Beyond binary into unlimited

I was shown clearly in the night how what we are fast moving from a binary system into something else, which I already knew with my mind but I “got it” more than ever in this dream. The third dimension is a system based on duality, as we know…which is as it has to be to create the very push and pull on which physical manifestation relies and, really, there is no right or wrong there…just a rich pattern made up of many instances of balance in form (in theory; before human minds got involved). Then the fourth dimension starts to soften these parameters like a candle put too close to the flame…so there we get entities pitching for our preferment one way of the other, to a theatrical degree, urging us to believe this is “right”, that is “wrong” and to join causes and religions, taking sides. So archetypes start to form here as part of the endless sales pitching on behalf of this side or that side starts to play out; angels and demons, saviours and destroyers…and as we start to believe in these as human beings, things get at once confusing and yet more starkly preferential as we “take part” in making choices that we consider to be who we are. But in the fifth dimension, all such preference dissolves to become whole again; which isn’t the “whole” of nothingness but, still, of somethingness…allowed.

Hard to describe what this  fifth vibe is but feminine love gets very close to it because, like the way that a mother loves her child, regardless of whether they are a little angel or a bit of a devil, love knows no favouritism in this place and all comes back together to be received unconditionally as whole once more in the glow of its love-light. Buddha spoke of this, Jesus embodied it and we have seen a relatively rare handful of other individuals walk this earth seeming somehow to be this, or very close to it, in human form. But how do we mere mortals get to do so without losing all our substance, which relies on that all-important push-pull binary coding underpinning the very molecules of which we are made?

Many of us now know this paradox with our minds but how do we get beyond it to the next phase? Without the binary, how do we bring this 5th dimension into form, without losing our very structure? Without the binary “equipment” of our humanness to register and record that we have even got there, how do we know that we have brought it about? How do we stay in a human body and be this thing that seems to dissolve away the very push-pull of what makes molecules hang together and systems stay standing around and within us? How to even get close to that threshold without fear that our familiar world will cave in like a room sucked free of air and all that once stood there turned suddenly to dust (I’ve seen the abject fear of this in the eye’s of many spiritual seekers on the brink of breakthrough yet too afraid to take another step)? This is where we are at and yet, though I can barely describe it from my dream, I feel like I know now how it is possible and that I can feel us at the threshold of it like never before; knowing how this gets to happen without the physical world being either taken away from us or getting hopelessly in the way. I read a quote late last night and it was right on this theme:

“Rather than the body being collateral damage in this process of awakening, it is instrumental. The biggest shift in the entire process of Waking Up to the new reality is realizing the body is the vector for enlightenment. It is literally the delivery mechanism by which we experience the vastness of who we really are.” Lori Ann Lothian

This is the place I know so well, having got there in my own healing (and every other thread of my human “journey”) too. All my wires seem to bunch here in this place of knowing that what comes next is not in spite of the body but about to happen with it, through it, in it and because of it…in ways that we have yet to fully comprehend with our human minds or to realise broadly within our three-dimensional form; though we will. It’s not one in replacement of the other….it’s a cascade of higher dimensions through the floodgates of the “lower” that previously held them at bay for fear of self-destruction, to work together in ways that are more astonishing than we can grasp with our minds…but to get there we need to take steps to hold onto our flesh, to remain firmly grounded and involved with our humanness and yet allow what is beyond it; both at the same time (like continuously patting your head and rubbing your stomach simultaneously, this is no easy feat). To youngsters who are being born ready for just this, it will come far more naturally. To those of us with many more decades of believing in the “either ~ or” scenario which is our familiar world (though we may deny that we ever truly subscribed to it…yet it was always in there at our core as debris left by entrained belief systems and ancestral patterning) it will be far more tricky. We will have to find our own modality or bridge for bringing this about or, almost, tricking or distracting the mind while grounding and reassuring the body and simultaneously opening-up to the higher perspective until it has landed at the cellular level (and I think I have found mine). Its daunting but many of us reach a place where we truly feel we have to make the attempt.

I believe that if we really want to find a way to the next stage of this, we will each find our own way to get beyond the paradox, or a workable method will present itself on our path in a timely way…so that we get to experience this, in our lifetime (without having to reformat into a new human body pre-wired for this to occur). This is what I feel I know now and, in my own way, am ready to attempt this transition with grace and ease, through all of my binary cells (spiritual upgrading can be so hard on the body…we know that); without them going into automatic fear that their days are numbered or that they are under threat (which is key to avoiding absolute health meltdown when we step so close to the oh-so transformative fifth dimensional fire). When we are ready, I believe the appropriate way for this to be achieved will come forward to each and every one of us if we are open to it and prepared to do this within (not in spite of) the body, taking care of its fears and its needs…and that openness and preparedness is the very key in the elusive door between experiences.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Health & wellbeing, Life choices, Menu, Personal Development, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thinking positive…every day

If the evolutionary trajectory is all about manifesting our divine selves on earth then remaining positive in all sorts of situations, even beyond the limitations of those which tax our credibility when we “try” to think of a positive spin or outcome with our minds, must be a prerequisite. You could go as far as saying, the momentum of the planet will work with those that do and not so with those who don’t think positively or spread such positive vibes amongst those they have daily contact with. You could say, it’s a self-perpetuating (or self-limiting) thing and we can expect those who are not on this positive trajectory to be shut down more and more as we go deeper into this new age for earth. This isn’t a thing “done” to anyone since we all have the choice to think positively and be positive (it goes way beyond the domain of thoughts) in each and every moment.

In my own life, the compulsion to remain positive against all odds, in spite of all dramas and unpleasant scenarios playing out, including the apparent crash-and-burn of my body on a fairly regular basis, has been like a magnet tug since 2011. I find it, actually, more contra flow to think negatively than the other way around, even though being so positive can seem like swimming up-stream to get to a destination that I already know with my heart but which I have yet to manifest with my eyes or my touch-senses. I can’t seem to stop myself and it’s what gives me that all-important tail wind across all of my projects whereas to not go with this compulsion, even in some very unlikely scenarios when it comes to being able to “see” the positive side of things, feels like a blackness and done-ness beyond all describing; like simply bailing out of the game or resigning some heart-chosen mission that I am here on and which fuels my very existence. When I do that, even briefly, its like all my lights are turned out and my power goes out, my subtle skills are withdrawn and far too many things that I have come to value about my human experience are unceremoniously withdrawn…and so, of course, I bounce back pretty swiftly to reclaim them. Fortunately that so-called easier response of giving into darkness and gloom, defeatism or a sense of “what is the point” never seems to last long these days before I spiral upwards again, climbing back out of my hole even before logical circumstance provides me with the footholds with which to explain why I am suddenly feeling more optimism. I just am!

Its a case of “just knowing” and trusting that you see that glimmer of light that, maybe, eludes others still and then daring to act upon it, choosing your own trajectory, even when it makes you feel different, deluded or even a little bit mad. Things aren’t just the same as they have always been now, and we do have that tail wind but, to turn the boat around, we do have to  steer a little too. It’s also a case of withdrawing your energy from actions, words and mindsets that perpetuate the old ways, old expectations and that old direction that apparently had you heading for rocks.

priscilla-du-preez-318418For those of us who struggle to remain grounded (or, who find themselves in pain whenever they are), this way starts to show us the light at the end of that tunnel…as we feel our ways towards our own personal methods of keeping that positive spin going, within that heavier-seeming thing called “life” or “physicality” with which we struggle so. The word “spin” is no accident here because it’s the joy, laughter, music, good company, creativity, love of beauty, enthusiasm, desire to keep moving and mixing things-up…whatever…that keeps the high-vibe movement stirring in the midst of what might otherwise feel too leaden and stagnant to be dealing with. It’s what spirals us out of the heaviness…even whilst we are “in” our most human form and we can summon these things up at any moment as our go-to survival kit. Believe me, it does get better, easier, more instinctive and, yes, more self-sustaining when we keep tuning-in to these personal methods of up-spiralling more so than allowing ourselves to sink in the mud. Sometimes, when we start to ground more, the proverbial sh*t seems to hit the fan more than ever…but that’s just something we need to be prepared to ride through, keeping that same positivity going, in order to get through what is only needing to be cleared to make way for the new. I’m deep in that territory right now (and then some) and yet I find myself more boyant than ever before; bizarre yet true.

It’s also about finding balance…across all levels, every day in every imaginable way. Seeking that balance in every external circumstance or deep in the core of every cell becomes a learned response when you have been doing it, or at least locking-on to it, for so long as a priority and it is a prerequisite of working with the energies of these times. Done consistently, this activates the new energy that is well on the way to becoming our future norm and is also something that radiates from one person to the next so that it spreads like wildfire. It’s a responsibility we take on and earn as we do it more and more as the very centre piece of our lives. It ushers in a high-frequency way of being that is accessible to all who seek this fundamental balance within and around themselves. Anything contrary to it starts to feel so “off” to us that we quickly recalibrate in order to reclaim our own personal balance, which we are now thoroughly attached to; so that it becomes a self-perpetuating thing with some serious momentum, once set in motion. This is what will carry us forwards into a new era and there are signs of it already happening, subtle though it is. It all starts with that personal journey, that first inner impulse to recalibrate, via all those subtle senses that lead the way in your own most-intimate evolution…and then it catches on with others you have contact with, almost without effort; joining forces with all those who are doing likewise.

Once familiar with it in your own life, you can detect signs of it manifesting all around you, even at its very earliest stages, and this feeds back into the innate optimism at the core of your being. It is direct and comprehensible to all people as a feeling that uplifts them and synchronisities that guide them towards their best alignment and joy and so there is no prerequisite to taking part other than to follow in the flow of that vibe. No one needs to become very learned about spirituality to follow this pathway since it’s a trail of high-vibing breadcrumbs right under our noses and its there even now, scattered ever more liberally and with a few more handfuls added every day, guiding us towards a better feeling than we were once used to. Taking part in dialing in to this feeling makes us all feel part of something that helps us feel more whole, both within ourselves and in connection with other people and, you could say, the entire cosmos, in a way that had been previously eluding us; a feeling we realise we had been seeking all our (many) lives. It’s why so many people feel that they are in some sort of culmination lifetime this time around…because we are; bringing home stray threads of ourselves in a tapestry that was always perfect but now we can really start to see it and our own perfect part in it.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Life choices, Life journey, Menu, Personal Development, Recovery chronic illness | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life beyond karma

I feel I have to share this salient point before continuing along any of the threads I seem to be writing about on both of my blogs lately since they make no sense without it. For the last year or so, I feel as though I’ve truly got beyond karma or “the karmic way of experiencing life”. And the point I just made over on my health blog (in my post What Your Body is Trying to Tell You) is that what has recently played out in my work-life seems to be a very good metaphor for this change.

Until two years ago, my art practice was centred on painting in oils. However, at the beginning of 2016, I felt called to go to see a particular healer that had worked with me at the very beginning of my spiritual awakening. I had no idea why I was suddenly called to revist her after all this time but I went along with the intuition and, over the course of two sessions, it felt like I untied all of my karma and let it go; as it were, leaving it behind on her treatment table. I didn’t know that at the time, though I registered that I felt profoundly different. My experience was that she dredged up what felt like the very root-stock of an extraordinarily long karmic thread from which innumerable other threads had originated and though, as she did this, she was racked with emotion and pouring rivers of tears over me (it really affected her), I felt positively ecstatic lying there on the treatment table. Truly, I felt lighter and more switched on than I could ever remember and as though some massively dead weight had been shifted. Over the course of 2016 from that point, it felt like I tied off the ends of several karmic threads whose “stories” had been playing out in miniature in this lifetime (I wrote about much of it in this space) and it even felt like I was still attached to these stories as I processed to these endings. But by the end of the year, I had tied off so many knots and had largely wound down to a sense of void, by which time (and this was exactly a year ago) I felt pretty exhausted.

The thing about void is it can leave you feeling confused…and so I was, since I had never felt less attached to anything in my life. The challenge is, when you are used to experiencing a life that is largely dictated by the impulses of karma which have you doing things in order to resolve or contribute to some sort of karmic sub-plot running like an undercurrent to your so-called free will, you still feel directed by impulses that feel “outside of yourself” in the sense of them seeming stronger and more irresistable than your own, innate impulses. When you have all choice because those karmic directives have ceased, you can feel so bewildered that you, as it were, stand still for a while…and that’s largely what I did, all year during 2017 (as I wrote about in my post “Taking a breather” last week). In my art practice, I felt particularly confused as, very suddenly, painting in oils…which, until this point, had taken centre stage of all my creative urges, being the one thing I always came back to within days or weeks of taking a pause…just suddenly went away. I packed away my paints at the end of 2016 (still in the midst of a canvas that remains unfinished), expecting to continue a few days later, and simply didn’t pick them up again. This left me stranded somewhere between bafflement and pure curiosity; because, what did it mean?

At the same time, my strongest creative urge in early 2017 was to start seeing what I could create digitally and this is where it gets interesting. Because, as I started to compare the two processes, I started to observe that, as I just wrote about in my post What Your Body is Trying to Tell You “switching from the very slow and laboured,  stopping-and-starting, backwards-and-forwards and multi-layered process of painting something in oils, usually over many weeks or months, to digitally producing art at a very rapid pace, by comparison, feels like the equivalent of  dropping the karmic perspective to become a fully crystallised being devoid of  all that need to revisit what you once did and make sense or improvement of it. There’s something crisp, pure and transparent about the digital process. Its like using only the best, most enlightened bits of your experience to make the picture of your choice without having to labour and revisit or recycle what feels done with, including all those early “mistakes” that you are striving to make good of”. I would even go so far as to say that I identified how I would sometimes seem to make a sub-consciously deliberate “mess” of an oil painting, or make it more challenging than it needed to be, in order to put myself through the long and sometimes arduous process of paring it back, repairing or making the best of it; always getting some sort of life-lesson out of this for sure…but it became so laboured. Often, the the time spent on a painting was completely out of proportion to the satisfaction gained from the end result and no one except me could ever expect to gain the same degree of satisfaction or understanding from it, though there was often a sense of my epiphany contributing to the collective consciousness. Even then, it had started to feel leaden and unnecessary to take so long over one piece of art, so shedding this practice and starting to play with digital processes where, yes, I still work in layers yet they shine through one another far more overtly, collaborating their best elements, and without massive convolution underpinning their agendas for being there, feels so liberating. What you see in the end feels direct in a way that oil paintings never were (I literally can’t bear to hang some of those on my walls as they carry way too much energy from when I painted them). And when a digital artwork is done with, its done with and you can easily disentangle from it and move on, having invested a temporary portion of your energy in it but without sense of having left a piece of your soul behind (in fact, soul in that sense feels quite done with), like quantum entanglement with a material object. I feel free to walk away and start something new…over and over and over, without the time lag or sense of linearity tying me down to a physical object that now hangs on someone’s wall preserving some part of me that longs to be set free.

So my very visceral sense is of having moved through karma to, perhaps, a phase of (as John Lennon described it) instant karma in the sense that, as my awareness of everything going on in and around me sharpened-up over the last decade, there were indeed times when it felt as though the instant realisation of my part played in the cause and effect of my life triggered such instant remorse, regret or sense of responsibility that decisions felt pained and more burdonsome than ever (for a, thankfully, brief time relatively speaking). In that sense, yes, the karma felt instant and I had to assert myself to choose according to an innate sense of appropriateness more so than themes that would have had me following through on old karmic threads that continued to assert that I had unfinished business when I already felt done with whatever that was. This, in many ways, was a rite of passage as I took over my own controls more fully. And then, now, to this place where karma feels like its left the building for long enough that it really feels gone; and I can feel the fresh breeze tickling the air where it used to take up space. That’s not to say that other people aren’t still experiencing it since, I believe, karma will continue on (at least for now) in the experiences of all those who live from that perspective. What I feel I can also stand testament to is the ability to live beyond it now since that option is fully available as soon as you reach the crystalline perspective, which is a consciousness choice in the same way that tuning into the ninth wave is a choice that can be directed by the higher mind by choosing your themes and maintaining balance. And from what I’ve seen so far, I can recommend it. Yes, there is initially a sense of void, of not being compelled this way or that to the degree you wonder who you are now, almost of lethargy as you wonder why you would do anything at all any more. But then something else starts to assert and it comes from a feeling of lightness, of multiple uniquely earth-related possibilities presenting that tempt you to experience them and of feeling more overtly guided and uplifted by the heart as you decide which ones to reach for. It’s all new still but I feel I’m setting into it as we turn the corner into 2018 and am looking forward to meeting you there when you’re ready.


Related posts on Living Whole:

Taking a breather

What your body is trying to tell you

Posted in Art, Art metaphor, Art purpose, Art technique, Art transformation tool, Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Life choices, Life journey, Menu, Personal Development | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

1000 stories, a single shared ending

I fell head-over-heals in love with Rimsky-Korsakov’s “Scheherazade” as a young adolescent of probably 13 or so, which is when I first starting to explore classical music for myself. My aunt was being put into a care home and I was given access to her considerable collection of vinyls before the rest were given away to charity. I came home with a handful of classical titles; and right at the top was “Scheherazade”. It was played over and over for many years; even the university years and perhaps especially the lonely years during my first marriage. Then I stopped playing it…I’ve no idea why…and it had been a long time since I had even thought of it. Grasping for something new to play on my beloved low D Irish whistle this week, the exquisite melody from the third part came back to me, clear as a bell, and suddenly I was playing it. I’ve been teaching myself pieces of music by ear for a couple of months now, yet why I was suddenly so determined to persist at this difficult to convert piece (given my whistle is in the wrong key for it) caught my attention.

Screen Shot 2017-12-30 at 10.20.16.pngSeeking a version of it to listen to (you can too via the image), the penny dropped as I realised its full title is “The Young Prince and The Young Princess”; I had found my way back to an expression of “yin and yang” or the feminine and masculine expressed in a piece of music!

Looking more deeply into Rimsky-Korsakov’s inspiration, I learned that he strove to convey a feeling of the Arabian Nights without nailing the score to a particular set of stories, wanting the listener’s imagination to fill in the blanks more so than dictate any particular narrative. The name “Scheherazade” was landed upon and kept as the overall title as it offered-up this strong flavour of the orient, helping to prepare the expectation of fantastical themes, the essence of the well-known voyages of Sinbad and a fairy-tale quality throughout the music without telling a particular tale (since “Scheherazade” is everything to do with the telling of a great many tales; far too many to single out). In other words, he offered a structure within which the listener could fill in the spaces with their own imagination. Again, yin and yang at work; the well-defined parameters set and yet plenty of room maintained for the most expansive and unlimited of experiences to come and go at will.

There had to be something synchronistic in this “many tales” aspect coming up to meet me so pressingly after all these years, right at this time. So I reminded myself of the story of Scheherazade, the princess married to a sultan who was resolved to spend one night with each of his brides before beheading them because he was so convinced of their inevitable infidelity. For over a thousand nights, by the time Scheherazade comes along, he has bedded then beheaded each of his new wives; however, Scheherazade has her wits about her and breaks this chain of events. She tells the sultan a story so riveting and fantastical that, when she declares she will need to continue on to its conclusion the next night as dawn is now starting to break, he allows her to live on for “just one more night” so that she can finish her tale. Of course, he then begs her to tell another story…and another, and another, for 1000 stories, over the course of 1001 nights. In the end, the sultan is so in love with her that, of course, he allows her to live on though she has completely run out of stories.

So, here we are right now as a human race…at the end of what feels like 1001 nights and then some; an awful lot of “human stories” having been told across the history of mankind. These long running, always somewhat overlapping, tales about ourselves and who we think we are have kept their own momentum “night after night” and held us gripped for as long as we can remember and yet it feels like we are running towards an abrupt endpoint or risk just repeating the same old stories over again from the beginning. In fact, it is starting to feel like that…isn’t it? What honestly feels “new” in the news. We are just repeating what we have seen many times before and it feels old and done with yet how do we agree we must stop since we already know the outcome; what is this momentum that keeps us pressing replay on themes we have seen repeated and already know the ending of? Is it that, at some level we too have reached the 1001th night and fear to stop…for what then? What, in particular, waits there in the stark light of dawn for the feminine aspect? She has her own vested interest in the process of continuing to spin her tales since it is what has kept her alive in a masculine world fixated upon mistrusting her. Meanwhile, the masculine element (as well we know) has become embittered, cynical, harsh and unrelenting as a result of “history”, preempting its own deeply embedded vulnerability by lashing out first at every opportunity. At the global level, in our culture, our sciences and deep within ourselves, we have this “strike first, ask questions later” mentality that becomes dogmatic if we let it get out of balance. It tells us it is here to protect us, to safeguard our interests, to be the insurance policy, to keep us safe but really it perpetuates the telling of the same old stories for fear of what lies at their end. Does it still distrust the feminine aspect or has a softening started to occur? Has the feminine aspect gained the masculine’s ear?

little-snowdrop

Snow White tells stories with a new ending to little old men that have spent eons digging “the hard way” for what they think they need…

If we are to learn from the story, the feminine overcomes the masculine’s doubts by gently, patiently earning his trust whilst encouraging him to invest in the same “ending” that she is able to deliver. Her special gift is to be able to envision, and paint the picture of, “new endings” that the masculine is not necessarily able to reach via a more logical path; taking them both there if she is able to engage him with her embroidery of what is possible. By the end, both masculine and feminine want the same things…to reach the new end to the story, together. They become whole as they yearn for this single outcome, each contributing their part; the weaving of the tale and the eager reception of what is offered. In effect, a role reversal has taken places as the feminine has become the assertive aspect and the masculine is the receiver of what is told…and so they intersect in perfect union. Both have to be prepared to face up to the fact there are no new endings to the stories they have both already heard; they can only move on by overcoming each of their fears (both equally vaid…yet together, they neutralise) creating a brand new story, together. This is where we are at, as a human race. It is time for the feminine to offer and the masculine to put down its arms and receive what will deliver both to a unified conclusion, which is wholeness realised.

When we engage the masculine aspect in our vision for the future of the world; when we keep it wanting more; when we encourage it to value what the feminine has to offer including its vision for what is possible; when the masculine element is prepared to put down it arms in its eagerness to find out what happens next; when it is prepared to bide its time and receive feminine wisdom for long enough that heads are cooled and a new outcome birthed; when it is as excited about receiving the next installment of our human story as the feminine is excited for the brand new world that is coming…THIS is when we get these two aspects to work closely and harmoniously together, to the benefit of us all. Thus we all get to witness the sun rising on a brand new kind of a day; you could say, happily ever after for everyone. Even when all the stories have run out.


See illustration above (Warwich Goble – The Fairy Book)

The clues have always been there in countless hand-me-down stories. In this illustration from The Fairy Book (1913) “Little Snowdrop” (Snow White) tells fantastical stories with a new ending to little old men (dwarves) that have spent eons digging “the hard way” for what they think they need (the sparkle of gold). Her own tale leads to union with the young prince (sacred masculine) who comes looking for her when no one else can bring her back to life from a state of suspended animation or “being kept on ice” as though obsolete; a reunion of yin and yang to make everything whole and, thus, reinvigorated with life-force again. The story of Snow White has always held a very deep and personal resonance for me as an archetype I know I work with.

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Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Culture, Divine feminine, divine masculine, History, Life journey, Literature, Menu, Music & theatre, Personal Development, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

2018, year of the spiritworker

I’ve always prickled around the term “lightworker”; it never felt like a truly accurate description of me or what I am doing at the most authentic level and I now realise why. Of course, I understand where it arose from as many of us feel we are working to redress some sort of imbalance in the world by sitting squarely on the other end of that see-saw, making it more manifest in the outside reality that we all share together. But when we start to embody source energy deep into the cells, as we necessarily do at the crystallisation stage of our evolution, we often hit upon a truth learned the hard way. Really the concept, such as we use one, should be “spiritworker” as in “I work with being source energy embodied”, which consists of being both dark and light, yin and yang; cooperative and whole. When we consider ourselves only to be working with light we risk burning ourselves down to toast crumbs as spiritual light, unbalanced, is the most potent force in the universe and it burns though all matter including our old-style aura and our biological cells. Declaring “I’m only for the light” perpetuates a dualistic stance that plays out as our most hard-felt experience. When we work too concertedly at embodying “only light”, the body will respond by throwing some shade…and that can look a lot like health issues on a very grand scale or even total disintegration as there is no semblance of wholeness left to continue holding matter together. Fragmentation is the natural result.

Using the correct terminology about ourselves can be a powerful tool in this alchemical kit as labels and words can be so powerful; thus we sometimes give our power away by carelessly acquiescing with them. When we incorporate both light and dark, all the way through to the language we use, we allow wholeness to assemble and become stronger. Its much like what I learned, and wrote about, many years ago as a novice artist discovering, the hard way, that none of my paintings seemed to work without equal proportions of light and shadow. “Spiritworker” (such as I have a label at all; but if one comes up, this feels better) encompasses this idea more accurately, for me, and I wonder why I didn’t adopt it before. Perhaps its because it conjures up images of Victorians holding seances or some other-such outmoded concept. Yet perhaps that has been the distractionary idea keeping us from claiming a more appropriate concept of what it is that we are doing here; necessarily, as we venture one huge leap forwards in claiming a more holistic viewpoint of the world, starting with self, in order to successfully and sustainably embody even more source energy than ever before.

Posted in Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, Menu, Spirituality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Crystal living: life beyond “the rub”

Until we start experiencing life as though there is no “rub” (duality, conflict, friction point, division line…) we will keep being presented with an experience of it being there.

How I got to this, so deeply and profoundly, way beyond the intellectual grasp of it that I have had for so long, at the end of a week that has felt like the deep dive of all deep dives, is far too complex to share. I struggle even to find the words to explain it to myself, coming as it does across multi-dimensions, themes and circumstances that seem to have collaborated in some sort of year-end finale; but, in every quarter of life, this same conclusion has presented itself over and over again. In the metaphorical, even metaphysical, layers of how I have tended to make my choices of “where to be” in my human existence, even down to where I have been living this last decade and a half (I’m talking about new information just surfaced about the ground beneath my house!), I see how I have constantly chosen the exact peak of “the rub” as the place to be and the theme to work with. It has been so black and white, yin and yang, east and west…you get the idea…as to make me laugh out-loud as I gain the new overview. So why wasn’t I already moving forward to this new lighter, higher vibrational place without “rub” that I really wanted to be in (that I sometimes am…yet struggle to stay there)? Because, it seems, I have a habit of plunging back into “the rub”….irresistibly so…all my life, in all my choices, conscious and otherwise. This has been my biggest area of “work” and of transformation; it has evolved me to who I am today and therein lies yet another tie to it…for I have come to associate it with progress and its opposite with some sort of lethargy or stagnation (you could say, this dualistic perspective presenting yet another area of “rub”). But what if those days must be already over now in order for us to move on into territory that has no “rub” in it except whatever contrast we choose to be there for the purposes of beauty and non harmful sensory enjoyment; and then to stay there as an option for all of us who want to.

I realise suddenly that this is how we get to be fully crystalline in our aura. I’ve been reading about a process called AuraTransformation™ (being well-into my second book by Anni Senov) and the material is deeply compelling, not because I feel drawn to have this process carried out on myself (though, at first, I was tempted…) but because the material is some of the closest I have found at describing where I already am…perhaps seven or eight-tenths of the time. Descriptions of people who have undergone Auratransformation™ to the crystal level sound just like me; yes, including many of the physical adjustments they face as they acclimatize. Those times when I’m not fully in that crystalline place; those are “the rub” to me. Only, “the rub” feels a zillion times worse, more intense, more abrasive when you know so well what the alternative feels like and so this becomes the most pervasive experience you are having since it out-shouts the rest, especially via the physical senses; oh the acute sensitivity and pain, the crippling exhaustion! The compulsive dive back into friction and duality, into the territory where conflicting impulses and many opposites push-pulling exist, feels like the most abrasive sensory overload you could ever imagine by comparison with the crystal experience; and in that lies my continuing and ever more severe-seeming health issues. All of which I feel ever-poised to expect to disappear suddenly (my optimism never leaves me; another crystalline trait), like I somehow know they will when something instrumental to my getting all the way there will fall smoothly into place. But when will that be; will my body sustain that long, is my ever more pressing question as I end the year feeling more physically frail than ever.

The many years I spent as an indigo have seen me work closely on that edge between the “old” karmic soul aura (which I also had in place for some considerable portion of that time) and the indigo perspective; yet another dualistic state which I would vacillate between endlessly until the indigo perspective seemed to reconcile the karmic and take out its sting (that work felt, finally, complete in early 2016).  For the soul aura is what provided the material that I was working with in order to transform my experience and that of others I came into contact with. Without “stories” of past experience and an emotional connection to them, there would have been none of “the rub” that was my very tool-kit. When you are indigo with coinciding experience (direct from many lifetimes or inherited from parents and culture) of karmic perspectives, it is possible to work with all those old themes in order to balance and so transform them and yet remain fully aware of them; conscious, always, that you are not “in” or “of” those themes but holding a pristine overview. In other words, you are not fully taken in by them though you don’t fail to take them seriously; for, while the mass consciousness continues to operate via these themes, they remain extremely potent and precarious.

But as you step into crystal (which, for me, has been the last decade) you realise that those themes are so old now, so tired, that they just have to go in order for you and everyone else to progress towards a new reality. They need to be dissolved and swept away as though they never even existed in order to make the next leap; without even so much as a souvenir kept for old time’s sake. The longing to do so takes you over the more you spend time in the crystal frequencies, which can feel like many (many) near death experiences and yet, each time you return with your shining new booty, you still(!) keep plunging back into the mire or, if “you” don’t, your biology does as your cells have previously known no other way to be, so they hold memory far longer and more determinedly than your consciousness, setting up repeat cycles that it is incredibly hard to break out of since it takes time and consistency for cells to learn to operate quite differently and without all that baggage. This is why those suggesting AuraTransformation™ insist that it is quite impossible to successfully undergo this process any other way than to undergo their energy “treatment”; since the human biology can become fried, scrambled or whatever by the attempt to introduce significantly higher frequencies to the cells. Well, I guess I know what that feels like…and yet for the moment I still remain convinced that the DIY process is (and should be) possible and that a massive part of it is this recognition, and ceasing, of the compulsion to dive back into “the rub” wherever it presents. You have to cultivate in yourself a determination to stop thinking that you have to live on that front line in order to make a difference to yourself and others (mindful of how compulsive, even addictive, the indigo psyche can be).

In other words, I am entertaining that, in the new reality, there is no “rub” only unity consciousness; and to get there, you need to act immediately “as if” (in a sort of fake it ’til you make it approach that you are utterly convinced by at every level of your existence). To do this, it is necessary to learn to be aware of dualistic pitfalls at every level of life and, as far as super-humanly possible, choose not to see “rub” but only “unity” or “wholeness”…however compelling the need to acknowledge the duality that is apparently staring you in the face may be, and even if that acknowledgement is only to communicate its potential wholeness to others. This is where I notice how my blog-writing sometimes tips me back into nodding at duality where, really, it is only wholeness that I am seeing, in order to explain the process of how I got there!

I notice, already, how my week has been littered with times when I have surprised myself by choosing a softer, less front-line option out of those available, even before I had this overarching realisation; putting my own bliss above some an old compunction to feel I must face-up to themes that would have taken me back to where I was staring duality in the face, yet again. Each time I made a different choice, the outcome felt entirely new, more spacious and of a considerably higher frequency. Already, surprising solutions to the debris of old dualities have presented in the aftermath of this divergence of my attention so that, suddenly, I find I am working with a team of experts who are best-fitted to handle aspects of (for instance) my health and my circumstantial conundrums that might otherwise have kept me locked in personal combat. Becoming more like gently flowing water in the way that we pick our route forwards is, I suspect how we allow those higher frequencies into the body, inch by steady inch; avoiding the melt-down crisis of monumental proportions if we were to wedge open the floodgates of our own evolution and insist upon an energetic upgrade all at once or swinging back and forth as though we are attempting to straddle two realities at the same time (old-style spirituality that is like a sort of hobby conducted on the meditation mat or at retreats around the edges of so-called “real” life is not compatible with a crystalline perspective). When we stop juxtaposing those higher frequency times with the deep plunge back into the mire where friction still exists to be tackled, we allow the body to achieve stability and to learn the ropes of the new reality at a pace that it can handle while it undergoes its own up-frequency. This isn’t to deny so-called reality as it presents but to see it as already whole and to focus upon that at every turn; which I had been doing for a long time but, suddenly, I get this at a whole other level.

I already intuit more strongly than I can convey that my own physical healing lies there awaiting me to join it in this place without stark friction at every turn because my magnetism to it has lessened; or, where “rub” is apparently unavoidable, there is only opportunity for wholeness to be notice even more readily than anywhere else. Many lifetimes have seen me work with this theme; and I am as grateful for that as I am prepared to let it go. This post will probably only make sense to those who have reached a similar threshold but, to such readers I say, I hope these words help to shed light and add momentum or credibility to what feels precariously new, unnervingly different or perhaps alarmingly out-of-character (almost like you risk letting yourself or others down very badly or are about to take a plunge off a very high cliff edge into completely unknown waters) and yet beguiling optimistic and light-filled; like nothing you have ever felt before within an embodied human state. I intend to let this feeling spread-out into my cells and get used to making itself at home there; no rush and certainly no need to overwhelm as it is all good.

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Raising an indigo

Having an indigo child in the household can be like living with a loose cannon on deck, though compensated for with so many moments of extraordinarily uplifting joy and inspiration, not to mention demonstrations of love that never grow thin. They are far from the perfect all-knowing angels  who should be “teaching us” and us only ever doing their bidding, as they are often depicted in spiritual circles (though they offer many moments like that…) and they need us to set the example when it comes to how to hone their burning passion and wilful self-belief into a form that is world-ready. They can be highly emotive and like a whirlwind of painful sensitivity and super-passionate (and desperately immediate since they don’t like waiting around) desire; a veritable tsunami in the midst of family life and you can feel their energy like a highly charged electricity pylon when they are in full flow. We, the parent, need to be the mast to which they tie themselves, at least for a while, so they don’t self-harm or blast any others and, in the meantime we can feel like we are getting our own feathers repeatedly singed, if we let this happen by sticking grimly to old parenting modalities or even denying that we have such a role to play anymore as parents of children who seem to be born inherently “switched-on”. This is the balancing act that has faced countless modern-day parents whose children are now reaching adulthood; with varying results.

Yet, its true, they do evolve us, too….not always knowingly yet the leaps in consciousness we make, catalysed by them (if we are open to it) are tremendous. As an indigo myself (yes, that is entirely possible;  though rarer in our generation, there are many of us now in our middle-life years) it can be tempting to reach back to an alien “soul aura” (pre indigo) type response to try to control their extremities and, sometimes, anti-social behaviours around the home. Out of desperation, we may find ourselves drawing on behaviours we remember from our own parents and grandparents because, with our minds, we really don’t know what else to do…so, maybe extreme rule-setting and penalties are what it takes to get somewhere, we try telling ourselves. Or…from our own indigo-ness (which never feels comfortable with those old responses, to the point we often tell ourselves, in our most self-doubting moments, that  we “must be bad parents” because we dislike being the authoritarian so much), we take the leap towards the other possible response…

That alternative is the response to parenting that is felt with the whole heart and with a powerful affirmative from the gut instincts, which is that we make a quantum leap –  ourselves – to surpass our own indigo-approach and become more crystalline in our perspectives. This gains us the un-emotive overview and the pristine, un-agendered response that raising these children calls for; and it keeps our own energy un-depleted and intact while theirs runs amok. We learn the ropes (for we have to) when it comes to living with and loving another entity that is the way that it is and yet often clashes with our heartfelt desires and our personal space; so we hone our own conscious responses to this situation in a way that is both firm yet without hostility (those combined skills we most need in our world). We learn to work with energetic boundary setting in such an enhanced way; and how to forgive all at a moment’s notice, for there is (from this place) nothing, ever, to forgive. In other words, we step up another level, to a new version of parenting (and LIFE) that knows no meaningless hierarchy or control-games, demands no rites of gratitude or pay-back, nor does it repeat endless cycles of behaviours that were already outmoded when we were growing up but which, instead, is all about being the recognisable high-frequency energy that these children seek (often in vain from their oh-so frustrating world) from their very moment of arrival on here. So, then, they really have something to work with as a role model because we  have the advantage that we already know all about being here and working with themes that are as tangible as they are now uncomfortable and obsolete; we have the tee-shirt of doing that and we can offer something to them just as they do to us. This collaboration is super-powerful and is exactly what is occurring right here, right now on planet earth as countless young people coming of age and their parents and other adult role-models pitch in together, sharing skill sets in a way that evolves us all, worldwide.

Indigo child.jpgFrom this milestone in a parenting journey, the kind of evolution that is possible between the pair of you knows no limits as each of you catalyses the other towards a new and considerably more evolved, as yet largely unexplored, form of parenting and being the parented one, on brand new and harmonious, collaboratory, mutually beneficial and always expanding terms. The child that receives this kind of parenting will not race to leave forever the nest that they had already (in many ways) outgrown almost on arriving but will continue to use the steadying influence of the parent as a touchstone as they spread their wings into a world they are now able to go into without the kind of erratic self-belief that would make them a liability to themselves. That way, they will go further and faster, influencing and shaping even more than they ever would have in a situation where all their efforts were put into fighting what felt so “off” about their upbringing (as many of our generation spent years, even decades, doing). They can get straight to the point; and that point holds great benefit for us all as their fresh insight comes on board to help change the world.


I speak with the assumption that anyone reading this will have an understanding of what indigo and crystal children are since there is widely available information on these topics and, if the concept is new, I highly recommend books by Anni Senov. Until the mid to late twentieth century, human beings possessed a soul aura, which is when indigo auras started appearing. I have been, at least, a partial indigo all my life; my belief being that (akin to many others of my age-group) I stepped up to becoming full-blown indigo from the 1980s as the effects of the eighth wave began to be felt and am well on the way to becoming crystalline (with some teething issues; hence ongoing health challenges). Children born between the 1990s until, I suspect, the pre-wave to the ninth wave came with an indigo aura intact and, since the ninth wave initiated (is my personal theory), arrive with a crystal aura. At this time, a great many indigos are “coming of age” and we are about to feel the effect in our world!

Without wanting to go into explaining these terms in-depth (my purpose in this article was to briefly share some observations from my own parenting years, as my own daughter comes of age), I refer you to the many other books and articles available on the topic.

For more on the eight and ninth waves refered to, seek out my earlier posts using the term “ninth wave”.

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Perfectly poised on the peak

Have you ever tried to line up a compass with “N” and “S”; say, on a flat surface, minutely tweaking it this way and that to get the needle perfectly locked on? I do this often as I have a device with an inbuilt compass in my house but which gets knocked off course by people using that room. When I turn that compass to realign it, the needle flips this way and that but, when it gets close to mid-point, it does something different. First it quivers and almost resists, sort of bounces on its axis and strobes with resistant energy, so minisculey and fast, that its shakes seem to animate from the inside, making it come to life. At last, on that centre point, it pulls in to the impulse and locks on then surrenders as though it always wanted to be there, settling perfectly on that midpoint…but not without the struggle first.

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Magnetic storm arrival

I realised, on waking this morning, that this scenario happens a great deal, within me. For instance, today, I KNEW before checking that the promised geomagnetic storm arrived in the night. My clues are that I had wildly bizarre yet lucid dreams, I tossed and turned so much my bed was a mess and I was damp with sweat though the room was stone cold, my trigeminal nerve had become super fired-up sending electric sensations and cramps into my neck and face but, mostly, the signs were on the inside of that mental screen. In the still dark room, I was acutely aware that the energy in my brain was swinging back and forth, back and forth and there were lights in my “vision” accompanying that sensation; the same flashing lights that used to accompany the beginnings of a migraine in days before I managed my body sufficiently to avoid them. My stomach was experiencing very similar sensation; no surprise there as the stomach is the second brain and with similar nerve receptors as the frontal lobe, joined via the vagus nerve and prone to reacting to subtle stimuli in much the same way…like a sea anemone in a current. We are told there are no discernible “feelings” in the brain; and, though they are different to those in, say, a finger, I beg to differ. I’ve known this, viscerally, all my life, since as small child I would try to single out and even control the bizarre sensations that were firing off inside my head. These days, I experience the same super-sensitivity in my stomach lining, as though I am intimate with every nerve receptor on my stomach wall, feeling enzymes popping into action and food passing through plus every subtle reaction. Why don’t we all feel that? Maybe the majority of people eat such a diet that they are furred up and desensitised by ingredients that overwhelm then switch off these nerve endings, as I used to do, but now I feel everything, all the subtleties; because I have had to become very “of” the body in order to stay in it when my natural inclination was to want to go back into a state beyond the body where physical body sensations were no longer an incumbrance. To stay here I had to embrace all of it and this meant to know the body intimately or there was no point; I could no longer abuse the body, ignore it or treat it like my servant. The result is that my high-sensitivity – which is not of this body – has been brought INTO the body and I now feel things that many other people don’t register about the body at all…(for those who are waking to it) yet.

bryan-minear-325881And this morning I could feel how the universe had injected this planet with such a strong force over night that the localised geomagnetic polarity was bouncing back and forth, back and forth…and my body was reflecting that. Or it was, until I remembered the compass needle and did what I do with that when I want to settle it quickly, so I set my intention and I focused on the end result of it being settled in the middle point; no force or coercion but just allowing it to realise that middle point by holding it in myself. In my head, I did this so quickly that the “needle point” settled very quickly indeed; the stomach took a little longer to catch up but it got there. Meanwhile, what started as the kind of day when I would once have assumed I was in the beginnings stages of a severe pain episode had morphed into a high-energy day in which I still feel full of vim and vigour not to mention extraordinarily well coordinated between left and right hemispherical tasks. You might call it “being in the zone”.

I share this personal experience because, amongst other things, I am left wondering if electromagnetically sensitive people, of which there are an ever rising number, might also be people who are particularly hemispherically balanced as I am (many tests have confirmed what I already knew on this score). So, why didn’t this catalyse whole-body super-sensitivity earlier in my life? I suspect, because it was happening in my brain but hadn’t yet been rolled out to the rest of my body at that early stage. From birth until about five years ago, I was used to confounding all the most “uncomfortable signals from the universe” (or you could say, self-medicating against their weirdness) by consuming sugar, wheat, alcohol and an array of toxic additives used in food, prescription meds, chemicals in tap water and sprayed on my food, and so on like most people, not to mention furring up my responses with all the toxic attitudes and distorted belief systems with which we tend to surround ourselves. As I’ve done all the clearing-away of that, the rest of my energy body has caught up with this mid-hemispherical thing and I’ve become ever more sensitive to agents of duality in the environment and that includes the magnetic polarity of this planet, which I feel and respond to through my body. Is this so very weird or is this how we are meant to conduct our relationship with Gaia?

I want to borrow a description from a very dear friend of mine who used this yesterday within a different context. She was referring to a birth chart and described these particular areas we all have in our lives, which some people consider to be a “problem area”, which she sees in a far more positive light and prefer to call “the rub”. And “the rub” can be like sandpaper or it can be like butter; but its purpose is to serve your highest evolution. This rub is something you chose when you came here into human form; its why you came at all and what you wanted to experience and look into more deeply. In my mind, it’s the leading point of the evolutionary spiral. And her description of the two types of rub is, I realise, exactly what I have learned about physical pain; and the greatest success I have had with intense pain is to encourage that pain to be more like butter, less like sandpaper.

This description of “the rub” fits perfectly with what I described in my last post in which I talked about situations going all the way to childhood (even in the womb) where, for a lifetime, I have paired each circumstantial trauma with an emotion…each of these  forming the two sides, brought together, of a hard “rub” that, in the longer run, has served my highest evolution. Only by coming together from both the emotional and the circumstantial side, to form a whole, was I able to identify that rub sufficiently to work with it in a deeply personal, powerful and (ultimately) transformational way. At the time, these “rubs” can feel like a pebble in your shoe, and you can limp around with this thing in situ for years or even whole lifetimes; until the day you are sensitive enough to realise “oh, there’s a small piece of grit in my shoe and its been causing me to limp” and so you make the time to take off your shoe and remove this thing. There may be an after-pain, you may even have learned to walk in a very distorted way to avoiding putting pressure on the pebble but that can still be corrected with effort and patience. Soon enough, the body catches up with the consciousness and you are able to walk tall and straight as though that rub had never been there, though you will always be more grateful for the new state because of experiencing what came before.

If this whole anecdote sounds like hyper-personal nonsense, let me point out that I am noticing this kind of super-sensitivity surfacing in other people now. My husband, for instance, laments almost daily that he is becoming ever more electro-sensitive “like me” and especially to geomagnetic events which, sometimes, he flags up even before I do. Jokingly, he blames me like I infected him with this “curse” but I believe the real reason is this. In the last half decade, he has completely transformed his inner and outer realities while his body has lost significant weight and been honed into a new shape through a regular practice of yoga; which is the most powerful equaliser of hemispheres throughout the whole physical body that I know of. The more he has attuned to his own centre point, the more he has “felt things” which, in the beginning, don’t necessarily feel desirable since they add to the overwhelm point of how much over-stimulus we are already subjected to in our world by our media and our circumstances. But what if it is necessary and inevitable to feel more through our subtle senses? What if this is exactly how we come to discern our own middle point, our “rub” or our evolutionary spiral tip within the physical human body (not just as some spiritual ideal)? What if it’s a no pain no gain thing, though I prefer “temporary discomfort” as we learn to navigate by this thing and then find the middle point as our permanent dwelling place. What if this is the way that we get to dump all those defunct old belief systems that currently dictate which way we go so that we get to navigate according to an innate inner compass that leads us back “home” to ourselves? What if we were always going to have to make this more visceral, more manifest in the physical realm (yes, uncomfortable at first), making it practical and real in our daily lives, not just this state of inner calm achieved on a meditation mat? How were we ever going to roll this thing out into the world if we didn’t know what “the rub” felt like at the most personal level, where it affects each of us the same because there is no hierarchy, no power game to be played where we we feel its effects with our physical senses? This kind of experience is the great leveler; it strips us of all our trappings, our masks and our ulterior motives and leave us all wanting, pretty much, the same things.

Screen Shot 2017-11-28 at 11.35.42So, what if what we are seeing all over our news is the evidence of “the rub” being reaching by the entirety of mankind as the evolutionary growing pains of a planet whose compass needle is bouncing and tremoring and seeming to flip around all of its own accord…just before it settles? What if it has to look this messy, this extreme, this unlikely to become still or to line up with what feels balanced, before it finds the middle point? What if our roles is to find it (and hold it), first, within ourselves and then to hold what that feels like steadily in our mind’s eye and with our intention until it becomes physical reality? Is this how we reinvigorate ourselves with life’s passion – which has a tendency to arrive on the coat-tails of finding a sense of direction – instead of folding beneath the overwhelm of far too many things tugging us this way or that way and no idea how to discern between them? Is this when we notice how those nearest a breakthrough will feel more and even, perhaps, hurt more before that breakthrough of light happens and that this is why we must keep going and not give up in despair, supporting those who feel it as pain; allowing and encouraging it to be more like butter than sandpaper? Is this when everything in our experience falls into place and feels “true”; like the true aim of an arrow tip clearly pointing the way although there is no beginning or end to this arrow since it becomes steadiest in “the now”? In other words, our fixation must be upon achieving what we can now, in this moment, not on some end goal or where we have been. This is how we join up all the elements of ourselves and find a centre point where these all correspond; even patiently awaiting those aspects which haven’t yet caught up, holding space for great healing to take place when they arrive. Perhaps this is when we get to realise our greatest truth in physical form as well as know it as an idea; which is, after all, why we came.


Hawk 1Shortly after writing this post, I set off for my morning walk, still feeling bizarrely “joined up” in all my senses. Just as I parked, a reminder that we are at the Ninth Wave peak popped up on my phone (if you still don’t know what I am referring to here, search “ninth wave” across my blog). A minute later, I spotted this sparrowhawk in the distance. Fixed on what it wanted below, it hovered there in the broody sky…perfectly poised, balanced, unwaveringly set on its own compass point of intention like it had locked-on to it and remained there for many many minutes. Other birds seem to try and disrupt it, coming from right and left and almost flying into it but nothing threw it off its poise until it had dived down on what it had set its mind on. interesting juxtaposition; far too timely not to include.

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Dispelling negative associations

Do super-potent unions between emotion (yin) and event (yang) really take place and form hard nuggets that serve as unshiftable obstacles at the subplot of human exstence; the stumbling blocks of our highest evolution? Do they become solid yet bizarely intangible forms for, though we can sense them there, we struggle to acknowledge them well enough to transmute them, as though we do not have the right kind of vision to see them for what they are (though perhaps we are evolving such visionary skills now)? For, like an invisible elephant taking up space in the room of our best negotiation attempts, they always seem to turn us back towards the same doom-laden outcomes as before; manifesting as our most stubborn health issues, the sticking points in our recovery, the very thing that keeps returning us back to the beginning of a game we can’t seem to thrive in. I can hear those deeply caught up in old perspectives poopoo-ing it even before I type these words but I believe it is more than possible.

As the synesthete that I am, whose experience of the world already leans towards interchangeability of data so that, for instance, I see numbers as colours or emotions as objects (and many other such exhangeable languages of experience) I know that I am entirely capable of making a formidible association of an emotion with a physical circumstance. I do it all the time with music and clothing, places, smells and people – so that a whole box of memory can open up when a chance juxtaposition occurs. So why not with those things that, to my health-challenged body, present as toxic triggers? What if, without the negative emotional associations, these things could be returned back to neutral? What if many more of us are prone to this kind of synesthesia than we realise, which makes it such a key area of study as an approach to healing deep trauma; and has everything to do with finding that formidible meeting point in the human psyche where left and right hemispheres are trying so hard to collaborate and yet sometimes do so in such a way (or at such a lowered frequency) that it does not help us to thrive but has the opposite effect; after all, formidible is formidible…it knows no “right” or “wrong” way to manifest. Once we start to understand how this occurs at the deeply personal level, we can quickly use the same mechanism of irresistable attraction between the two hemispheres to collaborate on far healthier outcomes where positive emotions are encouraged to collaborate with circumstances (yes, even the more challenging ones…) until those, too, start to soften into the neutrality required to allow a quantum healing to take place; for, once neutral, we get to choose what to create next instead of being dicated to by what came before. We focus the laser-light of our highest perspective on the source wound until we can allow it to dissolve into a pool of higher understanding. “Hard” circumstance quickly becomes less rigid or non-negotiable once this happens since the higher-emotional response can overturn what was once thought to be so black and white or “factual” about a hurtful or distorted experience. When we do this using the power of immense positivity in all of our approaches to old wounds, we allow old negative patterns to stop repeating themselves and for completely new outcomes to rise out of the rubble of what once felt so intractable.

jeremy-bishop-409039I realise that it is not that these deeply problematic issues affecting my quality of life have been growing “worse”, the rift between perspectives growing wider (the same could be observed about world at large…) but that, as I have been healing and clearing myself of other, old emotional, debris that obscured these root causes, they have been coming up for my attention more and more; which was inevitable. By surfacing, they invite me to be honest about my past and to forgive everything that I have ever been through and the same applies to all of us, as a collective. Though they can newly bring up feelings of being the little child, I regard this as a valuable opportunity to remind myself that I am all grown up now and that I get to choose my own reactions. Though avoiding some of my triggers as far as is practical (for now) creates a space that supports healing, I don’t feel this avoidance is the last word on any of the experiences that I wish didn’t trigger me since a life of reaction or avoidance is not what I choose as my most liberated experience, at any level. I hold that I am capable of healing any reactionary behaviour in myself just as soon as I can plunge into its source and recognise what it is all about and how it contributed to my overall experience of life and this gratitude-fuelled approach is key to defusing it. Love and appreciation of all the players in this long-running game is where the true and sustained healing lies.


Extract from Dispelling negative associations in which a journey through the experiences of my body led me to some more universal truths…

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The wide open garden of the heart

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The garden beyond the cathedral cloisters…where feminine and masculine come together?

When I found I was going to be in Canterbury on 11/11, I knew straightaway where I wanted to spend 11am on that morning. There’s a garden just the other side of the cloisters of the abbey, where we spent a memorable late-afternoon-into-evening watching bees in the lavender and a very self-possessed cat laboriously grooming herself on a stone pillar earlier this year. This was to the accompaniment of pupils from the neighbouring school delivering Shakespeare sonnets to a tiny audience in the round (a fortunate coincidence that only added to the evening ambience), though we were there on a more passing errand…an exploration of a cathedral I had only ever been to twice before, and never inside (I still haven’t managed that; the cloisters and garden always seem to distract me). A hallowed hour or so passed in that gentle sanctuary in July and I loved it so much that it was, without hesitation, where I thought I wanted to be for my 11/11/11 moment, at the hub of a ley convergence that has delivered pilgrims to its portal for hundreds if not thousands of years. I had to smile as the GPS showed exactly 111 miles to destination when we set off early that morning. Everything felt perfectly aligned.

But then I wasn’t banking on a head-on collision with the church establishment barring our access to “the garden within” because, it turned out, it was a ticket-only entry to the cathedral complex during the day. On both of my previous visits (come to think of it) I had always gone there towards the end of the day, when the portcullis-type archway to the cathedral stood open and unmanned. This time I was told, at the red barriered sentry point, that yes we could come in; yes, even with our dog…but at the cost of £24, the ticket price for two of us to gain entry to the cathedral. “But I only want to go straight to the little garden…for just ten minutes, maybe twenty in time for 11 o’clock” I told him. It mattered not; there was a ticket to be bought or the garden wasn’t mine to sit in…and so we turned away disappointed. We could have paid, of course, but apart from feeling like this was such an inflated amount for what we intended to do, the venue just didn’t feel right anymore. My sacred sanctum had almost been “sold” to me and that really wasn’t what I was here for today.

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Mary Magdalene tower – the church was demolished to embellish another church.

It took just a moment to recover because our next intended step, anyway, had been to go for a coffee at the Vegetable Box vegetarian cafe, with its cheery lime-green outdoor seating and its gluten free carrot cake. Directly opposite that, almost touching the adjacent whole-food shop that sells “our kind of food”, stands a solitary tower, once part of a church that was demolished almost 150 years ago, its stone plundered to embellish the nearby Saint George’s church (good old George does so love to “pop the balloon” of the feminine dragon energy) though, ironically, that church was badly bomb damaged during the Blitz. The tower I refer to here once belonged to the church of Mary Magdalene; the spot where the church once stood now opened-up to become a tiny postage-stamp of green with wooden benches to pass the quiet time. I knew I had found my spot for 11/11/11.

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Mary Magdelene garden where the church once stood, now opened out as a garden that anyone can access.

The few minutes we spent in silent reverie on our bench in the garden of Mary Magdalene as the clocks of the city struck 11 put on a fascinating pantomime of almost cliché feminine followed by masculine qualities (as we have come to know them…). A bell near the Magdalene struck first; quiet and unassuming…and in the next few moments an array of colourfully dressed women passed up and down the street that we overlooked; no males except for the following two. The first was an example of the (thankfully, ever more commonplace) type of man prepared to take his small children out without his partner, pushing a baby and a toddler in a double pram, chatting merrily to them as they progressed along the street. The second was a homeless man, one of life’s misfits, dressed in a feathered Native American headdress and colourful shirt who, chattering away to himself, came to stand next to his makeshift cardboard bed right behind where we were sitting in the garden. I had to smil as I noticed, from the gaggle of female shoppers coming out of it, that the name of the shop opposite was “Fired Earth”; such a potent reminder of Gaia, our Earth mother. Then the sonorous bells of the cathedral rang out and suddenly the street was completely empty and quiet, apart from a youth with his hood pulled almost over his eyes, headphones clamped on, and after a while a couple of hard-faced older males, both deeply preoccupied and looking fixedly ahead. The moment passed; the spell was broken and we were back on a bench in an unassuming city-garden, our coffees still warm and our backsides just a little damp from the wooden bench…so we reclaimed our table at the cafe opposite and continued to pass the morning.

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Astonishingly large oriental plane tree in another garden by the river which was once, they say, fully encircled by by a metal bench but which it has now completely absorbed inside its own trunk as its grown.

It wasn’t the first time that this particular street had felt like my own, personal “quarter” of Canterbury; my kind of eating venue, my kind of shop and a far slower pace compared to the rest of the city with its endless tidal wave of shoppers and tourists. The girl with the bright pink hair serving in the cafe told me that she thought there was another way to slip into the cathedral garden if we followed the walls around to the back but we never found it; maybe we weren’t meant to on this occasion. At least I know that it exists in there…the soft feminine heart within the hard forbidding walls of the masculine. Having experienced it before, I find I can quickly drop into my remembrance of it whenever I want to, a tender memory from that hallowed evening we spent in there during the summer. Perhaps the appropriate counter-poise to the heavy, masculine, war-associated flavour we have given to “remembrance day” was to sit in a goddess garden that is no longer held-in or made exclusive by surrounding it with bricks and mortar; an open-access sacred spot that spills its heart open for all to come into. Our day had only just started…and continued to be littered with signs of the feminine rising and overspilling her bonds, wherever we went. As ever, the elements of unexpectedness and synchronicity only added to the perfection of our day and had their own important messages to convey, of which I was the truly grateful recipient.

 


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(20)17 the year the twin dragons come back into union?

Christianity was brought to England via Canterbury and the cathedral at Canterbury still holds a formidable energy; it truly dominates the city and yet there are clues to another layer of deeper, more feminine, history asserting beneath the surface. Mary Magdalene church (she is so often the mascot of the hidden feminine) was built in the twelfth century yet there is a good chance a previous church existed on the site in Burgate, which is one of the two most ancient parts of the city. A sacred spring or well is adjacent to it; a pilgrim stop-off associated with a “cult” of Saint Thomas and now built over as Saint Thomas’s Roman Catholic church, completed after the Magdalene church was demolished, which is so close to the garden of the Magdalene tower that its walls mark its perimeter. However, the association with Thomas presumably came along much later than when the spring was first revered since Thomas Becket, Archbishop of Canterbury and previous chancellor to the king, was martyred when he was cut down by four of the king’s knights at the altar of Canterbury Cathedral (it was a typical 6th wave political move…a power game) on 29 December 1170. In other words, a sacred spring may well have meant a sacred feminine site of significance in this place long, long before the Cathedral walls rose up to utterly dominate the city and as a potent symbol of all those things (money, religion, power) that the church became synonymous with as the centre of the Church of England. As the church grew, the masculine and feminine aspects parted ways and went in ever more contrary directions and its as though the geophysical landmarks of Canterbury tell that story. I suspect the presence of a dragon leyline with a female branch feeding the Magdalene site with its broken church and little garden…and a male energy branch flowing at the cathedral. Perhaps they cross over and collaborate at that other tranquil garden beyond the cloisters with its broken pillars, its cats, bees and lavander.

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Markers showing where the ancient track known as Watlington Street lies beneath the surface of modern-day Canterbury

On our walk along the river Stour, we stepped over markers for Watlington Street, the Roman road that once ran from the English Channel through London to the Irish Sea and with a northern branch to Chester and on to Scotland. Really, this route is far more ancient than its Roman claimants; considered to be thousands of years old as a “broad grassy trackway”(Wiki) and main route across country joining people with a very different agenda to that of the Roman invaders. Queen Boudicca and the Britons are said to have been defeated by the invading Romans at Watlington Street, though the exact location is vague. Boudicca’s army consisted of female as well as male warriors in equal part, shoulder to shoulder, so you can sense how a whole way of life ended with her defeat and females forces to play to very different expectations. “We British are used to women commanders in war; I am descended from mighty men! But I am not fighting for my kingdom and my wealth now. I am fighting as an ordinary citizen for my lost freedom, my bruised body and my outraged daughters…Consider how many of you are fighting and why! Then you will win this battle or perish. That is what I, a woman, plan to do, let the men live in slavery if they will.” (Boudicca according to Roman historian Tacitus). Her “fight” continues unabated where lost freedoms, bruised bodies and outraged daughters continue to exist and feel this imbalance keenly through all their experiences.

You can feel as though you are standing on the very cusp of a meeting place between impulses that have tugged and pulled at one another for thousands of years of human history when you go to this Canterbury (which played out through many themes observed throughout our day; one of which mightily outraged my daughter!) Potentially, this means there is even more opportunity for feelings of gender and priority conflict to be softened, resolved and then rolled-out to the world at large, there, than in most, especially as such a power-node in the energetic grid of the world. Perhaps its time to see beyond the cathedral walls and feel deeper into Canterbury the place; which is how I tend to approach every place I go to – and perhaps why I have yet to visit those “must sees” dictated by its guidebooks, though I feel I have come to know it pretty well all the same. Rather, by letting the place itself guide my feet, I have been taken on a very different tour; you could say, a tour of the heart.

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Posted in Ancient sites, Consciousness & evolution, Divine feminine, divine masculine, History, Leylines, Menu, Personal Development, Symbolic journeys | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments