Khan. First track up (of course…though I had forgotten this), a very different “Hallelujah” but oh so beautiful (described by one critic, for The Times, as “so beautiful it could break your heart” ). The same goes for the rest of the score, which is exactly the kind of cross cultural musical experience I seem to be drawn to, liberally mixing sounds recorded in the streets of Bangladesh with lyrical chants and hymns, reminding the listener that it’s all the same stuff, really….all just expressions of our shared humanity. You can listen to it here if you’re curious. If you do find it, make sure to listen to Ave Maria off the same album, its one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard and never fails to send me off into rapture.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Health & wellbeing, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

The harmonic perspective

Last time I was on here, I was in a flow state writing that last post on frequencies and I can tell when I’ve hit a bullseye with the hypothesis when the universe gets into a sort of tennis match with me straight afterwards. After all that high frequency stuff, it will always remind me I also need more dark in the picture; because, really, life is no different to a painting. Not dark as in “bad”; there is no good or bad out there but just more balance….

So within hours, my theorising about bringing the higher frequency, all-inclusive Gamma waves into  the context of “real life” was tested out by the kind of news guaranteed to slip under any mother’s skin; being about a child (albeit an adult child) in health and work-related strife. I noticed, recently, how offspring-related issues are still my biggest tripwire; even though I’ve learned to put up with all sorts of pain and challenge for myself, gradually getting more adept at balancing it into a far bigger picture, where I get to see how all of it is running to some sort of higher orchestration (really). Yet, when it happens to them, its different somehow; partly because we parents tend to feel so responsible for their wellbeing, somehow, regardless of their age. I honestly think this is even more the case for parents of indigo children (as all kids of that late-teenage-to-early-twenties age group are) since they are full of energy and zest for life but can lack certain practical skills dealing with the pressure-driven ways of the “old” world set-up, which is not (yet…though they will change this) wired as they are. So, until they start to chrystalise…which they will when they’re ready…they can quickly burn out their physical bodies when they clash with those old structures that don’t fit how they operate. This can seem far worse to witness in them than at those times we have experienced it for ourselves (as I have), plus our own intense experience of this difficult territory only makes us all the more anxious for them as they head out into a world that is, to our own eyes, so backward in its ideals. So I knew, even as this was unfolding and I was noticing how bothered I was becoming, that this was a good road-test of what I was writing about last time.

I spoke then about how experiencing even brief glimpses of the Gamma frequencies helps to synchronise us to the frequency of higher harmonics, enabling us to bring those “down” into day-to-day experience to achieve a kind of transcendence from within the messy picture of circumstance.

Even as I was feeling rattled by these circumstances (the kind that would normally throw me off at a tangent…), I was noticing how, at their core, there remained a sturdy part fo me that was still…well…harmonious. I just didn’t feel dragged in like I would usually be and I had a pervading feeling of optimism inside of me that almost felt obscene given what was happening; the kind that used to be reliant on better news or more obvious solutions up ahead. Its like I remained pulled back a little, patiently waiting for some sort of new picture to unfold, knowing somehow that it would…today, tomorrow or whenever the particular poetry of this challenge/reset would reveal itself out of what seemed so indigestible today. Its was that all-pervading feeling of “all is well” that people talk about but which we rarely allows ourselves to experience.

I can only imagine how many people experiencing this across many different situations (one day, all situations) could help to defuse our world, remarkably quickly. I can perceive how, by no longer adding to the drama of emotion around this situation, I was playing a more powerful part in influencing its outcome now, at the quantum level, than I ever was when I added to its bonfire…and in ways that remained to be seen. And yes, as it played out, there was a remarkable turn-about of circumstance by morning, which developed further as the week went on, turning these stresses into a storm in a teacup and even a highlight from the way that so much was gleaned by my near-and-dearest, who did some impressive growing up when faced with these challenges (and without me joining her in her panics but supporting her from outside their intensity). Why wasn’t I surprised.

Maintaining this Gamma state (perhaps all the easier because I spent a day writing about it) enabled me to see a far wider perspective on this “bad” news I was receiving and to do what felt more powerful than trying to be proactive, second-hand which, actually, only contributes to feelings of despair and helplessness since we simply can’t live other people’s lives for them. We can’t automatic-pilot them into doing what we would do, we can’t see it like they really see it and we can’t expect them to follow our instructions to the letter. All we can do is do is our own inner work…I mean really do it…and wait, whilst holding that state of higher harmonics as us, embodied by us, feeding into any actions or advice we contribute, along with a state of no doubt (that thing I spoke about in the post of that name, recently).

Those higher harmonics include being able to perceive how even outcomes that are not what we think we are chosing right now might be for the (broadest interpretation of) best overall. And although I may have tried to get to the same place as this, many times before, by faking positivity, as in cheerfully telling others and myself “everything will work out” in the middle of crisis, as many of us (especially parents) are wont to do, it probably wouldn’t have stuck in the same way, thus its effect would have been far less swift. This has to be so much more than just doing lip-service to optimism or sharing out hopeful platitudes. You’ve got to gain experience of what harmonious feels like, seeking it out and being vigilant for it, to learn its ropes and believe in it…and I honestly think we are all being bathed in such opportunities at the present time, even though we hardly realise it (see my last post on the Schumann Resonance).

With perfect synchronicity, I just came across this quote from Lee Harris:

“There is a new world emerging alongside the dissonance so do not be seduced by fighting the dissonance in the world too much. It can be very debilitating if you only want to fight the old without creating the new – and more importantly, you start to mirror what the old is and become the old itself. ⁣

There are harmonic ways to bring about change and there are old and dissonant ways. And what you will find as you go through these coming years is that this high harmonic principal will apply to all of you whether it applies to your personal life, the work you are doing in the world or the mission that you have in the world. ⁣” – From Light Years (2019-2022): The Era of Higher Harmonics⁣

Another thing I noticed was the speed with which the crisis passed through my body, which is usually so eager to take the hit and suffer for it, even long after I have righted myself in my mind. The night this was all happening, rather than stress-dreams, I dreamt the expansive dreams of the cosmically extended mind, waking feeling altogether better and more inspired than normal, in line with that truly optimistic feeling I was spinning. And though I could feel my body had taken its usual hit by morning, waking in a lot of pain, I had the urge to go and stand barefoot in the cold garden to ground myself  in the middle of jotting down these words. Once back indoors, a raging heat passed through me…quite incredible in its force yet so swift, flushing through me so intensely and then gone again. Right afterwards, my body felt wonderful, all the pain of earlier gone, and right back to where I was before any of this happened. This was the most noteworthy thing of all since I am so used to how long this kind of stress-related pain usually takes to process through me as physical collateral.  All that human tension washed away or emptied out of me, like opening the bottom of a vacuum cleaner to tip it all into the bin, and was gone in a moment (if only we could all learn to dispose of our tensions so quickly).

I don’t want to go much further into this topic given its only meant as a brief add-on to my previous post. Really, what I wanted to get across is the difference I sense between before and after “realising” the harmonious effect of the higher frequencies that are coming into our experience (more all the time), so that we get to learn these ropes within life, without having to go even nearly so far as a near death experience in order to “see the light”. Also, to comment on the way this feels profoundly equated to the crystal frequencies not only coming in but being, feasibly, embodied….which is the great conundrum of our time. Its one thing to have high frequencies made more available than ever, plus the intention to embody them as humans, but quite another to achieve this in practicality, as I talked about in my recent post on AuraTransformation (the process I am using to support myself through the embodiment process).

For a long time, I have been bringing in the crystal frequencies, as have many people, and yet they are notoriously hard to embody or, if we do, to hold onto. They can also be extremely harsh upon the physical body and leave us depleted, extremely unwell or worse…this is, after all, spiritual light we are playing with, something which burns through matter in order to get back to the very essence…yet we are endeavouring to invite it into our every cell and tissue, which is not an easy mix (like oil and water). Anni Sennov, creator of AuraTransformation, who experienced a similar health crisis to mine, in the early days of embodying the higher frequencies, talks at length about the respect we need to have for pure spirit energy in her books:

“…if Spirit in its purest form were suddenly to occupy the Earth, as is the true wish of many spiritual people, the physical structure of the planet would simply collapse. All human development as well as the development of all kinds of physical intelligence, knowledge and insight would therefore be completely wasted; when the Spirit burns through everything, only the essence of everything remains, which corresponds to a pure state of being, but with no physical memory on which to build human development. If this were to happen, Earth would have to start all over by developing human consciousness from scratch”. (The Crystal Human and the Crystallisation Process Part 1.)

This is why balance is just so essential, the most important thing; as a structure in which to house this high-frequency energy; however, that’s not all that is needed. Not only does the process rely on balance to serve as the framework within which these higher frequencies become the substance. It also, crucially, relies on us realising that harmonious state…as us. We have to get beyond thinking of this as something “arriving” as though coming from ouside and get to the point where we know its us. Its, really, all us, with all of our messy stuff, all of the time, with no seperation; there is no “other” person, entity or state coming in to sweep us off our feet.

There’s also some confusion because people tend to mix up “balance” and “harmony”, or use them interchangeably, like they are the same thing but they’re not. Balance takes “just” the rebalancing of two parts of ourselves; the dichotomy that lies at the very core of our humaness. Harmony is like a vast choir plus orchestra made up of all things, producing such beautiful music, for all it contains huge diversity; bass tones and sopranos, harps, kettledrums and everything in between. Harmony is the “spin” on life we get to experience when we sample the Gamma frequencies (these new spikes we are experiencing in the Schumann Resonance will help) and, when we bring that down into the hotchpotch of real life, its like that orchestra’s conductor shows up on our own humble doorstep and turns a rabble into the harmonious sound we heard “up there”…yet, it turns out, we are that conductor. No matter how out-of tune or offensive a “sound” something may have been to us before, we can kind-of perceive the beauty and the requirement for it now…or at least we get a lot closer. So we start to perceive, and work with, life quite differently, always keeping an ear out for the harmonious music; which is not unlike (or unrelated to) what I shared in my post about the frequency of birds. We find we now have a lot more patience…to remain open long enough to see how something turns out, like waiting to see what a new cutting-edge composer had in mind, without prejudging their peculiar composition, for all they are using dustbin lids and other bizarre things to make a “sound”. Life is just like that; improvisation to the end.

Of course, this is old and obvious stuff; the stuff of ancient wisdom and of rote repeats in spiritual circles but to experience it is something else, especially in the context of your own-personal trigger situation; as happened to me. If I can make  “harmonious music” of even that, even for a moment, then I’m truly getting somewhere. Thing’s aren’t “the same as they have always been” (we have to unlearn that old belief system because its one of our biggest downfalls to hold on to it as we do); there are new outcomes waiting for us around every corner. So I encourage you to start to looking out for opportunities to road test the higher-harmonic approach…and the more challenging it is, the more you get to try it out; which turns the whole of life into a gift-bag of opportunities. For the record, I’ve had some even more juicy opportunities this week than the example given (which was chosen for its relatablity), turning it into a ceaseless game of creating new outcomes…yet, I can honestly say, I’ve seen some massive shifts in some potent areas of my life, working with this.

Right at the end of this writing process, “chance” threw up a favourite piece of music (so familiar, over many years, that it feels like part of me), yet given such wonderful new treatment by Christina Pluhar that it I was really moved by the upgrade, its classic formality stirred up into a loose Latin rhythm (as we are all getting to do with the familiar experiences of our lives). Its so-apt title for these times is “Welcome to All the Pleasures” and those familiar words, written almost 350 years, are as follows:

Welcome to all the pleasures that delight
Of ev’ry sense the grateful appetite.
Hail, great assembly of Apollo’s race.
Hail to this happy place, this musical assembly
That seems to be the arc of universal harmony.

(Purcell: written in honour of Saint Cecilia, patroness of musicians)

Need I say more? I’ll let the musicians have the final word.

Posted in Menu | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“Brain” waves and consciousness: the evolutionary imperative my family, when we were kids, it was a running joke to announce “oh, watch out, she’s having a brain wave…” if one of us paused as though receiving a new idea or very suddenly changed what we were doing. Alterations in brain wave can be a bit like this – we stop in our tracks, we recalibrate our behaviour – and yet, in adulthood, most people don’t give their brain waves a second thought.

There are five brain waves associated with the human being, as shown above, and we have a mixture of them, though we spend most of our time in a dominant state, which will also depend a great deal on the time of day. Delta is associated with deep dreamless sleep, Theta with the dream-state, Alpha with lucid, creative thoughts that intermingle with more action-associated preoccupations (often experienced when we are just waking-up but actively encouraged by using meditation practices), Beta with the busy, active behaviours of our working day and Gamma…well, Gamma is something else (as I will get onto).

What follows is my best attempt at a description of how I consider these frequencies affect human experience in ways that are, perhaps, subtly altering and which relate to our evolution. I’m not trying to be desperately “scientific” here, you understand, since my topic, as ever, is human consciousness yet the abstraction I want to share feels like it has some value as a visualisation of where we are…perhaps where we are headed.

This range of human brain frequencies (though I’m really talking about something much broader than “brain”…) suggests to me, in my mind’s eye, as I will draw for you below, a journey into manifest creation and out the other side. I see a feminine frequency (Theta) and masculine frequency (Beta) joined by an interlinking bridge (Alpha) in the middle range, straddled by two quite distinct “neutral” states (Delta and Gamma) on either side of that necessarily dualistic experience. Most discussions of what these frequencies “are” succeed only in making them into something academic and hard to grasp as a human being (even though we are all subject to them) whereas what I am striving to do, here, is convey how they feel and play out as actual human experience; so that we can then consider how they are the very impulse of evolution at work, through us, and how we get to work with them.

So, let’s get down to talking about the human experience of life via these frequencies.

Whilst Delta feels to me like the primordial soup or “nothingness”, Theta feels like the feminine impulse rising up from that state to form pictures, ideas, flow-thoughts, nice ideas that mingle or separate at will, abstraction, playfulness, possibility…the seed starting to sprout…the very beginnings of the human “manifest” state, just as the feminine aspect signifies “birth”.

Alpha feels like a bridge between the feminine and the masculine; so, it’s where ideas start to take shape in a relaxed creative “environment” where all sides can be explored without anyone falling out over the small-print. Thus a tacit agreement is formed between masculine and feminine aspects –  “lets work together” – and the seed spouts (exactly like when a baby is conceived).

The masculine domain of Beta is where those shapes become our world; things happen, objects get made, we build, we collaborate, we direct with our will and our world rises up around us instead of being an experience inside of our consciousness; so the giant bean stalk begins to grow up up up. Actions have consequences there (how, and with what, do we feed our bean stalk; how far do we venture from nature because size and speed is all that matters to us now, having shrugged off the feminine perspective…) and so the bean stalk may no longer resemble a bean stalk, having been turned into a concrete duplex or whatever else we set our minds to.

Difficulties arise at the high-end of the Beta range (a loooong way from the feminine influence of Theta); so we get defensive of what we have “made”, jumpy or even paranoid. There, trigger-happy and knee-jerk are familiar ways of behaving since there is “no time” to ask questions, time now being a scarce commodity that is bought and sold. Tempers and fortunes frequently “get lost” and power games ensue. People feel as though they are teetering on the brink of ruin, their health becomes frayed, they wonder “what’s the point” or they hurl themselves off the very top of everything they have spent their whole lives creating, back to…what…all that nothingness they miss so desperately at the bottom. In other words, they long to cease to exist; or for the womb; for feminine nurturance and all the love they have been denying themselves (which they have alienated themselves from, having ventured so far from the Alpha bridge or, possibly, burnt it altogether).

Or, those in the enlightenment movement have worked towards a middle way; a way that makes Alpha our home since these “wakeful relaxation” waves, which are so great for achieving clarity and making prime decisions, are abundant during the meditative state…which is good, in fact its great. Meditation has become a real “thing” out there in the world of business and other “doing” people and this marks real progress being made, in consciousness terms. Frequenting this state, for whatever reason, is so helpful since it enables active and engaged people to pull back to where they still retain some perspective and balance so it has to be a positive that this is catching on.

Then there’s another movement where people actually long to make Theta their home somehow (and it’s not the most feasible idea since where there is no action or “masculine impulse” there is no innovation or progress…we all need to draw water, find food, put a roof over our heads, make things…). But its a nice idea and its idolised by a lot of people who are on the top end of the Beta range; living in high-stress, longing to get out of the rat-race, to go off-grid, back-into-nature, into some sort of permanent meditation-within-life state, or that’s how they see it. Whenever this gets proposed to me, I know I would get very bored…and that “life” would still follow me there anyway, since there is no escape from the compulsion of all things to live in a balanced state of both masculine and feminine aspects..

This is all getting very cerebral, trying to work out how to get into the right frequency to experience a better life; but what happens when the Universe takes over this evolutionary conundrum? That’s what the Schumann Resonance feels like to me. At times when it “spikes”, and that seems to be have been happening such a lot lately (though it’s a relatively new phenomenon), the SR’s frequency (also known as the “heartbeat of the planet” to which we all biologically entrain) has been shooting up from its typical 7.82 Hz into the high Betas and even into the Gamma frequencies. Last sunday (17th Feb, 2019) was a prime example; for about 12 hours, it reached very high levels, some say almost 70Hz (and if that sounds impressive, on one occasion last year it reached 90Hz). If you want some more on this phenomenon from an actual scientist, try Dr Joe Dispenza’s very-handy article on the topic here.

RainbowSo what is Gamma (in the “consciousness” sense that I am talking about here)? Essentially unknown until we had EEG recorders to measure them with, they are associated with the “heightened experiences” reported by the most experienced meditators, with peak concentration and extremely high levels of cognitive functioning, self-control, compassion and bliss. Studies also suggest that gamma waves influence every single part of the brain at once. Yet there is something bizarrely similar about this state to being in the Delta zone. A clue lies in how it Gamma is revered by meditators; referred to as “being in the zone”, just as Delta is also revered, equated with the very deepest of deep states of “no-thought”; the dreamless sleep. To me, being similar but not the same as Delta, Gamma is a sort of neutral-zone. Only, this time, not neutral because it is “nothingness” but because it is “everything”. In my mind’s eye, if Delta is a sort of primordial sludge from which nothing has yet arisen, Gamma is a rainbow technicolor pool of iridescence in which “all things” have returned and reconciled; so, at a whole other end of the experience to where we began.

In a sense, this frequency-raising process (which we humans, being receptive of at the level of brian frequency, act upon all the days of our lives…) serves to move the invisibility of “nothingness” (a void space) into the full visibility of “everything” (an all-inclusive space), with us acting as its instruments.

For me, this brief description encapsulates why Source conducted the very experiment that Creation is and put us “out here” to play with it all. In other words, it was done so Source (being “everything”) could run itself through an experience filter “creation” (where duality is a crucial design feature, in order to provide contrasts in order for individuality to become manifest) and thus get to know itself better at the end of the process. Simply put, its like Source having shone a mega-torch upon itself in order to perceive all the different “colours” it is made up of which, otherwise, remained unknown to it, like all the stirred-together colours in a paint palette might resemble the colour of mud. Now, having been separated and then brought back together again (a process instigated by the transcendent Gamma range of frequencies), those “colours” can be perceived both for their individuality and their oneness, all at the same time, much like a prism reveals the colours of which white light is made up whilst also being able to see how it is white light; only this is on a much vaster scale since everything in creation is being run through that prism. What’s the point of all this, you might ask? Well, you’d better ask Source (God, if you prefer) though, without having the appropriate words to offer, I really feel like I get the point these days.

And that fundamental dichotomy, the very generator of our world of all-pervasive duality is, of course, the “split” between feminine and masculine…although, really, there is no split since they are both working together towards this universal objective.

WavesSo, when I imagine these frequencies rising up from the core of our planet and taking shape as us (the Schumann Resonance), it looks a bit like this (left). Those first impulses  of the Delta frequency in the earth feel like no more than a gentle thud thud of a very deep drum beat…the heartbeat of Gaia. From this primordial sludge, the feminine impulses of Theta arise softly, having no more substance than a mist rising from a meadow in the first light of dawn. This is the dreaming state; that brief moment of awareness, poised just before the creative act has made its very first mark. It’s somewhere we all long to re-experience for its simplicity combined with a wild, unreined quality that we equate with ultimate freedom yet we still go there when we sleep and can visit more often when we start to meditate as a daily practice, which can begin the process of recalibration at times when we most need it.

As these Theta waves start to collaborate with the structure-giving qualities… ideas, knowledge (stored data), innovation, ambition…of the masculine impulse that comes to meet them half-way in the Alpha frequencies, they take on more shape and start to get creative; not unlike the way a bean stalk takes heart to climb even higher with the help of a garden support. Pause for a moment and visualise those optimistic shoots of the Alpha in my drawing as a kind of organic bridge or a sacred marriage; a balancing place that enables us to take part in our own evolution…this is how it was “designed” to be.

However, once into the Beta range, that growth impulse starts to look more and more solid and masculine through and through…I imagine, like “towering skyscrapers” of human creation; held together by all the push and thrust of wanting more, a desire to conquer and possess, to be “better” than the next person, to “be right”, to assert individuality, ownership and sway (which everyone now wants their portion of and will guard to the death) and to be all-round king of the castle…etc. No wonder we start to feel vertiginous by the time we are living life at the top of that great big stress-pile!

Yet, just the other side of high Beta lies the Gamma range of frequencies. The first time you encounter these with enough oomph to really notice them, it can make you feel so dizzy, spacy, panicky, like you have lost that precious thing you grip onto called “control” and a little bit like you’re not only going to fall but that you’re being pushed from your perch (though, really, you’re being invited to fly). It can lead to crisis…in health, in resolve, in the very desire for your own corporate life…and suddenly you are changing things very fast because you feel you have to. This process is what I call “the shove” and it’s what happened to me, 13 years ago (whilst busy doing my corporate job) and I suddenly had no choice but to change my life overnight…I could bearly keep myself upright anymore!

This is continuing to happen to a lot of people, in a huge tidal wave, as I am hearing anecdotes about it all the time. However, once we start to experience Gamma on a semi-regular basis, in short sharp bursts, these evolutions become more…I won’t say comfortable but…organic seeming.

Just like the ninth wave impulse (which cycles in 36 day undulations, up and down, very rapidly compared to the previous wave which took two years) this rapid up-and-down quality of the SR, during these spikes I am referring to, is hastening our evolution (and for more on the “ninth wave”, look for that tag across all of my posts). For clarity’s sake, I feel I should add that the nine waves of creation (as identified by Dr Carl John Calleman) relate to a completely different part of the electromagnetic spectrum to that which is measurable by instruments used to detect brain waves or by the basic five sense. He suggests they are part of a morphogenetic (biological) as well as a mental range and they seem to have effected leaps in human “eras” similar to how brain waves effect leaps in human activity; yet the ninth wave somehow reminds me of the effect Gamma waves have on everything that has gone before, amalgamating and reconciling it all. I also suspect our reaction to, or partnership with, frequencies such as the SR has altered in line with the arrival of this latest creation wave (since 2011); perhaps even altering behaviour of the SR itself. And like the rapid undulations of the ninth wave, these sudden spikes in the SR also take us on a brain-wave journey across the whole range of accessible frequencies, so quickly, up down, up and down, revisiting them all over and over again in quick succession, that we have only one choice left…really….

…And that is to find our own personal match of frequency, picked out from the amalgamation of everything we have experienced before. We find our resonance with a certain “spot” and we identify this as our particular “happy place”. It might even be that the Gamma frequency is that “place” and yet we know we can access this, having identified it, in the very midst of an active life and don’t have to spend all our life in some-sort of constant transcendence state, like a super-experienced Budhist monk meditating day after day. It might be that we prefer the feeling of the Alpha bridge; or we might mix up aspects of different frequencies together into a busy and varied life. That “place” we identify as ours is the one we get to know on all the ups and downs, as we pass through it all so often now (like we are trapped on a manic elevator). Its the one that feels like where we most want to “get off” the ride, from within physical life (not escaping from it into some-sort of neutral zone), because the desire to still take part in life, not run and hide from it, is crucial for our evolutionary trajectory. It’s the level of the “skyscraper of human creation” that affords us the best view, the least aggravating neighbours, the best opportunities for how we really want to spending our days, easy access to just the right resources to support our chosen way of life plus an exploration of our gifts, and so on. I describe it like it’s a place but, primarily, its a state (though it will start to manifest as our outside reality when we continue to visualise it consistently enough)…and it’s an inside job.

Let’s pause to appreciate our chaotic world for a moment here…we didn’t used to get this much overview in our lives, before the world speeded up to such a breakneck speed and our accessible frequencies began to flip up and down on the chart. Imagine, just eighty or a hundred years ago, a man in the city, working all hours, feeling so stressed and out-of-sync with his life, everything he thinks he is “about” on the verge of crashing to the ground, would have had next to no facility to experience any different in his lifetime and would have just kept going until he dropped, never evolving his consciousness because to do so would have rocked his status quo too severely. What we get taken though now, on this out-of-control fairground ride of experience, is very much like the labyrinths that were played with so intensively by those learned in the esoteric traditions of old. The route to the top of Glastonbury Tor itself was designed to be a labyrinth; a wiggling route spinning round and around the hill. This route walked pilgrims, very rapidly and in such bewildering, dizzying fashion, crossing both the masculine and feminine telluric energy lines that are located there many times, thus baffling and muddling them up, breaking down all resistance to them, melding them as one, so that they could  have a heightened experience at the top…probably not unlike experiencing the Gamma frequency. How those individuals fared when they came back down the hill and went back to “real life” nobody knows but their world was very different to ours. These days, the very act of being alive will do that labyrinthine thing to you…in spadefulls!

Now, as happened this weekend, we can get to experience heightened experiences over the course of a “normal” sunday afternoon and hardly even register it (though I have really noticed its effects in people around me each time a spike has occured. I’ve observed feelings of sheer can’t-go-on exhaustion, of unexplained fear, of having to question everything, of needing to urgently re-examine life choices and many other existential panic feelings coming up in people, from nowhere, during these spikes; a classic sign that the top of end of the Beta range, with its burning tower-blocks, is being breached and yet, just the other side, moments of such transcendence.

Over the weekend, I noticed the high-frequency-ride myself and yet, for me this time, that first upward thrust of the SR on Friday had me on the crest of the wave, when I had the most extraordinarily uplifted day and felt quite unusually amazing, both physically and emotionally, lasting all weekend. I was still aware of a certain jitteriness towards bedtime each night, for no apparent reason other than the waxing super moon, yet I was able to stay really calm and centred, just observing it and remaining curious. In fact, it was this unexplained excitability in me, plus observations of other people, which led me to check the SR levels on Sunday, which was the first time I realised the huge spike we were in; though I wasn’t really surprised based on what I had been noticing. I was really in quite a profoundly energised and newly motivated love-of-everything state all weekend and just couldn’t get enough of being outside.  These variables are how the SR comes up in different people and there is no right or wrong. Some feel exhilarated, some feel floored or start to feel like they are having an existential crisis. If you let them, these diverse states also pass through with remarkable speed, especially if you pluck out from them what feels best.  It’s all good, it’s all what we each need to happen most. The more balanced we are, the easier it gets and I notice a profound difference in how I am handling it, now, compared to early last year.

Because what the Gamma state affords is an overview; and a tremendous one at that. In Gamma, we may be shocked to learn that we find ultimate peace, not because everything we disliked is suddenly gone away but because everything is all there, all at once…and yet there is no conflict, no disharmony, no rub. Its like popping your head through the clouds of the hyper-stressful, shadowy experience you were having a moment ago and seeing the other side of it, where the sun is always out and everything visible at once, even what we didn’t like; though seen in a new light. We remember what harmony feels like or, perhaps, experience it for the first conscious time.

What we learn, from that overview, is not that we “must do this” or “that thing” to get out of whatever feelings arise when we are back into the more active frequencies of Beta and Alpha. Rather, we learn to accept whatever is…which we can now do since we are operating from an inner state of harmony. The holding of the personal “happy place”, wherever we have pitched it, having come to recognise it on the way up or down of all these frequencies, becomes the place of harmony and we learn to reside there “within” our human lives. And once we do that, everything else starts to resolve, including that we will naturally make changes to our external circumstances to accommodate the harmonious state we now envision as our home. Even if we don’t seemingly change very much on the outside, at least not overnight, it’s not that we are avoiding “doing anything” but, rather, the holding of the state of harmony is the only “doing” that is necessary. To reiterate this important point, any panicky feeling that you “need” to run around making drastic changes or to tear-up your old life “immediately” because you realise it no longer suits you, as often follows a visit to Gamma land, is just part of the knee-jerk, trigger-happy response of the Beta frequency as you come back down the frequencies again; thus, is best over-ridden until you regain a clearer view. You would probably do better to focus on achieving inner harmony “with what is” than doing anything too radical, which only adds to the terrible feelings of panic, dissolution and stress that you are probably already experiencing at the top of the Beta range (where almost everyone seems to hang-out these days, especially in the work-place). Do that inner harmonising work first and the rest will usually follow.

People who achieve this state of presence, even as the frequency levels shoot up and down and the world feels ever-more chaotic, are doing major quantum work to evolve this planet, as I touched upon in my post last week. Because we all impact the field and the field’s harmonious state only becomes stronger and more resilient as more and more of the collective join in this state, regardless of what is happening “on the outside”. This is everything we hoped for and more since we are reaching a tipping point of individuals doing this very thing. When that happens, change will come because the manifest world always follows the idea of what we really want; just as the masculine impulse always follows the lead of the feminine’s first creative urge…from seed to breakthrough to shoot pushing through the soil. Remember, (re)birth is the feminine domain so, once we reclaim harmonious daydreams of the future for the feminine aspect to play with, the masculine aspect will start to do its bidding, creating the appropriate support structures for these to grow upon. Remember also, this has nothing whatsoever to do with gender and is as much of an inside job “per person” as it is a collective project for the whole world to become engaged in; so we can all start to do this work as we reharmonise our own lives. These frequencies that I have been talking about remind us that balance is the structure upon which harmony can be made manifest in our physical reality.

Mastering the harmonious state, whatever else is going on, means that (soon enough) all you have to do is pause long enough to notice your breath, to blink your eyes closed for a split moment and go to that inner state of harmony in your consciousness for just that fraction of a second and you are back there enough to feel something different, less convoluted, possibly even transcendent. This regular practice truly integrates the harmonious effect of Gamma’s transcendent state into our “real” human lives and is, therefore, so much more practical than several hours a day sat meditating or disappearing on long retreats, only to struggle more when the time comes to return to your life. In fact, I suspect, running away from your manic life for temporary time-frames will only tend to make things harder, going forwards, unless you have achievable projects lined-up to make your life more “like that” all of the time…with the cursory proviso to be careful what you wish for. A life of full-time meditation or quietly staring at an unpeopled view could be far less thrilling than you imagine; we are into a collective phase of “enlightened action” now and it is tugging at all our sleeves. Rather achieving these sound bites of harmony allows us to be fully present with people we are dealing with every day, and with their words when they are talking to us, to notice what is happening at the subtler levels of every interaction and to stay present with our own heart as we make decisions that impact countless others. These split-second moments, adding up, impact our world hugely, like individual snowflakes go to make up a giant snowball rolling down a hill…a ball that cannot be stopped and which is bringing such changes with it as it grows subtly yet in plain view.

I suspect that, at the deepest psychological level, as the SR continues to achieve these spikes and as we can’t help but to entrain to them, we will steadily come to equate “acceptance of all” as a flavour of the harmonious Gamma state we have now had experience of, albeit in brief flashes (growing stronger) and, so, acceptance of “others”, of diversity and of other’s points of view, including deeper awareness of how our actions have repercussions for those other people who, at the broadest level, are not so very dissimilar to us, will only increase where separation-mentality used to rule the roost. The interconnectedness of all things will become more apparent and this will become the basis of the state of oneness which underlies the still-so-important individuality of each person; only, now, we will have achieved awareness of it (as, before, only Source could).

And if what I share here seems like an audacious assumption, followed by a grossly simplified summary, of “what the Schumann Resonance does”,  then I would say there is nothing gross about helping the human mind to comprehend levels of heightened experience that it is only just starting to get to grips with. The visual that came to me so clearly, as scribbled down above, when I tried to help someone else navigate this territory (and which has helped me enormously as I have played with it),  felt well-worth sharing for that very reason.


Posted in Menu | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The frequency of birds

It seems to me that some people are particularly tuned into birdsong and to others, it seems, the behaviour of birds is quite irrelevant…unnoticed, like its not even there. As one of those who pays close attention, I’ve come to know birdsong as a seventh dimensional “thing” (more on why later), this frequency which birds seem to translate and give voice to, bringing it into three-dimensional space where those who are wired to tune in to it do so and to the rest it is, I suppose, just white noise. Or, sometimes, people who used to be oblivious suddenly start to pay attention; perhaps after they stop having to be so consumed with the material reality that used to keep their senses fully occupied;  and here they are, now, saying “did you just hear that bird?”  with wonderment in their voice, like its the first time they ever noticed. It makes me smile when this happens; like the particular frequency of birdsong penetrates their awareness…and their process of awakening suddenly takes off; being just the beginning of noticing many things that have always been there, in plain view.

Its not that anyone lacks the ability to notice all this birdsong going on but, in some cases, it simply doesn’t garner their attention at all or (I know of such a case) they simply find it annoying. Whereas, for some of us, birds and their antics are some of the most meaningfully high-vibe things going on around us, lifting our mood; which is also why our own vibe can fluctuate according to the rhythms of bird behaviour. Over the course of the last decade, I came to notice how the seasonal disorder I used to suffer from so badly in the darkness of winter was, really, as much to do with the availability (or lack thereof) of birdsong as of natural daylight. My heart still gets gloomy in the winter when its all but absent; and its like I’m born again when the dawn chorus starts to swell and the evening rooftop chorus resumes at the beginning of springtime. Yet I have also noticed how there seems to be more birdsong all year around now; or, I suspect, I am tuning to it more and not requiring such a chorus of it to gain the full benefit.

Sometimes when I realise I don’t like a particular place, almost like my hair stands on end, part of it is the absence of birdsong; something which seems to pre-warn me that I’m out of resonance with this place and don’t want to hang around there (particularly if its on a summer’s day). And it interests me the way that they go quiet before the breaking of a storm (or an earthquake); during that same electrically charged phase when my own sensory cues are telling me something is about to happen, often long before anyone else seems to notice. I suspect this is to to with those same ultraound frequencies I wrote about just recently, which the planet omits under certain electromagnetically charged circumstances and which have been demonstrated to generate feelings plus certain physical symptoms of forboding in animals and people. How eerie is the sound of a sky without any sign of birds; and if that were to ever happen, I suspect all of us would somehow sense we were doomed. Also, why is it that, with ever increasing accuracy over the last decade, I wake just before the dawn chorus, with enough time to rub my eyes and sit up a little in bed (also, my most creative time); am I somehow anticipating it like our bodies remember the time of our alarm clock, even at the weekends, or do I respond to the same frequency that gets the birds up and singing?

As per my recent post about last week’s trip to Glastonbury, a bird’s song can work with me like an affirmative of what I’m experiencing when I’m having an other-dimensional experience, which happened to me, again, just yesterday as I was doing some work to clear a place with an incredibly heavy energy, a Roman amphitheatre where so many horses bones have been unearthed (and yes, its always oddly devoid of bird life). Since becoming more sensitive over the last five years or so, I have tended to avoid this place, though its part of one of the circuits I regularly walk, because it drops my vibe or makes my skin prickle…but, on an impulse, I decided to go in there to do some healing work on that vibe yesterday and a robin flew in and sang to me, just as the energy of the whole space felt more lifted and balanced at the very end. In many ways, it felt like a joint effort!

What’s with all this dimensional stuff, why do I have to make this about anything but the three dimensional experience of birds, you might ask?

Because there is something otherworldly about the frequency of birdsong  and I feel like I’ve known that all of my life. They lift me up…not just to my highest 3D potential but far beyond that to somewhere outside all the convolution of the five-sensory world. An understanding of this has been there for me since the very earliest days of my life, for which I have my father to thank. Being a man of few words (unless he caught onto the tail feather of one of his enthusiasms), we would often sit side-by-side in the garden, even on a winter’s day (me just wanting to spend time with him any way I could) and we would close our eyes and just listen to the birdsong for what felt like hours; so that the song of those childhood birds, including the odd clicks and swoops of starlings, which we seldom get where I now live, are some of my very favourite things to this day. It helped me through some enormously difficult times to have this friendly soundtrack to my life “playing” in the background during my school years. The ethereal song of blackbirds on the rooftops in summer, particularly, transports me to another place.


Soundwave of blackbird song used throughout the album artwork of Kate Bush’s “Aerial”.

In fact, a few years ago, I had the impulse to create a playlist of over an hour’s worth of blackbird song and listening to this helped to tune up my vibration at times when I was really struggling with the darker days, the pain I was in and my lack of energy or enthusiasm for life. I also love to find others who are musically or artistically inclined and who are on this same wavelength with me. Music artists that incorporate bird song in their tracks have been amongst my favourites all my life. My very favourite recording artist since I was eight years old, Kate Bush, created a double album Aerial whose second part is infused with bird song and it is, to this day, one of the most uplifting and heart-resonant pieces of music I ever listen to, stirring me so deeply that I can put it on over and over again, trusting it to transport me when I most need it to.

Oh the dawn has come

And the song must be sung

And the flowers are melting

What kind of language is this?

All the birds are laughing

Come on lets join in

(Aerial, Kate Bush)

The Aerial album was released in the autumn of  2005, the very time when my health was utterly collapsing around me in the most frightening way and it kept me holding on to some semblance of optimism over what felt like a very challenging winter during which my morale was at an all-time low. Its back on my favourite play-list right now and I can’t seem to get enough of it, especially the live interpretation of it on Bush’s album Before the Dawn, which is a goosebump inducing performance and I only wish I could have been there for that rare concert (which I tried, with so many other people, to get tickets for). The title of that 22-day concert in 2014, a milestone event given how rare it is for the famously introverted Bush to perform live (it had been over 30 years) is so apt when on the subject of birds…and, like any bird that is economical in its song or who gives the sense of choosing its moment, everyone paid such attention to the fact she was coming out to do this performance at this particular time. Why, as ever, do I get the feeling Bush is on the same wavelength as I am, heralding something optimistic coming in, dark though it still seems.

Because, have you ever heard a robin sing his heart out at midnight to the light of a super full moon? I have and it was the most beautiful thing. Or any bird that sings when it’s still pitch dark; one of the most exquisite and optimistic experiences of all; the perfect foil to that “darkest before the dawn” feeling (why do I always get the impression that birds are here expressly to see us through this era in our evolution, like guides along the path). When that happens, you just know somehow that it was a “change in the air” (not the quality of the light) that got him out of bed. I’ve noticed for such a long time how those high-frequency “events” that I have become so sensitive to, which space weather often mirrors as geomagnetic events played out in our atmosphere, create a hullabaloo in bird-land. They sing more, they eat more, they congregate more, including many different species passing through, at different times of today, like an impromptu celebration of the unseen coming in. After all, this celebration is something they practice, day after day after day, heralding the sun before it has delivered its first light…

“Something is coming, something is coming, the light is coming, a new start is coming!” Perhaps, by giving voice to what they know most humans remain unaware of at the conscious level, they amplify this, to make it audible to the base senses most rely on and, at least, give them a better feeling about life, if not the overwhelming sense of optimism I seem to be party to. They certainly hold a high frequency for the planet; whether noticed or not, and I am convinced this is important work to do, as it is for all of us that attune to any of the higher dimensions and then bring those frequencies through,  by whatever means we have (our special gift) to help make them more available to other people. Those of us who choose to give these high frequencies voice through art and song are doing work that is as crucial as any other, more physically active or provocative, tasks in the world and the birds remind me to pay homage to my own innate traits (and drop all the endless comparisons with other people). We each work to our own particular skillset, just as a bird is extremely good at being…guess what…a bird (which, by now, I hope you agree, is no small or insignificant task).

Its nothing new that birds are geomagnetically sensitive, using this to navigate, but the sheer depth of their awareness is hardly understood at all; and I can relate to that, being so bafflingly GM sensitive myself that I struggle to explain it to myself, let alone any one else. So I could even say that I’ve turned to birds for a better understanding of myself across all these years of most-bizarre health symptoms; and they help me feel more at peace with awarenesses I have that might otherwise seem uncomfortably out of the ordinary.

So it’s really helped me to consider that the same super-sensitivity to frequencies that can, often, be so uncomfortable in my body, links me to the same higher-frequencies that generate beautiful bird song. If I could have some of what they have, please, instead of the pain, perhaps I too could create something really beautiful (which, as an artist, has been a prime motivator for as long as I can remember; you could say, my dharma). I know that if I could just trust to, and celebrate, the higher frequencies I receive and weather the 3D ups and downs of the rest of life’s experiences, like a bird does, I would do much better…so what else can they teach me? I’m still taking their cue and its an ongoing task; entitling me to spend even more time in my happy place, surrounded by birds. I won’t be the first spiritually focused person to do so… say that Saint Francis (one of my favourites, as saints go) “preached to the birds”; I would say, more likely, he listed to them, given he spent such valuable time with them, even when he could have been out amongst the throng doing more worldly deeds. He clearly placed great value on time spent with other creatures, for all he was a man on a mission.

The same goes for me; I never feel that time spent with the birds is wasted or decadent in any way. On the contrary, it has taught me so much. These last years, during which I have spent most of my time alone, have never felt lonely in the company of birds; however others may raise a cynical eyebrow, as though I am losing my marbles. In fact, finding others who feel likewise has helped to put me in touch with my 7D frequency tribe…

So lets get onto that seventh dimensional thing I mentioned above. According to Barbara Hand Clow, in one of my favourite books, The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions:

“The seventh dimension is a realm of cosmic sound which generates the 6d geometric forms by vibrational resonance….In the Milky Way comic sound travels within the great 7D photon belts that structure the galaxy itself. Within the photon bands “thought waves of light”  step down in octaves into lower frequency 7D sound waves…Since sound waves are lower frequency than light waves, these sing the Divine Mind”. (Barabara Hand Clow – The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions)

She goes on to talk about how these sound waves generate parallel possibilities or “synchronicities” in 3D. I could write a whole book on how many synchronistic experiences I have had relating to birds (again, see this week’s post on my visit to the Glastonbury’s chalice well for one such). These occurrences don’t feel like mere coincidence of a “nice finishing touch” to a subjective experiences I am having so much as a nod from a higher dimension that I am on the right track!

Thus, as ever, paying attention to…or tuning into…bird life does not feel, in any way, like a lonely person’s hobby or a sign that I have too little to occupy myself but, rather, that I am tuning into a higher frequency that is on course to transform my whole experience of the 3D; as it already has.

Hand Clow goes on to elaborate, in a way that I won’t spoil by paraphrasing fully, how working with the seventh dimension puts us in touch with a similar solar system and even a twin planet, within the galaxy Andromeda; one which is the same as ours except that it didn’t have a cataclysmic event occur 11,5000 years ago, which lies at the very core of all human trauma (thus, the separation mentality at the root of all our current issues; a topic I have written about copiously before). You could say, by tuning into its undistorted biological codes and undamaged DNA, we get to recalibrate to the benchmark of a whole other potential.

The reason I have brought up all of this is that, not only does Hand Clow relate the seventh dimensions to the cosmic sound wave but, specifically, to bird song and behaviours; something which, as I first read it several years ago, made me almost jump out of my seat as I felt its confirmation of something I already knew somehow. According to her, birds are agents of the communication system of the galaxy:

“In 3D we get threads of this system through birdsong. Have you ever wondered how birds migrate? They orient by galactic energy lines, which they follow in earth’s magnetic fields….The Divine Mind moves energy within gravitational fields, while birds hear this movement and mimic it by their flight and song. Because we are filled with grace, birds enhance our creativity…When you attain this consciousness, birdsong informs you in the way no language can…Birdsong and sacred music pull us beyond duality and attune us to high celestial frequencies, which draw our consciousness to the outer edges of earth’s gravitational field…Sacred sound quickens and thickens the healthy biological mist”. (Barara Hand Clow – The Alchemy of Nine Dimensions)

No wonder listening to birds feels like it recalibrates, thus, heals me! I have certainly worked with sacred music and other sounds (such as mantra, solfeggio tones and crystal therapies) a great deal over the course of my life and, especially, during my healing journey but the healing music that has been with me, through thick and thin, is birdsong. It’s just so fit for pupose…this thing…without anyone having to compose the right collection of notes to put together or to choose a particular instrument, singing bowl or combination thereof to create a heightened experience (as the church has worked so hard with for centuries) or to rebuild DNA, a whole new area of study. There’s literally no work involved in birdsong except to open-up to receiving it. Even the birds themselves seem to find it effortless, like they just dial into the higher frequency and open their throats. You don’t get the sense they are deciding to put this trill here or that twiddle there; they express as they find, much as I do when I’m in my most creative flow. Which is why creating art as pure expression and without any material agenda, except to make a frequency (or feeling) more manifest, is my happiest place; my dharma (or life purpose) again.

A woman who talks a great deal about New Time “dharma” (versus old time “karma”) is Anni Sennov, the woman behind AuraTransformation, which I wrote about last week. In the book I’m rereading at the moment, The Crystal Human and the Crystalisation Process Part 1, she shares this about the seventh dimension:

“In the 7th dimension Crystal Individuals and Humans have settled as artists and have managed to share their inner truth in a visible form. In addition, this category includes sales people and messengers of all kinds, who have consciously  dedicated their lives to communicating information about a certain topic, a certain lifestyle or religion etc”

Why am I not surprised that this sounds  a lot like me with my tireless writing, sharing and creating, none of it done in a truly commercial sense; all done for love of delivering a certain message…I’m a bird by any other name. The need and desire to express myself, even when hardly anyone seems to be paying attention, is very much the domain of birds; they require no audience. And the more I tune into those high-frequencies, the more I seem to have to say…though, perhaps, the more niche my audience is getting; so I am having to learn to live with that and do it anyway.

The seventh dimension is also, I suspect, about being impulsive, following the pipers call…just as birds will teach you to ad-lib and improvise…and that is me to a tee now, though I used to seem quite the opposite; mapped-out to the nth. I never used to see myself as “flighty”  but, these days, I commit to nothing except that I will show up and do my very best in any given moment, and I follow my whims in matters large and small. Like today when I was meant to be going out but, suddenly, put my coat down and started gardening because I felt I wanted to prune some plants (act on that first flush of enthusiasm, I have learned from the seventh dimension; it will seldom serve you wrong). My family have had to get used to these sudden tangents of mine; knowing, too, that they often lead us all towards having an incredible experience that we could never have planned for (like I heard the higher potential calling to me on the wind). Living according to impulse is such a big part of this frequency and it cuts through stuffy old habits like the trill of exquisite bird song cuts through the stupor of an otherwise unexceptional afternoon. Like the first skylark of the year, which stopped me in my tracks and elevated my whole day on my walk, earlier. In fact, just thinking about birds, writing all this (as I was all morning) seemed to elevate my walk, when I got to it (my garden pruners put aside…), leading me to instigate two amazing conversations with complete strangers (a group of women and a solitary man) on my walk, waxing lyrical and sharing intimacies about the place we were all in (which I love more than any other) and leaving all of us a little more radiant for the exchange. All of these people vowed to come back for the summer solstice, which I spend there, so it seems I have, uncharacteristically, set up a rendezvous. I also see how, when I tune to this vibe, I touch-upon some, as yet, bearly explored potential I have as vocal (as well as written or painted) inspiration…which, given how introverted I naturally am, is interesting to behold.

A very literal way that I suspect am I “hearing” something of what the birds hear are the incredibly high frequencies – or higher harmonics – that I have been experiencing as loud ringing in the ears for some time now, and very loudly for the past 6 months. These, at times, get close to driving me mad with their intensity…yet, even with this, my bird-training serves me well. Just as I’ve  learned to tune into bird song as a way of tuning-out the ever-increasing noise pollution of 21st century living, not least the ever-higher volumes of traffic that now rumbles past my house, I find that I can tune in or out of these sounds as much as any others…even when they are most intense. I’ll be honest, there have even been times when tuning in to them has been preferable to whatever else is on offer; like my own personal holding frequency. So, while they don’t go anywhere when I “turn them off” (and are always waiting just as soon as I put my attention back on them), it’s as if they are not there at all when I place my consciousness on other things, allowing them to raise my frequency to a higher level (as I believe is their purpose) in the background, without my interference.

Yet I no longer see any of these higher frequencies as something  “coming in” but as something that is already there and fully available, only it is being paid attention to more (at last) by me and many others. In noticing and being inspired by this “bird frequency”, I’m daring to see, and express, a potential that was always there and perhaps the birds come from this place too. Nothing, to them, is missing; they aren’t caught up in paralytic trauma at the state of our broken world; rather, they are all busying themselves in my garden and on my walks as they always do, excitable as ever as they flit from tree to tree, singing their hearts out, poised to build nests and begin the whole merry cycle again, as they do every spring. In fact, their numbers only seem to swell in my garden; with ever more variety showing up and increased trust and intimacy with me, their human host, each season. So, is this blissful ignorance or higher knowledge? Their language of behaviour speaks to me, in pulsations, of other dimensional things beyond the seeming mess of the 3D world. For me, as for them, the song goes on and only gets stronger and more robust. It’s a song that is under the directive of the divine master-planner, whatever “form” you think that takes, and nothing can stop its performance. People refer to a “secret language” of birds but maybe we all speak it; we just forgot how…So, perhaps all we need to do is tune into it more than ever and then “sing” our own version of it, whatever form that takes; becoming a veritable dawn chorus of highly-contagious good news ourselves.

Below are two tracks from Kate Bush’s album Aerial, accompanied by some of my favourite interpretations (from MrMarrs who creates some astonishing visuals to music tracks).  You will need to watch them over on YouTube as viewing on other websites has been disabled…but its really worth it. I so recommend going on the journey of these two pieces of music and, ideally, (if you haven’t already) listen to the entire second part of the double-album itself. In my view, Aerial contains a fully fledged seventh dimensional narrative for anyone who is open to it.

Posted in Art, Art transformation tool, Books, Consciousness & evolution, Menu, Personal Development, Space weather, Spirituality, Symbolic journeys | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments


At the weekend, I had a fundamentally life-altering experience as I stood beside the iron-red waters of Glastonbury’s Chalice Well, in its serene garden-setting (which was just starting to bloom with spring blossom and other early flowers); trite though that sounds. Yet, let me assure you, I hadn’t been expecting anything like that to occur; not at that particular spot…too cliché, too brochured, too…expected.

Chalice 13.jpgYet I did; and if I had any doubt, my longstanding robin guide landed on a branch right in front of my face, the closest I had ever been to a living wild bird for more than just a second and, looking straight at me and evidently quite comfortable with my presence there, he just sang and sang. I could see every barb of every overlapping cross-hatched feather, the vibration in his throat, a stream of vapour or (more like) sound-frequency leaving his hardly moving beak; was able to notice how all the power of that sweetly-intricate sound came from deep in the throat and the bellows of his iron-red chest. Then I went almost weak-kneed as a sudden burst of sunshine lit up a patch of light, just around him, on his shady tree until he glowed in a circle of other-worldly technicolor. Although the path around the well had been busy with a steady flow of visitors and a certain amount of chatter, before this, not a single other person passed our way for the whole time this was occurring and time felt, as it were, suspended, my breathing dropped to the bare minimum….and, though it was probably under five minutes-worth of standing there glued to the spot, it felt like at least half an hour or even longer in hindsight.

Only after the robin flitted to the tree directly overhanging the chalice well and continued his song did I feel my breathing return to normal; and only then did my intellect fully surrender and my heart crack wide open. Up until that point, I hadn’t shed a single tear over this roller-coaster of a weekend, or even for a long time, but now the tears came rising up like from a very deep well inside me. They were happy tears; grateful tears; tears of release and from a feeling of great momentum that hung in the air, so solid we could both touch it. My husband steered me to a bench in the sunshine where we sat and processed for a while. It was like “I knew” such a lot in a short window of time and I needed to get it up and out of me, to move on. This was such a heart-expansion.

In fact the area around my higher heart-felt bruised; my whole sternum area felt affronted, like the bones had had to shift to make way…and then I knew, with absolute certainty, what I had just experienced. I had stepped into a new paradigm. I felt, literally, unburdened; set at ease; and as though the crystalisation process of the body that I had been waiting to occur since my AuraTransformation had just clicked into place to house this new frequency I was feeling.

Chalice 32.jpgAll the more so in contrast, I realised with new gravitas, with what I had just left behind…which had come to me in awful, graphic imagery, just before all this occurred, as I stared down the bleak well with its heavy lid propped open. People come here for peaceful moments, to experience an outpouring of love yet (as I noticed, if less so, last time we were there 18 months ago) I only saw where I had been…for many eons; the deep, damp dark as the guardian of that well, the grail maiden, safeguarding an important message, preserving it for a future reality, a burdensome task; which was now complete. I had brought myself back to myself; into fulness and balance and it was done. I heard the actual words “you are free to go…” when I was sat on the cold-wet slab (already eager to leave it) next to that well…which is when I had stood up, striding towards the sunshine, and encountered the robin.

This is just one of many experiences my husband and I had in Glastonbury over the most extraordinary of weekends. How fitting we should have been going there, to the heart chakra of the world, the very afternoon I completed my last post, which was all about achieving heart-coherence even though that post had been a surprise to me in answer to a question posed by a friend (we all know there are no accidents). Straight after completing that post; which felt like a bow tied around all I knew about creating heart-balance, we had packed our things and got into the car to drive to Glastonbury, guided by “my” crescent moon above the inky Somerset landscape. The beautiful orchestration of the universe never fails to amaze.

And as soon as we got to Glastonbury High Street, where we were staying this time (not on the edge of the Tor as before…that was an “interesting” experience), we knew something special was afoot; the energy in the place I had picked was sublime. It was also incredibly powerful; we both felt that. So much so, I initially told myself we were sleeping right over the Michael leyline because whatever it was felt like it completed me (…as though I believed I was distorted by “too much” feminine trait and needed to “obtain” the masculine from some outside source to make me whole again…how long have I believed such nonsense). In that room, I felt so in-balance, out of pain, at peace, sublime and as though held in loving arms, every time we went in there and lay down on the bed…And I slept like a baby, waking with none of my usual stiffness and with insights pouring from me, yet none of the usual brittleness and urgency of “having” to get everything  I realised “recorded” or “made into something”, “transcribed” before I could even hold a pen. Here, everything was alright; what came came, what went went and I was whole anyway. My husband, who already had a cold caught “at work”, just seemed to go “ahhh…” and slept as soon as hit the bed.

So when I realised, at the very end of our weekend, that it was far more likely we were situated between the Michael and the Mary leylines yet “on top” of neither of them, my own reaction made me smile…there was disappointment and a little indignation or reluctance to believe the map I was looking at. What was that trait, in me, that made me long for the kudos of sleeping right on top of a firehose of masculine energy, riding it like a stallion, like I had claimed it, tamed it or knew how to wield it? It was the distorted masculine impulse itself and I nodded in acknowledgement before letting it go with a wink.

Actually, I quickly came to realise, if neither masculine of feminine aspect was asserting itself over the other where we were staying yet both were in the vicinity (these two world-class dragon lines weave around the whole town of Glastonbury, crossing at three points (on the Tor, at the Chalice Well and at Arthur and Guinevere’s grave in the abbey), it meant I was experiencing balance while I was there…both externally and, presumably, within myself given it felt just so resonant and delicious. So I hadn’t been missing anything at all; I wasn’t broken or missing any of my parts, the masculine I sought was already there as me, alongside my feminine aspect, even if their space-sharing arrangement had got a little convoluted at times. Yes, yes…I had known all this, ALL of this, intellectually before now and had so many breakthroughs working with it intellectually too but, until I experienced it to this degree, assisted by the potent energy in this particular place (having had so many experiences of what out-of-balance energy in the body feels like for me, as all the pain and health issues, for instance, that are my daily norm…I’ve shared all of this before), I had never got this close to understanding the difference. My own expertise told me, at last, all that I needed to know about balancing energy because I was able to put my hand up in the air now and say this is what it feels like versus that other stuff.

And it was just so staggeringly simple for me to get there, into that vibrational groove, that I felt all the elation of there being nothing left to be done; this was the beginning, the middle and conclusion of the story of everything and the one single thing that I would share with every man, woman and child on the planet, if I could. Find the frequency of balance, tune in so that you can remind yourself what that feels like and calibrate to it in every second of every day. No need to look for whatever you think is missing; just rebalance what you already have!

All I had had to do was tune into the reminder of that perfect state of balance, in this place, in order to adjust my own innate version of it (like tuning a piano) to get to that sublime no-pain state…and I clearly had, the moment I arrived. It was strongest in the place where we stayed, very evident where we went for all our meals (in the wonderful Excalibur Cafe which is also in the same “loop” of masculine and feminine influences) and we were able to work closely with this frequency for the whole weekend, noticing its slight deviations in various places (such as at the red and white springs, with their masculine and feminine impulses, respectively). Even when we were out of balance’s influence, we found it was possible to tune to the memory of it, which we all innately carry or can find copiously in nature; a reminder we had turned up the volume of by staying in this place. No wonder people visit places like this to be healed; going home feeling better as though they have finally “got the ropes” of their own innate balance state.

In fact, I could now take heart from the fact it had taken me next to no time to tune into this feeling (unlike the last time we came to Glastonbury when it seemed to swing around like a pendulum); it was like I could blink and I was there in the slip stream of this most sublime “other” or third energy current made up of both masculine and feminine combined….a force which some dowsers compare to the third “neutral” wire in an electric plug. Think of it as a staff with two snakes coiled equally around it; when you are in balance, you are that staff – this is the ancient symbol of “medicine”. My husband, by comparison, was finding it harder to tune in or sustain the feeling, though he got there by the end of the weekend (and has, mostly, struggled since we came home…plunging into illness that he is still wrestling with). I even heard of someone who had stayed in this exact place and found the energy too much, even a little provocative; partly because of the noise of people…but then places like this do tend to attract a lot of visitors (fortunately, we were there “off-season”). Yes, it was heartening to find I slipped into balance so easily now. All my efforts, over the last eighteen months since we last came to Glastonbury, had been dedicated to maintaining balance as heart-coherence and I had clearly come a long way, to the point I could lock-on as soon as I encountered its frequency in my environment…and then it was but a small leap to join in its party.

This reminded me (as I touched upon in last week’s post) that there is nothing…and I mean NOTHING…else that we have to do but keep balancing and rebalancing the masculine and feminine aspects of ourselves; everything else will sort itself out from there!

Not only that but this balance is fundamental and necessary for us to embody the New Time crystal energy that is now available (and not just as an aura but as the fully-functioning physicality of the human body, bringing the spiritual aspect deep into every cell of the flesh); one cannot happen without the other.

All of this “knowing” of the state of balance we were, as it were, bathing in over the weekend, trialing this whole new way of being, came to us via our feeling-senses; there was just no denying the experience we were having. For my part, I was striding up hills with such ease and energy to spare and I was able to hold my mobile phone in my hand and use it for quite lengthy periods to talk to a friend or upload photographs (bearing in mind I am usually in pain after less than a minute of doing this normally). It was only after we got home that I confirmed we were situated in a perfect hug of both the Michael and Mary leylines, both about 150 feet away from our room, like a group-hug from the masculine and feminine gently curving round us; no wonder I  had felt so easily in balance, sublime. The very neutrality of our energetic state, after our gentle evenings and good nights’ sleep there, plus our time spent in the nearby cafe, entrained us to balance’s rhythm (like having a rebalancing session after an AuraTransformation…which anyone with that point of reference will understand) and, so, better enabled us to approach each experience we had from a place of absolute surrender, curiosity and openness; no baggage, no preconceptions, meaning we were both having remarkable and vividly heightened experiences at every turn.

The feminine temple of the White Spring (first on our agenda and also revisited before we went home) was the place where much of it happened; what occurred in there, for us both, was deeply private yet potent beyond belief. We will never forget, either of us, what we experienced on that first day we spent time in there, being just so tremendously powerful for each of us in different ways related to our human gender and the distortions we had each been carrying for so long. I felt myself shed many layers and grow tangibly stronger, taller, more physical and determined in that space. It was like my legs were made of iron and my backbone was elongating, taking up a place that had been denied to it for some time as I reclaimed an aspect of myself that had been thrown out with the bath water for resembling, too much, some fixed idea I had had of the masculine traits I believed myself to be in a death-struggle with.  Since then…which was four days ago…I have witnessed leaps in the rising up of my innate masculine traits and a dramatic new physicality wanting to find expression through my body. For my husband, he met that space from the point of view of eons-long of exhaustion from all the masculine demands made of him by “the world”; so, for him, it was a grateful surrender into the feminine that he experienced, which was like watching someone disintegrate and rebuild themselves several times over. As I mentioned, he has been quite unwell since returning home (rallying today) but I regard this as a reconfiguration of himself, on behalf of all via the quantum field, that is as necessary to the great rebalancing as my burgeoning masculinity.

Yet the next day, when we returned there after the above experience beside the iron-red masculine water of the Chalice Well (which we also drank from), we both noticed the white spring’s feminine~spiritual potency again but, in my case, I was much more capable of embodying what came through to me there (with the side-effect that it now seemed less mysterious), like I could see into all its corners and make more sense of its human-applicable relevance to me. Even with a little cynicism where I saw the ways humans had interpreted the feminine energy in that space; so much clutter and so many trappings (offerings, ribbons, beads, cut flowers, symbols, random found things…and there was a discernible sacrificial theme; this is all human-layering that has been “put on top of” the feminine over many eons of interpretation and which can get extremely muddled with the original impulse). That part of me that has been having a big clear-out of all my spaces (inside and out) lately wanted to take a duster to some of it; to reappraise what is truly resonant any more (much like I was far-less drawn to the typical shops of Glastonbury on this visit; full of all the usual hippy-vibe trinkets and accoutrements). My vision was crisply clear in there, whereas I had been spacey, vision compromised and disoriented the day before. I also noticed, as though for the first time, how much its dark, dank, brick-lined interior felt just like being under the ground in a well-shaft and (after my experience at the Chalice Well…) I was struck with the horror that someone let out of prison must feel if taken on a tour of where they were once incarcerated.

In that split moment, I was all reluctance to be back there…which was an over-reaction; beneath that knee-jerk it still felt like a sacred space. So, to bring myself back into wholeness, it was also necessary for me to reboot my relationship with the darkness in the same way as I had just rebooted it with the light. I was getting there slowly until a woman came in with two children, a boy and a girl, and the little girl’s wonderment at the colourful things tied to a branch ignited something in my womb.

Hard to explain what happened next but the darkly feminine space transformed from being some sort of cosy prison-cell where I knew I had “made the most of its limitations”  for a very long time (decorating its interior with gathered things to make it more homely…but always feeling compromised, second best to the word “out there” in the light) into a welcoming womb of creation, a place from which the seed gets to grow. Now, there was no compromise to how much I loved and appreciated its dark earthy potential…side by side with the bright sunny garden “in full bloom” that we had just been in at the surface of life.  I also realised, at last, how I was entirely free to move between them both and wanted to do so, equally (you could compare this with being equally enamoured of winter as you are of summer; for somewhat different reasons, all held in balance). I had clicked my two sides together and was now feeling such peace and acceptance of everything in my experience as they came into this balanced state, as me.

Above all, my heart was skipping with excitement, a new lease of life; I could have flown from the steps of the white spring as I stepped back into daylight to gather some water, in fifty-fifty proportions, from the two road-side taps of the masculine and feminine springs.  I felt free of all-others’ interpretations of what masculine and feminine were to me now (the same distortions I had perceived at the White Spring could be said of the Chalice garden, with its landscaping, its visitor centre and its shop…such masculine expressions compared to the haphazard interior of the former…which have been made to somebody’s idea of what that sacred landscape has to say). Glastonbury had reminded me that the impulses its unique landscape embodies are as ancient as those hills and the rest is all trappings; so we can go right back to source, to rebalance ourselves, whenever we choose to. There was such an air of completion about everything as I walked down that road clutching my bottle of water…even though I know this is only the beginning of the rest of my life.

It was such a cohesive process of self-discovery between these two springs; don’t ever go to Glastonbury and think your work is done just by visiting the masculine red spring in the Chalice Garden…remember, the less assertive feminine waters of the white spring are just a short distance away, across the road (as is always the case, in life). Reaching over to bring them both back together might be the most important work you ever do!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAAs for the Tor; there was none of the easy sun-worship of our last visit. Rather, we climbed its steep sides in very high winds and on-off rain coming straight down into the face; a push all the way the top. Up there, we were in a vortex, almost hanging onto each other and the stone walls of the Tor itself, to stay upright, yet invigorated, laughing and grinning away with all the other people and excitable dogs. We went inside the tower for shelter but even the last corner of protection was withdrawn when the wind started to come straight down its chimney-effect and that was it; like the start of a fairground ride, we were held in a spin cycle that left us immobile yet exhilarated, shoulder to shoulder with these other people, made one by this bizarre circumstance going on with the weather. It felt important, somehow, to have our expectations of sunshine (like we had enjoyed all the other times) blown to smithereens and yet to love what was playing-out anyway; feeling its significance, chaotic though it appeared (this was, after all, real life). We watched people being sucked into the tower, with surprise all over their face, as soon as they entered the door frame and others playing with leaning back on the wind so it  held them upright. The wind-chill was bitter yet, we noticed, the younger generation didn’t bat an eyelid but just seemed to know how to work with this force and hardly flinched in their minimal layers of clothing; yet there was nothing stopping anyone else from lightening up and enjoying it, if they really wanted to (and the same goes for the new crystal energy coming in). You could say, it came equally from all sides, balanced, with us at its centre and the only thing that could make us move was the sheer power of intent; a reminder of what living in balance feels like since the wind will take you nowhere anymore…you really have to assert the direction you want to move in.

When we got to the bottom of the hill and clicked the gate shut, it was as though the washing machine switched off and the wind, with all its noise and battery, was gone in an instant…and so we could now hear the sweet singing of birds, who had, presumably, never once skipped a beat skipped. Just one of many, many powerful experiences made manifest over two days (continuing…) by the incredible landscape of this exceptional place.


You can view more photos via my Flickr album (note there are no photos of the White Spring since photography is not allowed in there):

Screenshot 2019-02-13 at 12.41.10

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Leylines, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality, Symbolic journeys | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments